Hi All, My wife and I have been exploring chastity for about a year now. As of now, since she isnt very sexual, she gets a nightly footrub/massage while I am caged. While she is very demanding about getting her massage she isnt too much interested in the rest. Our longest lock up is 20 days and she only really teases me once or twice and then the rest of the days I am sort of ignored. She holds the key but doesnt hid it and doesnt like seeing the cage at all. I guess what I am asking is how do I get her to indulge a little more. I would love for her dominant side to show more and for her to come out of her shell a little more. She does like chastity overall so thats a plus. I am estactic that she even holds the keys and such but I feel like theres so many more possibilities! If anyone has any tips on how to approach this subject, please let me know!
I think you just have to accept that she is how she is. You might have to ask her for small things - for example, the other day, I said to my KH that my head space would be different if I didn't have access to the keys nor even know where they are. Now I have no idea where the keys are; just a small step. Don't rush. She's on her own journey as well.
The fact she is doing this is her asserting her dominant side. What you're looking for is not for her to be dominant, but to play with you. Maybe she wants to exert her dominance by caging you and forgetting about it.
While it *has* to go at her speed, it would certainly help if you keep reassuring her that you are enjoying it. That you like it when she teases you. Be appreciative when you know she's going out of her comfort zone and giving you a really good tease. Also, you'd better get good at those massages. Make it clear that you will do whatever she wants and she can totally have fun with it, rather than it being too much of a heavy responsibility! Good luck and enjoy! (Go and read how badly some of the self lockers want a KH if you need some perspective on being grateful!)
You have a right to have ideas and fetishes. What you're both willing to do with those is an agreement.
As others have said, open communication is the key. Tell her how you feel about things and how being locked/denied etc makes you feel… do this but be careful about “topping from the bottom” and overly suggesting what she “needs” to do for you. Essentially you get chastity and denial, the rest is up to her.
I have to ask (but don't answer on forum) whether your chastity is submitting to her, or if you want her to submit to your chastity needs.. either is possible and so is somewhere in the middle. If you can go at her pace and look after her needs it may go much better. Remember that you start slow not a sprint, to win a marathon
As others have said communication is key, you need to tell her what you would like, but don’t rush in to it and just dump it all on her in one go, remember her feelings to.
Thanks everyone! My wife and I had a discussion and it went very well. She decided that we can have an extended session once a week or so but she told me to not expect any release in the near future!
I had similar discussion with my wife also in the beginning. I thinks for us it was also her learning the pace and all the benefits of chastity. Now it goes like so that sometimes my freedom comes within few days and sometimes not. All is depending what she wants to do, does she meet her fwb or do we care our relationship or is it just my tongue which servers her. I never been locked more than 20 days i think.