KH Benefits ?

I'm sure my Queen can add to this, I certainly feel she is empowered by keeping me under lock and key.
But I'll shut my mouth now.

 

I write quite a bit about this on my blog but it's all pretty basic I think:

1. Increased intimacy - that's the BIG selling point. That we spend more time together, he's much more touchey feely, we have a shared secret between us, it makes us feel connected, and he wants to be in bed with me earlier and for longer
2. He becomes more focused on me, so he's better at helping around the house, with the kids, I get more romantic efforts from him, and our sex life shifts to focus on my pleasure first and foremost, speaking of which...
3. Revitalised sex life - it puts it at the centre of our daily life and routine, it makes us think and talk about sex much more, we are constantly looking for creative ways to play with it, he's horny and desiring me much more and ready to go when I want him, we are sexually intimate almost every day in some way and it gets me to sometimes take the lead which has been good for me, and if I don't fancy it, NOT having sex is hot too! Win Win!
4. A lot of oral sex - he makes me cum in the most intimate sexy way possible, most days, rather than a few times a month, what's not to love?!

The whole him not masturbating is a minor side benefit and I like the thought that if he gets aroused looking at another woman either in porn or real life he's quickly reminded who his cock belongs to, but those aren't really much for me compared to the above main points.

 

My husband and I have Been playing around with BDSM for about 17 years. The first time I had him as my sub it didn't work out as I was under pressure by him to do something all the time. We had much more FREE time about 10 years ago. But with age comes maturity , the ability to talk more comfortably and just being able to be yourself. We have been together for a long time, married for 9 years, run a business and yes have 3 little ones. As we don't have so much free time to do whatever we want, I suggested at the start of him being in chastity that we do something every other night, which surprised my sub!
So far this has worked, I may give him a ruined orgasms every time, or post orgasm torture (my favourite) or a real orgasm which he tends to get most Fridays due to work E.T.C...... This way he doesn't bug me over the weekend and he is on a come. Because of the come down he becomes cheeky and lazy, therefore I can and will punish him.

We have "normal" sex, make love most weeks, something I really need and I want.

My sub also plessures me nearly every night and he will go without!

I had no intention on locking my sub up and forgetting about him, his plumbing needs emptying regularly, healthy Prostate and all that.

We have become closer then ever, and because of this he has recently done more decorating and DIY that so desperately needed doing in our house.

Since my sub has been locked up, I have become more empowered, more confident, more sexually charged. I believe in myself. Last year was not a good year for me, I suffered with deppression, but I have changed my life and my subs life around by making small changes, FLR does work but only if you both understand each other completely.

Queen Elisa

 

This was great to read. I'm glad things are well and wish you continued happiness in your relationship.

 

It's great that women everywhere are discovering how to do just that with their men.

 

Amazing!
I appreciate both of you!

 

If I may speak for my girlfriend KH, she hated that I would masturbate. I presented chastity as a way to deal with the issue and she was all for trying it. That was almost a year ago. She now sees the other positive benefits of my behavior towards her and her needs. She's grown to like that part the best. I also think she likes the control, even though she is naturally submissive. She makes cute little comments about my situation that lets me know she completely is in charge of my sexuality, but is also having a good time holding her key.

 

For any one lurking and reading this, and I hope you'd show your wife this. The benefits are huge for the female partner. I have not had a proper 'normal' orgasm for just over 3 weeks and that is a HUGE step for me, and if I come across as mad or delusional, well......I am feeling so horny that all I can think about at the moment is being able to make love to my queen. She knows this and I know she will read this too. The thought of her pussy going onto her clock right now is driving up the walls, it's all I can think about, to the point of distraction.

What I've found the hardest is learning to shut my mouth and let her lead this side of our relationship. She clearly is seeing the benefits because now she is the one pushing more, not me. I find it VERY hard not to beg for release and pester her. We talk all the time and communication is very important. As long as you can do that well, then have a go at chastity, but when your being pushed as I am now i find it difficult to discuss some things in a rational manor. The sexual frustration can push me to irrational places. Your keyholder or partner will need to watch out for these changes and act accordingly. That IS probably The hardest thing that the partner has to keep control of, your mind.

