a guy considering bringing up caging to his wife, on another forum. While I’m no authority or old hand at this, I did feel like I had something to offer in terms of advice and encouragement. The first part of our exchange — his original post and my response — follows… ********** said: There seems to be a wide and varying implementation of denial in this community. Most (not all) men here are denied sex with other women as an almost given rule. Some are denied any sexual contact or stimulation from their wives. Some are denied specific acts or orifices. Some control their spouses with chastity. There definitely seems to be an infinite amount of variations. My disconnect with denial is that I still want and need sexual attention. Even if it's a totally different form of attention. As long as it's not LESS I think I could learn to enjoy it. If the denial was associated with long periods of indifference and being ignored sexually then I would definitely struggle with that. There are some psychological hurdles that would be tough. I wouldn't want to "top from the bottom", but I'd want to be reassured I'm not just ignored. In spite of all I've said above, I'm thinking of suggesting chastity to my wife. If I bring it up the right way she won't just dismiss the idea as perverted. She has caught me several times masturbating to online porn. I'm thinking the next time she catches me I'll talk to her about it. It doesn't involve anyone else so that's not a deal breaker. We live alone, no one would see anything. My worry is everything I said above. Even more worrisome bringing it up. Any ideas? What are your worst and best denial experiences? My reply: I think the chastity itch will likely get to where you do scratch it. I think it’s that way for a lot of men who feel a little adrift sexually, but know they need the sustenance and frisson that comes from real sexual contact and chemistry with their wives. But if there’s any existing element of denial between you two, if you feel like it’s something that’s been demonstrably eroticized in some way in your history with her, it’s really not a bridge too far at all. But you have to involve her, man; you don’t want caging or chastity to be a thing that becomes a solo pursuit, that alienates you from her. I think it can make you selfish. Frustrated. That is a perversion. Because you really can get wrapped up in yourself and that’s not what you want at all. And I wldnt manufacture some moment getting caught at porn as an opportunity to broach the topic. Anytopic. If you love and respect her you need to level with her. You do want to communicate, to be understood in your urges and desires even if you don’t fully understand them or have a specific thing in mind. That doesn’t really matter. Getting started on a journey with her matters. Your own confusion and indecision about it is something to express to her, not hide. Your candor and willingness to be vulnerable does matter. This is your partner, right? So make her your partner in this too! I’m still in the process of making caging a thing my wife and I share…fully. She knew I’d acquired one last year and we’d talked about it. How I hoped it might eventually become a thing we occasionally use in our play. There was a foundation. We’d discussed a lot of these things to do with denial and my inclination to be sexually submissive to her more than once over the years…because they’re a very real thing between us, absolutely understood, part of who we are. We also had a history of her premarital infidelity when we were very young. She already had an appreciation for how all that was a major turn-on for me. She knew too, that I was putting the cage on, wearing it some, experimenting over a couple months. She detected it on me a few times as well, through my clothes, and even called me out on it once. She had even felt it on one occasion — it took a moment for her to figure it— when I got kind of bold (for me!!)and pressed up cautiously on her butt when she was against the kitchen counter. I wanted to be discovered I suppose, but I was super hesitant. She was giving me a sexy little hip sway but then really pushed back, sinking that rigid unyielding thing into her flesh, and her pretty head turned back, her face going from a look of puzzlement to startled realization in a flash. That’s a thing that happens pretty often now, but with a different reaction. Then, in that moment, it wasn’t time yet. We weren’t ready. You want her to know it’s a big deal for you to be caged…with her. And you must get to that. You want her to see you and you want to SEE HER, SEEING YOU. And brother, THAT is a pretty big deal. I can’t really tell you how powerful those moments of actual revelation were between us. I can say it was honest and emotional. I can say it felt like time stood still. On one hand I felt kind of unreal like I was watching us from outside myself, but it also felt as real as anything can be between two people. I know I felt funny and I think she felt funny too. Weird funny and just plain funny. Like OMG we’re doing this!!! That’s part of it. Natural. So is apprehension. And we were both scared some. Fear is definitely part of it. Even more natural. But so is resolve. She was seated on our bed and I was standing right in front of her in my underwear, trembling. I even had to steady myself putting my hand on her shoulder as she slid by briefs down. I needed her to see me that way. Accept me. And she did.