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Locked & Left by Fibromyalgia

Discussion in 'The Tower' started by Ossian, May 17, 2017.

  1. I was into a lovely 30+ day lock-up last fall, and my darlin' went into about 90 days of really bad fibro -- mild discomfort up to major pain. Any contact could hurt, orgasms for her were not even considered (they would give her several days of increased pain) and teasing me, even passively, was more than she had energy for.

    According to the mythology around chastity, I should carry on boldly, fulfilled by my ability to please her. That wasn't the case. I became surly over being ignored, and the more I tried to overcome it the worse I got. Finally, I self-unlocked, because even discussing my sexual needs was an unkindness to her -- she didn't even have the energy to talk about other people's sex, let alone hers, let alone take part.

    I think, for me, at this point in my journey, chastity and orgasm denial in general needs to be sexualized somehow. When I was simply the caretaker for my darlin', everything was as non-sexualized as could be. Stopping was a good choice, although I hope to someday get to a point where I could go on, fulfilled by being able to continue caged and neglected without becoming sour.

    Happily, she has a little more energy lately and can at least tease me a bit casually (package checks and such), and I am back behind bars where I want to be. Still no orgasms for her, nor are they welcome, but she can think about them, which is an improvement. All is good, and I celebrated by taking yohimbe extract for the first couple days, just to get really raging at the cage.

    Do any of you folk have medical issues that change the fun to a burden?
     
  2. I know that menopause can have some influence on what happens or may not, for me. I've heard plenty here about other's in chastity who's partner's have medical issues which impact their life in chastity and life in general. I can relate to the feeling neglected sentiment, although it is more of an occasional thing for me.Not a permanent situation. Most times I deal with it well. Sometimes I am a needy moody bitch. Trying to deal with our differences in desire, drive and libido was part of why I choose to try chastity and being in a FLR, although I have always been naturally submissive. Glad to hear you are pushing ahead with some desire and determination.
    Life will somehow reward you when you least expect it..;)
     
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  3. My wife and I are in our mid sixties so no year goes by without medical problems. Chastity is not a religion or law. It is a fun sex game for both partners. If one is out of action, you simply stop play and don't give a damn about what anyone else says. You are doing it for real and that is better than what most do. Life does get into the way. I have been a fetishist for 47 years. All sorts of fetishes. For us they were always sex games and our marriage and life took precedence over our fetishes.

    When my wife is out of commission for an extended period as she was after her hip replacement, I unlocked. If we cannot play together, we just do not play. If being locked is not practical, I am unlocked. I can get out of my cage at anytime I want. I do not pretend I am locked against my will and my keyholder will not let me out if I insist. I have had a great and fun sex life because we view it as a physical expression of love and at other times, a fun sex game giving pleasure to all who participate. When we lived with our girlfriend, she would whip me, kick me in the balls, slap and punch my face but if I was not in the mood for whatever reason, we did not do the S&M stuff. Afterwards, no matter how much she dominated me, I was the head of our poly triad. We are able to separate sex from the rest of our marriage when needed. After all, the largest part of a marriage is non sexual so why let sex steer your marriage. Online some put too much emphasis on sex as if that is the center of their marriage, perhaps their world. We have always chosen our marriage above all else. Above monogamy, sexual frequency or fetishes.

    You are doing chastity just fine. Make it your own and never try to live someone else's fantasy. I choose my fetish play and do not let it choose me. I am locked up because both my wife and I enjoy it but if one of us cannot enjoy it anymore for whatever reason, we stop. We have been into many fetishes and when they become boring or no fun, we move on to the next fetish. Our sexual fetishes do not define us. If I was unlocked, the only change in my marriage would be that I get to orgasm every time we have sex. That is the only difference it would make. Locking my penis up did not magically transform me from an aggressive alpha male into a submissive slave who thinks women are superior and must be worshipped. Nor did it turn my wife into a Domme who enjoys dominating me and having me do all the housework as she eats Bonbons while watching TV. My wife does not even care if I am locked up as long as I promise her that I will not masturbate. My cage is nothing more than a symbol and speed bump to give me pause before doing something that my little head wants to do but my big head does not. I wear it the same way I wear my wedding band. It comes on and off easily if I want it to.
     
  4. SubVerity
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    SubVerity The Mansion's own Fairy Godmother!
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    God yes. For the last 4 to 5 years I've been suffering with an increasingly deteriorating arthritic hip and associated pain, and occasionally would have periods of the muscles in the area spasming to the point of almost complete immobility which would last upto a week and take many weeks to recover from. In such circumstances thinking about your cock or sex is totally out the window, and having a cage on is pointless, it being extra stress ontop of an already saturated system.
    Having made the decision to have the hip replaced gave me a little more energy to play, if only as I knew there was an end to the suffering in sight, and so the cage went back on for a period - but by then we'd learnt how to operate without it.
    And then it came off for the surgery and subsequent recovery. 3 months in now (yesterday) and we're getting to the point where it could go back on.

