A little help with trying.

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by HT89, Oct 15, 2021.

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  1. HT89
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    HT89 Member

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    My partner clearly loves me being chaste.

    Issue is, I'm not a sub mindset, never have and don't think I ever will, which leads to issues when on the rare occasion I am not horny my partner usually wants naughty things. I end up being a sulky stubborn git, refuse and kill the vibe completely.

    Why so I do this?
     
  2. King Hippo
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    King Hippo Active member

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    Not sure if they are a long term partner, but this should be a minor part of your relationship. Communication is really important, and both people just need to be honest.
     
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  3. HT89
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    HT89 Member

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    Yes long term.
     
  4. bondinchas
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    bondinchas Active member

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    You have an internal contradiction.

    You say that you are not in any way submissive, but you allow someone else to lock your genitals in a cage. You do it because she likes it, not because you're choosing to. That's very much a submissive position.

    You are either not submissive but want to be, or you are submissive but can't accept it.
    Which is more likely?
    Or is it a combination of both?


    Note that it's not black and white, many of us are submissive in some situations, dominant in others, and switch in yet others.
     
  5. HT89
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    HT89 Member

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    Yes I do have a contradiction, I'm a very Dominant partner in life. In the bedroom I'm not, so o struggle with it sometimes. Just asking for tips to help be better for the other half in the suissive bedroom side of things when I'm not necessarily "in the mood" but I know my loving partner is
     
  6. bondinchas
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    bondinchas Active member

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    Ok, good that you know there's the contradiction. We all have it. Noone is totally dominant, nor submissive, we're all a jumbled mess of being one type in one situation, and another in others.

    For example, few people are so dominant that they refuse to ever obey a policeman or a traffic light!

    That example is for a very specific case that has a desired outcome, while being dominant, you still don't want to end up in jail.

    Similar applies to your situation.
    You really want the outcome to end in pleasure for your wife, so when she asks for sex or teases you when your not in the mood, just put on a little act to make her feel good doing it. You don't have to get the same excitement that you do if you were in the mood, but by faking it, you'll give her so much pleasure, get your satisfaction from that result.

    Try it and see what happens. Think of it as role play, when people play doctors and nurses, or cowboys and Indians, then they're not really any of those things, but they allow their partner to immerse themselves in a fantasy. Try to focus on her reactions to and enjoyment from you reacting (acting) to her play.
     
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  7. King Hippo
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    King Hippo Active member

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    If I were you, I would just sit down with her and talk about how you are both feeling about things. It's interesting how often we misinterpret how other people truly feel about things... but getting them to be honest right away is generally harder than anything.

    Too many times people will say what they think people want to hear or even if they are neutral on a position & really don't care.
     
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  8. jemima
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    jemima maid for my Mistress

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    @HT89 it must be cos you got a bit of a temper and says thingys that you wish you had not after. my Mistress has got a temper and She told me that it best to count to 10 before saying thingys.
     
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  9. madams-sissysub
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    very good advice!
     
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  10. HT89
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    HT89 Member

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    Thanks for this reply I'll try this for sure
     
  11. HT89
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    HT89 Member

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    Yes agreed. I am FAR better at this recently tbf.
     
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  12. HT89
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    HT89 Member

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    I have a very big temper, but it isn't easily coaxed out of that makes sense. I know some people who easily irritate but never get angry. I'm more of a won't get irritated and can keep calm untill I feel all avenues exhausted then I'd just be angry as such.
     
  13. Jessica Alexander
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    Jessica Alexander Trans woman not a mistress or Dom

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    Women turn their partners down for sex all the time but lose their cool if the guy says he isn't in the mood. They will stew over that for the longest time.
     
  14. DonnaSue
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    I agree with @King Hippo ! Open and honest communication is the foundation of good relationships, whether related to chastity or not. You might be amazed when you learn how She really feels about things - rather than what you think She feels!
     
  15. Headtrip
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    Headtrip Active member

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    Hi, @HT89 sorry to hear about that. I can tell you that I am very seldom in a sub mindset but my lovely wife has persevered and I seem to be turning the corner (after about 2 1/2 years of fairly serious lockup). My recommendation is to communicate with her. Share what works and what doesn't work. Don't be afraid to say when you are in a funk but more importantly when she leaves you feeling with that tingly / horny feeling tell her that, too.

    I don't tell her what to do, I give her the info to figure it out or change things for the better. Over time she has learned to play me perfectly - and I have wound up loving it!
     
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  16. CuckeldBull
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    OMG! No truer words ever spoken! LOL Back in tha day of 2X/3X sex per day, after like a week I needed rest n told my wife I wasnt a machine that you could stick a roll of quarters in. Well, after 30yrs that remark has been engraved on my forehead ever since by her. Wont let it go! SMH
     
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  17. MissyB
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    MissyB Active member

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    Well recognizing your weakness is first step. Keep trying.
     
  18. jemima
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    jemima maid for my Mistress

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    oooh ok.
     
  19. Ma'at Rebekah
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    Ma'at Rebekah Active member

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    simple behavior modification needs to occur. instead of feeling rejected she should recognize you require more training and take a dominant role in ensuring this never happens again.
     
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