Sorry, I'm a bit of an English nerd. In media res is a literary term for beginning a story in the middle. I'll just make a brief post here and then go back and fill in some history and update where things are. My wife and I have talked about and experimented with chastity for years. In 2005 I went approximately 49 days in lock up. In 2014 I went 78 days without a device. In April, she allowed me to order a Holy Trainer v 2. I am currently on day 39 without orgasm or ejaculation, although I haven't been locked up that entire time. She also hasn't had an orgasm since April 25 which was the last time we came together. On April 27 and 28 I ruined orgasms each day by taping a vibrator to the bottom of my penis while I was out of the device during the day. I confessed to my wife and I received a week straight in lock up for that. I have no idea how long this chastity cycle will be. We are rebooting right now, as I mentioned in my introduction. I have suggested to my wife that she push my limits and not let me cum until sometime between my birthday and our anniversary which would be between 90-165 days. She may reintroduce sex for her before then. It's really up to her.
Can I just ask why is your Wife being chaste at the same time as you? I am on day 24 since my last orgasm but what is driving me crazy is my Wife, due to an operation she had, is now 16 days post orgasm. I can cope with me not having orgasms but only because I get to regularly give my Wife orgasms. I couldn't do this if she was chaste as well. Or at least I couldn't unless it was like @thekeyholderwife last update where she was put into chastity by a dom couple in a wonderful twist to her keeping her husband locked up. Damn, I wish she would update more often!
Well, I don't actually know if she is being chaste or not. She might be masturbating like a fiend for all I know. When I was in therapy and we were rebooting. (78 days) we didn't have any overtly sexual contact but lots of intimacy. (She could masturbate, but I don't know if she did. She wasn't to let me know.) I suggested we replicate that and then re-introduce intimacy for her then for me on her time scale. We have had some sexual contact over the past forty days. She's stroked me a little bit. I've kissed her breasts some and her ass and vulva once, but not even close to orgasm. But going to your post about communication. I have given her some suggestions, nothing more. I'm not in therapy, and she's in charge. If she wants to get it on or have me go down on her, then that's her prerogative. As far as not being able to deal with not giving her orgasms. We are having a lot of non-sexual intimacy and that's pretty enthralling. I'm just enjoying the kissing, the making out, the feel of her breasts pressed up against me.
Thanks for the explanation. That sounds incredible. I suppose that my Wife and I also had a relationship reboot, we just didn't realise that is what we are doing. I started wearing a chastity device as a way of covering the genital modification I underwent that disturbed my Wife so much we nearly divorced. My Wife had given me permission to have the modification without realizing how upset she would become. I don't blame her for her reaction at all but I had to do something to rescue our relationship. I gave her the literal key to my sexuality and the control of my access to my genitals. Neither of us could have predicted how effective this would be. Our love for each other has grown exponentially and both of us are having an immense amount of fun. The deal was a massive reduction in orgasms for me and she would get what ever she wanted. As she has relaxed into this the amount of orgasms she has received has gone up considerably. My Wife recently touched my penis for the first time in about seven months. She still feels uncomfortable looking at it but without this chastity process I doubt it would have ever happened. What you describe, about how excited you are about something as simple as the feel of your wife's breasts against you, that is exactly what I am going through. I wasn't addicted to porn but I was going that way. Now I have no need for it, my Wife is my focus and my desire. She has responded to my desire with an incredible increase in how sexy she actually feels and therefore the things she is doing to me and herself. Chastity was a thing I had seen on Tumblr and I suggested it for the control it gave her and the ability to hide my mistake. I had no idea it would fundamentally change us.
Why I wear it. I don't want to be in control of what, when, how we do things sexually as couple. I don't want to have any sexual expectations I don't want to have the temptation. I don't need to have orgasms every time I'm horny. Denial is good for me. I need to build intimacy. If someone was a compulsive gambler, you would limit their ability to cash and casinos as much as possible; you might move away. If you'd lost thousands you would set up as many barriers as possible to the things that lead to gambling or thinking of gambling. I want to break myself of my desire to have my fantasies fulfilled and the expectation that I can have sex or masturbate whenever I want. I don't want the temptation to be able to have an affair. I want to focus on loving the Lord and loving my wife. I can be intimate with her at anytime, but I am leaving the decision about when and how to be sexual to her. I am giving her the power to crush my desires. I am dying to myself in this area. I don't need constant control, but I need control when I am weak. I don't have a perfect way to tell when that will be, so I would rather have my Internet filtered and monitored and wear a trainer for an undetermined number of years to break my habits than to be at higher risk of relapse. It doesn't mean I don't need or don't have self control. With some effort I could pull out and masturbate. With some effort I could defeat the monitoring and blocking systems and look at porn. Filtering and the trainer don't eliminate the need for self control, rather they remind me of my need for self control and serve as a first check to things that might start me down a slippery slope. The fact that my wife has the key to the trainer reminds me that my sexuality is intended to bless her, which in turn draws us closer, as opposed to me fulfilling my sexual needs myself or using her as an object to act out something that I've seen.
We first tried chastity in 2002. Between 2002 and 2014 we had several stints in which we used male chastity in our relationship. The longest was probably about 6 months. We are about 3 months into chastity this time. I asked my wife to write me a note telling me how she perceives our relationship and the effect that chastity is having on our relationship. Here's what she said. I don't know why this time is different. I don't know why this time seems to be working better. Maybe God's timing... But what I do know is that I am loving how things are going. We are being successful and I feel confident because of it. But I am being successful in more areas of my life so maybe that why it is working. I love that you are treasuring me. I feel like I am falling in love with you again and that you think I am special. I don't feel like you're taking me for granted. You're even doing what I don't seem to be able to do with the kiddos. And you're being patient and loving while trying to encourage them to more. Thank you for not giving up on us! The biggest differences that I can identify is that she is truly in charge and I am not looking at porn and setting my expectations based on that. As much as possible, I am avoiding having expectations, but am simply enjoying the day-to-day of our relationship. I have made some general comments like "I would like it if you would tease me more," but I am not trying to top from the bottom. BTW, I did get to pleasure her two nights ago and that was simply incredible.