I (28M) Want to Ask My Wife (26F)

ShinyBoy · Apr 5, 2022

Omg she asked to stop in a sex store today and bought a strap on and harness. Any recommendations for videos etc to have her watch? Or modifications etc so she enjoys it and wants to do it again?

The decorator · Apr 5, 2022

Nicoftime said: ↑

What I usually suggest for people that want to introduce chastity without a kink factor…ask her if she would do you a favor by controlling your impulses so you can concentrate on her needs. Not for her but for you…she is not interested in being a domme so don’t ask her to be one. Ask her for a favor.
Women that love their partner will usually at least give something a try if they know they are doing a favor. If you try to white wash it with how much this will benefit her, she will think its bullshit or at the very least probably say no thanks.

Then when she reluctantly says ok, leave it at that. No bugging her to be dominant, no asking to be milked, pegged, or ruined orgasms etc. Just wear the device until she wants to remove it. If it becomes fun for her, she will gather more confidence in locking you. Don’t push, just ask her for a favor.

good luck
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Great answer

madams-sissysub · Apr 8, 2022

ShinyBoy said: ↑

Omg she asked to stop in a sex store today and bought a strap on and harness. Any recommendations for videos etc to have her watch? Or modifications etc so she enjoys it and wants to do it again?
Click to expand...

Hope it all goes good for you!

Permenently Caged · Apr 8, 2022

You're in for it now! No Wait! She will be into it now!
No...Hmmm I Know! The End is near!...Nope...Okay how about this...She'll be near YOUR END! no Butts about it!
She will be POKING the bear!
Like Mr. Miyagi said "Strap on, Strap Off!"
Let us all know if you survive!

MtnViper · Apr 9, 2022

ShinyBoy said: ↑

Omg she asked to stop in a sex store today and bought a strap on and harness. Any recommendations for videos etc to have her watch? Or modifications etc so she enjoys it and wants to do it again?
Click to expand...

There is a $3 monthly fee to watch videos:

https://fetlife.com/tags/pegging?ref=video_show

https://fetlife.com/tags/strapon?ref=video_show

You will probably want to screen the videos first, if she is new to the subject, or if you don't want her getting evil ideas.

MtnViper · Apr 9, 2022

I forgot about these videos, even though I watched and reviewed them many many years ago.

https://www.fatalemedia.com/videos/bend_over_boyfriend.html

These two are out of stock, but perhaps they will be available in the future, or from another distributor.

https://www.fatalemedia.com/videos/bend_over_boyfriend2.html

This features lesbians, but the information applies to all.

https://www.fatalemedia.com/videos/hard_love_and_how_to_fuck_in_high_heels.html

MtnViper · Apr 9, 2022

MtnViper said: ↑

I forgot about these videos, even though I watched and reviewed them many many years ago.

https://www.fatalemedia.com/videos/bend_over_boyfriend.html

These two are out of stock, but perhaps they will be available in the future, or from another distributor.

https://www.fatalemedia.com/videos/bend_over_boyfriend2.html

This features lesbians, but the information applies to all.

https://www.fatalemedia.com/videos/hard_love_and_how_to_fuck_in_high_heels.html
Click to expand...

The info on the website is a bit dated, you should email them before placing an order.

Andy88 · Apr 26, 2022

I pushed d idea to my wife 1st.. actualy i gifted her a cb on her birthday.. saying.. well, u can decide when you want n available for sex, which was around 4x/mth… Until she took male chastity to another level..

jemima · Apr 26, 2022

Andy88 said: ↑

actualy i gifted her a cb on her birthday..
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well thats not a very nice prezzie to give Her.

Happydays986 · May 4, 2022

ShinyBoy said: ↑

Hello everyone!

My apologies if you get this all the time, but I couldn't find a general advice thread anywhere on the internet.

My wife and I have been married for almost 2 years, together for 3 or so, and we have mostly vanilla sex, once every week or two. I don't think either of us have particularly high libido, which is a contributing factor and is perfectly OK, but I also know that I have a long refractory period and have performance problems when I've masturbated within the last few days, especially on that specific day. So if the mood really does strike, it's a bit of a roll of the dice as to whether my member wants to come out to play. I've convinced her to let me keep some generic sildenafil around, but even that doesn't work 100% and she's not particularly happy when I use it because " you don't need to!"

