Mistresses Control Issue

I'd say leave her continue at her own pace - you aren't the only one going through some significant changes. I don't know how long you have been together but sometimes moving to a Female Led Relationship is a huge about turn for a woman and needs to be done slowly in a stable way if the changes are to be permament. Reassure her, anticipate her needs and court her as you used to do. Some women are actively uncomfortable suddenly finding themselves the head of the household and you need to be sensitive to this. You may have a view in your mind of how dominant you would like her to be - don't let this preconceived view colour where she needs to go next with this. As part of your submission, you need to accept that her view is the right one for you and that can prove a bit tough if you have this fixed image of turning your wife into a paddle swinging, leather glad, subbie beating vixen.

 

I think this situation...your desire and her journey getting there...is completely natural and normal for couples who have been together as a normal couple and then are exploring a femdom led marriage. I agree with Queen. Let her find her way and dont be too pushy. What might seem extreme to her today could very well be the norm 2-3 years from now. My Mistress used to have a lot of touble inflicting punishment or pain on me. Like you I craved it. For me it was not a turn on to feel pain but it was a total turn on to feel her power over me and also to know that she enjoyed doing it.

If you push too fast you risk her reacting negatively to it and then it will never become the norm. However there is no harm is telling her how you feel about it and how it affects you. I remember telling Mistress how incredible it felt when she ordered me to do something rather than ask. Just by hearing that she tried it and liked how I reacted and how she felt doing it. It then became more common and eventually she stopped asking altogether. That in turn leads to certain things happening when you dont react quickly enough like a slap across the face when orders were not followed quickly enough or not done properly.

Another suggection if you desire her to spank you or have a session with you with punishment involved. Mistress said it was difficult to look at her husband, the person she loves, and then inflict pain on me. So one day we were shopping in a x rated store and she saw a hood with only a mouth opening. We bought it so she would see me that way when she wanted to train me oor punish me or just have fun fucking with me. It really worked. The day we came home with that I was collared, hooded, gagged, hands tied behind my back and received the spanking of my life. It was one of those moments that change you and your relationship with your Mistress.

Go slow and make mild suggestions...but not too often. Have fun and good luck.

 

This is a great idea, I did the same thing, and got a spandex-ey hood, lets me get into the role more, lets her see me as a thing and not as her husband.

 

Personally, I would prefer to see my boy's face in pain, with that strong longing and desire to please me written all over it. It's a real turn-on for me. But it sounds like the hood idea could definitely work for you, and I'm interested in giving it a try myself. Best of luck to you, and thanks to SlaveBridget for the cool idea!

 

And I was thinking that Bridget's Mistress had HER hood pierced. That would make Her happy.

The big question in a lead change is who controls the finances or does it keep on going the same way?

Good to read - somewhat similar boat that I am in now.



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My experience is that rules define the Mistress / slave relationship with nightly canings for violations (six every night + 1 additional for each infraction). Rules should span the gamut of the relationship, from kissing her feet in the morning and when you or she re-enters the house, to preparing her coffee in the morning, shaving before greeting her, giving her a massage nightly, washing clothes, refraining from requesting chastity release, refraining from requesting orgasm, refraining from inquiring regarding release, referring to your wife or girlfriend only as "Mistress," etc. Interestingly the categories are probably: Chastity, Poverty, Obedience, and Daily Tasks. You and she would agree upon the rules and she would agree to the nighly canings. The rules would get revised with experience. As they became sacrosanct, the relationship would change neasurably and qualitatively. ...Note this REQUIRES a really close and loving relationship FIRST.

 

That is as maybe for some women, but it would drive me NUTS!

Some people just aren't designed to live the "roleplay" lifestyle, and some just aren't able to (children or elderly parents in the house).

We just quietly live our 24/7 lifestyle around the kids, and ramp it up in the clubs or in the privacy of our bedroom.

I agree with Celtic Queen. This is so personal that all you can do is be "available" when she is ready to take it to the next level, and let her lead.

 

Agree that "She" comes to lead and the sub/slave learns to follow (rather than trying to top from the bottom).

I disagree that rules are necessarily "roleplay." Rules can offer a scaffolding for the Mistress to restucture a relationship, if this approach is to her liking and her choosing. In my experience, consistency is required to instill the mindset of "slave," or for that matter "Master" or "Mistress." If these roles are freely chosen rather than imposed, it is not necessarily "play."

Roleplay implies on-again / off-again. Rules on the other hand, offer continuity day-to-day, week-to-week. With kids out of the house this is not only practical, it moves a D/s relationship along ...to the next level. Kids under foot? Well..., it's harder. But the expectations are clear with a ready reference to return to.

Bottom line, different approaches work for different folk! In our experience, rules transformed the relationship and took us to a place far beyond roleplay.

--Aniyan

 

I have experienced the exact same problem. All I did when my "wife" asked me to do something was to say, "If you really me to do that you can just order me to do it." It gets the point across without a lot of interaction. She just needs to get used to it and she will learn much faster with tiny nudges from you. She will get used to being the Mistress of the house soon enough.