Got what I wanted, perhaps more.

Discussion in 'Journals and blogs' started by PublicAlpha_PrivateBeta, Jun 12, 2021.

Random Thread
  1. PublicAlpha_PrivateBeta
    Offline

    Joined:
    Feb 7, 2018
    Messages:
    7
    Likes Received:
    27
    Trophy Points:
    13
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    United States, SoCal
    Local Time:
    3:37 AM
    So, I've been a long time observer here and this will be my first attempt at journaling my experience. Appologies for the length and any gramatical errors. I wrote this on my phone.

    Since I can remember, I've always been into being the sexual submissive but also had trust issues. I won't go into those here but, my current GF and I have moved past them. That said, ever since I first learned about chastity I knew it was for me. So much so that when I was in my early 20s I got a PA because, I saw a picture of a guy with one in chastity. There was a chain going from the tip of his penis to the A-ring(not a custom cage). Handing control over and being unable to get myself off, even in my most desperate moments was always a huge turn on. I'm not sure why this always appealed to me, but I've come to accept it. However, like many I struggled with having the conversation out of fear of rejection or being kink shamed. Funny thing is that looking back on it, many of my ex girlfriends got off on having control over when I could cum. So go figure :/

    While many of my ex girlfriends enjoyed it, I did not trust them enough to truly hand over control. It was just a game and something to do for an afternoon/evening. This is what is different about my current experience.

    My current girlfriend, let call her Kay, and I are more in love than we ever thought possible. I fully expect to propose to her at some point. I'm a very difficult person and kind of a control freak. When we first met, she was kind of a door mat and, I was a raging asshole. However, we have both grown and made each other better. She has found her voice and is learning to use it. I'm also learning to listen and have become more empathetic because of it. She is also the one who helped me come to terms with my sexuality. We are both bi but not romantically attracted to the same sex. She helped me accept this part of myself, helping me understand that sexuality is a spectrum.

    Around January of 2020 we hit a big rough patch in our relationship. We had some things to work out with each other, and with ourselves. I had to work through my trust issues and she had to work through her communication issues. I'm happy to say that we worked through these issues, and are a much stronger couple because of it. This is also when she helped me come to terms with my sexuality.

    Around March of 2020 we started to play around with chastity. She knew about chastity cages but, never fully understood what they were until I explained it to her. After playing around with a cheap Chinese plastic model on and off, we decided to make the leap to a full custom. For background, I had plenty of experience with self locking prior to our relationship.

    We ordered and received the custom cage(MCN contender) around July of 2020. Our relationship had improved significantly by this point. She had also allowed the relationship to open up on my side. This was to allow me to bottom with other men and trans women. Cis women are off limits. We discussed how this would work and what rules would be followed.

    We continued to play with the custom chastity cage on and off for a month or two. I returned to the office in late August. We both got busy and chastity got put on hold.

    Around December 2020 she started bringing it up again. She definitely started to mention it more as we got into 2021 and how she missed it. This prompted us to talk more about how it would work this time around. She is not the most dominant person but, as we have grown she has found her voice. I can be overly dominant and have learned to follow. With that said, I can still be a shit at times. Let's just leave it at I had behavior issues. I also always knew that I could just start a big fight and demand the key back. I knew she would comply and would be able to masturbate, knowing I could always make up with her later. This was partly how our first go at chastity went.

    We were both aware of this dynamic and talked through what worked/didn't work the first go around. We were both aware I would start something and demand the key when I got horny. She committed to not give into my games this time around. This is what would ultimately make chastity real for me.

    Well, May 14th, 2021 I finally re-locked myself as my masturbation had become problematic. We also went on a trip together earlier that month where I acted out again, largely due to anxiety. I said some terrible things I later regretted. This was not fair to her and I felt compelled to do something about it.

    About a week into wearing the cage fulltime things had been going well. She let me out for some sex and I was able to cum. The following week I was getting horny again and wanted some attention. She was busy with work and couldn't. It was Thursday or Friday morning and I started and escalated a fight. At the height of the fight I demanded the key back. Knowing in the past she would oblige and I could masturbate and make up with her later. Well this time went different.

    She responded with a quick "F*CK you that's not how this works. I'm in charge of when you get to cum." It gave me pause and, it was this moment I knew chastity had become real. It was no longer a game for us to play. She was in control and she knew it. I walked away without saying anything to finish getting ready for work.

