A revealing and surprising discussion with my wife

Discussion in 'Chastity in vanilla life' started by uniquerubique, Jan 9, 2021.

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  1. uniquerubique
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    uniquerubique Member

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    As many men have already testified, wearing a chastity device really makes you focus more on your partner. I wasn’t prepared for this myself, but after wearing a cage for just a few days now I’m feeling more attracted to my wife and we have more interesting discussions.

    We’re currently in week 1 of a 20 week chastity weight loss project and my wife, says that she really has noticed the difference in me. Just 30 minutes ago(she’s now asleep next to me), she said she is thinking of the idea to keep me locked up even after the project is done. This is of course very interesting news, but she also said something that I thought was a bit sad... She confessed that she hasn’t been so interested in sex lately, but that she has made extra effort for my sake. I really had no idea. She says that she still likes occasional sex, but if we could keep me locked and bring me out whenever she is in the mood - that would be better. Her first concern is my health though. She wants to make sure that being locked up is not hurting me or affecting my health in a bad way.

    Let’s see what happens, but I’m surprised how this little device has already changed the mindset for both of us.
     
  2. MissyB
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    It can be a surprise that something that on the surface seems fairly small can have such a big impact. Good sign that she is taking to it and hope it works out. Enjoy.
     
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  3. Iron78
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    How do you feel about staying locked, and only getting ‘occational sex’?

    I am planning something similar for myself, but to be honest, I am really scared about me being able to deal with it.
     
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  4. McGyver
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    I just started my own thread where I combine chastity with weight loss, and the first next thread I click on is this one. I also notice that I am more focused on the needs of my Wife when in chastity and denied orgasms. I guess my idea is not unique (surprised/not surprised). How do you combine chastity and weight loss in practice?
     
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  5. JackStrap
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    Many mansionistas would be more than happy to oblige.
     
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    Honestly, I would bring up getting some daily intimacy in... even if it is non-sexual. Get some massages in with just your hands, nothing fancy. Maybe a kiss on her neck, back, or thighs before bed. She can leave you locked while it happens to, whatever... If this sound interesting to you, you should bring it up.
     
  7. sissy_connie
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    The project has changed from joint decisions about chastity ....and she now owns you and your orgasms.
     
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  8. Jessica Alexander
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    Jessica Alexander Trans woman not a mistress or Dom

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    For chastity to really be effective in weight loss (or any other goal), it needs to be incorporated into a well planned program that will get you to that goal rather than just focusing on the scale.

    Agree on a realistic plan and a realistic way to get there. 2.2 lbs a week or 1 kilo is a realistic goal and you should have some sort of exercise EVERY day. Vary between weight lifting and endurance/cardio.

    Don’t overdo it starting out or you may injure yourself or be too sore to move. Maybe start at 15 minutes on cardio days and 20 on weight days and bump it up 5 minutes every week or two until you get a good hour in.

    Figure out eating and what will work best for you but you should make all your meals and don’t eat any premade or restaurant foods. You may want to look at intermittent fasting as well.

    She can reward you every day for sticking to plan even if it’s just her letting you out to masturbate or whatever she feels up to. Stick to the plan and the weight WILL come off. You may want to talk to your doctor and let him know your goal and if your fasting glucose level is over 100, metformin is great for lowering that, weight loss and energy and is stimulate free. It decreases insulin resistance and allows your body to tap the energy already in the system.

    Good luck!
     
  9. StubHub
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    Maybe loose weight or add lockup time. Just a guess.
     
  10. NZSenator
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    For weightloss, use a diet tracker like myfitnesspal. Work out your daily activity level, enter in your current weight, enter in goal weight and what period you are looking to work over and it will give you a daily calorie target. I have used this for both weight gain and weight loss to great effect. For a male, +/- 2500 calories per day is a rough average to maintain existing weight then adjust to suit.

    You become acutely aware just how many calories are in some foods or beverages and you quickly decide how you want to spend your daily allocation. Things like a glass of wine has less calories than a can of beer, "crackers" are high in calories (and salt) but offer little appetite satisfaction, whereas something like carrots or other dense vegetables are the opposite. If you stick with high protein type foods (eggs, lean chicken etc) then this will complement your fitness activity by providing your muscles with the fuel they need to grow / repair after exercise.
     
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  11. tecolote
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    Listen to the Hippo. A vanilla wife might be happy with infrequent sex, but you will want sex more than ever. But if she is willing to allow other intimacy, it can be powerful. Honestly, I believe that it won't work without her taking an active role in erotic teasing on a regular basis.

    This doesn't mean that she has to do a whole bondage scene with you every day. It can be as simple as a few naughty things said, occasionally fondling you, letting you massage her... Five minutes a day can go a long way (I mean, more is nice). But being "Locked and forgotten" is awful. You get needy when caged, she needs to take that into account.
     
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  12. uniquerubique
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    I’m excited by the idea and I think it’s just healthy to be a little scared. Remember, you are doing it for Her. It’s surprising how things gets less complicated and more logical when you have someone to to sacrifice for. You have a purpose. :)

    If you notice that you can’t handle it, then you need to talk about it. Trust me, she is concerned about your well-being.
     
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  13. uniquerubique
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    uniquerubique Member

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    #13 uniquerubique, Jan 11, 2021
    Last edited: Jan 11, 2021
    We have a whole program planned out. Actually, I wrote a booklet with pictures and everything

    Basically we have a shared Excel spreadsheet where she keeps track if my achievements. At least I need to loose 1kg / week or I get punished. If I succeed I get a reward. She decides what that actually means in practice.

