Infinite Struggle

Discussion in 'Journals and blogs' started by Peter Rabbit, Apr 6, 2019.

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  1. Peter Rabbit
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    Peter Rabbit I'm her bunny

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    “You’re my boy.”

    “I’m your good boy… Even if it’s a struggle to be good.”

    “Oh... The Infinite Struggle”

    I swallowed as her words hung in the air

    “… infinite? …”

    “Yes, you need to be good forever.”

    My mind reeled, and so I held her close. For protection. I hid my nose in her soft breasts blushing hard, and felt overwhelmed.

    (A real conversation from just yesterday morning)
     
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  2. Peter Rabbit
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    Being good

    By the way, being good means adhering to her rules against self-pleasure, absent minded fondling, gripping my throbbing and dripping bits, playing with my ass, or any sort of such decadence alone and without permission.

    She told me that this strict masturbation denial keeps me juicy and tasty. She related me to a nice thick juicy piece of meat, or a sweet luscious ripe fruit, depending on her mood.

    I’m her snack. Her amuse bouche. Her prey.

    If I went back on my word and started masturbating to porn, if get complicated ideas in my head. If I touched myseld endlessly I would be less melty and not swoon gratefully for her touch. If I flattened and emptied my brain with an orgasm myseld, I would become less enthralled and disinterested.

    She wants me this way. She prefers me this way. She praises me for being so good and tasty. She likes me so healthy and dripping.

    She told me today I should enjoy being allowed to fondle my nipples while I am still allowed. It doesn’t make being denied all pleasurable touching below the waist any easier.

    If I start getting pure above the waist nipplegasms, then those will be off limits. It’s something she’d love to see… so I need to cherish this freedom within the confines of her all embracing control.

    Heck, if I ever figure out a hands free mental orgasm, that would be against the rules as well, I believe. She’d love to see it and take great pride in that. (She was tickled by my purely mental ruined orgasm as I spilled over suddenly after she simply told me I needed to wait to cum until our upcoming vacation.)

    She understands what’s important. My submission is to her and her word, not a physical object.

    Her praise layers on protective blankets. The more I am called a good and tasty bunny, the more I want to be exactly that. Even if it’s incredible difficult. The struggle makes me wriggle and writhe, and that gets her aroused and salivating over me.

    It’s a “virtuous” cycle and we’re slowly nestling further down this rabbit hole.

    I liked my little vignette in “infinite struggle” from yesterday. I just wanted to glow about her explicitly tying being “good” to following her no self-pleasure or touching rule.
     
  3. Peter Rabbit
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    Peter Rabbit I'm her bunny

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    Infinite struggle

    Today marks two years since she took complete and total ownership of all my pleasure. I only offered stroking and she upped the ante.

    It’s been recent that she actually told me “no, not indefinitely. Forever.” and “There’s no backing out. You’re mine.” She tell me my “frustration is tasty” and she loves me this way. She says my struggle will be infinite.

    I’m her squirmy, juicy, wriggly prey. I’m her nice sweet little boy. She’s not letting go.

    She explicitly spelled out that to be a “good boy” I must honor my no touching and no self pleasure rules. It’s “all or nothing” now.

    She may let me have a period with a free hand, just to remind me what I gave up for her. Maybe someday I’ll have a full orgasm from her lips and tongue again. It’s been over two years now.

    She taunted me by having me watch her as she perfectly ruined my orgasm with her lips and tongue. Her lips were gentle. I hadn’t felt them on my glans in forever. It felt muted to me. The scene was as good as any POV ruined orgasm porn video I’ve ever seen. Of course I was living it. But she’s a natural. She gave me a tremendously long hang time and I could feel it slowly rising up. I didn’t even twitch and clench. It just flowed up and over. She was proud.

    Maybe she’ll let me have three orgasms in a day. It’s been three years since I broke out of this headspace. She had sucked the last cum out of my cock, kneeling at my feet as I stroked furiously. I had screamed like in that Led Zeppelin song when she had rode me. Then I got to take her doggie style. All submissive thoughts exited my head and I thought I could give up my denial.

