Part 1 ~ My Original Blog

My Original Blog

It dawned on me that if the other site went down, or wasn't renewed, my blog would be lost.

So here it is, for safe keeping.

I'm annoyed that there is no dating structure, I have no idea the time lapse between some of these posts. I do know I started it just before the end of October 2007 and it finishes at the end of February 2008.

 

Welcome!

Welcome to my blog...

This is an account of my relationship with my sub/slave/pet.

It is real life, and I make no apologies for not wandering round 24/7 in thigh high boots wielding a whip!

I do hope that some find it useful, and maybe even entertaining, to see what can go on in a real-life D/s relationship.

I'm no expert, I'm new to the Domme side of things and chastity, and I'm here to learn and help others through my journey to a fulfilling relationship with my partner.

Enjoy!

 

A little background...

My pet and I had always indulged in "different" sex right from the start of our relationship.

He had only had one gf and she was incredibly limited in her repertoire. I seriously thank her for this. Not only did it provide me with a relatively blank canvas, it also made for him to have a fertile imagination. He never felt he could tell her about any of his fantasies, so they evolved, and I provided a safe haven for him to tell me what these fantasies were, and then try them!!!!

I was submissive, or so I thought! Looking back I think I wanted to be submissive because I thought I couldn't be in control, I hated lack of control, and I needed to *be* controlled. Now I am a little older and wiser and I see that maybe I was Domme all the time!

Chastity was something I hadn't thought about, it was my pet who brought it to my attention and said he'd like to try it. I surprised him on Valentines day of this year with a CB3000. The first present I gave him was a bottle of lubricant, then a box of cotton buds, then some female "pop socks"... I had read up that these would help assist in fitting the device... when he opened the final present and saw a shiny silver box with CB on the top, it suddenly all fell into place for him, and we started our journey... it was to be a bit of fun.

We have had major frustrations recently. Firstly I resisted his request that I became Domme. "I don't want a pathetic, wimpy boyfriend" I shouted at him (please no-one take offence!)....but we decided to give it a go, and to my surprise, I love it. Its much more *me* and its the way I want to be 24/7

He is suffering from depression. I think this may be related to the birth of his first child (my 4th) and this is something we are working through.

He has moved home with his mother... something I was terrified of initially, but now believe to be working in my favour.

He started new medication yesterday and we will see how things progress.

Throughout our separation he constantly refers to chastity and piercing, and I'm sure when he returns he will be mine, COMPLETE.

 

Bittersweet day so far!

I was awoken at 5.30am with a beautiful text message from my pet. He had written a song/poem for me. It's been a long time since he's done that and I chuckled at some of it, and went "awww" at the rest of it. It shows to me that a little of the old him is creeping back.

Its a good job I got that text, my alarm went off at 5am and I'd been ignoring it!

I came on the site and wished I hadn't as I'd been flamed and blamed for my pet's depression... it played on my mind all day.

For some reason I managed to run late and leave late for University. I got stuck in horrendous traffic and was very late for the lecture.. so late it was over! lol.

The lecturer was happy to give me a 1-2-1 about my disseration and all seemed to be back on track.

My pet will be arriving shortly. He is spending the evening with us because he will be watching my son's first football match (soccer for my overseas friends!) and then taking the kids trick-or-treating!

Hopefully I will glean some sense of how he is feeling about everything and be back with good news!

 

That didn't go well...

He turned up, hugged me, I cried. Then he mentioned something about making his sandwiches for work tonight and I flipped out.

I'm shattered, drained, exhausted. I have a LOT of Uni work on my mind at the moment, a lot of essays, presentations, my dissertation to think about.

The conversation we had after trick-or-treating was one where I saw him constantly throwing 2 things at me:

You don't need to go to university if all you are concerned about is enough money to buy this house.
and
YOU asked me to leave.

At this moment in time, I don't want him to come back. I'm tired, I've had some vodka and coke, and I still haven't done enough research into my library project.

He says I push too much for him to come home. He wants to spend the weekend watching football with my son and going Xmas shopping... HOW FUCKING NICE! Oooops, let my anger out a bit there!

I shouldn't write when I'm tired and bitter. Tomorrow I will feel ok... only I have a day which will start at 5am and not finish till around 10pm. But I'll manage. That's what I do.

Looks like dinner with my parents is off on Saturday. He doesn't want to pretend we are happy. He wants me to stop asking him to come over for things (kids commitments) and then having a go at him.

