I've been locked for 5 months. Part of a 6 month goal. I get out from time to time for cleaning, and play but otherwise, I've kept with it. Some big development throughout: My wife was reluctant to start. She may still have reservations, but she is on board. She is a willing keyholder. Get's pissed off if she thinks I spied where she put it (I haven't). She does take the responsibility of keeping the key out of my reach to heart. We also have a remote keypod which we hadn't used because of a F'd up mode where you can't use it for a month. So we forgot about it. She brought it up. She wants to make sure it's enabled so I can't open it. These are big changes for her. Sometimes, after play, I'll be laying next to her without the cage on. She is the one who says, "Don't you think you should put the cage on?". She's mentioned, "I like you better when you're wearing the cage". There was one time at about the 4 month mark where we went a couple days without the cage. She actually told me I was regressing and put the cage back on. Big change here too. She complained that my pubic hair was itching her when I lay against her. I shaved myself like a baby. Her response, "Good, goes with the cage". I tried shaving a couple years ago. She didn't like it, now she does. "Fits with the cage". So, another change. I haven't jerked off in almost 5 months. I had one digression two weeks in. My wife knows I haven't and demands that I don't. She used to be uninvolved in this respect. Now she feels if I jerk off, I'm cheating on her and she's made it very clear she doesn't expect me to jerk off ever again. The change here is that she feels comfortable asserting herself in this. She doesn't think twice about it now. Jerking off is stealing something from her and she does not want that. We have been trying to follow semen-retention. This is tough for us since we both really like PIV. Initially she wanted me to cum when we had sex. This brought on discussions and awareness about what ejaculating did to me. Over the last three months I have cum maybe three times. After ever single time, she saw the down side of my O's because I'd become less focused on her. At first she pointed it out and hoped I could pick myself up. The last month, she realized it was hormonal for me. She is now sharing that she prefers I don't cum and is coaching me during sex on not cumming. I tell her when I'm getting close and we stop. She also will stop once she has cum enough. She never would assert like this before. She really doesn't want me to cum and understands how she's invested in that outcome. Huge change. She now sees my orgasm as incompatible with our relationship. Initially the cage was supposed to come off 2/28. Although it may come off that day and we'll play, I expect that we will both want me to continue wearing it with no set end time. We always thought this was temporary. Maybe it still is. But she's made it clear she prefers me caged. I don't think she will accept less anymore. I'm not sure when my next O will be. I figure there'll be some from time to time. But not many. In the last three months, she's cum about 10 times more than I. Both she and I like it that way. The funny thing is that I'm the partner with the greater libido. But I'm not allowed to be a pest. I am always naked around her though even though she's not. And she expects it that way. It's kind of a "respect" thing. I think she'll let me decide if I want to cum or not on 2/28. I doubt I will. I will not want to wake up on 2/29 with a low libido. We practice something termed "devotional sex". It's a bit like Karezza but more aligned to what we want. Which is that sex is about the female. Sex is never about the male orgasm and really is only about female pleasure. Initially she was very awkward. She had a difficult time "receiving". Now she embraces it. She used to feel compelled to give me a blowjob, or provide attention in other ways. I started discouraging that. I wanted her to receive. I wanted to also learn to give without expecting anything in return. So this is what we do. Physically, she might seem passive. But emotionally, and sexually, she is anything but passive. She accepts me kissing her body from head to toe, front and back. She accepts me giving her oral, and intercourse. She loves it, she's not really passive, she'll respond, but she now is happy to make it all about her pleasure. She only thinks about how she feels through it. And it gets her off. Easier than ever before. So that's where we're at after 5 months. Some downsides for me are, I am always horny (not really a downside, I love it, but it is distracting), and sometimes I barely can insert myself inside her before I feel the urge to cum. This makes for some pretty short PIV sessions which is quite distressing. I've tried numbing creams. Although, yeah, they numb me alright, they numb me past the point that I can feel anything, which makes it difficult to get hard. If there's enough sensation for me to get an erection, than there's enough for me to cum. So numbing cream doesn't really work. I've tried various youtube tricks (breathing, relaxing pelvic floor, moving "energy" around with your intentions). They improve things maybe 5 seconds. Not enough. I've read somewhere that after a couple months of retention, it get's more difficult to cum, even with stimulation. I don't know whether that is true or not. I hope to make it a couple months, so I hope to find out. The upside for me (and her), is we've never been closer, never had as much fun with each other, never been as intimate. The upsides are truly amazing. It's fair to say that although she is not dominant, she truly owns my cock. She recognizes that she does and she has become comfortable with stating what kind of access t\ \ o my cock I'm allowed (none), n almost 5 months. She truly holds me to this as the #1 important thing. - I have not cum at all in about 3 weeks, and only came abou
You definitely came to the correct place! Thank you for sharing. Hopefully this is the start to a long-term commitment & life style. Maybe your wife will join CM ... Best to you both.
