Relationship & chastity

My mistress had a problem with humiliation, but has gotten over it mostly because I am not into the mean stuff, just the honest stuff.

I wouldn't like her say my penis is worthless, but I enjoy hearing her say it's small. I know it is, and all relationships were with someone lying and faking huge it's so big orgasms. To me that's a turn off.

She wouldn't want to sleep with another man, and unless she wanted to, I would not want it either. But I would not mind her telling me about wanting to with someone well endowed.

She would never like the really degrading stuff like pig, faggot, worthless etc. and would never be able to or want to do it.

 

If you dont feel comfortable doing it nor thinking it, don't bother. Sometimes fantasies are meant to remain as such. And honestly, who would stay with a person that he genuinely thinks is a worthless piece of sh*t ?

 

Well that's easy: If you don't want to do it, then don't. It's a FLR, you are the one in charge.

It sounds like he's starting to write your dialog for you.

Talk to him about the stuff you're not comfortable with.

 

I can only tell you how this is affected me and my wife. No science behind it just my personal feelings. I love humiliation too, it's one of my favorite things. That being said I think you need to be very careful on how you proceed. As I said I love it but I think it can become all consuming for some people, Including myself. My wife will do it for me because she loves me but like you she doesn't really believe it. I try to keep my doses of humiliation to small portions because it is something that I like so much, and it grows and grows and grows to where I need more and more. I also figured out that I needs to be more severe each time so it was getting bigger and bigger for me. I hope I'm not rambling too much, but you should be very careful because some people like me constantly need more and more to get that high from it . I'm not telling you to shut him down I'm just telling you to have fun with it and you don't have to believe it, you just have to make it sound believable. And as long as you're not cuckolding him or dating other people I think you can get along with it. Once you bring somebody else into the mix I feel that you could start seeing him as a lesser and then it could become true you.
If that makes sense just my take.

 

I love the fact that you are here looking for advice, I wish this was around when my wife and I first started. I am in a total power exchange FLR and there are things i thought i wanted that I don't and other things i wish we would do but we don't. Here is the best advice I can give. You both need to have an open and honest, extremely bare conversation about what each is looking for. you need to be able to separate fantasy vs reality. Once this conversation has happened, you have to take control and don't look back. He will thank you for it if you follow what you want and not necessarily what he wants. He will find his humiliation in some things you have him do and he will get used to the regime and will find what he needs. You are taking this from just sometimes to all the time and he needs to understand that you are looking out for him as much as you are controlling him and that if you are not comfortable with the things you say to hm or how he wants you to be, he is topping from the bottom and he needs to know his place.

I don't know if this has helped you or not. I hope you can garner something from this post

 

Humiliation, like all other aspects of play / lifestyle have to be negotiated. If your not comfortable with it then, your not. If you can't project the realism he is wanting, he needs to move past it. It happens. He needs to look at all the positives so far. It has to be enjoyable to both of you which often means compromise.

Good luck

 

As you start down the path of your power exchange relationship it may help to segregate things into two categories: 1. The way you relate 24/7 and 2. Things that will be part of special fantasy "scenes" of varying frequency and duration that you discuss and setup in advance. He may want to submit to you in many ways and not just sexually. Some things you may feel comfortable doing 24/7 as a "real" party of your relationship, others you may want to reserve for Fantasy Time scenes.

My husband want me to be a strong, strict Mistress/Wife and be the "Boss" of our marriage 24/4/365, and I am. He needs me to dominant him sexually and needs me to be in total control of his sex life. I am, totally. He needs tease and denial. I have learned to be very good at that and enjoy it. In regard to sex, I now regard his penis as being irrelevant to my sexual satisfaction. Cuckolding him really brings out his submissive side so I gladly do that because even though he is in chastity, I am not and I NEED intercourse to stay balanced.

By careful communication and much talking and listening and learning, I have become his loving Mistress.24/7 and he is becoming more and more submissive to me. We have not yet reached his submissive hard limit yet and I love being in charge. I like that he obeys me most of the time. He now says "Yes, Ma'am / No Ma'am" even in public situations. And I must admit to getting quite a bit of enjoyment in the power afforded me when I blister his bare bottom when I feel he needs it. Like you I do not like to be cruelly degrading or humiliating, but I am truthful about his small penis and that another man gives me the best sex everrr. But we also have "scenes" where I am a total Bitch Mistress and I greatly intensify bot the emotional and the physical domination. I will say things like: "Do you know that you are totally fcuking worthless in bed, a pathetic lover with a useless little cock? DO you know that? Answer me!!" And I will spank him for having a small cock or for being worthless in bed or for the fact that is a cuckold that lets other men fcuk his wife. BUT, this is PURELY a "scene" being played out because he needs some intensity every now and then. I love him dearly. He is my heart. I have the experience and knowledge to make a scene happen in a way that fulfills his needs. I would never degrade him or belittle him in real life, but I have learned to differentiate between the needs of our real-life FLR and the fantasy scenes we play out.

