GF/KH "changed the game", need advice

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by Sub76, Mar 21, 2018.

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  1. Sub76
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    Sub76 Member

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    I have been in chastity for about 2 months now. This is about the longest I have ever been. I met my GF some time ago and when I opened up about the lifestyle, she was totally new to all of this and very vanilla. At first, she was just holding my keys to accommodate me and basically let me out whenever I asked. We talked a lot about all of this and my fantasies but it seemed, she just wasn't into it that much. I was gratefull for what I got and was about to give up on the thought of her really being dominant and testing my limits.

    Recently, she started "experimenting" more though. She did not let me out when I asked. Before her change, she made it clear, that whenever I please her, she would also please me to give back. I did not get to orgasm every time, but she'd always tease and play with me. This also stopped. Now I find myself licking her or watching her use her womanizer more often and my cock doesn't get to see daylight that often. Her everyday behaviour has changed too. She usually did much of the housework (she is only working parttime, so she is home more often than me), now she plays her games and let me do the work. Instead of asking if I could do things for her, she tells me to do them. I am totally fine with all these changes, could not be happier :)

    When I asked her during one of our last sessions about when I would be allowed to cum, she told me that it was up to me. She said I could cum as soon as I bring her proof that I sucked another mans cock. I was really dumbfounded at this and I told her so and that she must be joking. She said that this was one of the fantasies I once told her about (which is true) and that she wants it to become reality. I told her there are the fantasies you want to come true and the other ones, that are fine in your head but not otherwise. She said that if this was a hard limit, it'd be fine, she'd unlock me but then chastity play would be over. She said everything until now was living out my fantasies and her getting herself into the mindset to be my dream-Dom. She felt like a "service-Dom" for me. Now this is a fantasy of her own, she really likes the thought and finds it hot and wants me to do that. She told me to take my time to think about it and tell me about my decision.

    I am really unsure how to handle that. The thought of sucking another man really scares me. But on the other hand, she has a point and since it is a fantasy of mine, I might even go through with it. But how? I can't go to a gay bar and tell some of the guys I want to suck them and I need an image to proof it for my Mistress? I told her about that and she said, that this would be my problem alone. She does not want to take part in this, she just wants to have the proof and all the details afterwards. At least for this time *gulp*

    Any advice how to approach this? Should I reject it and hope she will still continue our chastity play? Or go through with it? How do you do that? How do you find someone for that and keep it anonymous?
     
  2. jasonpatalonis
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    jasonpatalonis Well-Known Member

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    Wow! What an incredible journey. Talk about going from zero to sixty. You unleashed a tiger, that's for sure.

    I think this is where the notion of "bottom" vs "submissive" comes into play. Will you seek to be a bottom, or go ahead and submit to her will?

    I'd suck the cock. But my biggest concern would be STD's. By far.

    Good luck!
     
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  3. Sub76
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    Sub76 Member

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    Actually, I really hadn't thought about STDs at all yet...thanks for getting this into the equasion :eek:
     
  4. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    I have to admit, I find this kind of forceful yet loving dominance very arrousing, pushing your limits yet you are in no real danger, you always have the option to quit.

    This kind of no nonsense loving but firm kind of dominance flips my switch, but I don’t envy your position. She may be testing you...wanting you to quit, not wanting it to be her. She may be testing if you are bi or gay and to see if you really would do it. She could really want this to happen and take it even further down the road. I would say that if it truly is a hard limit, one you feel sick about doing, and uncomfortable...I would tell her you just can’t go that far. If she won’t play chastity anymore after that, then either she wasn’t wanting the same thing as you, or she really did want to push you further than you were willing to go...either way, this lifestyle may have run its course with her.
     
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  5. jasonpatalonis
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    jasonpatalonis Well-Known Member

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    I appreciate the recognition Sub76. Please keep in mind that a male who would let another man suck his cock PROBABLY is very promiscuous. (sorry, I don't mean to offend anyone) So STD's truly ARE a big concern here.

    Maybe in another thread, the group could suggest ways for locked hubbies/boyfriends to find and suck SAFE cocks.
     
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  6. Sub76
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    Sub76 Member

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    Thank you for your insight into this, I really appreciate this :).

    I thought about it a lot lately and I tend to believe that it is not a very hard limit for me, as in it makes me feel sick and I would never ever do it. But it is still kind of a limit, as in nothing that I can give into lightly either. It is more of a case of "I really didn't think this would ever really happen." The fantasy is great and all but reality has sooo many obstacles, one of which @jasonpatalonis mentioned above.

    Maybe other who are in the same or a similar boat could share how they found a safe third party to include in an otherwise monogamous relationship?
     
  7. LadyMoon
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    LadyMoon Well-Known Member

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    Anything that involves possible exchange of body fluids and involving a third person is where you should both tread very carefully, in my opinion, especially if you are monogamous and have not played with others before. Really examine how you *both* might feel after such an encounter. The first time you do these kinds of things can be both exhilarating and heartbreaking.

