One wife's perspective

I've been a long time lurker here - introduced by my husband years ago. I thought it was time to share my story.

I grew up in a very conservative household. Sex was never discussed and my parents did not show much in the way of affection. Their marriage has lasted over 50 years though so I don't consider their relationship wrong in any way. I am only providing this information for background.

Before marrying my husband, I dated and lived with many different men so I'm not a prude in any way but I am not adventurous either.

My husband and I married when we were in our early 30s and had - what I thought - was a perfectly fine sex life where we would fool around once in a while - usually once per week but not always. He is ok in the bedroom but, I love him and have never had any complaints.

Apparently that wasn't a mutual feeling. Five years in to our marriage, he stopped me in the bedroom and handed me a hand-written letter and laid down on the bed. He had just been out of town on business so I was very alarmed - thinking that he was confessing some dark secret like he was having an affair.

Well ... it was a dark secret but not an affair.

I read the letter and he wrote about how he wanted to serve me and be my slave and how he had bought a chastity device and was wearing it (he had included the key taped to the letter) and he wanted me to "take control" of him. I can't explain it but I started crying immediately and couldn't stop. He was talking to me but I can't recall what he was saying.

All I could think of was what I had done wrong and how I was a miserable failure in the bedroom that he no longer wanted to have sex with me and how he didn't find me attractive and other negative thoughts. I couldn't even speak to him and left the room crying.

After some time had passed, he came to me and said that he was sorry for the letter and had no intention to upset me. He said some very romantic and sweet things about how much he loved me and this was supposed to make me happy, not sad. He told me that he felt like a complete freak for even expressing this to me and how he felt weird and foolish. I didn't want him feeling this way so we started talking and I said that I was the freak that I didn't give him enough sex that he wanted to go to such extremes.

He explained that he was ok with the amount of sex we had and that he felt the problem was that he didn't satisfy me enough. He wanted us to focus on my pleasure in the bedroom for a while because he felt that would make us both happy.

I told him I wanted time to think about it as he dropped this on me like a ton of bricks. He said that was understandable and asked if we could go to dinner the following night and maybe discuss it more. I agreed and after he went to shower, I took his letter and key and tucked them away in my personal files.

More later.

 

Thank you all for your comments. The time period that I am discussing was many years ago. It's been a long and interesting ride and I thought I would share.

After we agreed to discuss it at dinner the following night, I had tucked away his letter and key. I must have brought it out and re-read it a dozen times if not more in the next 24 hours. I really had a hard time getting my head around it.

At some point as I was thinking this through, I took what he wrote and the things he said to heart and stopped thinking about my view and more about his. My husband is a very sweet and considerate man and I love him dearly. I figured that this must have been very difficult for him to present to me and that I should at least hear him out with an open mind.

True to his word, he gave me the time that I asked for and didn't bring it up with me. I did notice that he was a bit ... clingy? ... over the next day. He had a look of concern and love on his face - I could tell it was bothering him but I wasn't ready to talk yet.

We went out for dinner - had a very enjoyable meal and discussed our normal things (tv shows, work, family, etc.) and then decided to grab a drink or two at the bar before heading home. I don't remember all the details of what was said but I do remember looking over at him after our first drink at the bar (we had some wine with dinner already) and asking "where do we go from here with this thing?"

He asked "the chastity belt?" and I couldn't help but laugh. "what in the world else would I be referring to?" and he laughed at that too.

That was a great ice-breaker and then he expressed his feelings about me and wanting to please me and serve me. I told him that it made me very uncomfortable and that I love him the way he is. He didn't need to resort to such extremes. I told him that if he wanted to fool around more, I would be happy to.

He said that we had those discussions before and I never seem to find the time. This was hurtful but in many ways he is right. It's not that I don't find him attractive because I do. I just have so many things always on my mind and sex isn't at the forefront. I asked him why he would go to such extremes even if this was the case.

He said that he had accepted the situation and felt that it would be better for us both if he served me and focused on me instead of being so selfish about things. We talked some more - I told him that this all wasn't necessary but I could tell that it was important to him so I stopped talking and started listening more.

He said that when we got home that he would share some articles about it so I could have different perspectives to hear. I said that I would read them but I didn't want all of our conversations to be about this from now on. He assured me that it wouldn't be.

I don't think he was intentionally trying to lie but it turns out that the majority of our conversations for the next few months (years even) would revolve around his need to be in chastity.

More later ...

 

My story evolves very similarly as I will share. I also got very pissed off at him that it took the chastity device for him to help out around the house. It was very disheartening to see this side of my loving man. I will share the details in the coming posts but your comment was spot on.

