50 Days

50 days and counting. And this is the first time S_ and I have played this game too.

If I would have had any idea it was going to go on this long, I probably wouldn't have given her the keys. Well, when I told her that, she called bullshit.

Actually I told her that on day 46, and after I mentioned that I mentioned that the next time I'd probably see her(Wednesday) would be 51 days. She laughed at that.

I hope I get out tomorrow.

Course, the fact that I'm insane will have me locked back up in a few days time.

 

This is such delicious torment.

Funny thing is, I'm a switch. Met a young lady a couple of weeks ago, and when I was showing of a flogger that I had made, she told me that she could take a hard hand spanking on the bare. Now all I want to do with her is take her over my knee and try to make her cry. I know that S_ would let me, she even told me that I could continue to allow my best friend (another evil bitch) to abuse me. So, all I have to do is get the young lady to agree. But I know that would just make the frustration worse. It'd be fun though.

I wonder how many other switches are locked up. Or could it be that I'm just so screwed up I can't even keep my perversions straight.

I think I might have made a mistake when I talked my best friend, T_, and S_ into becoming friends on myspace. Especially since I hang out with T_ at the Renaissance Festival. That means what I do that T_ gets wind of, will make it back to S_ even if I don't want it to. Oh well, S_ knows I'm an evil bastard, and she fully expects me to raise a bit of hell.

Damn, I hope it works out where I'm out at least one of the weekends I go to RenFest. Kilt checks might be entertaining this year. Women don't always check up the rear. I actually had one get down on her knees and look once.

If this post makes no sense, I've been up for almost 17 hours and it's my bed time. I'm off to the land of Morpheus.

 

Well, mikecb, IF I can pull it off, I'll let you know how it is.

51 days and counting. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

 

About ten and a half years ago, I saw a beautiful redhead lass at a Burns Night party. But I don't know her name, I was nineteen at the time and way to shy to go up and talk to her.

Beyond hoping to see her again the next time I was at that venue, in which case I probably would have gazed in admiration from afar, again, I haven't thought of her since then. Until about two weeks ago. Out of no where, with absolutely nothing to remind me of her, I remembered her. In exquisite detail.

I told S_ about that(we are good friends outside of the game we are playing) and told her I couldn't understand why, I was thinking of her after all this time. It's so bad that if I can manage to shut off all the other thoughts that race through the madhouse that is my mind, I think of her.

S_ says it's a natural result of what we are doing. I could understand thinking of women I'd had something with. I do think of my ex a lot, but that has nothing to do with the chastity, I think of her no more than I did before we started. But I do not understand why I should start thinking of a a ban cailean(fair girl) who I only saw once and didn't even speak to.

I know S_ has done this before, and she's probably right. But I just don't understand why the nameless lassie. Why not my first love, or one of my other ex-girlfriends? Or, if I must think about some stranger, why not Angelina Jolie, or Angie Everhart(whom I've had a crush on for years)?

Any thoughts or explanations?

52 and counting, btw. Looks like I've got a bit longer, I made a mistake last night that I will not go into, she was not happy about it.

Hoss

 

Possibly, but I've not had any fantasies of her, yet. Just the memory. It'll be interesting to see if that changes.

 

I think I've figured it out. An excerpt from my blog that I keep for S_ and my best friend T_, who helped me test an earlier device, that I purchased and modified.
{begin quote}
Even if I think of the nameless lass, we'll call her ban caileen(fair girl), I still think of S_ almost any time I can get all the other thoughts to stop. So, we have S_ and the ban caileen filling my thoughts in the quite times.

S_ thinks it is related to the game. Some of what I've experienced, I expected, like her filling my thoughts. I also expected the feelings of submission, not as deep as they are. I know that if things were different, and there was something beyond this game, my submission to her would be even deeper than what it is now. And I also know that in time it will only become deeper.

I was even expecting to think of my ex-s a great deal, or at least to fantasize about them. And I did in the begining, back when I fantasized a good deal. I still do, but I try to avoid it. It just makes things worse.

I couldn't understand why I'd think of her, and not one of my ex-girlfriends. And it's not a fantasy, it's a memory. A memory of the ban caileen as I saw her that night. The night that I couldn't say anything to her because I was to shy.

I couldn't figure out what it might mean, that I think of her. Then I was wondering if I'd have any sort of spiritual experiences due to the deprivation. I am in a metaphorical desert, after all. Then it hit me, do not try to analyze from a pchycological perspective, but from a metaphysical one. Course after that, I came back to what could be a pschycological analysis.

She remains a memory and nothing more because she represents all the oprotunities that I have missed because of my own failings. A woman who I had never met, such as a model or actress, wouldn't do for that. Nor would a girl that I was involved with, for I know what lies down the road with them.
{even quote}

Does that make sense to anyone else but me?

 

Good News and Bad News.

Good news is, I no longer dwell on the ban caileen, it seems once I figured out the message I was sending myself, I quite sending it to me. And yes, that does make sense.

Bad news is, I'm still locked up, 68 days and counting. Last night she asked me when Renfest(http://www.texrenfest.com/) was. I told her, Oct. 11. she said, "You'll be all right 'till then."

I'd like to to think that I'll be smart and stop this when she lets me out. But I know damned well, I'm going to do what ever she tells me to do while I'm free and hand the keys back when she wants them.

 

Mistress Watchful,

You live up to you name. I think you have responded to every post I have made. Including some where you were the only one to respond. I thank you for your attention. and for your wishes of good luck.

Turns out S_ was lying to me when she made me think I was going to have to wait until RenFest. She was working today and I went in to see her. While I was there sucking down a pint of Guinness, she handed me the brown suede pouch that the keys are in and told me to have a nice weekend.

The shackle was so corroded that I couldn't get it free with 3-1 oil or Break-free, had to cut the shackle with a hacksaw to get it off.

By the gods, that was the most intense orgasm I've had.

Of course, a sane man would not subject himself to round two for fear that it will be worse. On the other hand, sanity is so boring.

Again, Mistress Watchful, thank you for your attention and for creating this wonderful place for us.

I'm off to enjoy my freedoms and to seek the land of Morpheous.