Does Chastity ever become Vanilla?

That’s really hard to answer. Mostly, because everyone’s definition of vanilla varies.

Honestly, I get it. We started this a few years back and although we had highs and lows, the trend was an escalation in our activities. We sampled some aspects of sex I never thought my wife would be comfortable with.

I think for us, this lifestyle almost became consuming and eventually that was going to break. She now prefers to keep things ‘vanilla’ and my goal with chastity is to become more on a level with her needs (as it should be). That said, her definition of vanilla includes rimming, pegging, prostate play and foxing… so you could argue that in my case, no, it does not. We are just reducing frequency and the manner in which we approach our chastity play.

 

My wife told me to put the cage back on as I need some control and she loves the constant loving, tickling, loving and fuss that comes with my orgasm control. What she doesn't like is the fact I get too excited about being locked up and she feels it becomes more about me than her. We lasted 105 days before it came off and a few months before it went back on. We have been doing this for nearly four years. She gets more and more relaxed with me being locked up. She wants me to have a zero orgasm lifestyle but I must learn for it to be totally on her terms and not mine. I am very happy with that as long as she is happy and having constant orgasms but no pressure from me.

 

I wouldn’t call it vanilla, but we’re closing out our fourth year now and after experimenting with all sorts of different things with chastity, 2023 we settled into more of a routine I’d say. We’re both 50, my Wife has a wonderful high sex drive, so I get to help her orgasm pretty much daily per month. I get to have piv about 4-5 times per month, and I rarely get to have full orgasms per month, usually a couple ruins. Strictness from my Wife has grown over these four years, and these last two years I rarely get any freedom days any more. There’s been no lack of excitement, or intimacy. This has just become our normal sex life.

I don’t get tied down and teased, pegged or spanked as often as I’d like, but I gave up complete control to my Queen and she does usually grant me some sort of reward like that if I ask, it’s just on her timeline and terms. I guess that’s just reality living this way as opposed to many guys fantasy ideas of living caged. Neither of us ever want to go back to me being in charge of sex, so this should just be our way of life. Maybe that makes it vanilla for us? I’m ok with that

 

I can't speak to your relationship but I can say that I like to take breaks for weeks at a time to reset the experience. The way I see it, I don't want to get to a point where I'm not desperate after 6 weeks or even longer; that just sounds boring, imo.

 

That's quite a deep question. Yes.

It's become normal, forgettable, frustrating, regrettable for me... mostly. I asked for chastity but it didn't take much convincing. Now it is her absolute desire. She loves everything we do together now she has caged me. She loves the interaction of lock up videos when we have to be apart through my work. She seems more aroused by it everyday but it is also now the foundation of her attraction to me. We hadn't discovered it at the start but now we've been dom/ sub in this way for so long I can't go back. This is the only leverage other than that my cage feels pretty inescapable so I've never attempted (see gallery).

So if the question is do I feel it's more vanilla now, the answer is "what does it matter how I feel about being in chastity?" I promised her if she wanted to do this it's forever on her terms. If I was in discomfort, had a genuine change of heart I would have had that conversation. I haven't. The advice I received on here is to just go with her decisions and I've pretty much followed that this year. It's been very harsh and very strict in my case. I sit here now caged by her remotely using a timed key box. I'm more keen than ever for her to have the control over me that makes her so happy. When we're together, the things she makes me do... I get an intense pleasure by being denied erections and orgasms by her so in that sense no, not more vanilla, more to discover if your partner is willing to keep the kink going.

 

99.9% of the time everything is vanilla. Makes those sprinkles taste great though eh?

 

Breaks!!! I wish...

Some of us don't have that option anymore, however self-imposed it was initially, she wouldn't want me free for more than is necessary, and evidence from personal experience suggests I'm better off, and a better husband without breaks. Unlocked I am more selfish. Keep your tanks full and only take the bike out for a quick run to the shops.

 

I'm not at the stage of, "she gave me a bj and I felt sad afterwards". However when the qiui app went sideways yet again I was a bit panicked and we went to plan B; I prove my own timed lockups. Discussed plan C; both keys in signed/ scribbled on envelopes with ink, etc. covered by tape and tamper-proof. She also sounded sad about not feeling in control. I am her kink and her chastity porn and that keeps me in line, although she is a pretty ruthless domme when we meet up.

 

We are starting our seventh year.

Pre-chastity, sex life was a struggle. We just couldn’t connect. Partly because I have strong stamina made sex difficult for her. I agreed to stop when she was done even if I wasn’t. That turned into denial, then teasing, then chastity. Kind of organic.