 

Continuing ...

When we got home from the restaurant, hubby gave me a stack of 5 or 6 articles about chastity that he thought I should read. I was too tired at that point so I placed them by my computer (I work from home) and said I would read them the next day and we went to bed.

He was very sweet and gave me a massage. I fell asleep during it so nothing much happened other than that.

The next morning, I had every intention of reading the articles but I got caught up in things and didn't read them. He came home and again was acting very clingy. He moused around for a while and finally asked if I read the articles and I had to admit that I hadn't. He got angry with me and we had a horrible fight but shortly in to it, I made a comment along the lines of "so much for you submitting to me" and he got real quiet.

Then he apologized to me and - instead of fighting - he explained why it was important to him that I read the articles as it would help make it more of a shared experience. I forgave him for his outburst and said that I would do my best to read them over the next week but no promises. I told him that I would let him know when I read them so we could talk about them. Then he thanked me (!!!) and went to change for dinner.

That encounter was the first I really started to understand the power of his chastity obsession. Our fights would usually escalate and last a lot longer than that. I don't know if this makes me a bad person but I kind of liked that he was so willing to concede the point to me.

The next day before work, he was nosing around the bathroom while I was getting ready for the day. I asked him what's up because he was going to be late for work. He had a very sheepish look on his face and asked if he could have the key.

I had no idea where this was coming from. I asked if this was because of our argument last night because I thought that we had resolved that with his apology. (I admit my voice probably raised as I hate re-hashing arguments.)

He got very nervous and quiet and couldn't speak so I finally asked him what is going on. He stammered a bit and was very furtive but finally got it out that he was horny and was hoping to have a release. I was completely taken aback on this - it had only been three days after all. He said it was actually longer as he had been trying different configurations of the device and hadn't masturbated the entire time so now he was very horny.

I probably would have given the key to him right then and there as I didn't want him to suffer needlessly but I was late for an appointment across town. I didn't feel like explaining that to him so I told him that I would consider it and we could discuss it after work and that I had to go and so did he.

He looked like he wanted to say something else to me but instead he thanked me and followed me out of the house.

I replayed that situation countless times in my head that morning to the point of distraction during my appointment. I got a real charge from the power that I held and when I got home, I masturbated more times in a single afternoon than I usually do in an entire year.

More later.

 

Continuing ...

As intense as my afternoon was, at that time I didn't feel right denying him his freedom so I left his key on the bathroom counter. When he got home, he went to change, he apparently found it because when he came down he told me thank you.

I didn't say anything else about his chastity desire at that point and it was actually a few more days before he told me that he had left "my" key on the bathroom counter. I guess he needed a break. LOL.

The next day came around and he was acting very grumpy so I asked him what was wrong. He was upset because I had left the key on the counter and didn't take it away. Frankly, it was the last thing on my mind and I didn't understand that it was such a big deal at the time. I told him that I had gotten busy and it wasn't my highest priority.

He was upset and angry with me and asked if I had read the articles he had printed for me. I hadn't had the time - I could tell that upset him further. He told me that it was important to him and it would mean a lot if I would read them and he could better understand his needs. I said that I would but ... again ... we were re-hashing covered ground. He knows this is one of my biggest pet peeves but honestly I just felt frustrated and under attack by him.

I told him that it was clear that I just wasn't able to satisfy him and he needed someone more sexually charged than me. The argument dredged up all my feelings of inadequacy and I started crying again.

He backed way down and apologized and said that he knew it was difficult and that it wasn't me - it was his weird thing that he was putting on me and he appreciated me being open-minded. He said that he would try to do better and make it easier for me. I had my doubts and really felt very low about myself at that point.

He opened some wine and we had a glass or two and talked about other things and he finally suggested that he should read one of the articles to me. I said sure, why not?

The article he read was about the benefits of male chastity for women. I thought it was amusing in parts and my head was spinning with the suggestions. I particularly thought the idea of my husband providing me with oral sex on a regular basis was a joke as he never seemed interested in that at all. He looked a little flustered when he read that part though and I was wondering what was going through his mind.

When he was done, he asked if he should read another one. I said not tonight and I would prefer to watch some television before bed as it had been a long day.

Before bed, I grabbed the key off the counter and hid it away to avoid another fight.

Over the next month or two (hard to recall specifics of how long), we fell in to a routine where he would ask for the key every few days and I would leave it on the counter and he would leave it for me after a day or two. I mostly dismissed it from my mind as just another task in my day.