    I reread my journal from 2-3 years ago. It seems so distant.

    But this is now an infinite ray of orgasm control stretching into the distance.

    In a serious tone, she told me she appreciates that I am open to being kind, friendly, sweet, gentle and don’t try to assert authority as “the man”. I forget how she put it exactly. She was more eloquent. But in the end, she grateful I am this way.

    And She prefers me and my behavior being kept wanting. I am like when she met me. I was a chivalrous gentleman young man. We were both teenagers still. Just 18. I was patient and let her lead us in the bedroom. I was happy and pleased with her. We had snuggled and slept together for weeks before she put her hand down my underwear to find my erection. I never forced myself on her. I was always erect when she uncovered me. Ever ready. Ever patient. Ever hard. And that’s how I am now.

    Grateful.

    On this date two years ago we had that conversation. Just three years after I had my cock pierced, with her watching it all. It’s now hers. Now and forever. Completely. She embraced my chastity in September 2014. She embraced permanent orgasm control in April 2017.

    She’s extended my masturbation denial to even gripping my cock or fondling my balls recently.

    She told me to cherish having permission to fondle my nipples “while you have it”.

    I dream of being hers publicly someday. I want her to display and show off how well behaved her pet boy is. Maybe she’d let me have a treat. It would be obvious in my expression how long I’ve waited to … maybe even grip my erection…

    My chastity-caption fantasy is for her to give me one chance to stroke to orgasm for an audience. I wrote one up on this blog. The seconds it took me to finish would be the weeks I spent in both chastity and in a second engagement for a public renewal and extension of my vows.

    Today I’ve had 10 orgasms by my hand since July 2014. My last was May. I told her I dream of not having any this year. Not one. But I also told her I dream of edging myself for her, under her control. I really do miss stroking my cock. It’s very difficult.

    But she loves my struggle.
     
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  4. Peter Rabbit
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    Peter Rabbit I'm her bunny

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    Last month, on 2019 July 26th, she made me gush in my cage from a pure mindfuck.

    She was so impressed that a few days later she told me I can stay in my cage. She would be happy keeping me frustrated forever.

    “I’ll keep you like this. Full and creamy. My little creampot. You can squirm and be frustrated”

    “Really? You’ll keep me like this?”

    “Yes”

    “How long?”

    “Forever.”

    “You can stay locked up in your little cage. I’ll take you out to play with you, just for a little bit, and then put you back in. You can spill in your cage.”

    “You can stay locked. I’ll keep you forever.”

    Later that morning after a long silence I said
    “I’m yours”

    “I’ll keep you. You’re mine.”

    “I’m your good boy”

    “Yes. You have to be. I won’t let you be any other way. You’re locked up. You have to be good.”

    This is a 100% true story. But I’m still not believing it. I’m still wrapping my head around the situation.
     
  5. Paraplegicsub
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    Fantastic posts I loved them. Thanks for sharing
     
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  6. Peter Rabbit
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    Peter Rabbit I'm her bunny

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    Thank you. I’ll try to share more. ;)
     
  7. Peter Rabbit
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    You’re not cumming…

    I’m stirring in my cage. I squirm in my seat. I haven’t had a full orgasm in 71 days. She came home to me 18 days ago after being away for two weeks. Her connection with my mind and my body had not faded. She knew exactly how to control me.

    She had edged me to perfection. Near the critical moment, I cried out that I was cumming. But she said:

    “No. You’re not cumming. You’re just spilling. You didn’t twitch at all. And you’re still hard.”

    Her ruined orgasm game was still absolutely perfect, even if my mind was confused.

    She cooed over my meaty thighs and purred in a low register as she gripped me. Love and lust.

    “I like you”, she said. I asked why. “Because you’re friendly, and tasty, and squirmy, and meaty.” Then she called me a good boy for staying well behaved during her trip.

    And because of my good behavior. Because my cock and balls were healthy and fun to play with. Because I was such a good sweet eager boy, she locked me in my chastity. This GlansArmor2 had gotten a lot of use since MaleChastityNow delivered it right before our romantic beach vacation this past winter.