 

I get a couple of benefits.

1. If my job requires me to work that night and he's going out to a bar, it gives me a sense of comfort. I really don't think he'd try to cheat on me, but, if he gets a few beers in him, you never know. Now, I know. He's still mine.

2. I combine chastity with spanking and humiliation to control him masturbating. I want him to get all his sexual pleasure from me. Anytime he wants it, all he has to do is ask. If I'm not around, he needs to learn to control himself. If he won't control himself, I'll control him until he learns to control himself or I'll teach him how. In fact, I recently got a new wood paddle that's real persuasive. He actually begged for chastity instead of getting the paddle last time I caught him masturbating. He got the paddle. I'll post a thread on it later. He hasn't masturbated for 2 weeks, at least I haven't seen any porn on his computer. That's a long time for him.

3. I told him I considered his penis My property from the start. I didn't even know anything about chastity or being a Disciplinarian when I started dating him. Now I like the idea of locking up my property.

4. I feel empowered by it, especially in my case. I have a few extra pounds, so I don't always get my pick of the guys. He never had any trouble with the ladies. He's a lot younger than I am. I discovered crossdressing him by acdident. I did a little bit of reading and talked to a few friends who told me about chastity and Discipline. He's never been a crossdresser or been in a relationship where he got spanked. He never knew anything about chastity. It's empowering I can get him to agree to spanking, crossdressing, humiliation and chastity.

5. I'm in management, and I like it. I like being in charge. Telling people what to do in a work environment comes naturally. I've had some problems doing it in my personal life, though. I've learned how to do it with chastity and the other stuff, too. While we're not FLR, I like getting to dictate some things.

Peace of mind, being in charge, making the focus on me and controlling him masturbating, These are what I get out of it.

 

I love hearing about women who managed to get their men into chastity rather than the other way around, which is more common. I commend you for taking charge of your relationship. You don't need to worry about any silly extra pounds or your age or his looks, he's under your lock and key now. I'm interested in hearing more.

How exactly did you hear about chastity and what was your initial reaction? How did you talk him into it? Did you buy the device before telling him about it? Is the device relatively secure? How often do you give him release? If often, have you considered making it at least a week or 2 to maximize the benefits and see what it's like?

 

It started out because I'm an Assistant Manager at a major hotel. This means sometimes I have a work schedule that isn't 'normal'. His work schedule usually is 'normal'. If he has some wierd hours, it's because they're finishing up a job or it's an emergency or something. It happens a lot less to him than me. So, if he went out to a bar on the weekend when I had to work, I was worried about what might happen if he got a few beers in him. I don't think he'd deliberately go out on me, but after a few beers, you're less inhibited.

The first thing I tried was having him wear one of my bras and a pair of my panties under his clothes. I figured if he did go with some girl at the bar, once he started to get undressed, she'd freak out and kick him out. I saw he still had them on when I came home that morning. He told me he did that on purpose to let me know he didn't take them off. He looked real cute in them, so I got more interested in dressing him up.

He told me he didn't like going out to bars and watching games while he was wearing women's underwear, so I let it go, but did ask my Best Friend. She told me about chastity devices. I did tell BF at the start I talk to Best Female Friend about everything. He was OK with that. I looked them up and read about them and asked some other people I know, too. I showed them to him and he said OK to them if it would help my peace of mind.

So it started as a way to keep him chaste, literally, except with me, that is. I got a CB-6000 and points of intrigue and the KSD G-3.

Since then, I've read some more stuff about it and played with it some more. He told me from the beginning he liked to look at porn and he masturbated when he did it. I let him know I really didn't like that and all he had to do was let me know and I'd take care of him. He looks at porn only when I'm not available, but still, I don't like it. I want him to get only me to take care of that for him. He needs to learn to wait until I can take care of him. So I use chastity to keep him from masturbating (I use the paddle, too, lol).

