While waiting for my precious wife to get more comfortable with her own sexuality and hopefully kinky side to be, I am enforcing myself to not masturbate anymore at all. No cage though, as I do not want to press the matter to my wife. Just pointing it down It is friggin' tough! I have been holding on for many weeks now, but I think I may lose control at some point, sometimes my fantasies go wild. I apparently also have vivid dreams according to her, as I apparently make some wild noise while sleeping. Been making sure I have as little alone time as possible, to avoid me going at it. Sometimes while just snuggling with her I get a raging boner, but she just acknowledges it to be there, and nothing more. If only she would tell me in a more bossy tone that I am being denied, I would be over the moon LOL... I am still hoping for her to take control and cage me, but that will take time and talking. Any tips that make it easier to cope with my self imposed non-selfgratification would be greatly appreciated.
Controlling your urges without a cage is difficult and a good start. It sounds like you need more honest and intimate conversations with your wife about your interests and hers. Hopefully you can find a middle ground that will work for both of you. If you can demonstrate advantages for her as a consequence of chastity control, then you might be able to move in the direction. But establishing real conversation is the first step.
Also I started with stopping masturbation earlier this year. Once I felt after 2 weeks it changed my "internal feelings" substantially, I felt comfortable enough to start a conversation with my love about my wish to become chasted and let her decide about my orgasms. We also started to use a cage now and then. SInce my open-up to chasity and her domination, I feel we are improving on intimacy every day. We have never talked so much with eachother about feelings, emotions and intimacy since my start. During the past months she was denying me and letting me cum only on her strict conditions. During this period she allowed me to cum every 2 - 4 weeks. However, recently she told me that I will not be allowed to cum for 4 months….I tell you, this feels awsome in many ways. Finally I hope she will feel comfortable enough to lock me and continue our journey 365/24/7. Also I may conclude that "training" without a cage is difficult but it really stimulates me to develop the best in our relationship and be much more open about feelings, emotions and intimacy. Wishing you all the best!
I was able to go three months without masturbation starting mid December 2013. I didn’t wear any chastity cages - though I had a few already - but just focused on snuggling, bringing her coffee in bed, being helpful and such. I told her what I was doing and she let me continue to openly serve her needs and desires. She fulfilled a dream and took me to a piercer to get my PA in April 2014. It took a while before I was in custom chastity (an early Contender) but she eventually embraced being my keyholder. It’s very hard to have patience and make steady progress. Focus on making her smile and life gets easier. The frustration starts to become a goal... she likes me better this way. And so that bond holds me tighter than my little steel cage.
I admire what you're doing, I couldn't do it. I'd always been a masturbator. Our path started when I asked her not to let me spurt during PIV sex. That denial created a motivation not to masturbate, to try to build up days of not cumming that she could control at our next PIV. She liked how that made us both feel and saw an increasing intimacy from me. Eventually, though, I had to confess to her my need to masturbate, my personality as a masturbator, and told her a chastity cage would help. That's where chastity started. You need to talk to your wife. Tell her you're trying to control your masturbation, that it's working and you're feeling closer to her, but that you need her help. Most wives don't like to think that their husbands masturbate, they implicitly know it's cheating them of intimacy. Let her know that that closeness and attentiveness and open intimacy is what's in it for her. Good luck.
I have been too, so it is hard not to want to get hard I have told her what I am doing and trying to rebuild that trust. There have been nights lying awake and by sheer willpower not rubbing one out, but it is getting more and more difficult. I don't know what to expect, I don't even really know what I want anymore, as the fantasies are getting more extreme every night. I can hardly confess to myself having them, let alone to someone I love, who I know will be shocked by them. Then again, maybe a lot of fantasies need to remain fantasies? Struggling on... holding on... thanks for your support!
Sounds like a chastity cage would really help you. The peace, the relief from the constant fight not to masturbate, is an ironic kind of bliss.
