Hi Following on from my other couple of posts on the site I'd lack to ask for some more advice. I've just about made it through a week a long time ago in an ill-fitting cheap cage which has long been thrown away. I have just bought my first premium device which I believe will stay on healthily and my partner has a twinkle in her eye and half smile every time chastity is mentioned or can be inferred. Is it too soon to suggest we do Locktober. I was originally going to suggest the cage as a birthday gift for me (and her ) but that's not till December and its already here. Basically, this is a question about timing and not overwhelming my wife. I'm tempted to discuss on our next intimate evening over a glass or two of alcohol and set the unlocking (as far as I can) as my birthday. But that might be to full on. Equally having the cage and not being able to try it on is making my imagination run wild. She doesn't know that I've bought it yet. But knows about chastity (and has held my key) and I believe will be happy with this choice of present to myself - even if she probably still thinks its a little weird. I want to ride the 'kink' moment whilst she is feeling it but also hold out as birthday gifts shouldn't come till (in my case) December. Is it cheeky to offer to lock now and pay later? I know that this probably all sounds silly to most of you. But I really don't want to scare my wife off a road she is only just seemingly happy to travel down. I realise that when locked it is up to me to show her the benefits for her - whilst being locked makes me feel incredibly close to her: like having the warm fuzzies of a new relationship. Sorry if I seem to be moving into self-counselling but I've wrapped myself up in knots and just need some clear thinking - not driven by the part of my body which is about to be locked down!
If she has previously held your key, then you're not at the 'first time' stage, but still, what Jemima says is right... take it slow. One little point about making it more acceptable to her. You mention it's your present, for your birthday, and you want to 'ride the kink', you're going to be 'locked down'. It's all about "me"! Start thinking about what's in it for her... Then that's what you have to discuss with her, not what you'll get out of a relationship with chastity, but what she'll get out of it. Can you see that it will then become much more attractive from her point of view, and she's much more likely to embrace it?
Hi @bondinchas Yes, not quite at first time stage but equally not experts either. You are of course completely right and my obsessing over the possibilities have skewed my judgement and approach to this. As old fashioned as it may be, I want nothing out of this chastity thing than to be more hers than I was before. I don't need her to demand things of me, or perform a role - just be herself. If she wants to make rules and 'request' things of me then that's up to her. If it turns her on then all well and good. Alternatively if she is happy just knowing that she has my 'key' then that is good too. So what does she get out of this at all? Is it any more than a silly game between us two? (No offence meant to any hardcore chastity aficionados on the site - I don't mean you). She has said she likes the neediness which kicks in after a few days and the look on my face when we discussed something about locking the other day made her happy too. Sorry, I'm rambling again. But when I started posting this I was in a bad mood because of other things going on in 'life' and now I'm not.
I say just go it, if she is already aware and has already held your key, then ask how she feels about locktober.
What is your current sex life like? Is PIV a big element of it or do you engage in other activities on a regular basis? My wife is all for attention just for her, whether its oral, toys, massage or any combination, but equally she still likes PIV and enjoys playing with my penis/balls, so in some respects my "locking up" is taking away something she wants/enjoys. She gets it that I enjoy giving and the high that comes from not being allowed direct stimulation, but it doesn't change her desires. A month is a long time straight off the bat, especially if she doesn't even know you have a device. First step is to reintroduce the device and allow her to re-establish her role as keyholder if thats what she wants.
Fair points @NZSenator We have been messing around with a cheap ebay cage for a couple of weeks. With the Cellmate she can also take on authority to lock and unlock at will so she will remain in control - Though I accept this might be swamping her a bit. I thank you for sharing some of your life story and will relate it back to my own. I won't do likewise though as although anonymous my wife us a very private woman and depending on how things go I hope that she might one day join the site.
You could use Locktober’s imminence as a good excuse to bring it up, and maybe to brag about having prepared by purchasing a good cage, but that doesn’t mean you have to try to lock up for the whole month, or for any kind of extended lockup right out the gate. You can spend the month experimenting together with what works for both of you. Keep the stakes at a comfortable level, make sure it’s grounded in communication with her, and have fun with it.
I would say just have an honest conversation. It seems like they have at least a small interest in keeping you locked up from what you have written. Have a conversation and see where it goes from there. Good luck!
UPDATE So... This morning I sent a text from work saying (in effect) that I wanted to choose my own presents this year in this 'lock down' enthused climate and that if she was willing she should buy some Coke to go with her Bacardi on Saturday for further revelations. A quick conversation during our lunch date confirmed she understood and was positive but also a little concerned about health and safety. Then tonight, fortunately, there was a few biting lip moments and some early overtures. So I think we are just about on track so far. I on the other hand am having an alternative form of buyers remorse - slowly realising what I have got myself into with only myself to blame. Then where I am in the UK its just been revealed that lock down means my workplace is closing again and I will be working from the house for anything up to 6 months. So it seems that my lockdown may run concurrently to actual lock down!
"but also a little concerned about health and safety." With it all being very new and strange of course she will be, in a loving relationship you'd expect her to be. Two years ago, one year ago, my wife was concerned, because she loves and cares, she still occasionally asks "are you ok down there?" (and then she laughs when she's reassured that it's ok physically but that it's quite a different situation mentally and emotionally!) But do be honest with her, and yourself. If you have a pain, or a sore, don't 'man it out', don't run the risk of making something that could be fixed with a wash and a rest for a day or two into a real problem. As your body gets used to wearing it, you'll be able to tolerate being able to wear it for much longer periods. Yes, what have you got yourself into?
Finally and after a lot of struggling I managed to get the Cellmate on. Mostly due to the benefits of a hot bath whilst trying to not get the device too wet. Makes you a little twitchy though that you might fry the electrics Our conversation is supposedly happening tomorrow, so I guess I'll try and keep it on till then. I've worn other devices for longer. But its hard(!?) to tell with a new one and this one still needs settling in. On the other hand I don't fancy trying to wrestle it on again quite yet...
my one can go on me in bout 3 secs and it dose ever nite and in the morning as well cos i got 2. but the morning one take a bit longer cos it is screw on.
i dont think it matter if you are allow to take it off for a little bit to be clean and smell nice. my one is not off me for very long anyways.
This is how it worked in our relationship. “I ordered a better cage it’s coming ____.” You aren’t asking her to do anything different, just notifying her of equipment update, and that long term wear might be possible now if she ever got to that point. That’s it. It’s not too complicated, it’s information, she can keep riding that kink wave if she feels like it, and you have the equipment to accommodate it now.
@Nicoftime - good advice Sadly she has been ill so plans were delayed. Today is however the beginning of Loctober...