I can't help telling him how bad my day was. Today was awful.

I'm too tired. This too shall pass.

 

Not sure....

.... on how I feel today.

Not a great few days, and I didn't want to be moaning all the time so I didn't blog.

Friday night I phoned my pet when I knew he would be at work, its the only time I could be certain he was awake. I had to phone a few times before he answered, apparently his phone was on his desk and he was in the warehouse.

We were on the phone for over an hour, most of it he was crying. By the end of the conversation I was told that I threw him out (this is always coming back to bite me, but I just asked him to take some space, if I'd thrown him out, all his stuff would have gone with him) and that every time he feels a bit better I phone him and have a go at him... That was not the intention, I wanted him to know I missed him.

Saturday he was supposed to come and watch the football with my son. I asked him in the morning if he was still doing that and was greeted with an "I don't feel like it". I flipped out again and decided to take advice from the next powerful woman in his life... his mother. She has no idea what has happened, he just spends all his time in his room and won't speak to anyone.

She said she would do something, that he was pushing the limit now and really needed to get back to me, my kids and more importantly, his 5 month old daughter.

10am Saturday I receive a text saying he is taking a nap and will be over for the football. I didn't actually hear from him again until 1.30pm Sunday when he phoned from Xmas shopping with his mother and sister and said "I love you". I was feeling upbeat at the time (having just purchased a new PINK phone!) so I managed to keep a happy conversation going in the hope that he will eventually come back.

Parts of me say its over... but I'm so sure he's the one!

This isn't puppy love for me. I've had enough relationships to know that he is the one I can spend the rest of my life with, IF we can get this depression under control.

If the depression cannot be figured out, or he is truly miserable being with me, then I guess I have to accept its over.

I appreciate from an outsider's point of view he looks like a very selfish person, but the person who he has become over the last few months is just not him.

 

After a short interlude!

A couple of reasons I have not blogged lately... busy, busy, etc!

Also... I find myself feeling inadequate as a potential Mistress sometimes so I hesitate to blog my journey, but I received a lovely PM saying that my honesty was refreshing. I guess we all have to start somewhere, and this is truly a journey.

I see little bits of my new Dominant self appearing every day, and if I can help another woman discover her power and harness it, then I'll be glad I did blog.

Since my pet left, I'm losing weight (too busy to eat!) and taking more care of myself. I don't know why that should be, but I'm indulging in expensive body and bath products rather than the cheaper ranges... I tell myself I AM a Goddess, and won't put up with anything but the best!
I have also developed quite a thing for cold showers in the morning. Strange but true. It invigorates me. Its good for the hair and skin too, which is a bonus. And of course it helps to get into those tight rubber outfits too.
So... on to another day...

Oh yes, my pet is still happy, if not EXTREMELY enthusastic about getting pierced and permanently chastised. I will be incredibly annoyed if he decides to go ahead without me... in the meantime, I'm ensuring I get what I need, and he is becoming further frustrated.

He is not locked at the moment, so can masturbate, but I'm happy in the knowledge that isn't what he really wants. He wants to fuck my pussy... and *I* will decide when *I* feel like it!!!!

 

Progressing or not...

I'm feeling a bit grumpy today. I let my imagination run away with me this morning, and worried myself stupid that my pet is going to abandon me and find someone else!

This may seem a little bit stupid (ok a LOT stupid) given that Thursday he subjected himself to a PA piercing to please me and to surrender himself to me fully in the future.

I'm blaming stress from the assignments piling up, Christmas on the way, my pet still not returning home, and a huge lack of sleep.

I'm also a little mad that my pet is making no attempt to see me this weekend. I do understand that he has not slept at all well since the piercing due to discomfort, so I shouldn't be too mad. I know he needs his rest, and someday soon he will be home, pierced and preparing to be permanently locked. There is a part of me that says he's not here because there is no chance of sex. Then that stresses me that once locked he should logically lose all interest in me... shouldn't he!? Gosh I'm confused today.

Patience is a virtue worth having I guess.

I really must get more sleep and get my inner Goddess/Princess under control. I can't understand why my confidence is shot lately. Ahh wellll....

 

Raring to go!

It's so not fair *stomps feet and pouts*

Every day I find little ways that I'm feeling more sexy and more dominant and more in control. I'm still having moments of my old self where I feel I can't cope without a man, but generally, I'm doing ok.

I just wish I had someone to play with.

With my pet being absent, and then knowing when he returns that we shouldn't rush into things just frustrates me sooooooooooo much.