    She’s away now. We’re separated again by a few, and sadly indeterminate, number of weeks. But the cage holds the cock she owns, and grips me. So I don’t feel all sad and alone. I get to stay squirmy and think of her.

    Since she locked me up 16 days 21 hours and 33 minutes ago, right after our first morning cuddle, I’ve been in chastity for all but 1 hour and 22 minutes, and then only for her playful teasing. This cage has been on me for the past 10 days and won’t be off until she gets home. I’ve braved both airport security and nude massages since.

    The next morning after she locked me she cooed at me.

    “A wriggly squeaky boy is the best kind of boy. I am going to keep you.”

    While caged she had her knee pressed into my balls and her teeth on my throat. My cock bulged and throbbed and the GlansArmor squeezed back like a third hand. She adores how squirmy I am and how I react so strongly to her touch.

    The she spooned me. She grinded her thigh up into my ass, and gripped my haunches with predatory glee. She salivated over me and I adored feeling so tasty. I’m her snack and I love it. She grabbed my throat and I was sent into a flash of deep submissive space. I wanted more. I wanted her to fuck me, spooning me, gripping my throat as her one hand grasps my wrist. I’m hers.

    She turned me around and cooed again as we snuggled face to face in her arms.

    “You’re so small!”

    In these moments I don’t want this to stop. I don’t want to orgasm. I don’t want to feel sated. I want to be teased forever. I’m more attractive when I’m thirsty for her touch.

    She spanked my thigh and my ass. God I loved it. I’m insatiable. She said I was shameless in how much I grinded back into her. I was greedy for more. She wanted to have me snuggle and wriggle and squeak for her all day. But I had to put my pants on and go to work.

    Such a hard life.

    And so this morning I’m reviewing all these journal entries and dancing in my seat. I can’t stop squirming! I try to crush my cock between those meaty thighs she loves and it doesn’t help. My cage keeps my cock sheltered. I want to squeeze it and fondle myself, but the cage keeps me a good boy.

    Last month I asked her “If you could keep me happy, would use keep me like this?”

    Her response was immediate.

    “I will keep you.” She skipped past the conditional, exactly as if she knew what she wanted, and she knows what’s good for me.

    “I will keep you frustrated and tasty, wriggly and wet, drippy and wanting.”

    She spoke it like wedding vows. Forever. For the rest of our days.

    “You should get a second cage just like this, so you can swap it out (to deep clean it), so you don’t have to feel unlocked.” she told me. She

    I froze and was silent. I let her words hang. I finally asked politely “May I?”

    “Yes”

    Holy hell, my heat pounded.

    “This 24/7 chastity is only going to work if you keep yourself healthy and clean. … You need to be in good health to stay caged.”

    And so that’s how she found me after two weeks apart. Healthy and clean. She praised me for being a good boy and locked me back up.

    I’m 17 days from matching last year’s record 88 days of orgasm denial. And it’s not unlikely we’ll surpass it this year. I do have a doctor’s appointment which will require me to remove my cage. I plan to take it off in the room prior to the examination. Other than that, she tells me I can stay caged.

    During a verbal tease and denial session she told me “You can gush in your cage, you’ve done it before”

    She proceeded to press my buttons, or play me like an instrument.

    “I’ll keep you like this. Full and creamy. My little creampot. You can squirm and be frustrated”

    “Really? You’ll keep me like this?”

    “Yes”

    “How long?”

    “Forever.” (She went to my enduring fantasy) “You can stay locked up in your little cage. I’ll take you out to play with you, for a little bit, and put you back in. You can spill in your cage.”

    This conversation was nearly a month ago, and so She praised me for gushing in my cage on Saturday night. A thick white pool poured onto my body in a massive puddle.

    “Woah! What a good boy” she told me on Monday when I let her know.

    Maybe this is my future. Maybe I can stay locked up, except for her unending tease and orgasm denial (and the occasional doctor’s visit) through all of September, and all of Locktober too. My first 168 hour lock up in PA secured MaleChastityNow chastity, “real chastity” to quote my wife, started on 1 October 2014. It would be a lovely way to celebrate my 5th year anniversary of chastity, masturbation denial and orgasm control.

