It has been over a year since I have posted. Many painful moments, many days in tears and denial. Moving forward a small step only to flounder and fall back into selfish acts of slutty reckless behavior. Divorce finalized with no celebration, but a total rebellion in opening my mouth or ass to any cock I could find. Not caring the consequences of multiple unknown partners and what STD's they might carry. Thankfully, my head straightened out and even more thankful that I am STD free. I had to learn that past and present abusive actions against me did not have to define me, but rather could be used as strengths in this journey called life. The submissive nature given out in a weakened broken condition can never lead to true fulfillment. In fact it only leads to further doubt and more confusion, inevitably leading to passive aggression hiding under the guise of submission. Giving one's self out as a 'pain slut', thinking it therapeutic, when in reality it only masks the inner pain that you have never brought to light for healing. What freedom to realize that healing and truth brings peace never before experienced. That I now know I do have value and I can chose to say no to the whore nature I hid under for so many years. I now have strength and peace in accepting who I am as a submissive and this brings me great joy. If my gems are never locked in chastity I can still control how they are used! That makes me happy! While the desire is to live in that state, in devotion and service to a loving Mistress, the cage itself is only an extension of something that has already happened within me..and this is a tremendous victory for my life. I hope soon to find that One whom I can serve and grow with. That person that can bring me further in to that wonderful place of total denial. That said, the search is not done with impatience and weakness, bit submission ready to be given in maturity and peace.
BRAVO!!!!! You have done the hard yards..... Now I hope you can reap the fruits of your labour, as they are richly deserved!!! To look deep into oneself and realise who you really are and, more importantly perhaps, who you can BE takes a strength beyond measure. I salute your honesty and wish you EVERY success in your continuing life journey. With the absolute kindest regards. J.
after reading your post I believe that you are in a good state of mind and body, which is good to know, you sounds like you are a good person and I hope you tell yourself that every day. And can I welcome you back into the Mansion.