Part 1 ~ My Original Blog

Conflict of interests?

Some thoughts that have been travelling round in my head since earlier.

Neither my pet nor I are in safe spaces at the moment. One or other of us is usually in a vulnerable, defensive position when the other is in a safe place. This is leading to huge conflicts.

I know at the moment that any Dominance that should appear on my part will be tainted by resentment and anger. As we all know, this is not safe.

My pet on the other hand appears to be struggling with something else. Guilt maybe? I have possibly driven so much guilt into the situation that everything I now try will be perceived as either being done in anger, or done because I feel I have to.

A terrible mess.

If this is ever to progress any further, I can only think that we both need to get back to our safe spaces and feel secure with ourselves before we move on.

 

The Joy of New Shoes!

Oh my bizarre little world!

A parcel turned up today, it was new shoes. Not for me.

Id ordered my (once adorable) pet his first girlie shoes before Christmas and pretty much forgot about them.

Well lo and behold they turned up today.

We had (yet another) argument this morning. He snuggled up to me in bed, started playing with my breasts and pinching my nipples which I thoroughly enjoy and promptly fell asleep in the middle of it.

Annoyed is an understatement.

But being the bad Mistress I am, I couldnt wait to give him the shoes!

He just couldnt wait to get them on. They are a little too big, so I must remember that next time, but he insists they are fine and refuses to let them go back. He should be able to manage in them, they are secure when buckled and not too high. Good training shoes.

So one thing lead to another and I fetched out a long blonde wig. Im still not convinced, I think he should be brunette, but thats easily fixed. I also got out a bra and thong set I bought a week or so ago but didnt have a chance to give him. Then we progressed on to a tight lycra school uniform I bought for ME! For heavens sake. I swear it fits him better.

A lot of fussing and attention and he was horny as hell.

We had a little chat about things in general and I feel a lot more confident in my position as Mistress.

I can see how much he wants to be a little sissy for me. But hes a slut, not a maid!

We discussed how uptight I get when I know an opportunity to play is coming ie the kids will be away, so I explained there is an easy way round that.

If he wants to calm me down and be assured of a full-on kinky sex-fest then he needs to relax me.

We talked about a bathing ritual and a dressing ritual (for both of us) and that should get us in the mood to play further.

Sometimes Im so impatient I forget that these things take time and education.

 

I'm so proud...

***Update in blog, I've not been blogging, but for those of you who do not visit the forums, here's what's been going on***

Im so proud of my darling pet this weekend.

To all you advanced D/sers I know this will seem a little petty, but to those of you who know the struggle I am up against, this was a wonderful little breakthrough.

Sunday was planned to be a busy day. My cooker is broken (grrrr) and we needed to go shopping for food that we can eat until the cooker is fixed.

My pet (like most men) is not particularly keen on shopping, but I did notice that he was very patient while we were out and we popped into some clothes shops and he was picking out items which he liked (for me or him!?) and suggesting them to me. I remembered a few years ago I saw a young couple shopping and the boy suggested a skirt to the girl and she bit his head off! I remember thinking then how lucky she was to have a boyfriend who took an interest and how sad it was she didnt recognise that. So I fully appreciated my pets opinion. There is nothing more frustrating than asking a guys opinion on a top or something only to get I dunno, its up to you or but you already have too many clothes. It was fun.

Also I have trouble with my new bag. The strap is missing, and where it is heavily ladened with baby rubbish (oh and a book Ive been reading!) it was cutting into my hands, so he took that and carried it for me.

He totally looked after baby. All nappy changes, feeds, entertaining. This is a HUGE step. At his young age I know he has been stressed about being a good father, and it was a big factor in his breakdown last year. I was very proud of him, and he had some quality time with his daughter. He even offered to do the ironing at one point!

When we got home I had some studying to do, but I couldnt focus, so I interspersed it with gardening. Big mistake on part.

If Im not careful I can hurt my back easily and I was having such a wonderful time in the garden I didnt realise how much pressure I put on it, until I went back indoors to sit down.

I told pet that I wanted time to have a bath later before we had dinner and went to bed.

With no prompting whatsoever he said later that evening Im going to run your bath now. I didnt really pay attention, didnt expect anything and was just happy to have a bath run for me.

Well. I was in for a bit of a shock.

