A new chapter

It's fascinating how two people connect and I really appreciate you sharing intimate, vulnerable thoughts. Desires, expectations, uncharted waters after many years. Did you share an emotional connection over the failed attempt at penetration? It seems like she moved on from the moment? How did you feel besides frustrated? Do you two use toys like vibrators or insertables to help things along? Outside of the bedroom, is the emotional or romantic bond/boning different? Sorry so many questions - your story is interesting because of the unconventional attempts to keep connecitng in a world where that isn't easy.

 

I don't identify as trans, but we've had unconventional parts of our lives from the beginning, which was a very long time ago. She was dating both a guy, and a married woman when we met, which drew me to her. In the last few years, she sometimes seems more relaxed and welcoming when I'm "dressed" in some fashion. She says it is because I'm more relaxed, which may be true, but it seems like part of it, or it breaks some kind of anxiety between us. Life can be confusing, because she doesn't identify as a lesbian, but some her most enjoyable sex has been with women, and the best sex we had in the last year, was after a night out fully dressed up - went out to dinner at a very friendly LGBT place. We've needed different things at different points in our long relationship. 20 years ago, I would have thought of dressing as only a private kink, but now it is in all kinds of gray areas and overlaps with vanilla life a lot more.

She enjoys vibrators for sure to climax, and maybe they allow her to focus. On me, a vibrator makes it very easy to add, and then suddenly take away stimulation, and even when I climax, it is somewhat ruined, because it involves none of the traditional grinding or stroking.

Trying to maintain intimacy when life is in the way is very hard. She seems more committed to doing it in non-sexual ways lately.