    I very quickly thought about my predicament and what I had done. I walked back to her an appologized for the way I had behaved. The cage gave me clarity in how I was treating her what I should have done differently. She let me know, either then or later, that there would be 2 weeks added to my original 90 day lock-up.

    Our agreement this time around was for a 90 lock-up. I could be let out and allowed to orgasm as she sees fit during this period. She loves PIV and, obviously I do as well. She also loves being in control in the bedroom. But, she is not dominant at least not yet. She is still finding that part of her voice and seems to be enjoying it. I have worked on my listening skills.

    Anyway, to say the least I was not allowed out of my cage that weekend. I was kept locked and she got off, multiple times. The longest I had gone without an orgasm prior to this was a week. Going into the territory of two weeks was an unexplored abyss. I know this is nothing for you long timers but, we are a very sexually active couple in our early 30s.

    To say the least, I was sure to be very very very good that following week. I was srlure to do lots of house work and pay her lots of attention. I was hoping to get a release the following weekend. Well, that weekend I was in for some disappointment. She let me out on Friday night for some sex. Unfortunately, it was late at night and I was extremely tired. I had also taken a bunch of Adderall that day. Both Adderall and being tired don't bode well for my ability to get hard. This left us both frustrated, her more so. She knows it's not her, but that doesn matter when you're horny. Yes, she had oral but wanted more.

    The following day, I was unbelievably horny and she could see it. I couldn't help but squirm and beg for a release on Saturday. She was enjoying the word "No" very much. Especially after how she didn't get what she wanted the night prior. Sunday I thought for sure I would get out. She seemed horny and willing if I played my cards right. She was being playful and seemed to really be enjoying my frustration. However, I would up going to bed early. I had a big day the following day and wanted a good night's rest.

    Turns out, she was super annoyed with about me going to bed early. She was horny and wanted me to fuck her. Unfortunately for us both, I was asleep.

    Luckily, she was still horny on Monday (06/07/21). At this point I had 1 release in the past 3 weeks and, it had been over 2 weeks since my prior orgasm. I was exctatic when she let me go down on her. She kept saying how much she wanted my dick. To say the least I was very determined to give her multiple Os with my mouth. Once she has one, she wants more. She also regularly comments how, "I've got better at eating her since I've been locked."

    You can only the imagine the look on my face; when she allowed my cage off, only to tell me "I'm to fuck her but I'm not allowed to cum." I knew this would be a difficult task. I also knew that if I came she would not let me out for a while. Well, luckily she got to ride me to her hearts content. She got her self off by riding me and then instructed me to flip her over and fuck her. I did was incredibly careful not to cum. Luckily she was able to get off without me cumming.

    She was impressed, and honestly I was as well. I didn't think I would be able to do it. She told me since I was so good and didn't cum, I can fuck her some more. If I'm able to make her cum again, I could cum as well. I honestly felt like I had just got the lottery. To say the least this is exactly what happened, we both came at the same time.

    Well, last night I was tired and a bit cranky. Looking back I was just being a bit of a brat and difficult. She knew it was because I was horny and called me out on it. I denied it at the time but, looking back she was correct. I was being overly sensitive and reacted poorly. I went to bed and ended talks and she annoyed. Well, she knew how to scare me straight.

    She came into the bedroom and said; " We're going to have a talk about your behavior and the cage tomorrow." She walked out of the room short after.

    When she said this, my heart raced and my stomach turned. Not because she said we were going to talk about my behavior but, because she was sure to include the cage in her comment. I immediately started to snap out of my mood and thought about my behavior. She was right, I was being a grouch and it wasn't fair to her.

    When she walked back into the room 10 minutes later, I was sure to appologize immediately. I wanted her to know I regretted how I was behaving. I'm not the type of person to appologize if I don't mean it, cage or no cage. She was right, and as I have found often is. The cage seems to just help me come to this conclusion faster.

    She appreciated the appology and restated we're still going to have a talk tomorrow. She didn't mention the cage, but I knew she didn't forget about the comment. I was also also sure to appologize again first thing this morning. I wanted her to know how sorry I am. She was appreciative again but, made no mention of talking or the cage. She's not a morning person and this is not a good time to have serious conversations with her. Knowing this, I didnt push the issue further.