    That would keep me locked consistently for over ten weeks. If she freed me and had me finally cum on 1 November, that would keep me orgasm denied for 129 days. Finally not just crashing through 3 months, but 4 calendar months of denial. I’m looking forward to this. I want this. I crave the floaty heady desperate frustration.

    I can still hear her voice promising only perfect ruins and constant chastity, and threatening to merely keep me edged while unlocked and spilling over in the cage.

    “You’re not cumming. You’re just spilling. You didn’t twitch. You’re still hard. I like you because you’re friendly, and tasty, and squirmy, and meaty. I will keep you frustrated and tasty, wriggly and wet, drippy and wanting. I’ll keep you like this. Full and creamy. My little creampot. You can squirm and be frustrated. Forever. You can stay locked up in your little cage. I’ll take you out to play with you, for a little bit, and put you back in. You can spill in your cage.”
     
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  8. Peter Rabbit
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    Peter Rabbit I'm her bunny

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    I’ve now been locked in chastity for 20 days without a moment’s removal. I’ve been denied a full orgasm for 80 days today. I’ve never been kept locked continually this long before. Well, she had never teased me with permanent denial and enforced 24/7 chastity before July either. I have another 9 days before I have a chance to be unlocked. I have another 9 days before she gives me an orgasm.

    Last year, I reached a record 88 days stretch of orgasm denial. This year, I’ll reach 89 days for sure.

    Last year, I was never locked for 10 days or more. This year, I will have been locked for at least 4 weeks straight.

    Last year I got to stroke my cock to orgasm under her guidance and control, once. This year, I’m expecting that staying a long memory.

    Last year, the keys were readily accessible. This year, one is sealed away by a numbered seal. The second is now in an electronic safe with access logs. There’s no way to cheat now.

    This year, she told me I can stay caged 24/7. I can stay denied. I’m her good boy always and forever, but I have to be good because she locked me up.

    So, I will finally get four weeks of continual chastity, and nearly three months of orgasm denial. The question is whether she’ll let me stay caged and denied for through September and into Locktober.

    The question is will I even ask for it? How should we celebrate 5 years since my first 168-hour lockup, which was in a PA-piercing secured Contender cage?

    Should I smash my old records and go for another 5 weeks of continual chastity until 1-November? Should I ask her to keep me denied for four long calendar months? Surpassing one third of this year?

    What’s to come?

    Is she really interested in keeping me mind fucked? Gushing in my cage from her mental probing and tickling? She said I could. She has no guilt over this. She enjoys me this way.

    Should I ask? Or should I stay quiet? Do I bring it up, or do I let things be indefinite?
     
  9. locked_cuckold
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    I say stay locked. Be honest, aren't you happier that way?
     
  10. Peter Rabbit
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    Peter Rabbit I'm her bunny

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    It is up to her. So should I ask and lean one way or the other? Or should I tell her I’m curious to experiment with even longer chastity and denial.
     
  11. locked_cuckold
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    The choice is hers but she listens to you. If you tell her you're happier staying locked without orgasm, she'll value that.
     
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  12. Peter Rabbit
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    Peter Rabbit I'm her bunny

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    I’m on my 13th week of orgasm denial as of today. I’ve never surpassed 25% of a year before. Here I am. I thought after three months without a full orgasm, it would get easier. Some chastity fantasy captions indicated 3 months is a magic number.

    I’m frustrated. I have these flash points of desire. I want to masturbate, orgasm and cum all over myself. I’m churning down there under my shorts. I’m squirming. My legs writhe under the endless arousal. My nipples are hard sensitive points.

    Tomorrow I’ll make it a full three calendar months. June 25th to September 25th. This is a new maximum duration for me. I’ve been locked up for a record percentage of time. But, I’m a good boy, with a solid bond held by the honor system under my belt (so to speak).

    I will be good. I won’t cheat. But damn this is difficult.

    The thoughts above about staying denied orgasm through September and through Locktober sound crazy to me. I want to orgasm. Fuck. I’ve already told her I wanted to continue this denial.

