Mood swings of Sub

I hope to get there one day...Soon...

 

I know this is an older thread, but decided to throw my two cents in anyway .

I understand the sentiment- Oh, my God, he got what he wanted and now he’s acting like a jerk.
While I’m not discounting the existence of selfish ‘do me subs’ (who give all subs a bad name and leave doms ready to be triggered by things that look like that) you need to understand that sometimes submission is difficult even for those who feel compelled to do it, even those who want to honor you by giving it to you as a gift. And chastity can be especially difficult because it’s a form of submission that doesn’t stop. When in chastity virtually every time you move you’re reminded that your sexuality is being completely controlled by another person. The device is there when you go to sleep, wake, eat- it’s there all the time. While it can be comforting to wear a cage for a loving dominant, being re-locked after release, particularly during the refractory period, can feel oppressive, suffocating, even emasculating, and not in a good way even for those who identify as submissive.

I’m not sure if all subs can handle that- as a matter of fact I’m quite certain some can’t, but assuming you’ve got one who is willing to try, it may take more art than science to get him back in his device on your schedule. In fantasy the dom snaps her fingers and the sub gets on his knees, puts his hands behind his back and lowers his eyes, then sighs a contended angel’s sigh when the lock snaps shut and he loses control of his sexuality again. Reality can be more complicated, especially when you add the confusion caused by societal taboos, and the interpersonal stresses present in all relationships. Sometimes a dominant needs to be more than a confident boss or whip wielding drill sergeant. At various times she may need to be a coach, teacher, cheerleader, councilor, confessor, and hug giver- to different degrees and differing intensities and combinations at different times. And rather than him ‘giving in,’ or ‘not being so selfish,’ it may take a certain amount of teaching, gentle cajoling, confidence building, pride stripping, and conditioning to achieve the goal of the fuss free quick re-lock, but if you do it in a way that gives him what he needs and doesn’t add resentment, it should get easier with time and persistence. Best of luck.

 

My last orgasm mad me into an absolute wreck. Not submissive at all. My wife/kh even said you always get like this after you cum. So I’m looking forward to ruined and denied futures for me.

 

You’re welcome, and in thinking about this a little more I may have come up with a good analogy- you’re the queen and your peasants are revolting. You need to put down the revolt, but do it in a way that still leaves them productive and able to pay their taxes to support you .

So, you need to let hubby know that when he’s uncaged you’re not surrendering to him, giving him license to run wild. It’s a period of liberty given at your discretion for reasons that are entirely your own. There are probably a thousand ways to do this, and you’ll need to find out what works for you.

Though people have offered great suggestions, I doubt there is a one size fits all answer. You’ll find a lot of experience here, but you’ll also find the hardest of the hardcore chastity enthusiasts whose goals and definitions of the ideal relationship may differ somewhat from yours.