A Female Led Community

Dear knight4princess

First of all thank you for your kind words.

Unfortunately, my answer to you has become far too long, so I have split it into two parts.

Part 1:

Why did the women of the Female Led Community of my childhood so vehemently insist upon the right of girls and women to control their sexual life with their partners, and why did they raise their daughters to be very modest?

The reason our mothers gave us boys were, as I already have told in my old posts, that puberty girls and women risked an involuntary pregnancy as a consequence of intercourse.
Therefore we boys were strictly told by our moms to warn our girlfriend in good time before we felt that the urge to ejaculate would become irresistible. And she was "riding" her boyfriend, because then she was in a much better position to control her boyfriends genitals and leap of him if necessary than she would have been if he was on top of her.

This was the explanation my mother gave Ida and me, and all the other mothers of our small community likewise gave their daughters and sons.

But as I many years later found out, there was more to it than this.

The anti-establishment counterculture - in Denmark we called it "Ungdomsoprøret" (The Youth Rebellion) - of the late 1960s greatly influenced large parts of the youth in most western countries. Especially among the well educated youth, to whom the feminist and leftist women who founded our Female Led Community belonged.

In the US, many of the youth rebels engaged in the Civil Rights Movement (which was older than the youth rebellion).
And they were rallying around slogans for total Freedom for All, NO to consumerism and capitalism (which our mothers agreed with), and YES to all sorts of collective-based alternative lifestyles (our mothers founded, as I have often mentioned, a women's collective with common female ownership in the year 1970).

Central to almost all of the progressive youths of the time was the dogma of "Free Love" with the consequent breakdown of all the behavioral and sexual norms that had been in force for decades, and even centuries until then.
(Another popular slogan from back then: "Make Love not War", does not necessarily imply a total breakdown of all norms. In my opinion we here in our own war-ridden times could really need to hear this old anti-war slogan again).

In accordance with the spirit of free love, broken norms and total freedom, many of the young participants at the big summer beat concerts, and other like events, of that time were completely naked.
Young people, women and young men alike, often went stark naked at these youth events - at least here in Denmark and Western Europa - not even wearing briefs, as we boys always did in the summer time back home in our Female Led Community.
By many people it was seen as a sign of how open-minded and progressive you were.

At the same time the use of hashish and many other euphoric and narcotic substances was on the rise among young people, because it was also part of the youth culture.
All of this combined meant, that for many young people the last vestiges of inhibitions and self restraints disappeared at these big events, and sometimes even in their daily life.
Freedom often became so total that it degenerated into anarchy.

But anarchy mostly does not lead to genuine freedom and equality; but opens in stead the way for the strongest to take power.
Free love often turned into free sex.
And those who profited the most from this usually were the men.
Not simply because they mostly were physically the strongest; but also and perhaps foremost because girls and women in progressive left-wing circles who opposed the "free sex" dogma risked being shamed as being "prudish" or even "selfish" and "bourgeois".
Many young leftist women simply felt a strong group pressure to indulge in "free love".

Denmark was the country in Western Europe where the legislators went the furthest to meet the new trends.
In 1967 a new law removed censorship of pornographic literature, and in 1969 censorship of image pornography was likewise completely abolished.
And this should be understood quite literally:
Even child pornography was allowed, and Denmark unfortunately became a major exporter of it.
Child pornography was first banned here in Denmark by a law change in 1980.

In wide circles at home and abroad Denmark was praised as a tolerant pioneering country because of its liberal legislation.
But as the example of permitted child pornography clearly shows:
Tolerance also had its victims...!

Some people among the progressive on the left wing considered it acceptable or even "progressively liberating" for an adult to have a sexual relationship with a child (a person under 15 year of age), because, as the saying was: "Børn er også seksuelle væsner" ("children are also sexual beings") - which is true - "som ofte ønsker at udforske deres seksualitet sammen med en voksen" ("who often wish to explore their sexuality together with an adult") which is definitely untrue.

 

Part 2:

As a consequence of the demise of the norms which among the progressive youth were replaced by the free love/free sex dogma, many of the young women became involuntarily pregnant.
Although a new law allowed abortion in Denmark a few years later, in 1973, it still was the woman who bore the consequences of free love if it went wrong.

And it often did.
Those who were young back then had been brought up based on strict norms, also in the sexual area, back in the 1950s and early 1960s.
It led to unhealthy psychological repressions, the progressive left claimed.
In my opinion, it was the strong contrast between the strict upbringing in their childhood of the young people at that time and the sudden coming of total freedom to do almost anything that was previously forbidden (if you considered yourself a progressive) that led to the strong sex fixation of the time that all to often had young women and even children as victims.