    I'm sure we will talk about it tonight. If she doesn't bring it up, I will. I'm also not sure what she meant about her talk about the cage comment. I know she likes the cage on me but, has typically only talked about it with me when she's turned on. My mind is racing about what she wants to discuss. Knowing her, she might not even bring the cage portion up. However, curiosity killed the cat and I'm loving this more dominant side of her. I'm curious about where her head is at on it. I will definitely ask what she meant by that comment if she doesn't bring it up.

    Truthfully, I'm scared but also hoping she plans to punish me. I've been wanting her to take on a more dominant role but, I realize this has to be at her pace. I've been fantasizing for years and she is still processing. If she does punish me I plan to take it, and thank her for it. I want her to feel confident in herself and the decisions she makes. I want her to know that I trust her fully, and that when I tell her she's in charge, I mean it. I'm not infallible and will need some corrective guidance along the way. We are on this journey together and, while I have fantasized for years, I do not fully know what will work in real life. I've shared this with her and I think she may be starting to believe me. All I know is that I enjoy submitting to her and all I want is for her to be happy.



    I will hopefully keep this journal going. Appologies for the long winded post, it's my first and, I probably should have started this earlier. To say the least, chastity has been a good thing for our relationship. I feel more in tune with her and her emotions. It made me realize I wasn't being the best partner and, allowed me the opportunity to better myself. We communicate more and I have started pulling my weight around the house too. She's the woman I plan to marry, deserving nothing but the best. I consider myself to the luckiest guy alive, she choose to be with me. I have no idea why, but she did. We are both madly in love. Chastity seems to have brought out my better side and, her more dominant side :) I look forward to continuing this journey with her.
     
  2. StubHub
    Offline

    StubHub Active member

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2021
    Messages:
    1,553
    Likes Received:
    1,216
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Consultant
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Central iowa
    Local Time:
    5:37 AM
    Welcome home you find the balance that works. Communication is important.
     
  3. Jah Rubbings
    Offline

    Jah Rubbings Jah Rubbings

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2020
    Messages:
    697
    Likes Received:
    701
    Trophy Points:
    103
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Construction Manager
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    U.K. Sussex
    Local Time:
    11:37 AM
    You are going to be fine. Self analysis is where I'm at too, and learning more about myself in my cage than I have in 24 years of being with her
     
  4. LesterBallard
    Offline

    LesterBallard Active member

    Joined:
    Oct 2, 2016
    Messages:
    8,244
    Likes Received:
    3,483
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Management
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    United Kingdom
    Local Time:
    11:37 AM
    Good luck with it
     
  5. homebody
    Offline

    homebody In awe of GoddesofHomebody

    Joined:
    Dec 18, 2019
    Messages:
    429
    Likes Received:
    636
    Trophy Points:
    103
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    6:37 AM
    That was a great first post. I look forward to reading more. Good luck.
     
    JackStrap likes this.
  6. Open2njoy
    Offline

    Open2njoy Active member

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2017
    Messages:
    254
    Likes Received:
    298
    Trophy Points:
    63
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    6:37 AM
    Great post. You understand how your masturbation habit has impacted your behavior and what it will take to adjust it. Now comes the hard part of following through. Communication is key in any relationship. Practice active listening rather than arguing. Chastity alone won’t fix any problems. It’s a tool that can be used to help keep your priorities straight. I hope the conversation Kay wanted to have with you went well.
     
  7. locked_top
    Offline

    locked_top Caged tiger

    Joined:
    Jan 8, 2019
    Messages:
    566
    Likes Received:
    797
    Trophy Points:
    103
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    USA
    Local Time:
    5:37 AM
  8. Robins toy
    Offline

    Robins toy Member

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2021
    Messages:
    78
    Likes Received:
    186
    Trophy Points:
    33
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    6:37 AM
    I enjoyed your story and wish you both the very best! Godspeed my friend.
     
  9. PublicAlpha_PrivateBeta
    Offline

    Joined:
    Feb 7, 2018
    Messages:
    7
    Likes Received:
    27
    Trophy Points:
    13
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    United States, SoCal
    Local Time:
    3:37 AM
    So we did talk on Friday night and I'll get to that in a minute. Prior to us discussing chastity and my mood the prior night, there was a recurring topic that came up.