I guess I will have to use this time to gather my ideas and revel in my found confidence.

I'm definitely more of a Princess than a Goddess I think.... just one of those silly things I pondered today. I always was Daddy's Princess, and I do like to be treated like a Princess, and Princess is just such a pink sounding word.

I might have to try it out. But "Yes Mistress" always sounds so luscious!

 

Happy!!!

Wow, yesterday just came together for me!

My pet thinks he'll be moving back in a week or so!

My horrible essay I've been struggling just fell into place.

I went to book a hotel room for Sat night to avoid some home improvements and managed to get a stunning room, perfect for play, in a gorgeous hotel near us.

I feel completely revived! I feel like I've had a holiday in the Bahamas! I feel refreshed! I feel.... well really horny and ready to play actually!

 

My problem...

I think I know where I'm going wrong!

Because I have always had self esteem problems, I'm having trouble believing someone would want to serve me.

My pet and I had a lovely weekend away, but it was obvious I was not in control. I made too many allowances and let him get away with an awful lot.

He did point out at one point that I should be "telling" him not "asking" him to do things!

I still worry because of the depression, but I'm starting to think that maybe I need to quit with the allowances and just start to treat him like a pet 24/7.

Maybe that is what he's crying out for.

Hmmmm.....

 

Yesterdays events

Well where do I start about my day!

This morning, my pet turned up at my house because Id asked him to come over to help get some things in and out of the roof. He didnt turn up empty handed.
12 Krispy Kreme donuts, 2 bags of M&Ms, sandwiches for my lunch and then he tried to force feed me (and my children) hot cross buns for breakfast.

He ran round like an excited puppy all morning while I prepared to leave and was obviously very happy. When he went to kiss me goodbye I noticed he hadnt shaved *again*! Im getting really annoyed with this sloppy habit since hes not been living with me, so I refused to kiss or hug him until hed shaved. He looked very lost and put out and I left for uni.

At the last traffic lights to uni I received a text from him saying look whats waiting for you when you get home from uni with a gorgeous picture of his cock and the piercing. That just got me thinking alllll dayyyy longgg!!! Lol

So I decided there and then I would get out of lectures early and go home and surprise him.

It was a very long day! I got home as quickly as I could, grabbed the hood and chains/padlocks I use to tie him to the bed and went upstairs where he would be asleep. I kissed him awake (because he was nicely shaven!) and we just got chatting. Things werent going as I planned, and I totally lost my Domme cool. I didnt know how to get from chatty to kinky, so I wasted a good 15 minutes there.

Eventually I decided now or never, I told him to close his eyes, and he got all giggly and knew I was undressing. I grabbed the hood and forced it over his head and then started to chain him to the bed.

I went straight in for the kill, told him to get his feet up by his bottom and spread his knees so I could gain full access, and then just spent my time slowly fingering his subby pussy and watching him wriggle with enjoyment.

When I tired of that I knelt up by his face, where he immediately tried to reach up to my pussy whilst wearing the hood. I rolled it up so that his mouth was exposed, sat down and told him lick my pussy, Im in no hurry to cum, so take your time.

I wont go into the obvious mechanics of what happened next, but it was so delicious. I found myself talking to him loads whilst being licked out. I told him that he needed to be better trained and more obedient. I explained that in the future When I click my fingers I want you to kneel, when I say nuzzle I want you to bury your nose in my pussy, and when I say worship I want you to lick my pussy till I cum hard!

After Id cum, I kissed my juices off his face (I do love that, it reminds me of going down on girlies when I was a little younger!) I left him hooded and chained while I got dressed, and was very annoyed to find his socks on my bathroom floor.

I got him to get out of bed and go to pick them up, but as he was on his way I clicked my fingers he dropped straight to his knees, and I told him to crawl and pick them up one by one and bring them back to me. He coughed and spluttered at them but did as he was told. Hopefully he wont dump them on my bathroom floor again! Lol

We needed to go shopping, and that was fun too! Firstly I found pastel coloured latex gloves in the household aisle! I was SO pleased! Those went straight in the basket. I cant remembered what happened later in the trip but I had me taunting [his name] is a sissy and the response was odd he just said shut uppppp in a real girlie stop but dont stop kind of voice. Duly noted and continued on.

