Hello all. My husband, rrjones, has been reading and posting on here for a few weeks now. He has shared all of his posts with me and I feel that he's gotten some good advice. I've decided to start posting myself, as I feel I may need some guidance or advice from some of the more experienced kh's here. Let me begin by saying that neither of us wants to live an alternative, d/s lifestyle. Being dominant is a stretch for me. I will, however, admit that my husband being in chastity has been one of the best things to happen to our marriage. As some of you know, we have gotten off to a shaky start, but aren't doing too badly. I asked my husband what he wants from me in this and his response was, "guidance." He strongly feels a need to be led by me in this marriage, to become a better husband and father. I can't say I am altogether comfortable in this role, but I am truly beginning to feel the first real stirrings of excitement for our future. Here is my problem. Yesterday morning he woke early, took the key out of my purse (which I know was my fault for leaving it there) and let himself out of his cage. He then masturbated in the shower, not thinking I would get up to check on him. Needless to say, it caused a great deal of negative emotion on both our parts. Today is our anniversary. I had him put on a pair of my thong panties under his shorts and typed a punishment list of things for him to do in the house (especially cleaning the bathrooms, which I know he despises) and handed him the list. I was heartbroken, knowing that it would take time away from our togetherness on our anniversary, but I knew he had to be held accountable for what he did. Though he so badly wants to be led, he also has a tendency to throw temper tantrums and be resistant to my expectations at times. He did not want to do one of the tasks I set for him, and became angry and tossed a computer chair into the hallway, breaking two of the wheels on the chair and creating negative "drama." He wanted to argue with me as I cooked breakfast for us, while our 5 year old sat at the kitchen table. This is not acceptable behavior. I followed him to the bedroom and closed the door and forced him to calmly discuss this with me. He felt that most of the list was fair, but that with the one task he did not want to do, I was setting him up for failure, being that I expected things to be done in a timely manner. I explained to him that he could have discussed this with me calmly the first time and avoided making a scene. I decided to relent on the task, and told him it could be done when he is home next weekend. Now I am angry because I have to treat him like the child he behaved as and punish him for his tantrum. I have some ideas in mind. We also have a 12 year old, and I do not want these tantrums to affect our children. I guess what I'm trying to accomplish with this post is in finding out how much is too much and how much is not enough? I want this to have a positive impact on our marriage and family, not cause resentment. At the same time, I do not want him to feel he can orchestrate how things will go. I know that he is begging me for punishment, but I don't think he has allowed his mind to wrap around the idea that punishment is NOT supposed to be fun or a sexual turn-on for him unless I'm in a teasing, playful mood and want to turn him on. Am I looking at this all wrong? How should I address the tantrums?