It's still evolving how we do this chastity thingy. He has his limits and I have to respect them, which I'm learning the hard way. He decided we were taking break from the chastity and discipline around the holidays and just a little while ago because I broke 2 limits. We've been back to chastity and discipline for about 4 weeks now. I didn't think it was a big deal, since I thought it was little things and I thought I was just pushing the limits, but he got mad. I'm learning limits are limits and you can't cross a line. You can push it, but don't cross it.

 

Thanks for sharing. The CB6000 with KSD-G3 is what I'm in as well, it's been very effective and I've never been able to pull out of it, although I've tried numerous times just to see if I could. Has you found it just as effective in keeping your boyfriend securely locked in place?

Just curious, do you use the points of intrigue all the time to discourage his lustful thought of other women or pornography viewing or do you only use it on occasion when he's misbehaved? Also, how often do you typically grant him release and how often would you like it to be?

I think you're absolutely within your right to demand that you be the only woman he is looking at and thinking of when he is having lustful thoughts/an erection/orgasm. It's great to see that you rightfully took control of the situation. How did your friend know about male chastity, did she have her boyfriend or husband locked up too? What are his specific limits that you mentioned? Do you enjoy the fact that you locked him up and got him to do things that he tries to resist to and yet you seem to always win and get your way over him anyway?

 

I use the points of intrigue occasionally, usually to penalize him for bad behavior. I put them on him when I tease him or make him pleasure me while he's locked up. i use them for security, too. I read about guys who could pull out of the CB thingy, so I got the points of intrigue and KSD G 3 all at the same time. Kept for Her had a special on them. When I was still in the stage of figuring out how to use it and get it on him, I had him try to pull out. He managed it with nothing but the cage, but it was a real pain and he said it would be a real pain to masturbate with the thing half hanging on him and it was real uncomfortable for him, too. When I put the points of intrigue on him, it was even harder and more of a pain (lol) for him to get out and he couldn't get back in plus it was real uncomfortable for him with the CB hanging half on him. Once I put the KSD G 3 on him, he couldn't get out. We both concluded it's a waste of time trying to pull out of it, but I still use the KSD thingy.

I don't know how my friend knew about it, except she's got a voyeur streak in her. BF has been dressed up and spanked in front of her and he's had to do sissy maid service when we had a girl's night in (lol). She really enjoys watching him get one and having him wait on her. She wants me to rent him out to her, but I told her no. I told her she could borrow him only if I'm there to chaperone them. She even wanted to give him a couple of swats with my tawse thingy, but I told her that's my privelege. She can watch, but she can't touch.

Where we're at this minute, unless I offer chastity and he chooses it instead of a spanking, I don't keep him locked up more than 24 hours. I had to agree to that. If I offer a longer chastity instead of a spanking, if he chooses it, he gets it. He can't wear the cage on his job, so I have to unlock him in the morning, or if I'm working overnight, he has to get up earlier than he usually does and come to the hotel so I can unlock him. If I'm working in the evening and he's in discipline, he has to come to the hotel and get locked up before he goes home. We don't do the usual locking up or unlocking ritual if he has to come to the hotel. Since he has tools at home and for his job, he doesn't need an emergency key. I found out just how good the tools worked the 2 times I broke a limit. Sometimes, if he's asleep when I get home and I know I'll be asleep when he wakes up, I'll leave the key on the dresser so he can unlock himself before he gets in the bath tub.

I can't keep him in discipline too long, though, or I'm climbing the walls. While having him pleasure me orally while he's denied works for a while, and he's good at pleasing his woman that way, it's not the same as sex. Same for the toys. I just have to have it. There have been times when he's piled up so much discipline time I have to give him a way out. This is when he gets spanked in front of my friends or does sissy maid service.