When I went to see if the bath was ready (it seemed to be taking a long time, I mean, turn on a tap, turn it off lol) but when I went in the bathroom it was all candlelit.
He then proceeded to undress me and I stepped into the bubble bath. I asked which one it was, and he pointed to the blue one which is for aching muscles. Well done!
Then I noticed my drink and some little snacks on the side! At first I thought the snacks were a bit silly, until I realised that actually after all that gardening I was a bit hungry but didnt want to spoil my dinner!

So I lay there very smug in the bath, munching on snacks and enjoying my drink.

He popped in a couple of times to see if everything was ok, and washed my back. I felt totally relaxed. I also noticed that he had tidied up all the little bits and pieces round the edge of the bath.

Later on, in bed, I was having terrible trouble trying to sleep so he suggested massaging my feet. Obviously self-indulgent on his part, but I figured it was a good idea, and he did massage my feet with a wonderful lotion until I started to drift off to sleep.

At this point he did decide to take advantage of the situation and started playing with my pussy. I do love this when Im half asleep so I let him carry on. He was being so loving and attentive about it, it obviously wasnt any form of foreplay, it was all for me!

Needless to say the day had a very satisfying end. And Im extremely proud of my pet.

To me it feels like a huge breakthrough. I hope you all agree.

 

Adventures into spanking!

***Another update from the forums***
Well, its all coming together here...I finally took the plunge!

My lecture ended early today so it was either go to the library and get some press cuttings, or go home and spank my pet

Im not in the library!

Id been thinking about this a lot lately, but it was in todays lecture that I decided if we finished early I would dash home and see how my pet took to spanking.

Those of you who have been talking to me in threads and PMs will know Ive been very apprehensive about administering pain because I myself was a bit of a pain slut as a submissive. I was worried that I would thrash in there too hard.

I set the scene in the living room, spread out our new PVC sheet on the floor and over the back of the couch, we have an L shaped one, so the back faces the entrance steps to the room.

At this point I realised I didnt know where any of the things I wanted were, and made a note to self to keep hoods, gags, leashes, etc to hand in future.

Fortunately the hood was where I left it, under my pillow. I rammed it onto pets head in his sleep, and asked him if he needed the bathroom. He said yes, so I put his leash on and lead him there, sat him down and left the room. I told him to call me when he was done.

When he called I went in and decided a little humiliation wouldnt go amiss, so I took a feminine wet wipe and proceeded to clean up his cock, balls and behind to make sure they were up to my standard.

I then lead him down stairs, stopping at the bottom to remind him that he was naked, hooded and on a leash and I have not yet put the curtains up in the kitchen. I lead him through slowly and into the lounge.

I made him stand on the sheet and use the back of the sofa to support himself. I told him to stay and said I would be back.

Hopefully that gave him time to think it gave me time to go find the paddle and undress down to just my boots.

On my return I explained to him that I was going to introduce his bottom to spanking and that he was to listen carefully. I told him that I would start spanking with my hand and that he was to rate each spank 1 to 10, 1 being something he could deal with repeatedly, and 10 being something he could not suffer for long, being one step below his safeword. He was then to say thank you Mistress.

Spanking began!

The process lasted for about 40 minutes and I found it very enlightening. He would jump numbers and then after a couple of repeated spankings he would find the lightest spanking painful (8 or 9) then I would stroke his back and give him a hard spank and he would rate it 4 very interesting!

His cock was a little hard I noticed so I played further.

I would make him count 10 spankings, he would have to say the number of the spank, followed by the rating, followed by Thank you mistress that was fun, he stumbled and muddled his numbers and kept confusing his ratings good fun!

A couple of times I stopped to hug, to stroke his back and at one point to suck his cock a little. Hmmmm I taste pre-cum!!!! Lol.

We did have sex. Started fairly vanilla as a bonding moment but when I saw him struggling to cum I decided to go for a little humiliation. He was still hooded and leashed up so I made him fuck me doggy style, reminding him what a naughty puppy he was, bounding round the park looking for a hole to fuck, male or female that seemed to do the trick! He even remembered to ask permission to cum.

After he had cum and spent a couple of seconds inside me, I jumped up, made him get back in the position, and swiftly spanked him 4 times. All were 10s!!!!!

Then I wrapped him up in his fluffy dressing gown and snuggled up for a while.

I dont like spanking was all I got. Oh and ouch when he sat down to pee which I found hilarious.

Im really pleased. Im no longer scared of dishing out a spanking and I feel I can use it to punish something Ive been needing for a while now!