Me& My Journey

Hello world, I will be writing about my journey into chastity here moving forward. I thank you in advance for any future readers but also apologize in advance for my long windedness! I will share a lot about myself, I hope this helps me to open up and to further understand more about myself, my whims and my weaknesses.

I've been playing around with chastity devices for most of the year now, having gone through 2 devices so far. I am currently on CB-6000 Pink and it feels comfortable enough for me to put it on everyday. Yesterday, I wore it to sleep for the first time. It wasn't a good sleep. I woke up 3 times, mostly unable to sleep due to the gnawing discomfort from the device stretching out my balls. You see, I have this "left" ball that somehow likes to "sleep" inside my body, many a time it would not fall properly on my scrotum but would be hidden inside my body for some reason. Wearing the device of course disallow it to do so and me finding the right position to sleep and even sit is tricky. Anyhow, I managed to sleep about 5 hours or so, which is sufficient for me to function today.

I took a shower after waking up and took out my device telling myself for cleaning purposes but I also was worried about the condition of my general crotch area. Everything looked fine, so I started putting it back on, only to get a hard erection virtually out of nowhere. I forced myself back into the cage at times shouting in pain quietly but finally I got through.

At this moment, I realised that I still don't know why I am putting myself in this device. Do I find pleasure in the pain? I don't even have a KH currently. I told my girlfriend that I wanted to try and gave her the Lucy Fairbourne book to read. She read through it and said she would come up with some rules although she has majorly health concerns for this activity. It's been 2 days and neither of us have brought it up. I have secretly been preparing myself for longer term chastity but I don't know and honestly don't think the day will come. Self locking yes, but not with a dominant KH.

Going back to why I put myself through this, I don't know why but the fact that I am pushing myself through this makes it sound like I intend to do this for the long run. I want to make this a lifestyle, a habit, a routine. If I have to, I will self impose rules and see how things go. I am definitely open to the idea of having a KH outside of my vanilla heterorelationship but it seems like a stretch so far in terms of meeting the right people and getting official approvals from all sides.

During this relatively short locked up period, I realise that I have started to change a little, mainly, in being more present and conscientious. Wearing the cage does restrict my erections yes, but for me it mainly feels like someone is holding onto my balls, stretching it and is ready to squeeze it really hard if I disobey and be a bad boy. This makes me more obedient, more focused on being present and doing "whats right" for others.

Right now, I am sitting on my dining table, sipping coffee and munching my breakfast whilst I write this. I don't feel trapped or impeded, I feel myself. I just hope I have more friends to go through this with me. Is chastising without a dom/KH a lonely experience?

 

I have not written for awhile since my last post as I gave myself a break as I had a big exam coming up. I have since taken that exam few days ago and have gone back to self-caging! My exam actually went fine, and as a reward to myself, I have also ordered a new cage that is smaller and hopefully will be a more comfy fit for me. Its always interesting to see people raving about how small and restrictive their cages are and this excitement has rubbed off me I guess, so cannot wait for it to arrive over the next week or so.

You do realise that it is a lot of financial commitment too, looking for the right cage to fit yourself, one that you could 'live' with and build into a lifestyle. But if I am to wear it for long periods of time, I think it is very worth the 'investment'.

Still looking for a more permanent KH... i did mention before that i gave my girlfriend the Lucy Fairbourne book to read.. she has since forgotten about the whole thing and I don't really feel like bringing it up to her. I believe that if she is to brush it off aside then she must have her reasons for it and perhaps she just isn't into it.

I continue to search for a potential KH outside of our relationship but so far from what I hav encountered, most potential KHs are simply interested in findom relationships. Well, life is never easy and I do feel that self-caging has given me so much more patience, given me that small reminder to just take it slow and easy more often that I usually do and it is in some way making me a better person. It is almost like a mini meditation/thoughtfulness process that I am going through.. I do look forward to meeting the dom that I will serve and respect over the medium/longer term but I am not going to stress about it. In good time... I suppose.. everything in good time..

There was an older article that one of the founders of CM posted that resonated quite well with me. Its important to not just randomly reach out to people and ask if they'd like to hold your key. It is a process of serving your dom, convincing her that she should be responsible for your cock, fulfilling her needs and desires; a relationship which goes deeper than just spanking or cuckholding, but a relationship with depth, mutual respect, understanding, and discipline.

My exam was actually the GMAT as I am looking to potentially do an MBA in the US. If anyone has any advice, please shout!

