depression

Yes lockit i have on numerous occassions. i will explain why i feel this way maybe it will help you.

For me it's not whether i am still locked it's Mistress withdrawl. i need/want Her control back. Somehow She organizes my confused world. i need to see Her and hear Her encouraging words no matter how trivial they may seem to others they are important to me. Plus i feel lost w/o someone to serve that truly appreciates my efforts.

Search inside yourself for YOUR answer. Is it really that you are still locked or that you weren't unlocked. Or is it possible that it is from something deeper as it is for me. i just plain miss Her. i feel so euphorhic, useful and needed when i am with Her and then i sometimes crash horribly when i leave Her.

MM's sweetpea
rachel

 

i experienced this a few times most recently when i was away and Key_holder had me spank myself for Her over the phone, (wrote about it here http://www.chastitymansion.com/forum/index.php?/topic/3076-now-is-as-good-a-time-as-ever/page__p__35806#entry35806 ). i had become addicted and obsessive about Her spanking me, or me needing Her to know or want me to spank myself, it was then i realized that i was trying to control Her, and i felt so guilty about it.

This is taken from what i wrote back in October when it happened.



It was later that night, i was lying in bed that i realized i wasn’t spanking myself for Her, i was spanking myself for me. i was trying to control the game, i was topping from the bottom. i was beginning to get addicted to his_Keyholder's attention and would do anything for it. I thought about it a lot while i fell asleep.

Sunday morning i woke up and was very depressed, i called his_Keyholder to say good morning. We talked on the phone She asked me what was up, that i sounded down, She knows me so well. i was very emotional, as i told Her how sorry i was that i had become so obsessive about the spankings. We still have some things in our relationship that I need to clean-up, like making my divorce final and i was forcing this spanking game on Her as She was dealing with Her health issues and our/my outstanding relationship issues. We talked more, She told me how torn She was but that She did love me but that i had let my ex control and damage our lives and that She didn’t want to get hurt again. We finished our talk and said out goodbyes.

Right after we hung up, I got a text from his_Keyholder.

KH…Last 20 until ???

i immediately called Her back and asked Her if She was sure, She said, “Yes” i asked Her if She wanted me to do them myself or did She want to hear them. She said, She wanted to hear them. So i went down to the basement and stripped and started to spank my butt 40 times (20 times each side). When i finished She told me to do 20 more.

She is so good to me, She understands me, She completes me and i need Her.

At the end of my marriage to the ex i didn’t want to save it, she had turned into a controlling, selfish bitch and i realized that i was staying for the wrong reasons.

i want to save this relationship as i don’t want to be without Her. i’m going to do everything i can to save it, i only hope that i haven’t waited too long to get my ass in gear and to complete the things i need to so both of us can enjoy, share and be together.

i agree with racheal, look for YOUR answer.

 

My Wife/Mistress and i are both new to the FLR lifestyle, its been a 24/7 life for only a month now. WHile I am not locked I have given my word that i will be a "good boy" so far for 14 days. Anyway I do not get depressed when I am denied, actually just the oppisite. However, I do get depressed when I do not hear from Mistress for a while. We have been commumicating a lot the last month, espcially the last couple weeks. Anything from talking face to face, phone or text. But this week has been extremly busy for Her at work so i do not hear much from her during the day and this puts me into a depression to the point that I do not want to do anything except lay on the couch. If i get a text from her it can make a huge difference in my day. Even if the text is just to say she loves me.

Not sure if this is even anything like you have experienced but thought I would share to show that others share these feelings.

mike