She doesn't mind that I masturbate, and even encourages it because that way I'm not annoying her for sex when she doesn't want it (not that I actually ever really ask/pressure her, given my LL and aforementioned refractory period). I tried to do No Nut November one year and she couldn't handle how horny I was even by the fifth day (to be fair, I was allowing myself to edge, which was a mistake). She masturbates herself, though not as often as I do (before meeting her, I was 1x-2x/day, occasionally missing a day here and there. Now I'm close to 1x/day or 1x every other day). She likes masturbating because it's quick and dirty, unlike when I eat her out, which can take a while and she's impatient. She claims she doesn't "get much" from PIV sex either, which contributes to her LL. I'm not really sure if that's true or not - at least not all the time - but it's clear that the effort necessary to actually have sex is pretty high for both of us and most of the time just isn't worth it except for a renewal of our happy hormones (we cuddle a TON and I give her a lot of back/neck/butt scratches, which she LOVES. She'd give up all sexual contact for the rest of her life if it meant she could get scratches whenever she wanted). So it's not like we're not emotionally/physically bonding, it's just not really via sex.

Which brings me here. With me having to work from home all the time and her going in every day to teach her class (she's a teacher), I have a lot of alone time on my....hands...and I feel like my readiness for her has really taken a dip in the last year or so, when she's made an effort to initiate or appreciate sex, I just haven't been ready. I also do have ADHD, which does NOT help my impulse control when left alone at home without much to do (lull in work, lunch break, etc). I want to float the idea of me wearing a cage just during the work day so that I can't do it when she's not home or without her permission. I think that will bring back/up a lot of latent libido in myself as I reprogram myself to only getting pleasure either from her or with her permission.

However, she's a bit skeptical of any submissive activity on my part and doesn't really see herself as a domme/dominant at all, and has no desire (early on in our relationship she asked me if I had any kinks and was a little confused/concerned when I mentioned I wanted to be pegged...occasionally she'll mention that she might do it one day but not yet...). Part of that reluctance comes because I'm bi and she feels like maybe I want to be a woman/submit to a man instead of her, which really isn't the case. Probably means no butt stuff for me, but I'm OK with that because it makes her uncomfortable.

tl;dr - How should I bring up this discussion? What kind of opportunity should I look for to bring it up? Should I reveal how much I've researched this topic and/or have a 'starter cage' picked out? Won't it be awkward if she agrees to it and has to lock and unlock me every morning (could we use an honor system where I send her a picture every day for proof, so she doesn't have to have anything to do with it?) Anything else you can think of to help me broach this subject at all with her? Things to say/mention/not say or mention?

Thanks in advance.
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Hi hope you are well...

My suggestion is to take the whole process really slowly. I'm new to this chasity lifestyle and I started by being submissive and extra thoughtful towards her... This seemed to strengthen our bonding.. after a month I brought up the idea of a chasity cage because I wanted to harness and focus all my sexual energy on her and not wank off. Which she was up for!!! So we sat down and picked out 3 cages together. At the begining I made very effort to keep this from the kinky sex angle. Having done this for the last 3 months. She has grown into the roll of my queen and now likes the power play. She has now brought this power play into our sex life with very few tips from me .... We talk about it and I give feedback when asked but we definitely are progressing at her pace...

An_tonny · Jul 29, 2022

ShinyBoy said: ↑

Thank you everyone for your thoughts and advice!

We talked about it last night, and she agreed to letting me buy a cage and a dildo - provided she never sees either.

I plan to implement it with a bent toward making her the focus more in everything and being more obedient and driven by her, even if she doesn't realize it. I will only masturbate in her presence and won't use porn to do it.

Thanks for having this community, it really helped me get over my fear of bringing it up to her!
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This post reminded me my first girlfriend who was very shy. Her parents were really strict to her and she was always nice and pretty girl. Hope she is fine now...

Maditilda · Sep 2, 2022

ShinyBoy said: ↑

Hello everyone!

My apologies if you get this all the time, but I couldn't find a general advice thread anywhere on the internet.

My wife and I have been married for almost 2 years, together for 3 or so, and we have mostly vanilla sex, once every week or two. I don't think either of us have particularly high libido, which is a contributing factor and is perfectly OK, but I also know that I have a long refractory period and have performance problems when I've masturbated within the last few days, especially on that specific day. So if the mood really does strike, it's a bit of a roll of the dice as to whether my member wants to come out to play. I've convinced her to let me keep some generic sildenafil around, but even that doesn't work 100% and she's not particularly happy when I use it because " you don't need to!"

