Navigating a chastity relationship through menopause

No limits I have heard, no side effects. Obviously YMMV

 

I sure hope that this is what I have to look forward to when my wife gets there.

 

Estroven (multi symptom)

 

Unwanted hair growth? Em, unwanted by whom?? Winter is coming

 

Well said, thank you.

 

You're welcome. I'm still figuring this stuff out myself. We had an argument last weekend, which almost never happens. And by "argument", I mean that she got angry at me (or hurt by me?), and I sincerely apologized to her even though I didn't understand what was going on, and she was still mad at me.

Communication is hard. Really hard. I tried apologizing and of course I was on my best behavior, but nothing was making it through. So the next day, I said "I've been thinking about what happened, and I know you don't want to discuss it, but could I please say a few things?" And after she agreed, I told her that no matter anything else, that I accepted her judgment, so if she thought that I had done anything wrong, that I simply accept that and I take full responsibility for whatever I did, and furthermore that I felt that way from the moment that she became angry -- that I was not angry with her and I wasn't blaming her for anything. That broke the ice, because she naturally worries that I am blaming her or angry at her, which would make her feel defensive.

In reality, I never do that anymore. Whatever the problem is, she is always right, so I just accept that every problem is my fault and my responsibility now. If she later tells me that it was her fault, that's ok, because she's always right, and I simply accept that she is right telling me that she was wrong. This is why we almost never have fights or arguments now. Fortunately, she doesn't take advantage of this power over me in an abusive way; I'm not sure what I'd do if she did, because at this point I feel defanged and declawed and defenseless.

But back to the topic: Communication. Learn to question yourself before you speak, especially when there is confict:
* Is what I'm going to say respectful, honest, and uplifting to my wife?
* Is what I'm going to say necessary to be said? Does it benefit my wife? Or am I just saying it for my own benefit?

 

My wife started low dose testosterone in a cream that she puts on every day. For her, unfortunately, it made no difference in her libido. Although she continues to take it as she found it really improved her sleep.

 

So far all good, no negatives, no idea how long she can be on it

 

This is VERY similar to the conversation I had with my wife....she is turning 57 and takes medication that lowers her libido as well. We have been trying chastity for the last month and my observation is she is enjoying it and her libido, though still low, has increased due to knowing I'm raring to go and much more attentive to her. She is ALSO looking into having her testosterone levels checked and possibly getting a prescription to help offset the side effects of her medication.
All that having been said, and said by many others, the most IMPORTANT piece for us was the communication.

 

I totally feel this struggle. Wife and I are both 46 and while my test was at 350 and I have a decent libido, she has zero. It takes a lot to get her warmed up and even then I feel like I am forcing it. Been married 22 years. It fucking sucks. We started chastity about a year ago and while it was a bit of a novelty, it ended up with just me locking myself to keep me from just taking care of myself. I've tried to talk and drop hints for her to ask her doc, but there just hasn't been followup or change. It's frustrating.
She is a strong Christian woman and I am so proud of her for that. But there is absolutely no desire for her to initiate any intimacy.
We definitely need to talk about it more but it's hard for sure. It's got me to the point of "why even try. "

I need to just bite the bullet and get the glans armor from MCN then I can just be locked and not have to unlock for sports at all. (Balls get so tight it causes pain)

I can't help except to co-misserate with you. Thanks for letting me vent.

 

Consider asking her to read God, Sex and Your Marriage by Juli Slattery. If she is a dedicated Christian, this book will challenge her to engage with you sexually. If she agrees, read it along with her.

 

Ran across that yesterday and will buy a copy of it for her to read. Thank you.

 

Let me know how it goes. I hope to find time to start a thread on the topic before too long.

 

That's one of the most heartfelt posts i've read in a long time! wish there were more of them, tolling the advantages...

 

That's a tough slog. At some point, you not being able to talk about this with her is becoming corrosive under the surface; it's going to hurt to begin the conversation, but begin it must.

 

do you think, you could get her to tell you how often to unlock yourself and masturbate? i would think you're on that level of intimacy to bring up the subject. if you come across as really needing release but don't want to embarass of bother Her with it, she may even get a better understanding. if in the case her drive has diminished, asking for a month or more could send a message that you care and love her so much, you're willing to adapt to her situation. in my humble opinion, of course, gentle reader. one's mileage does vary...

 

My Lady did go through the menopause and lost interest in almost everything
Her keeping me locked and denied anyway made it far easier for her to feel no guilt about ignoring me and it served the purpose of making me feel and appreciate being much more controlled

she's through it now... and is resolved that for now she will be continuing to keep me locked and denied

 

My strong Christian wife was a major influence for my deconversion. We had this marriage problem too, went to a Christian counselor and bought all the books. It seems that my wife and our counselor were quick to cite verses to me about lust but they were dismissive of versus when I brought up 1 Cor. 7 and Ephesians 5 about marital submission. I don't want to get into religion on this thread but if you'd like to talk further then feel free to PM me.

 

Cool! I think you'd find this book a refreshing departure from that type of thinking!

 

I don't want to hijack the OP thread here but thank you for the reply. Seeing other perspective here from you and others helps with not feeling alone in the battle. I will say, her and I do need to have some additional conversations on my feelings and how she effects me so. I am Christian as well and understand the two different sides the Bible can teach. However I don't believe its lust when it's my wife and my desire to feel closer and more connected to her, especially after 2 kids and 22 years.

 

I'm gonna need that docs number.

 

Not about the doc, so much as the testosterone she is on…

 

Very interesting topic and lots of insights. I feel that my wife is starting menopause or has been in denial about it. All good information.

 

We had some pretty crazy misadventures in the years leading up to the pandemic especially the second half of the ‘10s. Then we pandemic shut a lot of things down, we had multiple personal losses, my wife increased certain medications, and then menopause started, and some other things illnesses happened too. All of this has made it hard for me to deal with idea of life as it was before the pandemic, and how it has been since.

She has gone on HRT - her own idea based on her own risks and talking with doctors. It seems to have given both of us a little hope early on.

Before HRT, Our sex life slowed down even more this year and maybe I’m hoping this at least has caused us to talk more about it. The or ironic thing is it caused some very strict and long denial - strictest ever. Although her libido is *slowly* improving, she’s not in a big hurry to do a lot with direct s-x, and has said that she appreciates feeling “safe, secure, and in control” with me.

 

The one other thing I would add - chastity like any sexual practice has nuances. The benefits of not pressuring the wife are obvious, epically when libido is low. But even when libido is low, not all attention is unwanted - it’s important for the guy to not get overly self obsessed (sometimes this is challenging) and also figure out that when some amount of assertiveness is welcome - when aging and menopause lead to insecurity.