Many of the feminist left-wing women objected to it, of course.
A recurring complaint that I myself remember from my boyhood in the 1970s was girls and women who were objecting to be "sexually objectified" by men.
I also remember that the lesbian women's movement gained ground in the 1970s, and men were prohibited from entering the Femø Women's Summer Camp (Femø-lejren).
Here, women and girls could be naked without risking anything, because only boys up to the age of 12 were allowed access.

Today I am convinced that our own Female Led Community, where women and girls could feel safe as mothers and daughters were the ones in charge because it was the women who had founded our community and jointly owned everything in it and therefore ruled, was a reaction to the prevailing sexual licentiousness of the time, where women as told often were the losers, or even the victims.
This is what I was hinting at when I wrote that the reason that we girls and boys were brought up so differently, and that the females in our community ever since our puberty years always have controlled our sexual life, have a much darker background that I knew of as a boy back then.
(Although I remember that even as a boy back then I sometimes thought that the reason our mothers were almost hysterical about protecting the modesty of their daughters, and we boys so sternly were told by our moms to respect it, may be due to a deep roted fear among women and girls of being raped. But back then I thought that this fear was irrational. Only much later I realized that I had been wrong).

Our mothers would have none of this licentiousness. And they would assure, that their daughters too also would have none of it.

In response to the lack of norms, our mothers introduced new norms to protect themselves and their daughters by favoring girls.
They instilled in us boys respect for the female gender by always highlighting girls as vastly superior to boys, which obviously also made the girls very proud to be girls, made them self-conscious and at the same time very responsible and caring.
(Because those were also some of our mothers' norms. The girls were never allowed to abuse their superior position in any way. We boys worked hard when we came home from school, but so did our sisters. Although girls and boys had different tasks, the physically hardest work was reserved for us boys and the young male lovers of the women. Which was only fair, because we were stronger than our sisters).

Due to their own experiences of norm erosion, our mothers upheld their Matriarchal norms very strictly. And they told their daughters to do the same.

That girls and women among us always slept (and still sleep) in nightgowns, and that we boys so sternly were told by our mothers to respect the modesty of the girls, I think is due to our mothers' youthful experiences with young men who often could not control themselves when they saw naked women.

You may say that because it was, and still is, a fixed rule among us that boys and men always sleep naked, and boys only are allowed to wear briefs in the summer time when they are at home, we are "sexually objectified" by the women.
Maybe, but I don't really agree.
We boys never risked being sexually harassed, or even raped, by the girls. Even if we were almost naked in the summer time.
Many girls and women have not been able to say the same in relation to young men.
That's a big difference, I would say.

Our mothers also told us boys that if we got an unwanted erection in the presence of a girl, it was "a clear sign from our bodies beyond our control that we recognized that girl's superiority".
Normally it couldn't be seen, but in the summer time an erection would be clearly visible in our briefs.
It was very embarrassing for me and for all of us boys when it occurred, but the girls only giggled and of course felt confirmed and proud when it happened.
Whether our mothers' explanation for boys' unwanted erections was true or not is not so important.
The important thing is that we certainly believed it to be true. Girls and boys alike.
You might think that this is a bad thing for mothers to say to their sons.
But I really don't think so, because if you as a young boy feel embarrassed and somehow inferior in the presence of a self assured girl, then you surely is not in the mood to sexually harass her.

The rules of our Female Led Community also had the positive effect, that we boys, used to be naked at night, and almost naked during the summer, wasn't body shy.
That we had to be shirtless also on cold and rainy summer days, of which there are quite a few here in Denmark, was the absolutely worst thing about our "naked time", but it also greatly hardened us, and improved our health.
The girls greatly admired us for it, and they openly told us, I have to add.
I admit that we always were a bit embarrassed at the beginning of our "naked summer time", but this feeling of embarrassment inevitably disappeared after a week or so.
Unfortunately the modesty rules had the opposite effect on the girls: They tended to be very body shy. Unfortunately also when they were together with a boyfriend. And even as adults.

The last thing I want to say for now is concerning feminization of boys and men, because it seems to be a much discussed theme today, also here on Chastity Mansion.

The last thing that our mother wanted, I have to say (hopefully without offending anybody) was that we boys should be like girls.
Because we were not girls.
Our physical strength was admired by the girls, and our mothers expected us boys to protect the girls. For instance if we were on a trip to Copenhagen.
Likewise women and girls were not expected to act like men and boys.
In our Female Led Community women and men should complement each other, not be alike.
I certainly do not see the fact, that all we boys back than had long hair, and in the summer time looked like Indians, as a sign of feminization.
As a matter of fact long hair for boys and men is still much in use among us, and it has been common in many cultures and also for many centuries been in use in our own culture.

That is not to say that I do not respect people who think otherwise, because I certainly do.
But among us "girls should be girls" and "boys should be boys", so to speak.