Hi there, This might not be the right venue for this sort of question, but here I feel comfortable discussing sexuality. I am together with my girlfriend for five years, and most of the time we have been living together in a condo. Now she is working in a different country for 3/4 a year in two sittings, one shorter, one longer. I can go and visit her, but since that requires a flight and renting a car, I can only do this once a month, and my plan is on going it every two months such that I have 6 weeks alone and two with her. She will be here for two months in a bit over a month, and I have had a month without her now. She is now quite busy working, however in my life there is something significant missing now from day to day. Things like having breakfast together, cuddling and also sex and fetish play. In order to compensate for the latter at least a bit, I have set up a secure messaging app on both our phones such that we can exchange kinky messages. My hope was to play »online keyholding«. We have exchanged some messages in the past weeks, and I have continued to break in my chastity device. Longest time before she went away was like six hours. Now I am at 48 and keen on pushing this to a week. Right now I have a serious chafing so I take a little break. In the last couple of days I have not received a direct message from her. Also in the kinky chat app, the last message is not even read. Since she is quite busy there, I can understand it. And I likely went overboard with kinky messages (asking for her to specify a lock-up time with the kitchen safe, talked about things she could do to me when she got back) and she is now annoyed by it. This would not be a new thing, I annoy her with it also when she is here. I feel abandoned, and I realize that this is an overreaction and does not remotely reflect her intent. She is busy and instead of filling the void with friends who are around me, I pester her with messages and wanting replies. However, sexuality is nothing that I want to do with somebody except her. So I can either decrease my sexual needs or find some other valve for it. Problem of course is that the more I play with chastity, the more aroused I become and the more I want her to send me kinky messages. In principle she could just send me message like on a captioned Tumblr image per day and I would be happy. Perhaps the right question to ask is what I could do to make sexuality alone more satisfying. I already have (also long before she left) a habit of browing Tumblr for images that I like. Then I sometimes watch porn video. There are some anal toys, I have a chastity belt with a kitchen safe. So plenty of things to play with, I'd suppose. But just locking myself up for 48 hours is not that thrilling. But with a message like “Yes, I want you locked up. How long was your longest so far, 48 hours? Well, then do 52. Now go!” it becomes an arousing quest, yet I seem to have to do without these messages. I also thought about writing short stories and publish them here or on Literotica just to foster my fantasies. Do you have suggestions what I could do to make me less dependent (and therefore less annoying) on her input but still maintain the »locked for her« narrative?
Was chastity something you two played with while he was in town still or did you just spring this on her while she was gone?
I travel internationally quite often for 4 to 6 weeks at a time and I never miss a day talking with my gf/KH, much trading messages. It just isn’t possible to be so busy to not share messages. Sounds like she is pissed or something is up.
I had played with chastity before, the problem was that none of the devices tried were comfortable enough for longer wear. So it was something we did for a day, but not more. The new belt is more comfortable and I can wear it longer. I do not think that she is pissed, she is just really busy it seems. We now have a call every couple of days.
For chaffing, try a little vaseline on the ring in the morning and night. As for getting crickets to your texts, I too would think something is up. In fairness, I don't know her and everyone is different but unless she's tunneling out of a POW camp, it's hard to believe she's so busy she doens't have 30 seconds to reply to you.
I can see where she is coming from if everytime she opens a text message it is all about sex, that could piss her off, and btw long distance relationship can work just as long as there is ground rules, maybe a short break is on the cards???.
It is correct that it only takes thirty seconds to answer a text message. But it takes longer to get into the right frame of mind to compose a message that I would enjoy. And where she works she does not have the fetish mindset, so it takes some conscious effort. I receive answers to normal everyday text messages rather soon. She can read them and just answer, it does not take her getting into a certain role or mood. And we have found a working balance between everyday things and sex texting. This way we stay in touch with our daily routines and occasionally I get a couple of sexy messages that keep me going for a while. The problem likely is that too many sexy messages put so much pressure on her that she wants to answer them in a quiet setting. Working at a tourist location means that there are no quiet settings, except when she sleeps, and she needs the sleep then. Therefore the messages build up. I have eased the pressure by telling her that she is free to answer just any of the messages that she wants, not seeing it as a list to work through. And indeed I sometimes get a sexy message at times when I don't expect it.
I assume you are also texting her non-sexual stuff as well? Women appreciate non-sexual communication! They also need to be in the right frame of mind to appreciate sexual communication. Did you discuss the chastity device before she left? If not, have you checked that she doesn’t see it as being a bit too weird?
Long distance can be quite difficult at times. Daily communication is vital to make sure you are both on the same wavelength as far as your relationship is concerned. We, too, speak on a frequent and regular basis so going a few days without a call does seem a bit alien to Me, but we are all different in how we operate. Pet and I still have our disconnects, but 4+ years later we're still together. So I hope any advice that I give here helps you as well. It does sound like you've layered on the sexual stuff pretty thick; there's a theme in all your posts here that increased sexting and sharing kinky messages are things that you want and you need. Now, I completely understand the physics of keeping a fire lit: if you ignore it, eventually it goes out. So she certainly has a part in keeping you stimulated as your partner, but considering the other demanding portions of her life... she may indeed be overwhelmed with how much sexual reciprocation you're expecting from her. And if you're already practicing chastity... the concept of denial should be nothing of surprise. Perhaps it's being manifested in a way you didn't expect (be careful what you wish for, and all that). 'Unexpected' effects of power exchange seem to be common occurrences around here! There's an ebb and flow with everything, and sometimes life puts kink firmly in the backseat. It sounds like she's working quite hard while focusing on her career instead of sex. Perhaps you should follow her lead and also focus spending your time on improving yourself in other ways through non-sexual hobbies? Do you work out? Do you have a good diet? Do you enjoy the outdoors? These are all things you can consider as potential outlets for the increased energy you're acquiring. Opinions on pornography are as variable as everything else. I think it can be a fun, healthy addition to many relationships... but in ours, I control his viewing. It's been a hard rule for a long time, not that it was always followed but there's a learning curve with everything. If she truly is the only sexual entity in your life as you say, I would suggest that you stop watching porn, regardless if you're withholding orgasms or not. Save all of your sexual energy for her and her alone. You might be shocked at how explosive and intimate your reunions can be when you do this. That said, I also highly recommend writing down your thoughts/fantasies/etc, as you mentioned in the OP. However, be careful not to let that tempt you to push her further. Writing can be great therapy but not if it only serves to increase already-unwieldy expectations. Instead, you could view journaling as a buffer for your racing mind and reality. Plenty of space for a journal thread here on CM, if you haven't started one already. Best of luck to you both.
For the chaffing I would stay away from petroleum and try a high quality silicone lube. Get a small bottle/sample from the store and all it takes is a drop or so for the day. You will be amazed. Clean daily and apply live you should be good to go . I have also just removed the lock and went with a slightly more permanent solution of coloured the straps that she inspects regularly . So much more comfortable, as the lock was pinching me I think . and I HOPE that the next cage I can rivet on
Have travelled internationally for long periods of time each year. It does become a problem with the wife. With the internet and smart phones you can have some fun long distance: The use of serially numbered plastic locks are a big help. - she tells you to sent her a picture of your locked penis with a time stamp at a certain time each day. She should be able to see the serial number on the plastic lock. She can vary the time so sometimes you have to wake up in the middle of the night to send the picture also time stamped. If you fail to send it within 5 minutes of the time she gives you, you keep doing for whatever number of extra days she says. - She can have you use a dildo on your butt for a certain period of time and have you video tape it and send it to her. - She can watch you eat your cum as you video tape it. - while locked listen to her give herself an orgasm or watch it on video. - She can have you wear panties and require a picture of you wearing them during your business day which will require you to be near a bathroom or other private place. If you miss the deadline, 3 more days of lock up or whatever she wants. Doing things like this daily will keep you in touch and continue your sex games. If you use your imagination you will think of other things that can be done and photographed or video taped on a schedule. There are many things that you can do long distance these days.
I like how the two of you have created ways to keep thinking of each other Great ways to make the time and distance evaporate.
Turned out that you were right all along. Her and I have parted ways this week. The amount of contact from her side was minimal and eventually my assessment of the situation has changed from a forgiving “she has much to do” to an “she is ignoring me”. I started to acknowledge the negative feelings of abandonment and being ignored. I told her with an honest text message that I was feeling abandoned and ignored and now started to get angry with her lack of contact. In the evening we had a phone call and within seconds I knew that the end was very near. Basically we had grown apart, lost common interests and did not have much to say to each other any more. Looking back now I can see the beginning of this pattern a year ago. It is sad that it is over, but also I am slowly starting to feel relieved as there won't be any more disappointment from ignored messages. I just wanted to say that those of you who had the hunch that something was off were right after all!