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There are a few ways to approach this. The most important part is time and patience.

First I would start by buying a cheap device and wear it whenever you for as long as you can without her knowledge to get comfortable wearing it. The reason I say a cheap device is for you to be able to find one that you could wear for periods of time without agitating things or creating sores etc. without breaking the bank. My reasoning for this is from my experience and probably most others is that if and when your wife ever agrees to give it a try, she won't be turned off by the smells from some devices or be concerned about the health of your parts from pain, sores or bruises. I made the mistake of buying the CB6000 and only wearing it for short stints before my wife took the keys. I lasted 24/7 in the device for a couple of days before I had to ask her for the keys back because of the pain in the back of my scrotum. When I took the device off my wife saw the raw skin there. This almost ended my chastity lifestyle right there and then.

You didn't explain what you discussed with your wife so it is difficult to give advice but I will try anyway. My wife was and still is, very conservative in many ways. This is kind of a shocker to most women. You have to make it all about her as it should be. The sexual fantasy has to stay in your head at least in the beginning. I was very open with my wife on many fronts but kept the sexual part to a minimum. I let her know how much I enjoyed sex with her but there were times that I still masturbate and felt very guilty about it. I told her that I only wanted to orgasm with her and how this could help because I would only orgasm when she wanted to have sex. She would also have the freedom to be pleasured without the pressure of having to perform for me and how her pleasure gives you pleasure. It would also make me desire her more like when we first started dating Even though I appear to be a very strong male in her eyes, I have this one weakness that I want to control for the both of us and for the sake of our marriage.

If and when she allows a trial run, you have the correct device ready to go. The next part is the hardest part. Take things slow, don't make a big deal about it and do not be pushy or talk about it all the time. Let her grow into it. And most importantly, forget about the fantasy stuff and don't push it on her or get upset if things aren't meeting your fantasy level. Done right, she will come around in time. It will be so worth it. This is about the both of you, but mostly her. It's a lifestyle, not a marathon.

Here's a great quote that hopefully you can find a way to use.

"Chastity is not magic, it is not a cure all. But it can be a powerful tool to bring two people who love each other together"

 

Common story. I am not one of the guys who believes that I want to do chastity to become a better husband. Like you, my wife thinks I love her too much. When I suggested that I do more around the house, she saw it as a threat to her domain and did not like it at all. She does not like when I am submissive outside of the bedroom. She looks towards me for protection and handling the complicated things in life and our relationship. She was raised with an old fashioned idea of marriage and she is not going to change now that she is a senior citizen, soon to be even more senior.

She does play along with me though. We have done all of the common fetishes, swapping, swinging, cuckolding and three and more somes. Some we kept and others we abandoned as not being conducive to the well being of our marriage. So I have a wife open to try anything and I asked her to help me stop my masturbation problem. I explained that I often refused sex when she asked because I had just masturbated or masturbated all week. She was starting to complain about why I was not getting as hard and excited as I used to be and though it was because I did not find her attractive anymore. My masturbation explanation allayed her fears and she gave it a shot. At first we just did chastity on the honor system, with me not masturbating at all and just having an orgasm when she wanted to have sex which is about once a week.

She found that she really enjoyed teasing and denying me. She would laugh at my frustration and told me that it made her feel powerful. When I eventually had my orgasm, it was like I was possessed and lifting off of the bed. I would speak in tongues and she would laugh and laugh as she kept pumping my penis. Eventually I asked if she would like to try to see what it was like with longer orgasm denial and we made a bet to see who would give in first. Loser had to do whatever the winner wanted. It was then that I showed her what a CB6000s looked like and explained how I would need it to help me not play with myself for so long. She told me to get it if I wanted to. It arrived and I put it on and she would tell me to lock myself up when she and I were not together. Over time she wanted me locked up 24/7, sometimes even during sex when she just wanted to lay back and enjoy without having to do anything to me or makes sure that I did not cum by accident.

We only made it to 3 weeks the last 3 times. Twice it was my wife who wanted me to cum and once it was me wanting to. As the initial excitement wore off for both of us, it was not as much fun anymore and long term chastity had no real benefits for us. She liked me the way I was and thought that any extra attention she received by cock teasing, was not something she wanted. She wanted me to do things because I loved her, not because I was horny. A lot of guys just tell their wives about all the benefits to them when really we are the ones who benefit. It becomes work to make sure your husband is locked up, tease him all the time and all the rest that goes with being a KH. It is work for the wife contrary to what the fantasy stories on the internet say. Most women are not dying to dominate men. That should be obvious by all the men looking for dominant women online.

