A wonderful life

@allaboutHer oh dear poor you. . You say it's all about her but by the sound of it you want something back. Maybe you need to talk to her.
Chin up and hugs
Lucy x

 

@allaboutHer the one thing I have learned in all this is communication is key to a successful relationship. If she is unaware of your frustrations she won't be able to do anything about it. It sounds like you are a pressure kettle about to explode so it would probably be good to talk about this before emotions really take over. I go through periods of similar feelings with my own Wife regarding whether she is really truly interested in what we are doing but I have only been doing it a few months. I cannot imagine how I would feel after four years!

 

Hello Lucy & jasmic.

Yes Lucy, it IS "all about Her", but guys I guess I am just disappointed. She is like a stereotypical guy in this realm...she HATES to talk about it. Believe me I have expressed my thoughts over and over...and she HATES that too. Of course I was greeted with a cheerful, "My toe nails look great; its about time you did your job." this morning. I guess I thought given our rare, painfully extracted discussion in early December that perhaps things would move along (down the slippery slope perhaps?) with a more expedient pace. I had bought books before and ended up trashing them in an eruption of mine one time before our 4 year restart...it was a mess. I accessed the spare key, let myself out...emptied all the vestiges of play clothes, toys and put them far away or trashed them and withdrew and quickly returned to daily masturbating. I promised her pace 4 years ago. I am just thoroughly frustrated and not in a good way right now. I still need to recognize that she thinks she is going about all of this the right way; her way. Oh well. Time to bear down and fight through these feelings...and do it her way and keep hoping. She CLAIMS she looked at the books, but I think she is fibbing...paperbacks show if they have been opened and there is nary a crease in any of those spines...and I digress. Thanks for the words guys. You do not know how lucky you both are....I keep hoping for that shared, engaged "wonderful life".


allaboutHer

 

There is definitely give and take on both sides of the chastity equation. A Mistress, keyholder, or Wife needs to fulfill their side of the bargain just as much as we as the subs, chaste male husband/partners need to.

Like I said you sound like a pressure cooker, or valve about to pop. You do need to find a way to resolve this but I'm afraid I don't have the answer. The fact you have lasted four years shows how dedicated and determined you are though.

Have you tried a communication book? If verbal communication is an issue then maybe writing your thoughts down might help. A bit of advice I have recently read is to say things in terms of your needs not being met, not in terms of what the partner is not doing. A subtle difference but it doesn't pass blame.

 

As has been said communication is key to any quality relationship. Best of luck to you! I hope it all works out for the both of you. Talk, talk, talk, and then talk some more.

 

i wudnt chat too much tho cos when i do i get sent to my room. my Mistress does read a lot of books but not them ones.

 

oooh, if i chat a lot i gets send to my room.

 

AllAbouther,

I've read all your posts and feel very sorry for you. You seem to have little intimacy with your wife, not even french kissing if I remember correctly. It just seems as if she's turned off to you sexually, or perhaps doesn't have the love for you she once had (sorry I may be way off base here, just my opinion). If she did care about you, she would attend more to your sexual needs and desires for intimacy. Love is a two-way street. You have a right to happiness.

And guess what, it's not all about her, it's all about both of you or it won't work in the long term.

 

I have to say I completely agree with your final sentence @dboy. I get the idea of being a devoted partner, putting your own needs and desires second to the person you love and cherish, but that doesn't mean you can just be ignored.

 

Hello boy.
Let me preface by saying thank you for the frank, honest, open opinion. Please do not feel sorry for me because this IS a bed I made for myself. Trust me, I have had nearly the exact thoughts you have and have approached my Wife/Mistress/Keyholder with each and every one of those concerns and or postulates and she has denied them VEHEMENTLY. She claims that part of what she withholds she does because she knows how much it confounds me. She is, and has always been very cerebral. This, part and parcel is why I hope she reads those books so she can see the big picture. Somewhere along the way I believe the log jam will break and things will move along. With young kids and the business she is trying to cultivate I am on the bottom of the totem pole behind the 2 kids and the business...and let me not forget her degree work. I know I can be selfish and I also know I will go weeks at a time averaging 4 to 5 hours sleep nightly and she CANNOT do that. As frustrated as I was last evening she has scolded and admonished me several times today for letting her feet and toes get so bad and was actually rather hard assed in the manner she told me about it and told me I needed to shape up. Perhaps she just has her own way. I did neglect to add that she wanted to cuddle when I finished her feet last night but I said I would prefer to let us both get some much needed rest (A lie! I was annoyed with her about the books...and for reading/studying for a meeting I did not know she had today...which went very well). l did make the totem pole comment the other day and she said to enjoy my time on the bottom because when the kids get older I may just regret the situation I have encouraged when the attention can shift back to me. Oh well. Thank you again for your thoughts. Glad to see I am not the only one that has had the same thoughts. After all, we all have different needs, wants and desires. I am hanging in there riding this coaster and sometimes the dark hormones can really make it a challenge.

Take care!

allaboutHer

 

Now that puts an entirely different perspective on what you are going through!!!! I would now say stick with it, as it sounds like you are in for quite a ride.

 

Well the perspective may have changed but I personally believe you need to feel appreciated and wanted. I think the two of you need a date night once a week, even if it is only for an hour or two. This would help immensely for the the two of you to reaffirm the lifestyle your living.
It is amazing how far just little things will go. Just a pat on the butt and a comment here or there. I know for my wife of 28 years and kh for the last 3 years, this works for us and may not work for everyone. This of course is just my opinion so please don't take it the wrong way.
All the best to you and your wife. Be well and happy for life is short.

 

Hello sissymichelle.
I agree with you wholeheartedly. I WAS in a very petulant dark mood the other evening and perhaps I painted a very poor, and selfish picture. We DO need a regular date night! On the rare occasion we get one we always have a good time. It would take WAYYYYY too long to explain but life really finds a way of getting in the way of my Wife/Mistress/Keyholder and I and keeping us from doing this more often let alone weekly (which would be a joy!). I do get my fair share of pats on the butt, especially when I am doing the dishes or cooking (they feel extra special if I am wearing something on the sexy side as opposed to standard clothing). I did do her nails the other night when this all occurred and as I said above she has remarked how nice they looked several more times since my last post followed by admonishment for shirking my responsibilities. There have also been recent episodes of poke tickling on her part which have brought about comments about how my abs feel nice and firm (to her at least haha!). I guess maybe I have become much more needy of watering and attention like the female stereotype and she had evolved more toward the laconic, stoic male stereotype. I am insecure about my evolution and I guess that breeds neediness for more watering , attention and justification. I have more thoughts and will post later. Thanks so much for your input and taking the time, thought and effort to respond constructively.

allaboutHer