FLR but Mistress doesn't know it?!

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by MrsChastityXO, Dec 17, 2019.

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  1. MrsChastityXO
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    Hi everyone!

    I've received a fascinating message from a self-locked sub male asking me for a little advice and my thoughts regarding his situation, but before I can answer his message, I would like to have everyone else's thoughts. The reason I am asking is that it's genuinely piqued my interest and has me curious. I don't want to give him any advice myself until I've found out whether other Mistresses and subs think the same way as I do.

    So basically, the scenario is we have a sub who is in a loving, committed non-sexual relationship and this sub is desperate to serve his Goddess, however, (like me several years ago) she isn't really interested in partaking in this kind of lifestyle. So, this sub has self-locked and committed himself, even though his Mistress isn't really into the whole idea. Well, this is my understanding from what he's written to me and this is an extremely abbreviated version of events.

    So basically, I've got two lines of thinking.

    The first is that if she's not interested, then he shouldn't be *imposing* this lifestyle on her as it's not really consensual and he might need to consider that she may feel uncomfortable with it. I think this because many moons ago I was really uncomfortable with it.

    My second line of thinking is that, seeing as he has already taken matters into his own hands, why not step it up a notch and really make her feel like the Goddess she is. He clearly believes she is the most special person on this planet. Perhaps he could, I don't know, maybe make his own timetable whereby he manages his time at home with her by ensuring he does all the housework, constantly rubs her feet, does all the cooking, buys her lots of gifts or ensures there are always fresh cut flowers in the reception rooms etc? Then she can enjoy the fruits of his labour without perhaps having to feel obligated to do something she's not ready for or uncomfortable with?

    Let me know your thoughts as I think this is really interesting.

    Thank you so much in advance, I can't wait to see what you all think!
     
  2. Charles3451
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    It's an interesting one for sure.

    Let me tell you about my failed marriage (which didn't include chastity etc). My ex wife had little or no interest in sex full stop, she was quite happy to spend my money and to hide the ever increasing cracks in our marriage we spend most weekends socialising with friends. The point I am trying to make is that you/we would need to know whether there is any sexual chemistry, of any sort, between them. If not then I suspect the long road to divorce or separation has already begun.

    I used to love my wife to bits but when you end up sitting on opposite sides or the room every night, have your arm removed if you try simply to cuddle in bed, and have intercourse twice a year if lucky, you realise that at some time you either have to live your life effectively as a single man, take a lover or divorce.
     
  3. PouchPantyLover
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    PouchPantyLover Active member

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    @MrsChastityXO Your 2nd paragraph seems to suggest they live together? Is that the case? What is their current relationship? Are they friends? Share a house? Past lovers? My initial reaction to your 2nd thought is creepy stalker guy. If they discussed it and she's not interested doubling down seems troubling in that it doesn't respect her wishes. Unrequited love (or worship) can really suck and be hard to deal with. Still it's better to rip that band-aid off then go further down the rabbit hole.
     
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  4. Blue00
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    I can relate to the question. There are too undisclosed factors to provide any direct advice. I am in the beginnings of an FLR with my spouse. I say beginnings because I dont think she has fully embraced that concept yet. I see it as my job to show her (not tell her) why this would work well for us.

    Keep in mind that we already have a relationship. I want to make that relationship stronger by becoming more responsive to her needs. I dont want to put things into turmoil by introducing too much at once. Therefore, I practice chastity with her knowledge and focus on ways to serve her better. This allows me to introduce ideas incrementally while she gets used to being treated like the Goddess she is. I dont think this approach would work to try to enter a relationship, but it does seem to be working (so far) to slowly transition one.

    I hope this helps
     
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  5. Unlucky
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    My assumption is this is a married or long term couple where the wife has sexually abandoned the husband who has turned to chastity because masturbation becomes a soulless, life sucking activity that resolves a symptom of the problem without treating the underlying issue of a lack of intimacy.

    If what I assumed is true, he didn't consent to her actions which means she's forced a lifestyle upon him. He's just attempting to make the best of a bad situation and it is selfish of her to just immediately shut that down.
     
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  6. MrsChastityXO
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    They are a happily married couple of over a couple of decades. They are emotionally intimate but there are reasons why they cannot be physical with one another anymore which has nothing to do with falling out of love. From what I understand, the sub's love is very much reciprocated and his act of self-locking has taken the pressure off of the Goddess somewhat, as it exonerates her from feeling guilty about not being able to physically provide something that she cannot do anymore. I don't think that separation is something that is on the cards for this couple.
     
  7. MrsChastityXO
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    I'm sorry about what you have been through - I don't think this is the case in this particular situation, though. As far as I am aware, they are emotionally intimate still and there is a legitimate reason why the Mistress is no longer physical with her sub. As far as I can gather, the sub's act of self-locking has actually taken the pressure from his Goddess. She is fully aware he has locked himself away and has given him the impression that she approves. It means she doesn't have to feel guilty anymore about not being able to physically provide to his masculine needs.
     
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  8. MrsChastityXO
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    I like this because it reflects my own slave's approach and I can tell from my own experiences that this worked because here I am now. As the years have gone by, I've grown more accustomed to it and now I'm fully comfortable in being his be-all and end-all.
     
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  9. salonslave
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    salonslave I play for a living and work for fun.

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    Having read all of the above, I think that he is being pragmatic and apparently pragmatism is working for them.
     
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  10. Blue00
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    So wonderful to learn that a similar approach worked. Thank you for sharing. What appeals most to me about this approach is that it becomes something that we both evolve into rather than asking her to accept pre-existing ideas of male fantasy and my own expectations.

    I will say that the changes are slow and almost imperceptible, but they accumulate over time.
     
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  11. Slave to Wife
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    Slave to Wife Nobody Important

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    I feel like it takes time for many women to overcome societal pressures of what marriage is supposed to be. A few come to realize the benefits of FLR with chastity slave husbands, and we adore these women. The world needs more of them.

    Others seem stuck on some imaginary normative lifestyle and blame their partner for being "weird." Like we had a choice? The rest fall somewhere in between, like being indecisive, and that almost is the hardest because the hubby thinks it might work but it either never does or takes years of trial and error.
     
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  12. PouchPantyLover
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    I see, this information drastically changes my prior answer. I see no problem with the husband treating his wife like a goddess as long as he understands she might not participate. For myself I can't do this one sided like that, but if he can more power to him. I would just caution that it can eventually breed resentment if it is one sided. The husband needs to understand and recognize this if it comes to that.
     
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  13. MrsChastityXO
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    Yes, I couldn't agree more.
     
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