Look, I am not going to blow smoke up your ass. Most wives are happy with us the way we are. They do not want a submissive husband. They feel validated every time you have an orgasm. Many will see your attempt to limit your orgasms as a sign that you find it difficult to reach them with her unless you play your silly game. All I can advise is to take it in baby steps. Find some reality based chastity articles that do not require her to turn into a dominatrix and ask her to just read them and see if it may be something to try for fun. Some women just are not going to be what you want them to be. My wife is submissive but will be dominant in bed because she knows I like it.

Make a big show of it when denied and thank her for having the strength to deny you. Communicate with her so that she knows that when she makes you cum, you feel sad afterwards. When she denies you, she makes you happy and you feel better . I skipped the makes me a better husband part because she thinks I already smother her with too much love now. My wife is a rare treasure. She takes pleasure in my pleasure. She is a nurturer. My approach was to make her understand what made me happier and still she could only go 3 weeks until she had to make me have an orgasm.

Take baby steps, find out what aspects of chastity your wife may like and then try it just in-between your regular sex nights. Some do it when their wives have their periods. Each women is different. I was told by a psychologist that I had a personality that enabled me to get people to do things that I wanted them to do. That made me successful at my job and in my personal life. I used this skill to help my wife understand why chastity was good for our relationship, if for no other reason that it pleased me and did not harm her. Make it a game that you both enjoy and forget all that D/s stuff for now. You can introduce it later on as I did with some corporal punishment and foot massages. Good luck.

 

@Alon, my wife is exactly as you describe yours. My wife was very vanilla and conservative and I was terribly nervous to tell her of my desires for chastity. Please follow the link to see how I introduced the idea to my wife, maybe it will help you too. http://www.chastitymansion.com/forums/index.php?threads/i-asked-and-she-said-yes.13021/. I also want to add that it was important to me to introduce her to chastity in a way that helped her understand so she still understood I am still her man in every other way but that I only wanted her to control my orgasms and nothing else. Hope this helps.

 

OK. Got it now.

I am going to blunt here but in a nice way and in no way demeaning. You can take it for what it's worth.

How many couples do you know or co-workers, families etc. that are in a relationship or married where you hear one or both complaining about each other or claim to happily married when you know that they are lying through their teeth to keep up an appearance.

For instance, how many people you know that have been through a divorce or how many men have you heard complain about not getting any sex anymore,,,that their wiives are not into it anymore or actual wives saying that they are not interested in sex any more. It is more common than people are willing to admit. How many times have you had sex with your wife where you knew she really wasn't into it, knew she was doing it out of obligation for you and how you honestly felt afterwards. How do you think she felt? Problem is, this starts to become an accepted part of your relationship. You like myself and so many others would fall into your category of knocking ourselves out to please her sexually with her not knowing how to pleasure us. After 20 years, me 30 years and this acceptable in a loving relationship? Really? This is intimacy? Pure intimacy? Sexually and Non-Sexually? I think not.

I couldn't accept this in my marriage anymore. Loved her to death, but couldn't accept this any more. I was starving for intimacy. Not just sexual but also everyday stuff which I will get to. Oh yeah, our marriage on the surface in front of family, friends, kids etc looked like a great marriage, but in reality something was missing in my life, our lives. From my experience, I suspect that this an issue in most marriages/relationships. I am sure that I would hear the argument from other couples about how much they love each other which I don't doubt for a minute, but I am willing to gamble that most marriages/relationships aren't truly honest about the true state of their happiness.

I'm getting there... I am not saying that chastity or any other kink is the answer to any relationship. that would be ludicrous. What I am saying is that by opening up yourself to the one you love about any and all of your sexual desires and them opening up any and all their desires and with the both of you being totally accepting of these desires changes everything in your relationship. It brings about a freedom that most vanilla relationships will never have or experience.

Most couples never really talk about these things. I have heard more men say that couldn't discuss these types of things with their wives because they don't want to hurt them or are afraid their wives would think they were strange or whatever else. My wife has told me the same things about women she knows. It's a shame really. If you can't talk openly to your lover, what's the point in the relationship?