    What I mean by this is, a recurring topic that has caused arguments for us. I'd rather not get into what the topic is, I'm sure most couples have hot button topics. But, I'm very happy to report we were able to talk through it with very little conflict. This had to be the first time on this particular topic. For the most part, I managed to communicate in a much better than I normally do. She was also making a tremendous effort to communicate as well. I'm happy to say we were able to resolve this issue and find a way forward. I think this goes to, chastity being a tool to help me think twice before responding. This in turn helped to illicit a more receptive response from her. We had this conversation as a phone call on her way home.

    When she got home we decided to go for a walk to grab a bottle of wine from the local store. I brought up the talk, asking if she still wanted to have it. She stated, she was very pleased with how quick I was to appologize the prior night and, how quickly my attitude changed. She said because of that, there wasn't much on her end to discuss. As we are still new to this and communication is key, I thought I'd share with her.

    I let her know how the impact of mentioning my cage in her comment; "We'll talk about you're behavior and the cage in the morning." I let her know I was worried she was going to punish me and how I felt butterflies. But, also not overly worried as I liked being punished. I let her know I would have willingly accepted what she gave. Turns out, she took this hint to heart.

    When we got back from the store, she let me know she thought about what I said. She agreed that I messed up and should be punished. She wanted PIV but, didn't think she should be punished. I was to let her ride me and she would cum as much as she wanted. I was not to cum; normally weekends are when I would get released. We used some numbing cream but, she applied it this time. Last time I used too much and, killed the erection :(

    So, I started the foreplay and went down on her. At this point I was still caged. While going down on her I started to think about how I'm not going to get to cum tonight, and how she is going to have orgasm after orgasm. Then this exact thought crossed my mind while eating her "I love giving her orgasms more than I love having them." I didn't say it, I just thought it. It was at this point I started to have an orgasm.

    The orgasm wasn't a traditional penile one. I didn't even ejaculate or provide any stimulation to my cock through the cage. The orgasm originated in my mind and spread through my body. And the more I kept thinking " I love giving her orgasms more than I love having them," the more my orgasm kept going. My cock was tingly but definitely not the focus of this orgasm. It was unlike anything else I've ever felt. Unfortunately, I had to stop thinking about how much I love eating her and actually just eat her.

    She could tell I had just cum. She wasn't aware of how or why yet. But, she seemed fairly upset. Luckily, her mood changed once I shared what had happened. She just simply said "good for you." She had originally thought I was playing with myself and came. I want to see if I can make this happen again.

    After this fun and unexpected oral escapade, we spent the next 2 & 1/2 hours fucking our brains out. Careful not to let me cum though. It was one of the hottest nights I've ever had. I literally had nothing no idea I could derive this much pleasure from sex while not cumming.

    I was definitely sure to tell her some dirty talk, but all 100% true. I have an issue about lying, even if it's a white lie. I told her things like how " she played with my cock better than I ever could in my 33 years of having it." To which she replied " It's not your cock, it's mine."

    She has rocked my world. I feel like after 30 days of being locked 24/7 and 2 releases in that period: a switch has flipped in me. I find myself finally submitting to her, in a genuine way. For example, I've been learning to have sex on her schedule now. Before, it was more about me getting off when I wanted. The first 30 days of chastity was me getting horny and wanting to eat her out to get my release. She would not always be in the mood and, let me know. She had been saying, "You will go down on me but, when I want you too. You're on my schedule now." She had litterally telling me as much. I was just too selfish to actually understand. Again, the best way to describe where I'm at right now, beside cloud 9, is that a switch in my brain has been flipped.

    I look forward to what the future has to offer. We're 30 days in and I committed to her being my 24/7 KH for a total of 90 days. Here's to another 60 and who knows what after that.
     
  10. PublicAlpha_PrivateBeta
    Offline

    Joined:
    Feb 7, 2018
    Messages:
    7
    Likes Received:
    27
    Trophy Points:
    13
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    United States, SoCal
    Local Time:
    3:37 AM
    So, it's been a while since I posted and all I can say is..... "Be very careful what you ask for!"

    Here's a re-cap of what has transpired since my last post.

    06/19/2021:
    I was let out for some amazing sex and allowed to cum. Sex has been amazing since being locked. It has given me a new found appreciation for longer, slower, more sensual love making. I have never had sex for more than 2 hours without cumming prior to chastity. She's definitely loving the control and all the benefits that come with it.