Your husband is new enough to this that he *thinks* he wants full-on D/s intensity 24/7. In spite of what you may read on internet sites, I have been dominating guys since high school and I have come to know lots of dominants both male and female and can say I know of no full-on dirty pig degraded humiliated slave relationships where such is carried on 24/7. It would lead to burn-out. My FLR is 24/7 but most of the day is pretty routine. The difference is that I carry the most weight in making decisions, I give him tasks and punish them if he fails to carry them out when expected. I control the sex 24/7/365 in all ways. Other than the times he cutely says "Yes Ma'am" even in front of friends and others, there are few clues that I am his Mistress/Leader/Boss/Goddess. this lifestyle can be very rewarding when two people on the same page communicate, fulfill each others needs and desires in a way that both feel relatively comfortable with. Note I say "relatively comfortable"? Being real, like most wives who eventually get into things like sexually denying their husbands, I and felt very bad telling him "NO!" when he wanted sex. Was uncomfortable doing it. But now, I will tell him "NO! Now be quiet and go to sleep, we might talk about it tomorrow." I enjoy being in charge sexually and like it that I can tell him no now. The first time I cuckolded him I must admit I did it without even thinking about my husband because the guy was a hottie. But we had discussed it and I knew my husband would be ok with it and into it once it happened. The fist time I got out a cane and blistered his behind I felt really bad that it left marks. But now I am proud of my "painting"! I make im go naked around the house for a day or two just to admire his bruised butt. If you saw his butt after the severe paddling he got the first time my husband touched me inappropriately without permission, you would probably have recoiled in horror, it looked raw and the bruises lasted for day. NOw every spanking is real and severe because that is what gets through to his hard head. But it works for *us*. What works for us may or may not work for you and may take years to get to that point even if you want to go in that direction.

Bottom line is that you are new and have a LOT to learn, both about your partner, yourself, and about this awesome female dominant lifestyle. Beware! There is a LOT of total rubbish BS and even relationship-endagering stuff out there. Most of what is out there regarding femdom D/s is male fantasy masturbatory material and NOT the stuff you would want to build a relationship upon. I think if you ask the right questions here, do plenty research and get to know real live FLR, D/s, femdom couples willing to mentor you, and you are honest and open and communicate with each other, your heart will lead to to the right places even if it is not easy at first to tell him "what a pathetic and useless little cock" he has. Good luck and we are here for you!

 

Have him suggest three new relationship rules for 2017. Pick one or two of the rules or modify them to your liking, and simply enforce the rules. A simple power exchange can do wonders.

 

Sounds like he's ready to run and your still learning to walk.
You need to tell him to give you time to learn and adjust.
Your here so we all know your willing try. And that shows that you love and respect him.
Unfortunately he has initiated this and has it all played out in his head you have to learn it all from scratch and be a mind reader and it doesn't work like that. You just need to enforce that you need to take it slow.

 

It's fine to use his particular kinks for "play" in the bedroom but it does seem a bad idea to translate that to normal life: it's not what you signed up for anyway - you want a partner not a whipping boy. So have a proper conversation with him about this.

However, I think authenticity trumps script anyway. Find ways to express how much you like having him locked up, how much you like being in charge. There's a good chance that that in itself will be a turn on for him.

 

@Princess_alyssa192 This is definitely a lifestyle for my mistress and I, we agreed on that quite a while back. This type of relationship has been good for our overall relationship and has brought us closer together, we've both learned a lot from each other too. I pretty much agree with what everyone else has said, the key is finding a balance that will make you both happy. As this lifestyle continues you will both grow more comfortable with different things and ideas. It sounds like you're having the reoccurring issue of him wanting to lead things though. Make it clear to him that the degradation and humiliation is more of a behind closed doors thing for you for now. He needs to respect your limitations and your comfort zone. Us guys can get really pushy when it comes to fantasy, we get a taste and we want more without considering where our partners feel confident and comfortable. You could always make a rule for him not to bring it up again, if he's really serious about you being in charge he'll respect your decision.