This morning was a very difficult moment, as I woke up with a raging morning wood, and it would not go away! It must have taken me about 20 minutes of trying to think about something else... Finally got up out of bed and went to try and pee, which kind of worked to get things settled down finally. Pfew.... close call.
I’m reading your post and thinking it could easily be mine, I’ve mentioned chastity to her but she didn’t really seem to listen. I’m struggling with the self control so I’m buying a CB6000 and hope that helps my resolve. Still no idea how to introduce my wife to it mind lol
I stopped all masturbating 81 days ago, and my emotional connection to my wife has never been stronger. I never realized how important snuggling is for her( and now us). Now, just snuggling has become a form of teasing with her being fully aware of how aroused I get. Chastity is not the same for everyone and doesn't need to follow what is often portrayed in male fantasies. Find the path that works best for the two of you. Enjoy your own journey.
I did the same somewhere in July. I told my wife and.. she is ignoring my orgasm completely. On one side it's awesome of course but on the other i don't know what she has in mind. We have sex really little due to childs but it's still difficult. But i don't want to complain. It's a nice start.
I know the problem, but forcing her to accept your junk to be locked isn't going to solve anything. I have been kinky for as long as I can remember, but my wife was brought up to think sex is almost taboo and something dirty, to be frowned upon. She is curious though, but life has gotten in the way lately. I am patiently holding off everything kinky, but also trying to remain chaste and talking about her wants and desires every chance I get. I suggest you talk to her about it and explain why you want it. Good luck!
Yes I’m the same, I had a couple of ex’s who were very experimental and I was happy to be experimented on lol, now I’m kinky enough for the both of us lol. now I’m playing the long game (very long game) and hope she is will be be my KH. Nice to know I’m not alone, I’m getting some good encouragement for solo chastity (in quiet, As much to see if I can take it physically) from the CM members so I don’t mind. In fact I’m enjoying the journey lol
You got that right. I was going out of my mind because of no intimacy for years and years due to my wife's health conditions. Then I put on a cage and it was all over. I basically never take it off. Clean Shave Lock. Done. Life is grand!!! No O, no problem!
Still going strong, but it seems my libido is winning ground. I am so f*cking horny all the time, I could f*ck anything that moves... I am still hoping my wife will find her sexuality at some point, I would do anything to help her find joy and pleasure in any way shape or form. I have had so much, I want her to experience equally orgasmic adventures as I have on my own. The future will tell...
I have been on a similar quest with my wife. It is a marathon to get there, not a sprint. Only when she truely trusts you will she make her needs known. After 3 months of honor chastity, she is just starting to open up to me. (We never directly discuss chastity, by the way) Meanwhile, show her your trust in her by sharing your own vulnerabilities. It might not work for you, but it is working for my relationship. I hesitate to recommend any books since everyone’s needs and situations is different. I have read “Open Her: Activate 7 Masculine Powers...”. By Karen Brody. Through it, I have discovered how much people draw from each other in a relationship. It is not a “how to” manual, but perhaps a chance to make you more aware of your own part in maintaining a relationship and creating intimacy. If you find this useful, let me know. If not, then I wish you well on finding something that is.
The best thing you could do to open up her to your wishes is to talk, talk and talk. In between patience remains the key to success. You need to stay strong and once your "libido is crying", try to transfer that energy to her. I did that by giving her massages and rub her feet almost every evening and make her comfortable every time. Which may have helped me right from the beginning is that I've asked her very explicitly to take over control of my orgasms, to which she agreed upon immediately. A few months after this, every time during our intimate moments she managed to let me cum only on her wishes. Recently I helped her to understand more about the different types of male orgasms (book Georgia Ivy Green). After that she become a compete fan of ruining my orgasms. And in between all of this it was talk, talk and talk...The effect is that we now both start to enjoy the drastic changes in my behaviour and her vanilla history is now turning into the dominance, which I have ever hoped for. I hope that sharing these experiences will help you to continue.
Although I said honour system because It seems to be a popular term, in my case a more accurate term would be my Wife's psychological hold over me system.