HELP!!! Wife/KH lost intrest because I topped from the bottom

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by Dirtwork guy, Jul 4, 2020.

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  1. Dirtwork guy
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    Dirtwork guy Member

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    Wife was really getting into key holding!!! Then, her words( I talked my way out of being locked and it feels like she wasnt ever in control of the keys) she is all done and dosent want to hold the keys anymore. How to I reverse this? She was having a great time doing it, and was doing an amazing job. Now she seems all done!! This happen a month ago, I just brought up trying to play again today. Her answer is no you can but I'm not holding the key!!! What fun is that? Can someone help?
     
  2. jet_silver
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    jet_silver New member

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    Were you growing together in a relationship involving power exchange before that incident?
     
  3. amvetsb
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    amvetsb Member

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    I'd imagine that she's thinking the same thing?
    Lets say you ask her to pick a place to go for a fancy dinner. She chooses a place she's always wanted to go to. You take her exactly where she wanted to go, sit down, order the meal, then when it arrives, you pay the bill and just get up and leave without eating it.
    If I were her, I'd be a bit put off by it.
     
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  4. King Hippo
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    King Hippo Active member

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    Sounds like you didn't think this one through at all from the start. You were probably living out a long thought out fantasy of your's when that is not what this is about... I could be wrong... I really don't know the backstory.
     
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  5. Dirtwork guy
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    Dirtwork guy Member

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    Yes I would say so
     
  6. MissyB
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    MissyB Active member

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    First, keep communicating. Admit you were wrong to press her and to continue to 'lead' despite wishing to let her take control. Let her know you don't want to do chastity without her, as you said. Be honest and humble. Perhaps do things for her, you don't normally do, as a sign of how much you regret your behavior. It may take a while, since she seems hurt, but if you really want to try again, you need to demonstrate how much it means to you. Good luck.
     
  7. jet_silver
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    jet_silver New member

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    IMO there's a lot at play here. One of you introduced something new and *if* (as was my case in my current relationship) your dominant admitted interest in but ignorance of the new thing, a certain amount of guidance and nurturing's necessary. On the other hand your dominant might resent *any* topping from the bottom and that is something your insight into your relationship would tell you. Maybe you were caught completely off guard and maybe you were walking a narrow plank about that. It might be too much back-story to cope with on a board.

    More communication may help; it usually does. Even if you stepped out of line in your relationship's context you have a right to make mistakes... and pay for them. As your partner does.

    First thing to do is settle yourself and second is re-open lines of communication.
     
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  8. Cecilia B
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    Cecilia B Active member

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    What exactly did you say to her?
     
  9. Darlydixon
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    Darlydixon hornyman

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    You needed to give her more space sounds like to me you pushed to hard. How long did she hold the key
     
  10. sissydavenport
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    sissydavenport Locked sissy sub / spouse of Mistress Davenport

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    Like the fine second New York Dolls LP, it was "Too Much, Too Soon." You may have to wait a good while (12-24 months) before you can rebuild that foundation. I suggest the second time around, you find out what specific things She enjoys sexually / about chastity / about kink, and build off of that. If you listen, you will find the Female perspective is very different (and actually far more interesting) than what you read online / see in the dirty pictures.

    xo,
    nancy
     
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  11. King Hippo
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    King Hippo Active member

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    I would suggest getting a good notebook while you are at it!
     
  12. Jabber43
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    Jabber43 Just Another Member

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    As I see it from what you have described, you introduced your wife to the idea of male chastity but she was a bit reluctant at first. Then, as often happens, she learned that being your keyholder would make you get closer as a couple, and how much fun it could be for her to be in control of your sex.

    Then you persuaded her to unlock you even though she did not want to. That ruined her feeling of of being in control; that feeling she was just beginning to really enjoy. At first it was good for her, but then it got bad. She might now be afraid to try again, fearing the good feeling will again turn into something she does not like.

    To repair the damage done you need to have honest conversations and be open about your feelings. The first subject should not be about her keyholding again. First you should evaluate. What did each of you like and dislike when she was holding your keys? Then you can go on to talk about how and why it went bad. If you are both open and honest such conversations will help you understand each other much better.

    That might lead to trust being rebuilt to a level where she again might want to hold your keys.
     
  13. Xileh
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    Xileh Happily Serving

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    You haven’t said whether this is a sometimes kink, or are you heading toward an FLR. This is something worth pondering before you proceed. The answer is required before you can approach her.