It wasnt until we were home and messing about in the kitchen that I pulled my jumper off because I was hot and continued making coffee in just my bra. He playfully groped at my breasts, which he had been doing a lot this evening, so I teased him because I was wearing a gel padded bra. I took the gel pads out and gave them to him and said here, take them to work to play with what happened next was even more interesting. He stuffed them up his shirt, and puffed his chest out and said look, they work so again I taunted [his name] is a sissy and this time he looked at me and said shut upppp with the cutest grin. Hmmmm. I wont be running yet (I can hardly walk) but methinks there is a little girl hiding in there somewhere.

Off he went to work in the panties Id worn all day, were both smiling and delightfully happy.

It may seem basic to the rest of you long-time BDSMers out there, but Im really pleased that these little steps are finally taking me towards the lifestyle I desire.

 

Thank Crunchie It's Friday!

I'm in fine spirits today, despite the fact that I still have 2 huge essays to write this weekend.

I think it has a lot to do with seeing my pet yesterday and all the little signals here and there. I get the feeling that what started out as a liking for silky things, which progressed into enjoying wearing panties (even though he constantly moans about hating them... with a smile on his face!) to an inkling that maybe some time in the future I may be gaining a sissy maid.

For the moment, I will just encourage fem-dressing in occassional role playing sessions, I have so many other things I want and need to train him for before we get into sissyville.

He cooked my dinner for me last night and looked after me well. I was very grateful, it had been a long day at University. Hopefully he felt well rewarded and will come back for more.

At 2am this morning (I wake up at random times) I sent him a picture I took on my phone whilst playing with him hooded and tied up. It was of my latex clad fingers pushing into his hole. He's texted me saying how horny but humiliated he felt on seeing it, and now he's just phoned me to tell me how happy he is, how in love with me, how annoyed his is at wearing my panties to work all night, and how humiliated he's feeling!

I can't wait to take things further.

 

Annoyed?!?! Too Bloody Right!!!

So my pet didn't do what he said he would today.
He ignored me all day. Made me feel unloved, unattractive and unwanted.

He is a badly trained, disobedient pet and will be punished.

When someone says they will do something THEY SHOULD BLOODY WELL DO IT.

And if they change their mind, they should at least have the decency to inform me.

On days like this I want to throw in the towel... not on being a Mistress... heaven's NOOOOO, I adoreeee the new me! But he needs to learn to behave.

If he wants this lifestyle, he needs to step up to the mark (or kneel at it). I will NOT be spending hundreds on a chastity device for my little darling unless he sorts himself out.

If he cannot worship me because he is too busy in his own precious world with his Xbox and constant sleeping... then maybe he needs a hand? Cuckolding never looked so good.

 

Good things cum to those who wait...

So I receive a text at 4am this morning (he's a night worker, oh joy!) saying that he didn't feel that he deserved to be punished because he hadn't done anything wrong.

After a few text explanations I told him that he had made me wait all day, and I was ignored, and this was unacceptable and he WOULD be punished this evening.

He arrived at my house this morning... early!, clean shaven!, wearing weekend panties! AND he brought me his chastity diary that I have asked him to keep.

I love that little book already. I was getting the idea that he is loving the feminization, but I wasn't sure how hard to push it.... he admitted to loving playing with the gel pads from my bra, he said he wants to serve me dressed as a woman, and a few other things too which is him practically BEGGING to become my girlie girl.

I have so many ideas... but with 4 children around its all about time. Hopefully we will have a child free weekend just before Christmas. I have plenty of time to prepare for it, so I want to make it a special "girlie" weekend I think.

 

Ruined Weekend...

Today I'm very sad, disappointed, a bit lost.

Saturday was ruined because my pet had promised to go into town and finish my christmas shopping. Therefore I said he did not have to come over to see me, as he would usually on a Saturday.

He didn't go shopping, he didn't contact me, he selfishly slept for most of the day, which had a knock on effect to Sunday.

Sunday he took my children out for the day so I could finish a huge assignment. I got hornier and hornier throughout the day, looking forward to him spending the night, and dealing with his punishment for Saturday.

He texted me with a mild panic attack half way through the day. This happened last time I suggested him preparing to serve me (I'd given him a week to research manicures in prep for the weekend, he flipped out midweek and we split up). Because of this I told him his tablets weren't working yet, this was all too much pressure and we needed to stop until after christmas.

He phoned immediately and practically begged me not to stop, this was what he wanted and he would deal with it.

He was miserable when he came home. A stroppy teenager with a face like a wet weekend.

His punishment (the non-sexual part) was to clean and tidy my bathroom and prepare it for a nice relaxing candle-lit bath, which I really needed to relax myself after a long day studying.