    06/27/2021:
    We had some amazing sex again. This time I was not allowed to cum though. I was good and listen to her. Although, I did have to do some emergency pull outs, effectively giving myself a ruined orgasm as there was no holding back. Luckily, I did not have an orgasm and because of this, she was very understanding. I was not disciplined and we were able to continue. I will say, Kay is learning how to get me just to the edge and then back off all without me saying anything. This seems to be a benefit and also frustrating at the same time. No complaints over all :)

    06/28/2021:
    Well after the prior nights fun, I wasn't locked back up. I had some morning wood and decided to have a play. I didn't orgasm but, I did cum. I essentially gave myself a ruined orgasm to release some of the pressure. I'm not capable of lying to her and would feel incredibly guilty hiding this. So I did let her know after I got out of the shower and had put my cage back on. She was less than thrilled. She waited until that evening to talk to me about it.

    She was a lot more upset than I thought she would be. Her exact word was " irked" at the fact I masturbated that morning. She said I had been getting out of the cage plenty, a few times a week, to have sex. I explained that I hadn't cum in a week though. She didn't care and felt like I betrayed her and that I wouldn't be getting out of my cage for two weeks. She was really bothered, which oddly enough turned me on. Something about the fact she cares enough to punish me for breaking the rules. Chastity isn't what I'd call a love-hate but more of a love-frustrated kind of thing.

    07/02/2021:
    It was this Friday or maybe a day prior, but I had made a few comments along the line of "I can't wait until the 90 days is up and I get to fuck you whenever I want." No surprise, I've been incredibly horny as it's been 2 weeks since getting an orgasm. It was after the second time in as many days I made such a comment. However, this time she replied with "I don't know why you keep mentioning this 90 days. Nothing is changing for you at the end of 90 days." In this moment I got simultaneously more scared of this chastity thing than I ever have while also incredibly turned on. Something about me loves when she just takes charge!

    I wait until later to talk more about it as, she made this comment in the morning. I asked how serious she was about that comment. She let me know she was very serious. I asked what about the contract? She said that since; I've been allowed to fuck her and cum occasionally during the 90 days, the contract period didn't apply. That I should be happy because I'm still getting to fuck her. I replied letting her know I didn't get to cum most of the time though. She said she didn't care and that it didn't matter because I was still having sex. This may all sound like an argument but it wasn't. I'm just happy to see she's starting to really take charge and own it :) I'm also incredibly scared and horny at the same time.

    We have a vacation planned for later this year and one for next year. Each of them are a week long. In my head I was thinking I would be out of chastity and, we would be having lots of sex where I get to cum. I asked what about our two vacations, can I be put during those? She very quickly replied " Those are both a week long. That seems like a long time to be out so, my initial inclination is a no."

    I had asked if I could get some time out of chastity once I finish the 90 days. I know she's incredibly nice and generous. I was thinking she would oblige me to having a week out. A week of masturbation and sex I was very excited to have. Well, she is extremely nice and generous but, I'm also overly optimistic. She let me know that if I'm good, she might let me have a day out of chastity. I of course gave zero pushback as I know she can easily make it zero days out.

    My current thoughts and feelings:
    Holly shit, what did I get myself into?!?!?! Here I was thinking this was a fun game, I could end and restart at my desire after the intitial lock up. I was hoping to get a month or so out before asking her to lock me again. Boy was I wrong! She definitely likes me locked more than not. I have no idea if there is an end to this anymore. If there is, she definitely not telling me.

    It's been two weeks since I was last allowed to cum and she's making me wait another full week. This is longer than I have ever thought possible of going. When I was complaining about being horny this weekend, she let me know there was zero sympathy on her part. She said this should serve as a reminder to not break the rules. I can definitely say I will not be breaking that rule again! She can rest assured her punishment is working :)

    It's one thing reading the blogs and journals of others on this site. It can be down right hot, wishing it was me. It's completely different when you're living it. The fear is real, but so is my arousal. It's as if I'm aroused by not knowing what's ahead. Will I ever get to cum more than twice a month?! Will I ever get to masturbate again?! All I can think about is getting to cum, I'm so freaking horny right now!

    FYI, I'm in my new Rigid Halfshell and there is no cheating this device! It's definitely the most comfortable device I have worn so far. Well worth the wait.
     
  11. Sexy Slave 69
    Offline

    Sexy Slave 69 Active member

    Joined:
    Feb 9, 2018
    Messages:
    318
    Likes Received:
    574
    Trophy Points:
    103
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Manager
    Local Time:
    10:37 PM
    Welcome to the journey with a wonderful keyholder
     
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice