Well, originally I made random word documents whenever I just needed to vent/blog. I really wasn't up to sharing them. But maybe I need to? I dunno. Here goes:
this first one is a older one that i rediscovered. some things are still relevant: please excuse any bitterness sounding... (lol) I feel totally un-satisfied in my needs. I need something more. Im not sure what to do. Ive very frustrated. My likes are spicier than hers. She cant get into them and seems to need to drink to be adventurous. There always seems to be something coming up. I could take it if it was in the context of play. But at this point things arent acknowledged or fun. Its disappointing. It could be so much fun, but she just cant seem to do it. She says she doesnt know what to do. She says she doesnt know how to get into it. And yet I dont see her doing anything that would help her get knowledge. Im tired, and I feel like I have to pull teeth to get her to do anything. Its really discouraging. I dont want to be one of those people that has to look elsewhere (on the sly) to have their needs met. I am really frustrated.
The more things change, the more they stay the same Since that post has anything changed? well not really. I'm generally playing chastity on my own. I can wear the CB3k all day with no issues. Once night time comes I have to take it off. I've tried sleeping with it on and OMG, it's just i get no sleep. i need sleep. (hopefully the in coming BL will help me with that.) I'm not sure if it's a "i'm still a young guy, so the nocturnal erections are still strong" type of thing, but i just can't imagine wearing this thing overnight and still be functional. Anyhow I seem to be tangenting. For the last couple of days i've been working on that hypno file i posted. Why? I think I've just been so so horny the last couple of days. I think I've actually noticed that my level of horniness corresponds to my wifes menstrual cycle. So i know she's about to have it, based on how much time i spend in front of the computer looking at porn. (tsk tsk, i know) Anyhow, I sat down for some reason and started to think about my kinks and as I am someone who has alot of "online" knowledge, my actual experience with real-time play is extremely novice. I just started writing random stuff of whatever came into my head... here it is: Things that I want when I'm horny: I want to be a chastity slave. Locked up and controlled by my wife. Never being allowed to cum. Constantly being teased and denied. I crave being controlled and being reduced to a sex toy. I want to exist solely for my wife's sexual pleasure. I want to be forbidden to wear any male underwear at home ever again. I want my wife to develop a serious interest in femming me. On some level i crave being teased and humiliated. I want her to take things farther than i am comfortable. to have no choice but to trust her. I want for her to want to fem me. I want for her to enjoy doing it, to get off on doing it. I want her to set rules for me and to actually enforce them. rules like: You are only allowed to wear male underwear when you go to work. All other times it will be slutty. You are only allowed to cum with something stretching your asshole. You are only cum when you lick it up afterwards. To a lesser degree i wish my wife was confident enough to confide in friends the nature of a Domme/sub relationship. For her to "show me off" so to speak. And oddly enough, I get really turned on at the idea of her getting involved with one of her female friends and for them both to get in on teasing me. (i suppose this is not that extra-ordinary from a guys perspective) ------------------------ I fantasize that there is a Domme locally who takes my wife under her wing and trains her to be a Domme. I really want to become a "be carefull what you wish for" story. ------------------------ Geez, just getting this out feels so good. I'm sure i'm leaking from somewhere. lolz. But writing this stuff down makes my heart beat faster, and gives me the sensation like when a car makes an abrupt drop - and makes you wonder how your stomach and penis are connected?!? What do i want from her? i want her to be confident. I want her to feel sexy. I want her to use that sexiness to tease and torment me. I want her to love stockings and to tease me with it. I want her to be horny all the time and to love getting off while denying me. I want to share my kinkiest secrets with her. I want to be in a relationship where I feel satisfied. I understand there are barriers to us being like this. But at least try for crying out loud. It can be fun. It doesn't have to be 24/7, at first. You have to take things slowly, but you HAVE to move at least. It just seems as though she has an excuse for everything to do with this. It's really disheartening. I need to play, i need to have fun with her, and to explore this with her, but it's just so hard to do. I tried making her a hypno session. that whole idea almost started a fight. At least she recognized that it took me some time to make and noticed my effort. I'm not saying she needs to be "reprogrammed" which i'm aware, now, that it may have sounded. I was hoping that she'd look at it as a tool to help her get kinky and not get all defensive. I really want to get into this chastity on a regular basis. I guess i hoped that chastity would be a segway into a kinkier lifestyle.
Points Princess was very vanilla, i am very kinky. The first time we experimented with chastity things didn't go well to say the least. That was about a year and a half ago. When we stopped She noticed i wasn't happy and neither was She. i was really suprised when i ask Her what She wanted for Christmas and She replied all I want is My key back so that's what i gave Her and it has been quite a ride since. She still doesn't do much research or ask any of the Mistress' here for advice but She works on a computer all day and doesn't feel like being on it at home. i am like you wishing She would out me to some of Her friends and make me serve them sometime but i do enjoy what i have and am thankful for it. "I crave being controlled and being reduced to a sex toy. I want to exist solely for my wife's sexual pleasure" i think this is something most of us in chastity desire but vanilla women are more into the lovey stuff and often ask why do I need to do this for you to love me. It's not that we don't love them w/o this play it just makes it more intense. More like it was when we first met. "I want to be forbidden to wear any male underwear at home ever again." Why the at home limit? Are you walking around in your underwear at work. Sounds like topping from the bottom to me. "I want my wife to develop a serious interest in femming me. On some level i crave being teased and humiliated. I want her to take things farther than i am comfortable. to have no choice but to trust her. I want for her to want to fem me. I want for her to enjoy doing it, to get off on doing it." i think you are asking alot here. my Wife has told me She doesn't mind me dressing but doesn't want me doing it all the time. She has stated in the past She wants a manly man but still it would be nice if sometimes She told me She wants Rachel to visit. It makes me feel uncomfortable dressing around the Her because i don't think She really enjoys it. But again i am happy for what i have. i wish She would talk to Miss D about this but again it comes down to the puter thing. "I want her to set rules for me and to actually enforce them." Points Princess is getting better at this and sometimes it actually scares me. But that is the idea. For Her to take US somewhere we have never been and can only be shared between us. "What do i want from her? i want her to be confident. I want her to feel sexy." I want her to use that sexiness to tease and torment me." i don't know how old you two are but this gets hard for a woman especially after kids and a little weight redistribution. They don't understand that we still find them sexy and attractive. Then again sometimes "real life" just gets in the way. i know i don't feel as attractive when i'm "dressed" now that i'm 53 as i did when i was "dressed" at twenty so i can kinda relate to how the "real" women feel. Your post is full of "I wants". What does She want? It takes alot of talking and alot of time. Imagine if you were vanilla and She came home one day out of the blue and said I bought this chastity device and you are gonna wear it all the time and told you you were gonna do all the things you wrote about in your post. And don't say it would be great because then you are not looking at it from a vanilla point of view. Well that turned into quite a rant but i thought it might help. Rachel
heh, Rachel, thanks for the reply. I appreciate that you took time to compose all of that! I was never expecting replies when i wrote this. it was more venting, but replies are nice. yes, there are alot of "wants", it was a list after all when i took stock. sure, there are some topping/bottoming things, but then at this point, almost everything is a top from the bottom - lol. limit of underwear: well in truth, i work in a professional capacity, and it really would alter my work place situation. so the limit would exist for that reason. Much like the next sentence that you advised that 24/7 would be less than ideal. I agree. so work is one of thise things that would have to be "non" kink. we are fairly young still. yeah. a lot of wants. but I'm not sure she knows what she wants. (which is part of the frustration - so i wait for her to figure that out.)