He did it, just, with a stroppy look on his face and I just felt so bad that I didn't point out the mistakes... maybe I should have.

I needed some things when I was in the bath, so I called him. He shouted back, I just got fed up and annoyed.
Needless to say all the sexual fantasies I had for the evening went out of the window. I didn't get to do all the wonderful things I wanted, forcefully, which he would have loved and I would have been satisfied... I was left sexually frustrated and just felt like I'm no good at this at all.

I got upset and cried a little. I told him I *can't* go back to our normal relationship, but this isn't working for me and I don't know where to go.

I don't want a 24/7 sissy maid, but I have worked and worked since February to become this fantasy Mistress. I humiliate him, tie him up, fuck his ass with my fingers, tease him, gag and hood him, dress him up like a girl and with all the love in my heart... I do all the things he has told me his fantasies are... but I have only asked for 2 things in return... learn to do manicures, and run me a nice relaxing bath.

Both simple things surely? Am I asking too much.

Today I need to start thinking what I want? I want a pet who *wants* to please me. I do not want to be in the situation I'm in, constantly living up to his fantasies (which although fun, are really hard work!) without any pay off whatsoever?

Am I selfish? You decide!

 

Aaaaaaaaaaaaargggggggghhhhhhhhhh

So here I am... in theory a Mistress, but I can't control my pet for toffee.

I have been used and abused. I have been coerced to become this Mistress who restrains and humiliates her pet for his pleasure.

Where is my pleasure? At the moment there is none.
But what do I do? I can't go back, I can't magically become vanilla again can I?

Am I over-reacting? Should I have been more specific?
No, and no... my pet, the old pet, the pet that once was would have known how to make me happy in that one task. But now... why should he? He stays at home with mummy, sleeping, eating and playing his precious Xbox... acting like the young stroppy, post-teen that he is.

Why should I expect any more? Why should I expect to believe that he wants this? Because he begs me constantly? But what does he want?

I think he wants the kinky sex. He wants to be fucked and humiliated, but give nothing in return.

The ultimate top from the bottom.

 

Reflections...

Looking back, I freely admit I misjudged the whole bathroom event. *sigh*

Given my time again I would have made sure he knew what was expected. He didn't really make any mistakes, except he only gave 80% of what I knew he was capable of.

He was tired.... He really needs to learn. Tired is not when your hours are messed up over the weekend, tired is looking after a baby that wakes hourly for 3 nights because she has a cold, and then waking when she doesn't to make sure she's ok. Tired is trying to cram in University assignment writing into every waking hour, and revising for a very hard exam, whilst creating an outfit for a 9 year old for a school performance (asked for on Monday, required on Wednesday) attending all said performances, carol singing, football matches, and school activities. Tired is trying to prepare for our first christmas together on top of all that. And the laundry. And the housework. And helping the kids with their homework... need I go on?

I love my position as Mistress and wouldn't change it for the world. I just need to be met half way.

I may have over-reacted, but given the circumstances I wanted a candle-lit bath, with bubbles and music and a glass of something, and a warm towel, a hug and to be snuggled in bed after a massage. I...was...tired!

I have learned:
1) be more specific in your wants
2) don't push a tired pet!
3) count to 10 every so often
4) I am in control, and sometimes I need to TAKE control, and realise that every day cannot be a play day

I still feel there needs to be more given from my pet now though. He needs to grow up a little and realise that there is no magic tablet that can make him realise he is a father, he is a partner, he has responsibilities, and he either needs to accept that and step up to the mark, or say his goodbyes.

I hope it is not the latter, because I adore him, he is my soul mate, and its worth working for.

 

Sad Thoughts...

Thinking a lot about my relationship with pet lately. I have not spoken to him since we parted on Sunday. The last thing I said was that he was lazy, selfish and unreliable.

I still dont regret that, the more I think about it, the more I agree with it.

Thats not to say Im happy about it. I love him, and fully intended to spend the rest of my life with him. Im not entirely sure what to do about it all, so I attempted to strip the relationship apart, remove the BDSM element and try and see it for what it was.

He has suffered from depression. He works night shifts. He is 22 years old. He has never lived with anyone before me, only at home with his mum. These are the facts.

When he lived with me I dont think I ever asked him to do anything. He did things if he felt like it, and didnt laze around all the time, but nothing really got done!!!
I guess its because of this that I get resentful. When I do ask for things to be done, there is a pulling of faces, like its the end of the world.