    I took your advice. I told her. She isn’t committing either way. She likes being unpredictable.

    Hope springs eternal, and my cock - the eternal optimist - tries to spring up as well.
     
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  13. locked_cuckold
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    Perhaps she's being undecided because you are. She may be getting mixed messages. One one hand you clearly want to cum, on the other you want to stay locked. She'll probably back whatever hard choice you make.
     
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  14. Peter Rabbit
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    Peter Rabbit I'm her bunny

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    I did tell her in the spring. She read all of my thoughts. I wrote them all out. I wrote
    • No full flattening orgasms.
    • Edges are my reward
    • Ruins and spills keep me healthy.
    • If I twitch, that’s an orgasm.
    • Kept in chastity always.
    • Erections are a gift.
    I wrote it. She read it mid April.
    Since then she’s given me two orgasms in April, three in May (9th, 11th and 12th) and one on 25-June. She first said “24/7 chastity” and “stay caged in July. And here we are.

    I can’t push. I’m open and communicative.

    We had another conversation in March 2019:

    All pleasure is yours, completely. My pleasure is yours indefinitely.

    No, not indefinitely. Forever.

    You mean that?

    Yes. Of course.

    This is your intention?

    Yes.

    ...

    Please don’t flatten me today. ... Were you going to? Did I interrupt you?

    No, you didn’t.

    Oh god.”

    That day she spanked my balls and locked me up in my Contender cage.

    “I’m locking you up today. ... This will help you be good. And keep you gripped and held.”

    She’s most definitely in charge. My momentary “WTF did I get myself into” is part of the fun.
     
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  15. Peter Rabbit
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    Peter Rabbit I'm her bunny

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    “Think Long Term”

    I feel I should roll back a few years to honor the slow and steady progression for us.

    She watched me get pierced in 2014. Then I was fitted into my first custom cage, a MaleChastityNow Contender prototype. She came to enjoy how well behaved I had been while locked. For the first time, she told me I should be caged. And I spent my first week in my Contender secured by my PA starting 1-October.

    At the end of 2015, after our first full year of masturbation denial and orgasm control, I offered her another year. She responded: “why just another year, think long term.” She liked how romantic I am towards her. “It’s been a very good year.”

    At the end of 2016 she took full control over my chastity. I had been self locking before then.

    In 2017, she broke my willpower and had me begging to cum after 8 weeks of tease and denial. I offered her indefinite control over stroking my cock. She refused unless I gave her all forms of self pleasuring.

    In 2018, she told me the future. I’ll keep you, and your pleasure, forever.” I swooned so hard. I gave up trying to count the number perfectly ruined orgasms she gave me.

    This year, she is fully enforcing my chastity, by truly securing the key away from me, even though I’ve been a good boy.

    “I’ll keep you like this. Full and creamy. My little creampot. You can squirm and be frustrated”

    “Really? You’ll keep me like this?”

    “Yes”

    “How long?”

    “Forever.” (She went to my enduring fantasy) “You can stay locked up in your little cage. I’ll take you out to play with you, for a little bit, and put you back in. You can spill in your cage.”

    She was offering me permanent chastity except for tortuous edges, forever.

    “I’ll keep you. You’re mine.”

    “I’m your good boy”

    “Yes. You have to be. I won’t let you be any other way. You’re locked up. You have to be good.” … “You can stay locked. I’ll keep you forever.”

    I motioned to be snuggled. As she held me she gripped my wrist and kneed my balls making me feel vulnerable and small.

    “You can stay squirmy and mindless.”

    Now, we haven’t vowed permanent orgasm denial. She likes the uncertainty. But her goal is to keep me frustrated. It’s good for me, she says. She feeds off my constant arousal.
     
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  16. CuriousJay
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    CuriousJay Active member

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    Brilliant posts, certainly made me aroused reading it, glad I’m locked up lol
     
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  17. My-submission
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    My-submission Newbie.

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    We are only two months in. Good to read your journey, obviously you are a lot further ahead than us. I'm squirming at the 2 to 3 mark.
     
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  18. Her_boy_joseph
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    Would love an update! Enjoying following your journey...
     
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