    As far as safety and arranging this... are you active in the kink community at all? "Forced bi" is a not uncommon kink in the F/m community (at least in the circles I run in). The safest way to facilitate an encounter like this would probably be in negotiating with another domme/mistress who wanted her sub/slave to have a similar "bi" experience. That way, everything is above board, and you can discuss STD testing with them, and probably either have your KH present or have the other domme take photos for her.

    By a similar token, you may find a gay male Dom who would understand your arrangement and agree to participate, either by lending his boy or enjoying your services himself.

    I think approaching some kinky people honestly about what you're trying to accomplish will maximize your chances of safety.
     
  8. Gryffin
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    As others have said she may very well just be messing with you. Enjoying you watching you struggle with the choice and how you react.

    Then again she might not be ...

    If it was me I would say it was not something that I wanted to do and hold out. (After all she is still giving you the option to give up.) Alternatively you could put together an attractive bargaining package. As in - okay, if I don't have to do that I promise to do this thing, this, this, this and this - although with the stakes set as high as they are you might have trouble finding anything to top it.

    There is also depending on how mean she is planning on being and she seems to be going for it right now - is that she could say I want you to do what I asked but these things as well as you reckon you can do them. So you'll be in a worse state than before. (Sorry, that might not have helped.)

    You are right though there is a degree to which you have been making her cater to your needs by locking up (I've been guilty of the same thing) perhaps you ought to find someway to redress the balance, though this might be a bit severe for starters.

    An interesting one if you tell a lady that she is in charge, can you really then turn round and say you didn't mean it!?

    Good luck!
     
  9. Gryffin
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    PS: The best proof I can think of is suggesting that your keyholder go with you. It might even be good for your safety.
     
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  10. Sub76
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    More very good points, thank you guys so much :)

    Unfortunately, we are not active in the kink community. My GF is a rather private person who does not want other to know what we do and she is not into "exchanging ideas" with others about that matter.

    Actually, she is enjoying our sexuality together but other then that is not interested in anything sexual. She does not watch porn (and forbids me to do so too), she doesn't read erotica, she doesn't browse the web for exciting new ideas. And she doesn't want me to take part in anything like that too. (Actually, I should not even be posting here, now that I think about it, but I needed some exchange about the matter...) Until now, everything we did was "learning by doing" on her part, that's another reason I was so dumbfounded when she brought this up since I never thought that it should be this one of my fantasies I shared with her, that got to her and stuck...

    I will talk about it with her later and see what will come of that. Maybe I will at least be sure if "It's trap!" or if she really is serious. Thanks for opening that other thread by the way! You guys are cool!
     
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  11. joecool722
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    Well I was going to say that you're best bet is to follow @LadyMoon 's advice. She is spot on.

    However, after reading your last post, I'd be concerned if I were in your shoes.

    This is akin to saying, I'm going to start driving, but I don't want to actually take lessons or get any type of guidance. I'm just going to put the key in the ignition and figure it out from there.

    It's honestly just reckless. As many on the thread have commented, bringing in another person, even just for a specific activity, is a BIG step. Even more so if it's something you've never done before. Even MORE so if it's crossing a sexual gender boundary you've never crossed. There is a huge difference between "thinking/fantasizing" about giving a blow job and actually giving one. Mentally, emotionally, physically, it's a BIG step for a guy to cross that boundary. You want to do it with intent. In a considered way.

    Her threatening to stop all chastity play if you won't go off and give a blow job, which is uncharted territory, is a HUGE red flag in my head.

    Part of what we value in others we pair with is good judgement. You need to be involved with someone who has good judgement. This sounds like a really bad idea. Great fantasy, no doubt! But the way this is being approached in reality is a recipe for disaster.

    My advice would be to go back and say that you're not necessarily against it, but you want to move down that path slowly and responsibly. Follow what @LadyMoon suggested.

    If she isn't willing to do that and isn't willing to learn more(even online or hell buy some books), then this may indeed be something she is doing to intentionally crater the relationship. She expects you to balk at it, she pulls the plug on the chastity play, you get upset and down in flames things go.
     
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  12. Sub76
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    Sub76 Member

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    Hey guys,

    I am here with some updates. I sat down with my GF yesterday and had a long talk with her about the matter again. I told her about my feelings towards this and some of the aspects and ideas you guys offered in your posts (thanks a ton again :)). I asked if she was really serious about all of this. When I was done, she told me that the thought about it really turned her on and somewhere down the road, she would like us to go through with it. But she acknowledged that this is nothing to rush at just for the thrill of it but should be well prepared and planned. She also told me that she started reading up on stuff on the internet without me knowing about it and there were other aspects she really found interesting and hot, that she would like to introduce to our relationship (cuckolding was mentioned here, another one of my "cool to think about, but maybe not so cool in reality" fantasies). When I told her that all of this is hard for me and maybe cross my limits, I am just not sure yet, she told me that she understands and she will not make me do it if it really is beyond my limits. But she suspects that it is really not and she hopes that some time in the future it will happen. Concerning my chastity sentence, she said that for not obeying her, I obviously needed to be punished and kept chaste a lot longer, think a year or so, she said. But she had a smile on her face when she said it, so I hope it will not really be a year ;-)

    When I asked her about maybe entering the local kink community to find likeminded people to maybe one day act on something like this in a safer way, she was hesitant though. She is a fairly public figure where we live and she worries that someone might recognize her or that she gets exposed. She agreed for us to get active in some online communities (so I am free to post here now, yay) and maybe meet people from other cities for this. Or she hinted that maybe there is something like "kink-friendly holidays" (is there such a thing?) where one can meet likeminded people in some kind of kink resort and minimize the risk of exposure in our hometown.