Most couples live a life of vanilla everything. Nice house, nice cars, kids, church, PTA etc. Everything that society expects. But how many are truly happy. Most couples we know have been in a divorce at some point and others we know will live the rest of their lives without ever reaching their sexual desires or intimate relation levels that they crave. Think it's not true? Look at the traffic here and other forums not to mention porn site traffic, but people don't want to admit it. In fact, most every vanilla couple I know would condemn these sites and what they represent yet many of the people here including myself have far better relationships with our lovers than these people will ever experience. So they can keep their vanilla lifestyles because they seem to be working so well. At least they are in societies eyes.

I secretly knew this for years but was afraid to deal with it because it meant having to talk to my wife about it by pouring out my heart which is very scary for anyone that loves someone. But I knew it was for the best. I tried to talk to her about it and she just didn't want to understand. I didn't bring it up again as I wanted it to soak in for a while.

In the mean time, I ordered a device and started to wear it off and on without my wife knowing.
I had it on most of the time for about a month before my wife noticed one day when I was getting out of the shower. It's pretty sad that it took this long for her to notice and I wasn't even trying to hide it. She flipped and asked me what I was wearing thus thing. I tried to explain but she would have none of it and told me to take it off or else. I told her that I wasn't going to take it off. It was my penis, she didn't want anything to do with it so I was going to wear it if I wanted to. I have to say that the next several days were a little different to say the least although I noticed that she was checking chastity on the computer by her history.

Anyway, about a week or so went by before things eased up and she asked me about it in a nice way. I explained about it the best I could. I told her that after researching about it. I came to the conclusion that this could be good for the both of us. I let her know that I was starving for intimacy with her and that I missed this side of her. I told her that it wasn't as much about sex to me as it was the intimacy. I told her that wearing the cage and fantasizing about her created very high arousal and this in turn caused me to want to be with her more in and out of the bedroom. Real intimacy. I explained about her having control of our sex lives and how she could be pleasured without worrying about having to reciprocate and how a man is very intimate when he is aroused and not so much after an orgasm and how without the cage I could masturbate which would kill my arousal for her and so on. She seemed receptive to the idea but still thought it was a little weird. She did admit that she noticed I had been a little nicer to her lately but didn't think anything of it.

That night in bed, instead of our usual kiss goodnight and maybe a hug, she pulled down the blankets and started checking out the cage. I got extremely aroused and things were bulging out everywhere and my balls were blue and swollen. She was asking things like, You can't feel anything to be able to cum? and I told her no. She was concerned about the color of my balls and I told her it was normal when aroused and they are natural color when relaxed. We said good night but I stayed awake for a while throbbing.

A few nights later she asked for the keys. I gave them to her and she didn't say another word.

We are closer now than we have ever been and she slowly opened her heart to me of her true desires.

It's been a wonderful intimate ride ever since.

 

Forgot a really important part. Taking my penis out of the equation for everyday things changed everything. I yearn for her, her touch her smile and all the other things that attracted me to her in the first place. And the beauty of it is that it is constant, never ending. She in turn is just as excited about me which excites me even more. It's like a constant high for the both of us. Holding hands while walking down the street, here giving me a big hug and a kiss while in a checkout register in a store just because she wanted to, sitting on a bench at the lake arm in arm without saying a word and feeling like the world has disappeared around us.

It wasn't really the chastity that did this so much as it was the tool for us that allowed us to truly open up to each other. Something else may work for you or other people. But until we got all our deep dark, taboo sexual feelings out in the open, and acceptance by our partner, whether ever acted out on or not, our relationship stagnated and most relationships will stagnate, problems will come to the surface and the relationship will grow apart. Your outreach here is evidence of that someting missing in your relationship.

Wish you the best.

 

@chastingfun - What a wonderful couple of post to start my morning with. I salute You! Very very well indeed. and You are Oh so true about everything you write about the "vanilla-trap". My story is quite similar to yours, and today my wife is even a member in here @DREWife . It took a full year, but boy it has been the most wonderful game changer for both of us. Coming from her thinking I was some sort of freak- to where she could not imagine a life without it. Don't know about Your wife, but her libido has grown - a lot!
Even Her appetite for true intimacy has been revitalized!

 

For what it is worth @Max51 - You seem to miss the point completely - In all your focus on the mechanics of sex play. Of course You can practices your version of the chastity lifestyle , -and I am fine with that for sure - but with all the kinky twisted and turns, - and constant focus on orgasm, not to mention all your writing in here - I find it understandable that you have little time to discover some of true powers of this lifestyle - the enchanted intimacy between husband and wife, that so many men in here crave for, -and therefore turn to chastity -as a tool to get it back into their lives, into their relationship.

Read @chastingfun 's post in here on the matter - and see how many of us focus on more then the next whip, - the next tease, the next... etc. etc.... We are all different - but please open up to the fact that some of us in fact rescue our marriages and enjoy wonderful intimacy and love, - and become better husbands, in everyday, even in doing house chores and such. And still she thinks I am a her MAN, - a nicer, wiser, and even adorable one ;-)
Like @Alon - I am an "alpha-sub" - and that is not something my wife would like to see changed, in anyway...

 

OK - a couple of possible "small helpers" that might help her to open up. :

1. Tell her that You loose your desire to have sex with HER, because you wank so much
2. Tell her that you think too much about sex, -- and that it in fact is making you less focused, productive in your professional life.. ( You could make more money, if you where more focused - he-he..)
3. Tell her that you dislike waking on your own, in secrecy - and that your would rather have her to decide in that department.
4. Tell her that you would love to be able to serve her sexually, without she ever would have to feel any guilt , for not returning the favor. ( I-m sure she somehow feels guilt, - but has reached a phase where she does not react upon it.)
5. Tell her that you would love make her life even more comfortable, because you love her so much, -and that she should only allow herself to see how good you would be in nursing her in everyday, including house chores and stuff. Tell her that for all you know, the chasted denial - will make you like that, - and that it would be something you would love to do...
6. Ask her for a time limited test run.... and evaluation....
7. Don't ask her to read a lot of documentaries from the internet - on how vanilla wifes becomes dominatrixes over night. and men becomes waking dogs .. - That is the worst you can do. That will scare her off completely. Really don't ask her to read anything, -talk to her instead, show her instead, - with your patiences - and awareness to her worries...
8. Maybe ask her to start without a device, - the honor system, where she decides when you can have release.. At least it is important not to appear to much in love with the concept of wearing a device.
9. be patient... It took a year for me...

My mantra in here would be like: Nothing wrong - in giving the chastity lifestyle a helping hand now and then, to make it blossom to its full potential...

Have a lovely day

 

@chastingfun , Too bad most couples will never realize how this "tool" called chastity could make them so close and intimate. I'm sure it doesnt work for every couple but you sir have not spoken more wiser words on the subject. You have described my relationship to a tee. I'm just happy that me and my wife are finally on this journey of chastity. Our relationship was going nowhere and fast, friends getting divorced left and right to the point where we had no friends to hangout with and it was just us making things worse. I loved her so much and knew we needed a way to fix us. I think we will survive the vanilla trap! Thank you for such a great write up .

 

Thanks for the responses to my postings here. It was not my intention to hijack @alons thread. He just stated something that struck a chord with me about in 20 years of marriage, his wife had no idea to pleasure him like my wife after 30 years and I re-lived his experience. How can a woman be married to a man that long and know nothing about what pleases her partner. In my opinion, it's kind of sad a somewhat selfish of them. My wife has since apologized to me but I told her that she didn't have to as it was just as much my fault for not communicating properly.

My wife thought that laying on her back and spreading her legs was the answer. and didn't want to talk about that "sex stuff". She didn't even know where the sweet spot is on my penis and wasn't interested in knowing. Goes to show the upbringing she had where the word sex isn't even allowed never mind a dirty joke. Everything and everyone in her family is/are black and white with no variables or changes. How boring. I am the only man she has ever been with. Boy things have changed. The key was opening up the communication channel and for us, chastity was the trick.

I decided to spill it all to @Alon so he could possibly find something in there that would get him to where he wanted to be. The chastity part is fun, but all the other stuff that you gain from it can be priceless.

@Alon...Hope things work out for you and your wife.

 

It's odd that divorce is considered to be a normal and acceptable lifestyle choice whereas male chastity,a potential marriage saver,is seen as weird.