I like the control locking him up gives me. It's a reminder that while it might be attached to him, it's m MY property and I don't like anyone playing with my property, I discovered dressing him up, first. Since he associates it with sex, it's not hard to get him to dress up for me. I noticed early on I can get him to agree to more things when he's dressed up. He figured this out, too, so there have been times when I tried to get him to dress up before I had a talk with him and he wouldn't do it.

There are a few limits and we have a graduated system of safe words. The two limits I broke were telling a guy about what we do and bringing religion into it. He has some other limits, too.

I thought since the guy was a gay submissive, it wouldn;t bother BF. WRONG! When I tried to get him to get dressed that evening, he wouldn't do it. It lasted until after the holidays.

The last time, his bottom was worn out from a couple of spankings, so I imposed chastity on him. As it was a real long chastity time, I made the remark as I was locking him up that it looked like someone would be giving up ejaculating for lent. (it really wasn't going to be that long, I couldn't last that long without him) I locked him up, pulled up his panties and let down his slip and undid his restraints. He walked off calmly and found me upstairs about 20 min later,, He was in a t shirt and jeans, his makeup was off and he held the chastity cage and the cut lock out to me. He told me next time I broke a limit, he'd cut up the cage and the lock and walked back downstairs..

 

I would really like to get my Wife to answer this but she isn't ready to join the forum. She tells me that it is because she doesn't know what to say, and she does struggle to discuss sexuality with me let alone strangers. I have tried to explain that talking to strangers is liberating as you do not have to worry about being judged or criticised, and you lot are (mostly) super supportive. Hopefully soon.

So, as my Wife's proxy, here are what I would consider her benefits.

A complete lack of any pressure to perform sexually just to please me. She has admitted that in the past she would sometimes have sex just to make me happy, whether she wanted it or not. Occasionally she would do this even if she definitely didn't feel like sex. I used to tell her that this wasn't necessary, my chastity has made that point real.

This lack of pressure has helped her relax. Before we would have sex once, maybe twice every few weeks. So a maximum I would guess of three times a month. The relaxation and taking control has seen the amount of orgasms she gets increase significantly. I am keeping a record (I am a bloke, we like stats!) and so far this year she has had 31 orgasms. There has been about a month worth of time where she was travelling with work or I was away, and some time when she was ill. Even when you take that into account she has had an average of almost 8 orgasms a month, easily double what she was having before. If we had been together and fit all the time that average would probably be closer to 10 orgasms a month.

We have been together for nearly 30 years by the way and she has now had three orgasms on consecutive days twice. Before chastity she never had that experience.

Finally there is the simple fact that she is having a lot of fun. She loves seeing the effect that she has on me. She turns me on so much and the longer I go after an orgasm the more intense her effect is. This has increased her fun levels, her confidence and reduced her feelings of guilt. As I have read on many peoples journals her control has increased significantly in the seven months we have been doing this. Also the length of time she is denying me is increasing each time as that confidence increases. My current denial period of just over two months is the longest I have ever gone and she shows no signs of wanting to stop now.

I am sure there are more but I would much rather she join the Mansion and post her own thoughts.

 

I've been unable to pull out from that configuration, so I'm not surprised that you require it to make sure your boyfriend can't either (I too purchased them all from kept for her - fantastic website). Although, I've never experienced or been required to wear the points of intrigue, it's definitely a punishment that scares me a little.

I don't want you to think that I'm passing judgement, but I must say, I think your boyfriend is being completely unfair to you. He's dictating a 24 hour period, which in my opinion as a young man speaking here, doesn't require any effort of him whatsoever. He was also extremely disrespectful by cutting the lock off and essentially throwing it in your face for mentioning lent.

Based on his behavior, I feel like he isn't submitting to your will or gaining the benefits of chastity. It isn't at all surprising though because he gets to cum everyday so there's not as much incentive for him to comply. Again, not trying to judge, but I believe you deserve so much better than that. I can't imagine how severely most men locked in chastity would be punished if they pulled that same action.