Apparently I do not understand that he works hard all way. I dont agree with that. Ive always let him have as much sleep as he needed, let him play Xbox if he wanted, and kept him fed and totally sexed-up. I think once in our relationship Ive said no, I have always been accommodating.

That said, we now havent had sex since 28th October. I miss it. ( I have been satisfied on numerous occasions, but its not the same for me. I cant explain. I miss the intimacy.

I cannot for the life of me figure out how I could have made his life any better. I still wonder to this day what I ever did wrong!

If I do lose him, and I think I already have, I will always be thinking of the day when it hits him when hes found someone else and has kids with her. He may find someone like me who will live out his every fantasy, he may find someone who never asks him to cook and clean, or babysit, or do the shopping, or diy. Im not sure though. One day he will find out that life is hard, and busy and tiring.

Part of me still hopes that he will realise this before we are truly separated, and he will appreciate what I can offer him, and that he will come home.

I just know I cant have him home until he can find how to make himself happy, be less self-centred, and learn to deal with tiredness like most parents do.

Now to include the D/s portion of our relationship.

I never wanted a 24/7 sissy maid, or a slave, or a submissive. I call him pet for a reason. That is because pets are pampered and looked after. They are for company and enjoyment. He was for fun!

My ideal D/s relationship? I want to have the bedroom freedom. I love to humiliate him, tease him and deny him, I want him in chastityI want to demand my own sexual pleasures. I want to dress up and role play pretty much all of our time together.

Outside the bedroom? I want him to be romantic, attentive, see to my needs before I even know I have them. Simple things, just an awareness of me and keeping me happy. Its raining? Get me an umbrella! My glass is empty? Offer me a drink! Its not rocket science.
I just want to be a precious princess. Pampered in my own way. I guess I want to be wooed!!!!

I can do housework, I can cook, I can look after the kids but on the day when I turn around and order him to clean the bathroom, cook a meal, rub my feet, I just want him to smile and be grateful to serve me. Because it brings him pleasure. Because he wants me to be pleased and proud of him.

I love him with all my heart. But Im not sure this can be fixed.

 

I'm ill, not ignoring!

Wow, the site has been busy.

I'm a wee bit poorly and not up to catching up on all the malarky that's been going on, my head is a mess... head cold I guess!

My pet is around looking after me, and I do have lots to say, but at the moment, I just need my bed and maybe a whisky or at least a hot milk *snaps fingers*.

I am aware I have a few outstanding pms....I will be back to you all asap, thank you.

 

End of story?

Been away for a while due to a bad case of real life!

Mainly a very bad cold which knocked me out for a couple of days (horrible stuff) and preparations for Christmas have me pretty much exhausted.

Backing up a little

Last Saturday was the day when everything began to be resolved. I finally became so fed up with the way things were going with my pet and I that I decided to deal with it once and for all. We hadnt spoken for the week but that was the weekend he was due to move back in. Our daughter got her first tooth that day, so I was also very upset that he wasnt around to share in the big milestone and realised that I do want him to be around permanently, no matter what it took.

I rang him about 50 times in the end. Theres no waking him up, honestly, NOTHING wakes him if hes really fast asleep. I had to call his mother and throw a wobbly that it was now mid afternoon and there was no sign of him. She woke him up and rang me back to tell me thats what she had done. Two hours later still no phone call from him.

Id been through a million emotions in that time, from hatred to despair and back again so I phoned mum again! Burst into tears at her on the phone about the fact that it was a big day for our baby girl and I felt I was being treated like utter crap and this stops NOW.

5 minutes later I spoke to him on the phone. His mum had gone mad at him (yay mums!) and he wasnt too happy. I by this time was completely worn down emotionally and said that enough was enough and this was the deal:

come home and I will put up with every single piece of crap you throw at me until you are stable enough to get it together, the tablets start working, and we have a proper family routine. I no longer want ANY PART of a D/s relationship, no bondage, no milking, no sceneing, no dressing up in girls clothes, no chastity. Its been a huge stress on top of everything else. Just come home and well be a normal vanilla couple.

He said he would be home in an hour or so and take me out to dinner.

It was a lovely evening. We spoke while I got dressed and seemed to agree that we would be ok as a vanilla couple, although I think we both knew D/s wasnt going to disappear completely and it didnt. Not even for 5 minutes (lol) My pet gets down on his knees in front of me and gives me a gift. He tells me that it was something we had spoken about and that hed wanted to give it to me on Thursday after my exam, but I hadnt let him see me all week.