I didn't see too much difference in things except, occasionally, we would fool around while he was locked up and he would manually bring me to orgasm. At first I felt a bit guilty that it was one-sided but after a while, I adjusted and accepted it. It was his choice after all - he could ask for his key at any time and get it. I certainly wasn't punishing him.

More later.

 

Continuing ...

During that period of time, my husband would from time to time read me one of the articles that he had printed for me. (I think he knew that I would probably not read them on my own.)

One of the last articles that he read during that period was written by a wife who suggested that the initial lock-up period should be three months to help both the man and the woman establish their new roles. After reading it, my husband asked me what I thought about that idea.

Now you have to realize that the longest he had gone at this point before asking for release was 3 (maybe 4) days. I told him that he would never last that long and it was crazy.

He said that he thought it might help both of us to accept the chastity as a real thing for us. I thought he was out of his mind but figured it would be interesting to see how long he could really last without release so I told him I'm happy to do that.

He said that I would need to be strong as he was sure he would want out after a few weeks (hah!) and that I could punish him by extending the lock up time. I said that sounded good (we already had a conversation where I assured him that I had no interest in being a leather clad dominatrix with whips and chains).

So we started our little experiment to go for three months.

More later.

 

Well ... *I* think our story has a happy ending.

 

What's in it for me? I'm sorry ... I thought it was clear. I love my husband.

Yes, the entire chastity thing came out of left field but I could tell it was important to him so I did it. I know he had this fantasy about how it would be but frankly ... it was really annoying at first. I'm not the type of woman that wants men fawning over her - I like my space. The chastity brought out a very clingy aspect that I did not care for at all.

I had no problem speaking my mind and telling him what I didn't like about it and he did his best to change.

But ... the fundamental reason for me to continue this is that I love him and could tell it was important to him.

 

continuing ...

So we started our experiment to go 3 months to help both of us adjust to my hubby being in chastity full-time.

After three or four days, I started to notice some changes in him. I noticed that he started "keeping house" - taking out the garbage, picking up, putting dishes in / taking dishes out of the dishwasher, folding laundry. It didn't all happen at once. He just started taking on chores to help out.

When I asked him about it, he said that he realized that he hadn't been treating me properly for someone that he loved so much and he wanted to help out.

I could see how he thought this was sweet and loving but in a way, it upset me that he needed his penis locked up to see these things. We discussed this and he had no answer except to say that he simply hadn't realized how much work it was previously and was sorry that he hadn't noticed it before.

He also started to get more clingy and doe-eyed around me. When I would come in to a room, it was a matter of moments before he came over to me. I have mentioned it before that I like my space (particularly before coffee) so this was something that I nipped in the bud early on. I told him that I didn't appreciate it and he needed to control himself better or we would be done. He adapted pretty well (although there were times still that he was clingy).

Another change was that he wanted to fool around more than before. I realize that things were stale between us and we were only fooling around once every week or two so maybe that wasn't a lot. Now he was asking me every day though and it seemed extreme to me and I just wasn't running at that speed.

When I would turn him down, he took it without comment - sometimes even thanking me (?!) for considering it - and would often offer to massage me. I started taking him up on the massages from time to time. It was somewhat stimulating to deny him and then turn around and get a nice sensual massage from him. The massages would turn in to us fooling around more times than not.

And when I say "fooling around," I mean him pleasing me. He was still locked up at this time. Most of our encounters were him massaging me and eventually using his hand to bring me to orgasm.

After about a week (maybe a bit longer) of his lock-up though, he started asking to go down on me. At first, I said no as he had never expressed an interest before and I didn't consider it something that we did. Eventually, I let him start doing it and I started giving him instructions on what I liked (and didn't) about his performance.

I started to enjoy the chastity at this time.

He did start asking to be let out after only five days. I remember the night we were in bed reading before sleep and he was massaging me. He asked if he could talk to me a bit before bed and I asked what was on his mind. He said that he was getting really horny and was wondering if he could masturbate that night or tomorrow.

I honestly didn't understand the question and said that I didn't think he could while locked up. I was operating under the understanding that he wouldn't be getting out and was sincerely confused by this request. LOL.

He said that he couldn't and he really meant that I would need to let him out. As I said, I wasn't thinking along these lines so this took me back a bit. I said no, we are just getting started and he needs to learn to deal with his feelings. I told him that we both had made an agreement and I didn't appreciate him going back on it. He didn't say anything for a bit and finally said that he was sorry and that I was right. I told him that I would help him through it and it would be normal for him soon enough.

More later.