My wife and I are private about our FLR in that we do not openly talk about it with friends and family. However, it has become such a natural part of our life, that things slip out. Last week we were talking with friends and my wife said, "The only reason I allow Joe to play soccer every week is so that I get the house to myself for a few hours." I immediately noticed that she used the word 'allow' and I blushed a bit. My wife kept talking casually and no one commented on her choice of words but I am sure they picked up on it. There have been times where she has subtly reprimanded me in front of others and times where we were in the company of others and she orders to me to get or do something for her. I often wonder if this is just natural to her or if for fun she purposely exerts her dominance in front of friends. None of my friends have said anything to me about our relationship but I am certain they know that there is a dominant/submissive dynamic going on. I would not like it if she was overtly dominant in a way that humiliated me in public but I must confess that I enjoy when she subtly exerts her dominance in public.
to avoid outsiders from becoming aware of our dynamic when a ma'at says please before what sounds like a request it is an order that should be obeyed immediately. requests are prefaced by "would you care to", "do you think" or " i would like you to" . so there is no confusion we use these at all times. well.... not always, during sex one or two word commands are used.
When Madam and I began our bdsm/flr she told me very clearly that it would be public that we are a bdsm couple, and she was in charge of everything!
Words like "allow" can come across as jokey and light hearted to people who aren't aware of the true context and they probably don't take it literally.
When my wife says, "do be a dear and...." I know that is an order to be done immediately. She's let things slip, we both have. It's clear to many of our friends that she is my Queen and I am chivalrous in my devotion to her.
My wife is starting to feel her way into it all. She is pretty good about keeping it away from others though. My kids for example. We still believe that the parent dynamic should not be involved in the lifestyle. So, when it comes to our children there is no FLR dynamic. But other wise... she is staring now starting to play with her key on her necklace in front of others to remind me who is in charge. I love it when she does that.
In cases like mine, Mistress and I agreed from the beginning that it wouldn’t be secret but we wouldn’t just let it all out all the time. If it comes out while with friends and/or family we would simply discuss it with them if they felt the need to know more, other wise it would just be left alone at any point. We don not involve the kids at all. But it may seem your wife is getting more comfortable about it and is subtly letting people know she is the lead and/or letting you know that she needs you to do things for her while with friend and/or family. I have found it isn’t as bad as you think when friends and family know about your specific lifestyle. They can either like or not. Most of the time I find they become more curious about it than anything else.
I truly believe there are many relationships out there that haven’t ever thought about the label of FLR, or even know it is a thing. It’s just how their relationship worked out. In my younger days the men would be considered pussy whipped, and the women wearing the pants in the family. Women have been leading their men for a long time.
We had this conversation yesterday actually, about hiding/showing/etc. We aren't going to go out of our way to advertise....but at the same time, we will live our lives, people can think what they want. Specifically though, it came about in regards to chastity and what it's done for our relationship while she was talking about a friend of hers who is going through a tough time in her relationship. My wife suggested that with the right friend she wouldn't hesitate to tell her exactly why our relationship is so good, she doesn't see it as taboo enough to be hidden. Again though, we aren't openly advertising beyond some small jewelry.
Sure but I wouldn’t label that as a FLR. It would just be a marriage where the wife is the dominant partner, I consider FLR a formal acknowledgment that the wife leads and the husband yields to her authority.