I opened the small cardboard package and it took a couple of moments to figure out what it was. It was a small silver box, about 2 inches long, by 1 inch deep and wide.

The top is enamelled in pink and white, with a purple oval stone, surrounded by white diamante crystals. It was beautiful, and obviously meant as a safe place for a key.

I was so blown away by the fact that he had chosen something so perfect and stunning that I couldnt bring up the fact that we werent doing that any more! Oh dear.

Inside it had pink lining and it held a beautiful key charm, studded with crystals. It was all very romantic, everything I remember him being originally, up until we had baby and he became depressed.

I decided not to dwell on things and we went out to dinner.

We are so perfect for each other. Hed recorded a silly tune that hed heard and I loved it and played it to death in the car. We reached to hold each others hand at the same time while driving and giggled like teenagers.

Everything was back to normal. But all my sexual thoughts were D/s, and I just noticed so many little things that he was doing opening doors, offering to help with baby so I could finish my dinner while his went cold, making sure I had all I needed, everything was perfect.
When we got home Id already decided what I wanted to do!

I had bought the Knotty Boys bondage book. Its gorgeous rope bondage and I wanted to give it a go, just for fun. So thats what we did. Im pretty good at it!

We did end up having sex, in a semi-vanilla way. He couldnt help asking permission, and I couldnt help taking control. I was really enjoying myself. He knows my absolute favourite thing is when he fucks me really hard and cums really really hard inside me (not great for a chastity relationship, agreed) so when he was pounding away and on the brink he gives me that look and asks for my permission to cum. I replied that he hadnt cum inside me for such a long time that he better make it something special. He started to gear up to cum, fucking me exactly how I like it, and asked me again if he could cum. I denied. He was completely shocked, gave a little nervous giggle and hesitated, and carried on fucking please? but I was having way too much fun, so I stopped him and forced him to lick and kiss me to orgasm first. It was delicious, but I knew I still wanted him to cum inside me. So after I was satisfied it was back to fucking which Im pleased to say I dragged out as long as possible he was definitely more than ready when I finally said yes. A quivering wreck of thank you Mistress, thank you Mistress He he.

So who knows whats going to happen next.

We have this weekend together with no children, but a lot of Christmas preparations to deal with. We have made time for dinner and a movie tonight. Just back to basics.
A little less pressure from both sides I guess, and getting back to what we enjoy, not necessarily what fits into the perfect D/s scenario.

My life is about being with him, and keeping him happy.

His life is about being with me and keeping me happy.

Thats what relationships are about!!!

Ive always been the dominant partner, and will remain to be so. I need to control my anger and harness my power.

He needs to shut the fuck up and serve!

 

Post Christmas Depression...

I feel crap. In a big way!

Lethargic and overwhelmed at the same time. I feel like tucking anything sexual up in a box and not looking at it for a very long time. I have lost all my sexual appetite. I can only figure this is partially due to Christmas being over and done with (that was a huge stress) and having still more assignments and now my dissertation to deal with in January.

I'm exhausted if truth be told. I just want to curl up in a ball somewhere and be a nobody!

Usually when I write depressing posts, I feel better within a couple of hours! So who knows, maybe this post will have done the trick.

 

Busy busy!

I was right, after the last post we managed to have some great vanilla sex. 3 times in 2 days, which is a heck of a lot more than weve managed recently. Plenty of D/s talk and a lot of realising that its not going to happen at the minute!

We are both exhausted. I have 10 weeks to finish this god awful University degree and then Im moving on with my life to study for something I actually want to do. I want to be an Executive PA. Its so me. I used to be a secretary pre-kids and this is what I want to work towards. It actually turns me on to think about it, so its got to be a good job lol!

In the past week I have resorted to having sex in my sleep. Twice! I kid you not. Its so busy round here that if I dont get it when we have some time together, Im not going to get it at all.

The first time was fantastic. I didnt expect it. Pet came home from a terrible night at work which he didnt want to talk about, so we snuggled. Then he got up, closed the door and told me to take off my pyjama bottoms. He asked if I minded, I said hell no and he just fucked his frustrations away. It was just wonderful.

This morning he asked if I wanted to have sex, I said yes but I was exhausted, so I just let him get on with it again. (God I sound awful!) I was annoyed afterwards because I was so close to cumming when he was fucking but he did nothing to make me cum afterwards!