    Oddly though - having learnt a huge amount about myself and made positive changes in our relationship as a result of initially wearing a cage, we're now able to operate in the same way without it. Sure, there's no massive teasing or games being played, but there is no pressure to perform, or to provide sex, and no expectation on my part - consequently we share far more love and even occasionally have very nice sex.

    I wish I'd agreed to surgery sooner though.

    One thing I learnt was that actually, there's nothing too wrong with having a wank if that's what you feel like you need.
    There's a time for sexual play and power exchange and all of that - and then there's a time for just getting on with being human and doing what you need to do.
     
  5. I can totally relate to this , I have arthritic problems in several joints , knees ,hands and toes , whilst mostly tolerable if a sudden flare up occurs it can totally take over and is all you can or want to think about , thankfully at the moment it is reasonably controlled with meds but on the occasions it does get out of hand it can be almost unbearable and play has to come to a stop until it calms down usually one to two weeks
     
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  6. My wife is gong through menopause and for the last six months has had no interest in sex. Chastity (which is only 12 months old for us) has at some times helped me deal with that, but I agree that at times it seems pointless. So the cage has been off an on during that time. God bless her, she has still occasionally teased me and/or given me an orgasm when unlocked, for which I'm very grateful. I'm hoping that her libido will return sometime.
     
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  7. I think the surgeons say no sex or driving for 3 months. It took my wife a year to feel normal again. She had never had surgery before and having her own blood put back into her and knowing she has a foreign object inside her, freaked her out. Sex was not a thought. I was taking care of her although my cooking was not very good. I installed safety bars in the shower along with a shower seat. I out safety bars on her toilet and a basket on her walker. Her scar looks a lot better now but it sunken in. The surgeon did the hip replacement in a way that required special training and equipment. The scar is not a big as those others have from a hip replacement. Her hip still hurts her at times and now the other hip is starting to hurt. She is 4' 11" and 100 lbs. She is delicate. She still cannot straddle my head and spreading her legs is out of the question. I think most of that is mental because the women around her are playing tennis again in 6 months. I have to be careful about not banging into her right hip because it still is sore.

    It was the knowledge that she would need a hip replacement soon that first kicked off our chastity. I wanted to get used to not having orgasms every day and not masturbating so much. To tell the truth, I was so busy with my job and caring for my wife, that sex was the furthest thing on my mind. My wife went from a walker to a cane. She was driving after 3 months and going out with her friends. The only bright spot, other than her feeling pain every day, is that we now have handicap license plates and get all the good spots in parking lots. :)

    P.S. We went from a two story Colonial House with two flights of stairs to a ranch so that my wife did not have to climb stairs. It broke my heart to see her walk in pain and have to arrange numerous pillows in order to sit or sleep. She was diagnosed incorrectly by her first doctor. He said it was a spinal problem. He was very wrong and did not even do a test to confirm his diagnosis.
     
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  8. SubVerity
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    SubVerity The Mansion's own Fairy Godmother!
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    I was told no sex for 6 weeks post surgery - a point I was keen to mention to Wonderful, who took no notice at all of the relaxing if said prohibition when that time rolled past. :)
     
  9. While i am sorry to hear of your medical troubles. I love seeing "this is real life posts" all too often i see people posting. The fantasy says yoy should do this. So you cant do that.

    Thanks for being a breath of fresh air
     
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  10. When my wife is hurting all sex play is definitely not appreciated by her. Many years ago we got a hot water bottle big enough to cover her entire back. Even though we do not play when she is hurting, all through our 45 years of marriage there has always been a nod & wink femdom undercurrent in everyday life. She began saying, "Slave, fix me a Fomentek bag." Later I began to show my devotion by preparing her hot Fomentek bag without being asked. Her acknowlegement of this service is usually something like, "It's about time!" and rarely does she actually thank me for this. I am amazed that she uses her dom voice even when she is hurting. I actually go a bit into subspace when I prepare her hot water bag at bedtime.
    Since we only use any of my CBs as foreplay, a CB is not in the picture when she is hurting, but chastity is in the picture.
     
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  11. There are many things in life that can get in the way of sex life - a reason why I think that blogs where things always run smoothly are usually made up. If a partner is in poor health (whether it is just a bad cold, babies, operations, monopause, permanent injury or disease), then the other partner has to be supportive, and adapt during this period. If that means give up chastity or any other kink, then so be it.

    My wife recently had an injury which put her out of action for a few weeks. Did she really care if I played with myself during that time? Not at all! Did the lack of T&D stop me from being attentive? No - I just made an effort.
     
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