 

So quite a few things have changed since I wrote here. My gf used to brush the idea aside and chose to forget it. But I slipped it into our conversations and reintroduced the idea to her. I’m not sure if begrudgingly or not but she emailed me a very short 5 line email with some rules and structure on when I’d be locked. It wasn’t a very attempt really but I suppose she’s new to all this to and didn’t know how to proceed. I cracked open a bottle of sake and started drafting a more detailed plan on how we can proceed. This included when I’d be locked, how’d she check and hold the key, I even gave her options on timings and methods that may work better for her. And she was shocked by what I produced and it made her realise how serious I was about it and started to be more responsive to it. I kept telling her I’ve been self locking a few days cause I’m “expecting the worst” moving forward and she said “very obedient”. I tried to satisfy her as best as I could by helping her with various errands and making sure she’s well taken care of.

I bought her a piece of lingerie that I thought she would look amazing in. Last night she came home from work and put it on. She struggled but asked for my help and she finally got in. She looked stunning and incredibly hot. She thanked me for making her feel beautiful. As I’ve been self locked for a few days now. I jumped at the chance for sex. She asked me why I wasn’t locked and that she’ll need to kick start the process later. Anyhow we proceeded to have the best sex we ever had. Ever. Period. We were pounding for an hour im guessing and she was cumming hard I could feel it.

In my email proposal to her earlier i mentioned that we should give each other salutations like slave or mistress etc. I told her I wanted to be called “daddy”. It’s another kink of mine as I always had this idea of her having an older bigger bull whilst I’d be a caged cuck. During sex, she started calling me daddy which made me even harder and wanted to pleasure her more. I asked her if she’s decided on her name and she said how about “missy”. Missy is a character in one of my favourite shows out there, an Aussie sitcom called “Rake”. I really identified with the main character and missy was his muse. I was so amazed on her choice of her salutation. And we continued to have sex.

After sex I felt so relieved and so liberated for some reason. But also extremely exhausted. Fast forward to today, I can’t stop thinking about our night together last night. I’ve stilled not been placed in a formal chastity arrangement, she’s still ironing out the details but I really really struggled to get into my (self) cage this morning. I just couldn’t get myself to be flaccid. But I knew I couldn’t touch myself and needed to be “obedient” after a cold shower and a bit of a struggle. I’m finally in my cage and typing this whilst I’m on the elliptical machine in the gym.

I really look forward to my longer term chastity lifestyle. Tad bit worried about being able to sustain it over a long period of time especially when I’ve ordered a smaller cage I’m excited to receiving over the next few days!

 

So we started our regular schedule of 3 days locked per week. I get to choose which 3 days and she would lock me at 7am every morning before heading to work and unlock (if she wants) before going to bed. It's been really great and I really felt like she was embracing this part of me. I realise that I started to be more obedient and more loving in some sense, making her breakfast, doing more housework, making sure her every need is met.. being a better partner in general in a non-sexual way. I think she really sees the benefit of locking me up.

Then came last night, I was meant to make her dinner, and I did. But she came home at 10pm drunk af, and started puking around the house. Mind you, this happens every 3-6 months tbh, she gets a bit impulsive/carried away and does silly things even if its just 'going out for a drink'. As per normal, I took care of her, made sure she had food the next day, etc. Of course being in the state she was in, she didn't unlock me, so I slept caged last night, which was fine, though I woke up periodically to check on her. In the morning she woke up and apologised, thanked me, and offered to unlock me. I turned her down as Fridays are always locked days for us, I wanted to keep to our schedule and be a good boy.

But this really makes me feel a bit confused.. Where things mess up between our normal relationship and what is early stages of our chastity/FLR lifestyle. It makes me a little annoyed for her to show up drunk when I made dinner and it was supposed to be a nice time for the two of us. But at the same time I am locked and I want to be obedient to her. Her behaviour though doesnt give her much "credibility/authority". But I guess I could spin it as her just making it a little harder for me. She texted me at work again to apologise and I replied saying "u dont need to apologise, part of the benefit of being my KH *wink*" At some level, I just wished she went home with another guy and made me a cuck, I would have preferred that. Big part of the annoyance is that I just worry about her I guess.

I don't know what I'm feeling right now, I feel a bit horny and I'm pushing against my cage but I don't know if its cause I'm turned on by the treatment I got, or I'm in need of a release being locked overnight and frustrated, or... because she said she would try to come home early tonight to release me.. which I hope turns into sex. I shouldn't and will not expect anything really, cause she has indeed been denying me quite a lot recently, saying "no, its part of your training *wink*" as she has been busy and hasn't had time nor desire for fun. She will also be physically away for 2-3 weeks in December and she wants to leave me locked for the entire period, without down time.