Spot on. We struggled, tried to find solutions, but were unable to avoid the same pitfalls over and over again. The difference is that we came up with some rules. If one of us shares his/her emotions we try to avoid to take it personally. We are playing a game, I'm happy with A and unhappy with B. I'm not blaming you for B, nor am I interested in excuses, but can we try to avoid that situation the next time. Similarly, but a little more dangerous: If you do this, it makes me happy, if you do that, it hurts me. At this level it's harder to avoid taking it personally, but we try hard and the first results are positive. We're both aware that our current situation makes us happy, appears to have a promising future, but it is a fragile situation. She refers to the situation when she refused to unlock me which resulted in awesome sex as I took over control and tried to satisfy her in every possible way. Two happy people.