As she gained control, our sex life took off. Now we are in a FLR. As we explore that further, things have gotten hotter.

Since chastity can be a gateway to other kinks and playfulness, I think we can get a lot of mileage out of it before it gets boring.

Being patient and giving her true control seems to be the key to keeping the heat turned up. And, don’t forget to have fun!

 

So I think that in the beginning it is fantasy, but in the end, it needs to be vanilla. Someone once said that the only difference between full time chastity and fantasy chastity is that you are locked up full time, and there is no fantasy. Because Chastity full time without orgasm or release, is where it is at. And it is what chastity should be. It should be full time and not fantasy because of the pure results that it produces.

 

When practicing chastity or FLR or any other related kink, there is no “should”. It is what you, and possibly your partner, want it to be.

It is just that simple.

 

That’s a nice turn of words. However, I do think that chastity can be an enabler of a great deal of fantasy. That is one aspect that makes it so compelling.

 

Just gemini things.

 

Idk that I'd ever call chastity "vanilla", because it's very clearly kinky, but after being locked full-time for long enough, my wife now considers me naked when I wear nothing but my cage. When we engage in sexual activity, chastity is rarely even brought up, just assumed.

So I guess that's how I would answer: chastity can become the "default", to the point that one stops asking to be unlocked, yet both partners remain sexually gratified.

 

We're much like you, new on the journey with flr and chastity. We had 30 years of me being her dom, then suddenly swapped out of the blue. Turns out we both enjoy it.

She recently started locking my chastity key in a combination lockbox, keeping me truely secure. She also took over my phone via a parent control ap to help me deal with a porn problem. Over 3 weeks porn free, and now she can monitor/shut down my phone as needed. I'm limited to two hours per day unless I request and receive an extension. Having her be the only nudity I now see keeps me focused on her. We always had a very good relationship with virtually no arguing, but now there's no secrets. I write a daily journal for her and am completely honest, some good, some bad, but she appreciates it.

The more we grow into it the more neither wants to return to our old self, and I think that is the key. If it's beneficial to both involved, there will always be an incentive to keep it new and fresh. It worked for us originally in our first dynamic with me in charge, and it's working even better now.

Good luck.

 

Not every couple has some form of sexual relations or contact every day and as they get older some not every week.

to para phrase Sarah Jameson quoting her guy John..

Before chastity ...chop wood carry water
During chastity ... chop wood carry water
After chastity .... chop wood carry water

 

Anything can become "normal" if it's part of your lifestyle.

 

It’s normal for madam and I. And as others have said it’s just part of life, I feel strange not wearing my cage.

 

Had this argument put to me before, and I don't think chastity is intrinsically kinky, though it would seem to be from the outside looking in.

https://www.chastitymansion.com/for...f-chastity-real-talk.53594/page-6#post-658396

 

I think, my lovely cocklet, that you over think. Enjoy today and don't get hung up on tomorrow. We have always found our way, sometimes it has taken longer than others. Right now, you are completely mine, and I can not envisage a time when that is not the case. There is no need to keep things "heartbeat pumping", after all this time, and now feeling that first flush again, why would we go back? Enjoy the moment, and that moment is not going anywhere anytime soon. Love you, always have, always will xx

 

Excellent.

 

Yes, your story is similar to ours. We're mid-60's. Chastity has been for us a very vanilla dynamic, I think. She really likes physical intimacy far more than I ever realized but it's most often not sexual. She can now have physical intimacy without my penis being thrust upon her. If we go more than a couple of days without any physical intimacy, she's climbing all over me wanting some skin-on-skin contact. As a result, we also have far more sexual intimacy than we ever have, more often than not with me in my cage; in fact it's a 10:1 ratio - caged:uncaged. Occasionally we bring a toy into bed with us; usually a vibe for her.

Does that sound vanilla? Does that sound kinky? From my wife's perspective, it's certainly not.

 

@Caged4Sazz She's a smart lady! Listen to her!

 

I think it depends on your journey. Our sex life is generally pretty vanilla. So, chastity will give it a flavor somewhat off of vanilla, but ultimately, things will still be pretty vanilla. Unless you keep pushing the envelope. We've been doing this for 3 months so far. It's been fun. Our emotional connection has been great. Sexually, it's still pretty vanilla. Obviously need to unlock first, but we're not having sex on our car roof or anything like that. Sex is better for the most part. but not kinkier. I keep trying to push things though. Like now I've just entered into maybe a 3 month orgasm denial phase. Not vanilla, but not really kinky either.