 

If I did that my Wife would refuse to ever be my keyholder again and it would probably be a long time before she forgave me enough for me to have any sort of sex with her. She isn't particularly worried about the chastity side of our relationship apart from how much fun she has with it. She isn't even worried about how easy it is for me to pull my penis out of my device. The important point for her is the promise I have made by putting the device on. If I cut the lock off then I would essentially be breaking that promise, that trust she has in me. That would hurt her a lot.

 

As I read the different responses, I have to ask myself seriously why I like it. At first I thought it was stupid and couldn't really understand why he would want me to lock up his "pleasure center". I just saw it as another kinky fetish to explore and I went along with it. I was determined to learn more about it and make the most of it. In doing so, I've come to really enjoy the teasing aspect of it--knowing that it drives my husband crazy when I keep him guessing as to when the cage is going to come off. I also like coming up with creative ways to keep it fun. The creativity is my favorite part!

Some women say they lock their husband/partner up so their he doesn't cheat on them... If I was worried about that, I don't think that I would even be up to doing anything sexual with him at all. Trust always comes first before any healthy sexual relationship can happen. That being said, I do enjoy preventing him from masturbating (we are open to each other masturbating when we are apart--not seen as cheating) knowing that he'll have to save all his sexual energy for me.

I also like the reversal of control. He is very successful and runs his own company. He is used to being in control of everything, but finds enjoyment in letting it go with me. I like taking control and being in charge of him when I have him locked up--very empowering! We've both been into the bondage BDSM thing longer than the chastity stuff--in that too, we like to switch up who is in control of the other.

 

I guess I can't forget that it was she who talked him into it, which is very very commendable on her part, however, I still think he should be kept chaste for at least 2 weeks at a time to realize the actual benefits and submit more to her control. I wish her the absolute best of luck.

 

Me too. On both points, the luck and going longer to get the full benefit. Hard limits are important though. Funnily enough I think his limit of not going too long in chastity is actually denying himself the increased feelings you get after a few weeks locked up without an orgasm.

It is a different thing when it is the woman who has instigated things, I guess.

 

Thanks for your kind thoughts and comments. The 24 hour period is something we agreed on, but it's only a base. I can add more time or he can choose more time in some conditions. I can add more time for a penalty for misbehaving. I can add time in chastity instead of a spanking, especially if I think his bottom has taken too much lately. If the time gets too much, I agreed to give him a way out, but it involves humiliation like getting spanked in front of my friends. getting locked up in front of my friends or doing sissy maid service for me and my friends. He can work off a week or two in chastity like that.

I like to add a few days just before I am going to give him a spanking because he usually ejaculates when he's across my lap. I try to help him along by pinching his penis between my legs. He squirms enough when I spank him so he gets stimulated enough to ejaculate. The penalty for ejaculating when he's under discipline is he has to eat it, he gets 25 strokes of the tawse and the original spanking starts all over again. Keeping him chaste for a few days makes sure there's 'enough for him to eat', lol.
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If he's just in 24 hours lockup, I make sure that he pleasures me a few times during lockup. Even if it's longer, I make him pleasure me while he doesn't get any. Part of the problem, too, is while he's really good at oral and with his fingers, I miss the whole thing of PIV sex. I'm climbing the walls after a few days. Then, he's big on body cleanliness, so he likes to be able to wash properly. The first time I locked him up for a whole weekend, when I let him out, I noticed something amiss. Finally, he can't wear his cage on the job. He says it's a safety thing, His job has strict rules that don't allow dangling earrings, waist chains, even under pants or skirts or other things. He's big on the discretion thing, so he's not about to ask his bosses about a chastity cage. He says he doesn't think it would be allowed because of the dangling lock or seal.

