We have dabled in the chastity world for a while now, with the longest lock up going just over a week. The wife is very vanilla, enjoys the chastity and me being locked, but has trouble getting the t&d aspects. It's usually unlock me for piv, then be away from chastity for a bit. In her defense, she has made me ruin an orgasm after piv once and given a couple handjobs with abandonment to end it. I think maybe she just doesn't know what to do and needs more direction. But the whole topping from the bottom defeats the purpose. She isn't into porn and doesn't want to watch videos. Without trying to top too much, I thought maybe making a dice game would help. This is what I have come up with so far. I would like additional ideas, keeping in mind she is vanilla. Dice Game Initial: Roll dice to determine length of lock up time. Keyholder can demand additional rolls to lengthen lock up. Keyholder may grant release during lock up period for her needs or play, his orgasm at her discretion. After lock up expiration: Roll dice to determine minutes of play. Keyholder may deny roll and order re roll for new lock up. Play methods and orgasm at Keyholder's discretion. After Play: IMMEDIATE lock up. Roll dice to determine length of lock up. Play while locked will be at Keyholder's discretion. As always, everything will be at the Keyholder's discretion. Any ideas and additions would be greatly appreciated. Thanks
It has potential and the "game" aspect may get your wife more into the kink. It's at least worth a try and you (or more appropriately your wife) can modify the terms as things progress. Keep us posted on your results.
For me the eroticism of chastity is that whatever control, teases, punishments or humiliations are bestowed up the male come from the female's deliberate decision. Taking cues from a random die would be ridiculously artificial and empty for us. I'd suggest your wife read a down-to-earth guidebook directed at females, such as Georgia Ivey Green's "Keyholder's Handbook," to see if she could gain an a deeper appreciation and understanding of the win-win benefits of keyholding for both parties.
The problem with letting everything be defined by the female in our Chastity arrangements is this is great if they are naturally open to exploration or kink. If they aren't you can just be denied by a lack of knowledge or interest. I am in this position at the moment and although my Wife is just beginning to become my Mistress things will get difficult to take if she does not move things up a level before too long. I have taken people's advice and slowed things down considerably, but slowing down to a full stop isn't easy to take.
I'm sort of in the same position - my KH is a close friend (so she's really afraid of accidentally hurting me) and she doesn't really have any experience as far as being in a BDSM relationship or being a Dom goes. So she brought in the a weekly dice-roll to determine what i (don't) get to do, so she can ease herself into it without getting overwhelmed. Ours looks like this: 1: Orgasm inside Cage (d6 for amount, on 6 reroll with -1 to result, Minimum 1) 2: Potential Surprise Orgasm (Roll for waiting time (3-6 days, starting on Sunday) and Amount (0-2)) - Waiting-time-count starts sunday. Void if i ask or try to guess what the rolls were. 3: No orgasm this week 4: Reroll, +1 Addon/Punishment (her choice) 5: My choice 6: Proper Orgasm outside of cage (d6 for amount, on 6 reroll with -1 to result, Minimum 1) We gradually brought in more punishments (like a d20 for minutes-granted-to-achieve-climat or having to apply nipple clamps for half an hour or having to reroll the d6 and take the worse result; there's a whole list of "nasty" stuff..), and so far it worked out pretty well. Being a dom once a week with a set timetable for when stuff happens and what can happen is a LOT less stressful for a newbie than being a dom all the damn time and it still leaves room for her to just decide that i need to be disciplined or rewarded for something if she feels like it. In short, it makes the whole thing fun for her - Something she wants to do with me instead of something i expect from her. And that's the important thing, that you BOTH have fun doing it, with no undue pressure added. So, i think the dice is a great idea. Set some limits, talk to her about the things she doesn't like and see if you can maybe compromise in a way that leaves both of you happy. If you want, i could give you our punishment list; maybe you can find some use for something on it, but in the end, it all comes down to communication..
Personally, I think games are good, especially if she is having trouble wrapping her head around all that goes with the game / lifestyle. It takes a lot of the pressure off her to decide what happens or if she is doing it right. As her comfort level increases, she can take control of any of the components at her discretion. We use a card game but regardless of the game, ultimately you want her to ease in at her own pace.
My Mistress is very new to all this and the statement about the stress of being in charge all the time is something I am very aware of. I am going to introduce her to this thread later and see what she thinks. I would be interested in seeing your punishment list. It's all very d&d!
It really is. Here's the current list, hope you can make use of some of it. -Reroll Main d6, choose worse result -d20 for max amount of time allowed to achieve climax(es) (KH decides starting time, has to be consecutive, failure means no orgasm and 1 punishment) -Using Dildo/Plug while being unlocked, but not allowed to touch penis -Using nipple clamps - easy or painful, with or without weights (20 minutes minimum, failure means 1 punishment) -all orgasms have to be ruined ones -halfed result of orgasm-rolls (can go to 0) -Allowed out of cage, but has to edge for 1-3 hours before allowed to cum (failure means immediate caging and +1 punishment for next saturday) -Surprise chance of immediate Orgasm in exchange for something else, for example forfeiting all regular orgasm rolls next saturday or (mix of) other punishments -KH decides what toy (not) to use to achieve climax - can be combined with timelimit -KH decides Speed of Massager -Numbing Creme (can be combined with other things) -Using Dildo/Plug while caged (anal or oral) -forced to watch porn for 1 hour while caged ("Failure" normally means i don't make it to the time set by the KH, either by accident (clamps falling off, plug slipping out..) or because i can't stand it anymore. Personally, i love the d20-timer - it means even the best roll on the regular dice can suddenly turn into a punishment if you have to cum 3 times in 2 minutes.)
I'm not against dice games, sometimes women have a problem thinking of ways to tease and deny, once they get the hang of it then they may be able to T&D without prompts from the dice games.
I love all the variations on the dice theme. I understand the comments from the comfortable dominant women downplaying the need for or desirability of playing a game, but you all are "comfortable" in your dominance. Not all of our KHs are so comfortable. If a gradual exposure leads to great kink down the road, that is much more positive than a total turn off because a KH is rushed into something for which she isn't ready .