    I basically eat less food and healthier food. I walk at least 10000 steps / day (we just did a quick adjustment and changed to a smaller u-ring for the CB-6000s which makes it a bit harder to walk properly ).. I also do daily work outs like HIIT and Upper/Lower body

    We started this weight loss idea after reading success stories online.
     
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  14. uniquerubique
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    uniquerubique Member

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    Great advice and ideas in your post. Thank You!!
     
  15. McGyver
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    Cool. Good luck :)
     
  16. uniquerubique
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    Yes, you and Hippo make great points! We haven’t really stopped doing these types of activities though and I hope we never stop.

    What’s interesting is that we have started talking more about our dreams and desires. We’re in bed and talking like we were newly weds.
     
  17. mcfeely
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    It great As long as your needs are being met and it works for both of you. It is such a common theme that the women don't wnat sex and we end up suffering for it. Most on this forum are ok with sublimating there inate desires but I rarely see anyone who says that chastity got the wife reved up and now she wants PIV all the time. Best of luck.
     
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  18. Ormaz
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    Or she could keep you locked and not bring you out whenever she is in the mood. That would be even better. Many couples practicing male chastity have reported engaging in sex at an increased frequency. Can you guess how that happens? ;)
     
  19. Mojoman
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    The trick to losing weight is to stay motivated for long enough to lose the weight that you want to, so I think using chastity to do this is a great idea. An obvious and oft-used phrase is that goals need to be realistic and achievable. If you are set a realistic goal of (say) 1kG per week and you achieve it, then there needs to be a reward that keeps you motivated to repeat the task again the next week and so on.

    The reward could be unlocking and an orgasm, or whatever would keep you motivated. Failure to reach your goal would mean no reward. You could also have a longer-term goal with a special extra reward if you achieve it. Once you achieve your target weight, your goal could be to maintain it, so any weight gain would lose the reward.

    In many ways, the same theory could apply to sex. As a reward for pestering her less and allowing her to set the frequency, you need motivational concessions (e.g. intimacy, teasing, massages, etc. a la Hippo above). It seems as if many women get to menopause and think it's all over and they don't have to bother with sex anymore. Maybe they feel that way because sex has simply become a chore and they're fed up with it.

    If a sex-free marriage suits both partners, then there is no problem. It's a happy and healthy relationship. Where there is an imbalance in the need for sex (either way) it can lead to extreme unhappiness, resentment and animosity, often resulting in the end of the relationship. To avoid that, there has to be some give and take or compromise. As Hippo says, your wife needs to understand that. Chastity can't be allowed to be used as an excuse to simply not bother.

    Back to the weight-loss thing. I strongly that you have a look at the book by Dr Michael Mosley called "The Fast 800". This combines diet and exercise including interval dieting and HIIT training, also mentioned by others above.

    Good luck and please keep us informed of progress?
     
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  20. Jah Rubbings
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    Jah Rubbings Jah Rubbings

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    My wife would have me put on weight. Lol
     
  21. John
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    What is the punishment and what is the rewards?
     
  22. StubHub
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    If she is in control despite the vanilla factor and her goal is lowering your weight. Would expect the reward comes from doing her bidding. My wife did not have to use a cage and lock.

    Its a win both ways losing weight and being caged
     
  23. DonnaSue
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    I think that the accountability to Her, which is inherent in your shared spreadsheet, is a strong key to success. If you are only accountable to yourself, it is easy to justify that extra bite or a little less exercise of a little shorter walk. But, if you know that She will be seeing the results, then perhaps you will go the extra step or the fewer bites, etc to keep Her happy. All that will surely add to your sccess in the program, IMHO.
     
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  24. Drews
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    Other than the weight loss portion of your post, I am locked for the same reason. My wives interest in sex is still there but she had been accommodating me when she was really not in the mood. She now only unlocks when she wants sex otherwise I am locked 24/7, not my original plan. My mood and attraction towards her went back to like when we met in our 20's. I really did make me a better husband and we do a lot more cuddling. The surprising thing is the amount of sex has not really diminished much. When I am locked I am much more attracted to her and she feels it. She also does not feel pressured into sex like it is her duty. The truly amazing thing is the sex is now incredible. When I have been locked and had masturbated and she was accommodating me things kind of lost the spark. When she wants it and I have been locked it feels like when we got together many years ago. She has shared that my performance is greatly enhanced which turns her on and for me it feels like the first time I was in her every time. The time in between does sometimes get tough but there is not much I can do about it other deal with it. She is so happy now. It is really amazing how the device actually changed both of our moods and attraction to each other. Plus she is extremely vanilla. Neither would have ever believed this is how we put a spark back in our life.
     
  25. StubHub
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    The Wife surprised me at Xmas with 3 new cages as a sign from her after several long discussions.that included us doing some internet browsing of cages. We had fooled around many year's early with cage but she never got interested.

    She took initiative and ordered my Xmas gifts. Although they fell short being good fits for real use. She again stepped up with telling me my new year's resolution to order MM sizing rings to derive proper measurements in order to get me a custom cage made to fit my small size. And would allow longer time safely with any damage.

    Waiting them to arrive. Currently she is not holding the keys but I hope she will become my keyholder in future.

    We probably will never have PIV sex again due to several reasons . But hope to again have other contact which she doesn't allow for lack of trust with me not pushing other attention from her.

    Hope in next few months that maybe locked chasity will allow her the trust and control to let me cuddle and give her massages and attention she wants.

    I started a journal Vanilla to Owner to log notes of the journey.

    Welcome and good luck on yours.
     
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