She doesn't mind that I masturbate, and even encourages it because that way I'm not annoying her for sex when she doesn't want it (not that I actually ever really ask/pressure her, given my LL and aforementioned refractory period). I tried to do No Nut November one year and she couldn't handle how horny I was even by the fifth day (to be fair, I was allowing myself to edge, which was a mistake). She masturbates herself, though not as often as I do (before meeting her, I was 1x-2x/day, occasionally missing a day here and there. Now I'm close to 1x/day or 1x every other day). She likes masturbating because it's quick and dirty, unlike when I eat her out, which can take a while and she's impatient. She claims she doesn't "get much" from PIV sex either, which contributes to her LL. I'm not really sure if that's true or not - at least not all the time - but it's clear that the effort necessary to actually have sex is pretty high for both of us and most of the time just isn't worth it except for a renewal of our happy hormones (we cuddle a TON and I give her a lot of back/neck/butt scratches, which she LOVES. She'd give up all sexual contact for the rest of her life if it meant she could get scratches whenever she wanted). So it's not like we're not emotionally/physically bonding, it's just not really via sex.

Which brings me here. With me having to work from home all the time and her going in every day to teach her class (she's a teacher), I have a lot of alone time on my....hands...and I feel like my readiness for her has really taken a dip in the last year or so, when she's made an effort to initiate or appreciate sex, I just haven't been ready. I also do have ADHD, which does NOT help my impulse control when left alone at home without much to do (lull in work, lunch break, etc). I want to float the idea of me wearing a cage just during the work day so that I can't do it when she's not home or without her permission. I think that will bring back/up a lot of latent libido in myself as I reprogram myself to only getting pleasure either from her or with her permission.

However, she's a bit skeptical of any submissive activity on my part and doesn't really see herself as a domme/dominant at all, and has no desire (early on in our relationship she asked me if I had any kinks and was a little confused/concerned when I mentioned I wanted to be pegged...occasionally she'll mention that she might do it one day but not yet...). Part of that reluctance comes because I'm bi and she feels like maybe I want to be a woman/submit to a man instead of her, which really isn't the case. Probably means no butt stuff for me, but I'm OK with that because it makes her uncomfortable.

tl;dr - How should I bring up this discussion? What kind of opportunity should I look for to bring it up? Should I reveal how much I've researched this topic and/or have a 'starter cage' picked out? Won't it be awkward if she agrees to it and has to lock and unlock me every morning (could we use an honor system where I send her a picture every day for proof, so she doesn't have to have anything to do with it?) Anything else you can think of to help me broach this subject at all with her? Things to say/mention/not say or mention?

Thanks in advance.
Click to expand...

I have similar sentiments. My libido is not high these days. Higher now that I'm in chastity somewhat

Deleted member 97201 · Sep 23, 2022

ShinyBoy said: ↑

Thank you all for the responses!

I'm a little new to this forum setup so grabbing direct quotes will be hard, but:

Nicoftime - thank you for the encouragement to bring it up as something she can do for me rather than making it about her. I'll definitely even just say she doesn't have to have the key ("honor system"), just ask that she allow me to buy it for myself.

JaySaysYes - definitely will try to keep my hands away from myself even without the additional help. We have successfully masturbated together in the past and she loves having me around for it and watching me cum - so maybe if she agrees to this, the only time I get to cum is when I'm with her - no sneaking off to the living room to enjoy my porn. Even that alone will probably help, and will help with the last thing you said about increasing desire and her potentially being annoyed more; it won't forbid masturbation, just porn-fuelled.

MtnViper - Thank you for the video and suggestion! If she brings up pegging again on her own, I'll mention the vibrating harnesses. Re: PIV - she usually enjoys it and has even come close to cumming from it a few times, but it's just not worth the effort for her physically. Re: cunnilingus - oh, I've never failed to make her orgasm, even when she wasn't really "feeling it" mentally to start. She's just really impatient and 10-15 minutes for an orgasm just is a lot of time for her.

Thanks everyone for your input so far!
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yes, there’s a lot of stuff out there I’m working trying to figure how to ask my wife to be my KH. All relationships are different.

It is true, we want to make it about our partner. I basically want my physical pleasure controlled and accessed only by my wife. Still in progress

Just remember porn and memes are unrealistic. Partners have jobs and not thinking about pegging, punishments or hooking up with there guy friend and sending pics to there chuck husband

Not saying some do, but I would lean towards most don’t

Take advice with a grain of salt, become a student of your wife and learn what works for her

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I (28M) Want to Ask My Wife (26F)

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