    All in all, I am happy with that development. Thank you guys again for your insight and your advise!
     
  13. tv90
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    tv90 Junior Member

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    What a smart woman
     
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  14. LadyMoon
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    LadyMoon Well-Known Member

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    @Sub76 Glad that you've come to an agreement to talk more about it, rather than the impasse that it sounded like you were at yesterday. Taking it slow and figuring it out if it's really what you both want will either save you some heartbreak, or make it hotter in the end, due to antici.....pation. :D

    I've seen some kinky holiday options in the past, though I'm US-based, so I don't know of any in Europe. You might also look at swingers resorts and cruises -- those may be easier to find. I don't know what it's like in Europe, but here, not all swingers are open to male bisexuality or are very familiar with kink. Here's one group that I know is pretty progressive that hosts a weeklong in Mexico: https://ssdesire.com/
     
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  15. martinb
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    martinb Member

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    One practical suggestion would be for you to simulate what she is asking for using a realistic-looking fake cock. I would recommend suggesting that to her, as a safe 'stage' on the way to what she wants, which might be easier and safer for both of you, and could tell you both more about how far you want to go down this path in future.
    Or you could use the fake cock to create a fake proof photo, but that way is a path to many potential complications and conflicts...
     
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  16. Sub76
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    Sub76 Member

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    Thanks for that great idea, I actually had not thought about that yet, d'oh! We don't own a realistic dildo yet but that might be a good point to buy one. My GF actually is the opposite of a size queen, she likes the smaller (as in thinner) cocks, so maybe this is good for me, if she wants to play with it too ;-)
     
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  17. Sub76
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    Sub76 Member

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    Thanks for the hint, I have been looking around but didn't find anything like that in Europe yet. And Mexico is a bit far away, we are both a bit on the tall side and therefore prefer to keep flights on the short side ;-) But looking into the swinger community might be a good idea, thank you.
     
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  18. martinb
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    martinb Member

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    Maybe what she wants from you and what she wants for you are different. Maybe she wants YOU to service the big cocks that she wouldn't like to have to deal with. You could choose something (someone!) from a website together. Obvio you can go further and buy a whole silicone torso, or person. Maybe she would enjoy standing next to you in a sex shop while you choose 'your guy'.
     
  19. Wannabee
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    Wannabee Active Member

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    Maybe suggest her pegging you?
     
  20. JiL
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    JiL servitude4u

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    If you interacting with another male is actually that big of a turn on for her as a KH in a FLR, she will readily and happily find a way she is comfortable with to make it happen in due time. Especially given that she has become interested in the Research and Development part of things. Yes, she wants to know more. I'm pretty sure you haven't heard the last of this. lol...
     
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  21. Sub76
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    Sub76 Member

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    I don't think that she is into anything anal. I own an Aneros and when I showed it to her, she was kind of taken aback. She said she tried anal with a toy once and that she did not like it at all and that it's off limits.
    Before me, she never had a boyfriend that would go down on her and she still says, she can't understand how I find pleasure in licking her "there". I think it is about hygiene for her and that would make anything anal more of a problem.
     
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  22. Sub76
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    Sub76 Member

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    That might even be true. She is very tight and I find it hard to get toys for her that she enjoys. Even the "normal sized" dildos are not comfortable for her. Maybe she had enough of me trying to get her used to something bigger and wants me to experience it ;-)
     
  23. rebeccacd404
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    rebeccacd404 2018 is going to be a year of chastity and denial!

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    Oh my.......I know exactly what you mean......I have had this fantasy for years......but actually doing it...well that is another BIG step! I think for me, being a girl at heart (I dress as pretty as I can) I could do it with another cross dresser......I do find girls with cocks so sexy......a MAN......not sure.....I didn't ask you....do you dress? I could never suck another man/tv when I was in my male persona.....never! But as Rebecca....maybe. If you do this I wonder what she will ask next? Sounds to me like she might be playing you.....lol
     
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  24. Sub76
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    Sub76 Member

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    No, I am not really into crossdressing myself and she never made me do it or in any way expressed that she wants me to. If she would make me wear panties or something, I might be game, but actually crossdressing - and even more so in public - would be a huge thing, just like blowing another guy.
     
  25. rebeccacd404
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    rebeccacd404 2018 is going to be a year of chastity and denial!

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    for me it would only be possible if I were the "girl"
     
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