That means a lot! It demonstrates she cares. My wife changed about this too. I think it goes with the greater enjoyment of physical intimacy. I wax the pubes now and shave the difficult spots; no stubble that way and what grows back is light and soft. There are several good reasons for chastity but this is no.1 for us. Do you ever feel the urge to jerk off but stymied and frustrated by the cage? Seriously? Whenever you two are alone in the house? I'm a little confused how she could be passive physically AND not sexually. Can you explain further what that looks like? The upsides are incredible! That's something I should have given my wife on our wedding day and I now realize I held that back. But I don't think I could have ever truly delivered on that without chastity because by that time i was addicted and didn't know it.
I liken chastity to an engine governor. I first learned about them as a kid with lawn mowers and go-karts. I would get frustrated that they couldn't run faster and were limited. If those motors were allowed to run at full throttle, the results would be adverse, even harmful. Since PIV is not a very viable option for us, the cage remains in place when we're intimate more than 9 times out of 10. Sometimes, she uses that time to tease the hell out of me and I am very frustrated that we can't go any faster. Other times, we have a very mutually pleasurable experience that is AMAZING! The cage prevents the experience from getting cut short prematurely and, as a result, she is able to enjoy the experience to the max. While there are times I hate the governor, I know ultimately that it's for our good. I'm just grateful that she allows us to remove the governor once in a while so we can burn the carbon deposits out of the internal parts of my engine.
How do you wax? (Sounds like a chick question). But seriously, do you get bikini wax at a CVS and simply follow the directions? I find shaving can irritate and it grows pretty fast so I need to shave every day. Every day. I miss jerking off a-lot. I do feel I have control of myself in this regard so I don't fail, but sometimes I will play with a q-tip. Poor substitute, but sometimes I need to know it's still there and need to feel some stimulation. It feels good, but once I allow myself that, I stop. Ok, not all the time. But whenever we are relaxing. or cooking (naked chef), Passive to me would men she's ambivalent, doesn't care. Like if she felt, lick away and tell me when you're done, and hurry up. That's not how she is. It's more that she doesn't move much, she does spread her legs, she does breathe, and when she get's close, her hips move and she gets into it. So she's passive, but enjoying the sensation is what I mean. I didn't understand any of this back then. I couldn't have given it if I wanted to. I definitely didn't understand what my orgasms did to me, nor how jerking off was destructive. I saw a shrink a long time ago. After a minimal number of questions, he gave me a prescription for SSRIs and that was it for the rest of my life till about a year ago. Had he known, he could have asked, "Do you think there's a pattern to when you feel less connected? Might it be after sex or masturbation?" Maybe I'd have laughed at him, or maybe I might have said, holy shit, you're right. He could have said, "Well don't do that as much and lets see what happens". Also, had my parents brought anything up, I probably would have laughed at then, but they could have had a "masturbation" talk with me when I was younger. My grandmother once gave me the proverbial, you'll go blind speech, which I instantly discounted as the bizarre opinion of an old lady. Yet she was more correct with that than I had any idea about at the time.
I buy the flamingo body wax kit. Get it delivered via Subscribe and Save option. The first time you wax is painful as hell but if you keep up with it every 3-4 weeks, it is much less so. I hope you avoid cooking with hot oil on the stove!
Just a small update to show how far we've come with this. When we started, it was supposed to be six months. Throughout the time, I brought up from time to time that I wonder whether a) I'd last 6 months and b) whether I'd still want to wear it after 6 months. She always said, "I don't want this to be forever." Last week, I started looking at new cages. Mine is a vice, which is nice, no complaints, but it's plastic. Hard to keep clean with extended wear. Looked at a MM Queens Keep. I showed her it online and said I thought we should get it. The reason being, it'll be better for long term wear. She thought it was good and told me to get it. The end of the original chastity period is nearly over. She and I both feel that it's been successful and that there now no longer is an end date. I am now basically locked up indefinitely. She prefers it, and so do I. I get to focus on her, and I can keep myself from jerking off (which even after 5 months is still a temptation. I guess it always will be).