    Next, be genuine, and apologize. Women are much better than most men at reading sincerity, so don’t give her anything but the truth from the heart.

    Don’t ask for anything. Don’t even hint.

    Let it be for a while. See if she brings it up at a later date. Introducing chastity/FLR to a partner requires patience, this is your time to give her time to decide.

    Getting started sometimes includes starts and stops. It is up to her now. If she decides at some point to continue, it is likely to be on her terms. If the opportunity presents itself, decide now if you can say yes without qualification or suggestion.

    Good luck.
     
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  14. Ormaz
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    Ormaz Member

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    Different from what you read online, and sometimes different from you read on this site as well, alas.

    Sick and tired of all this FLR propagandizing. No, you don't need to be heading toward an FLR. A lot of that stuff is fantasizing aloud.
     
  15. steelwaiting
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    steelwaiting Member

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    I imagine most of us ended up topping from the bottom at the start. I certainly did. My wife took a few years to really get into it now it's no longer a kink of mine, now she has me in chastity. Patience, patience, patience.
     
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  16. Xileh
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    Xileh Happily Serving

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    You have pedaled your views repeatedly and rudely to all.

    There was no propaganda offered. Whereas neither requires the other, it is still a valid question to be considered.
     
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  17. L-u-c-y
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    Staff Member Owner of Chastity Mansion Administrator Verified Female

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    If you don't like FLR's I think you are on the wrong site.
     
  18. Disciplined Boyfriend
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    We were nearly at that point about 5 years ago. Lady C got fed up with me topping from the bottom. Our solution was that we would do this FLR/Chastity/Femdom thing again, with one condition.... We do it her way. Any topping or criticism would result in never again.

    Try suggesting that to her, and remember your side of the bargain
     
  19. King Hippo
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    King Hippo Active member

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    Almost relationship is different from couple to couple, but I think it is worth noting that almost every relationship is different when you look at the start of it, how it currently is, and the future of it.

    Every couple needs to find the dynamic that works best for them and as far as this site goes, chastity can be inserted or fall into a relationship in what I would like to say is a large spectrum of ways.

    Hell... I seen people using chastity on this site that has nothing to do with a relationship at all, they are self locking with themselves as the keyholder. At the end of the day though, I would hope we are all using this to help everyone involved with their specific situation grow to be a better person.
     
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  20. DaedalusBelt
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    DaedalusBelt New member

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    Like it or not, there's really no worthy alternative for chastity forum. This one's the best.
     
  21. Xileh
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    Xileh Happily Serving

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    In case there is any doubt, FLR is included in the site charter:

    "We’re pleased you found your way here, these are the topics you can expect to find discussed in our forums: Male Chastity ~ Orgasm Denial ~ Sissies ~ D/s & Female Led Relationships ~ Cuckolding"

    While I do make an effort to limit my contribution to a discussion to the topic of a particular forum, there is a great deal of overlap between them.
     
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  22. DaedalusBelt
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    DaedalusBelt New member

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    Regardless, it's a bit rude calling a valid question propaganda!! Let's be civil :)
     
  23. Ormaz
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    Ormaz Member

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    This store sells: Apples ~ Bananas ~ Pears ~ Oranges ~ Papayas.
    Therefore, in case there is any doubt, apples are oranges.
     
  24. Dirtwork guy
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    Dirtwork guy Member

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    Well put, I would say it was a combination of all that. I have tried to open the lines of communication back up. It seems she was really getting into her dominant side. And starting to take complete control. I was suppose to be locked over her period. Something we had talk about doing, it would have been my longest time being locked. Middle way through her period. I talked my way out of being locked. It made her feel like she was never in control. And she didnt want to hold my key again. Now it's been a month I finally brought up starting over, she has no Intrest even though she admits she loved doing it up until that point. All she said is I could self lock, but that takes away from the point.
     
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  25. MrsBR_Saiph
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    MrsBR_Saiph Hotwife & Keyholder
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    As a Key Holder I fully expect my partner to try and talk his way out of his cage. If he is able to achieve this I have made a choice and I own that and in turn I am still in control. I'm not sure you did anything wrong based on the information provided. The dynamic seems to me the natural order of chastity.
    Topping from the bottom is also an interesting concept. This could simply be viewed as a more experienced partner educating the other partner. It is up to the Key Holder to take all of this information and choose her path. A man can not top from the bottom unless allowed to do so. Key Holder 101 control, control, control.
    Give her time, be a good husband and eventually broach the subject again. Best wishes
     
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