Then I got to thinking. Thats not like him. I know he was tired, but I have a feeling there is a little topping from the bottom here! Im now really horny and frustrated, and its the weekend! So we will actually be in bed together, which doesnt happen often with his night shifts does anyone else think he might be pointing me towards a little Domme action! Bless. I hope so.

In fact I will play his little game. A little hooding, gagging and bondage is on the menu. Ill tease him for a while, get a good couple of orgasms, and then leave him to sleep.

See! Now Im horny. Yep. A nice bath later, do myself up all sexy, choose a kinky outfit, plus boots, and have some fun. Remind him what it is we really want.

 

Where am I!!!???

A little update, and why I havent blogged in a while!
Its a nightmare here at the moment. Only 8 weeks till I finish the final part of my Degree, then 3 exams in May/June and its all over.

The stress in this house is very intense. I would say weve taken a break from D/s but that isnt completely true.

Our sex life (which is a little slow due to stress and tiredness) is just vanilla with a twist lately.

On Wednesday I decided I was being very selfish not giving my pet very much attention lately, all the sex weve had has pretty much been with me half asleep. I couldnt concentrate on the essay I was writing, but wasnt feeling particularly horny (yay for stress! Blah) I decided I would just like to be hugged and stroked, and figured I would put a little something in it for my pet.

I wandered off upstairs, fetched out the hood and rammed it over his head, waking him rather abruptly. Must say he didnt grumble much! Lol. I stripped naked and sat in his lap and told him that I needed to be relaxed, and that he was to stroke all over my body, paying attention to my breasts and nipples, again. no complaining!

Of course I ended up incredibly horny and lay him back down, pulling the hood up to expose his nose and mouth and proceeded to sit on his face and make him lick me.

I love the way that oral sex feels so much more intense when in 69 position, so I turned myself around and proceeded to suck and lick his cock, he was going absolutely wild at this point and came about 2 seconds after me. He was a little stunned by extremely happy!

When we had sex a little while ago he also begged and begged me to make him my slave. We havent really talked about it for a while, just because of so much going on. I locked him up temporarily in his CB6000 and his attitude changed instantly, so adoring, so obedient I decided to start taking measurements again and get our Lori device ordered. The timing should be good, it will arrive after I have finished University and had time to gather my thoughts! Then we can proceed into this wonderful world.

Thank you all again for your lovely private messages, Im sorry if I havent replied so much recently.

 

Does it ever get any easier?

Yet another day spent asking myself why am I doing this?

2 days ago, after another huge row, it was decided between the pair of us that attempting to fit a D/s lifestyle into our lives was just too stressful and made us miserable.

I missed it immediately. I think all the time of devious plots and scenes. When I shop for underwear I have to remind myself exactly who Im shopping for! I love thinking this will suit him better than me

I want to blame him. He is selfish, lazy and inconsiderate. Last night (after a confusing conversation about queening stools!) he suggested that he wrote a list of all the things he was expecting from D/s and that I post it for others to see if he was being so unreasonable.

The blame ultimately lies with me. Im not a Domme, I cannot control him. I worry if I even start to try. I expect him to do the things I ask for, carry out punishments, but hes not interested. According to him, I have to force him. I get it, I understand, but I cannot draw myself to force him to do something that makes him miserable.

In an attempt to see how the land lies I asked him to massage my feet. Something he would love, surely??? Mr Foot-Fetish himself would definitely let me see that twinkle in his eye which says I love this, I worship you, I want to make you happy.

No.

He watched the TV throughout the whole experience.

Today, in another flaming row, I asked where the boyfriend that worshipped me naturally had gone. The man I fell in love with 2 years ago is now a TV watching, Xbox playing, tie me up and do all the hard work for me, slob.

Apparently his life has changed. Apparently I have changed.

Where is the bubbly little me? The happy, chirpy, bouncy me?

Im pretty sure the life was sucked out of her when the demands to Dominate came thick and fast. I tried and tried, and it still wasnt enough.

Do I carry on? Do I try to learn more and become more forceful?

In a fit of anger I slapped his face. He cried. I was turned on, but he was more than upset. I don't blame him. I dont even know if he is in the house any more. I see another separation in sight.

In the confusion, the Lori tube has been ordered.

Will I be able to fix this in 90 days?

Can I ever learn to be Dominant?

Am I Dominant, and have just lost my confidence through a bratty, lazy slave?

Bitter sweet day, as ever, in the house of Watchful!