Hello everyone. Hope you all had a great holiday. My wife and I are pretty new to this lifestyle so the journey is definitely in its beginning stages. I proposed chastity to my wife several months ago to keep me from watching porn. After a few lengthy discussions and trial runs she decided to take the keys and keep me locked. She said I'm not allowed to orgasm without her "ever again." This was a very exciting moment for me. The longest she's kept me locked so far is two weeks. This may seem like nothing to other members here, but my wife is normally very vanilla and is not much for sex talk. She does enjoy penetrative sex though so I get unlocked about once or twice per month just for that. At times I can tell she's more assertive and confident, but she is so used to being the sub that she flip flops often. I let her know in subtle ways that I'd love to see her become more dominant. Such as telling me to do things instead of asking. I also let her know I wanted to be spanked with her wooden hairbrush regularly, which she hasn't quite taken to yet. I never push these issues, I just sort of jokingly mention them and see how she reacts. I also whine a little about being locked once in a while to see her reaction. She usually says "no" or "I don't want to hear it" or "hush." I love this denial aspect and only want to be unlocked on her terms anyway, which seems to be working out well. I also do everything I can to make her day easier - dishes, laundry, foot and back rubs etc. My question is, does female dominance develop more over time with male chastity? Is there anything else I can be doing to nudge her more into a dominant state of mind? Any suggestions for a newbie would be much appreciated! Thanks!
This question has been asked here several times. The answers vary but usually include a keyholder scolding you for trying to mold her into playing a part of your fantasy and not being considerate that she may not be into it or may not progress at the rate you want her to. I'm not scolding or saying anything positive or negative, I'm neutral here. The bottom line is it's a delicate issue to deal with. The best thing is open, brutally honest and loving conversation. Make sure you two are on the same page and actually discuss the details. It's just that though, a discussion, you're not trying to "change" her. In fact, when it comes to change I suggest focusing on yourself. That combined with your heart-to-heart discussions will give the best results. I'm a straight dominant male so my perspective is different. I'll share some wisdom that a female domme friend told me a long time ago. This is what I mean when I say focus on yourself. From the dom perspective, it's not about me trying to convince a girl to be naughty or do kinky things with me. How could I really convince or change her?..I can't. It's more about being the kind of man that she wants to be naughty for. If that makes sense. The same is true in the sub role and your situation with your wife. What can you change about your life inside and outside of the bedroom that will show her who you are and what you want. Only you know your wife and yourself well enough to know the specifics and the details. So that's my advice, work hard on changing what you can (yourself, in ways that will please her and show her how serious you are) and have loving and honest discussions about all of it. Take time to understand each other and see it from her eyes as well.
Welcome. I'd say just take it easy for now, don't push, but suggest she join and see where she takes you.