He agreed to get locked up if the hotel sends me out of town. Since he has to take it off to go to his job, I leave a key in a sealed envelope. One day 1, he takes a picture of the sealed envelope, then takes out the key, unlocks himself, takes his bath, locks himself up, puts the key in a new envelope and seals it, then gets dressed and goes to work. He has to send pictures to me of him locked up and the sealed envelope. I know how long it takes him to take his bath, brush his teeth and shave, so I give him a time window to do it. I make sure he doesn't have enough time to go to his computer and masturbate before he locks himself back up. This is the only time he locks himself up. Any other time, I want to put on his cage. It makes me feel like I'm in control when I do the locking. He has to kiss his cage before I lock him up and when I take it off, too. He doesn't have to kiss it when I'm away. I like watching him kiss it (I like making him kiss the spanking implement before I use it on him, too, lol).

Before I got him to agree to all this dressing up, spanking and chastity, he made it clear to me he was only willing to do it if I understood there were limits to what he was willing to do. He spelled out what he was flexible on, what he wouldn't do right away but would consider for later and what he absolutely wouldn't agree to ever. He made it clear to me if I crossed any 'never' line, he'd stop indulging me immediately or at his first chance and let me know I'd crossed a line. Cutting off the lock was his way of letting me know I'd crossed a hard line. I agreed to keeping religion out of it. One of the ways I wanted him to address me was "Goddess". He absolutely refused to agree to it and said he didn't want any mention of religion at all.

He let me know when we had one of our 'talks' one of the things he'd do if I broke hard limit was cut off the lock if he was locked up at the time. I broke a hard limit. He cut off the lock. He's had plenty of chances to do it other times, but he hasn't because I didn't break a limit. As long as I keep everything in the limits he's agreed to, he'll play along and indulge me. Like ChasteHubby points out, below, I talked him into chastity and discipline unlike many of the guys here, who got their wives and girlfriends into it.

 

I certainly understand the challenges that you're faced with having been the one to introduce chastity into your relationship; however, I honestly feel as though your boyfriend is making up excuses as to why he can't remain chaste and masquerading them as some sort of unquestioneable or unchallengeable "hard limits" of his or workplace rules. It sounds to me like he's afraid to submit control over to you.

I would suggest slowly getting him closer to 2 weeks of chastity by way of your rules. Don't offer him an easy way out of the length of chastity he's accrued. If it's PIV you're concerned with, then there are numbing condoms you can use to ensure his night ends without an ejaculation. The thing about chastity is that it will tear down a man's defenses. In other words, the longer he remains in chastity, the more compliant with your wishes he will become. If you can just get him to one week, he'll be so docile to your demands that you can probably modify your agreement with him as you wish. I would suggest denying him the things that bring him pleasure until he's willing to agree to longer chastity, that way he'll associate chastity with you fulfilling his other desires.

I read about a woman once who described telling her boyfriend who wouldn't propose to her, either buy an expensive engagement ring or a chastity device. He chose the chastity device and literally within a few weeks of wearing it, she managed to convince him to buy her the engagement ring too. It's really amazing what a chaste man will do for a woman.

 

I don't know about this violating limits being OK with me. If my wife has a limit, then it's up to me to respect that. And I want that same consideration. This is play between consenting adults, right? That means everybody is on board with what is happening. And safe words, at least for me. We are talking about a deep level of trust, here, that if one partner is restrained and helpless, they need to feel safe and know that their limits will be respected. Anything else is abuse, in my opinion, and probably illegal. If one person or the other doesn't like it, then that's not something we are going to do as a couple. Limits are limits, at least in our house.

 

Consenting yes, but not everyone considers this a game, some take chastity and submission very seriously. While I completely respect rules and limits, I think it's important to make the distinction between actual limitations and flat out refusal to allow someone to challenge you in new and interesting ways. I think what @Cecilia B is doing for her boyfriend is so very very commendable and has the potential to improve him as a man and boyfriend in ways he probably never thought possible. I hope he becomes more open minded to the idea and willing to submit more and more control to her as time goes on. What I suggested were merely methods that some women I have read about found useful in accelerating that. I wish her the best and hope she one day achieves the absolute maximum benefit from all this.