A major milestone

There’s a sort of unexamined and unstated assumption behind some of the posts here that a lack of sexual activity means something is off. Well, maybe… but there are plenty of relationships where there IS sexual activity but something is just as off, for one or both partners. I’d rather be in a relationship with no sex than one where there is sex but it’s quietly traumatic or unpleasant for one of the participants.

 

I definitely find the slow-burn arousal of constant denial deeper and more profound than the two second kapow of an orgasm. Plus an orgasm would restart the clock on a track record that I’m proud of.

 

Oh, as the wizard said, "Well, why didn't you say so?" Now I don't qualify for long term orgasm denial but I have discovered that I like my orgasms much less than I thought. They are not nearly as important as I had believed through all of my life up until a few months ago. I find my orgasms distracting, deflating, and depressing. They are fun for the moment but come at a huge expense. I do find that in place of them, I need my wife's. As long as she's getting them, I don't need my own and frankly would rather not have them. In that, I believe you will find an awful lot of like minded people here on this site. I'm a newbie from that respect. My challenge is my wife wants me to have them. I have to make deals with her for her to allow me to not to orgasm. It's truly bizzare in my mind. Both that I have to beg to be denied, and that I actually want to be denied.

Looking at it from that perspective, you are so far ahead in the game. If you have a close relationship with your wife, and if you're both happy and on a journey together, your orgasm is completely secondary.

What I find inspirational is that you will forgo your own and will resist having one until your wife will participate along with you. Reminds me of a Springsteen song that goes, "If I should fall behind, wait for me. If you shall fall behind, I'll wait for you". I'm a romantic at heart.

 

HouseBoy for Her,

I related very closely to your original post. My wife's sex drive has gone way, way down while mine is still up there. I used to masturbate a lot and, on the very rare occasions she was interested in sex, I wasn't able to keep it up. I love being in a constant state of wanting. Like the man in the Dos Equis commerical said, "Stay thirsty."

I too like not having the anxiety about initiating sex, only to be turned down. Locked up = no pressure, in my mind.

My wife accepts the cage but very seldom teases me as I would like.

Having said all that, we snuggle a lot in bed. I love humping her rear with my caged cock and she usually reciprocates. Once in a while, when the stars are aligned, she responds to my touching her breast instead of brushing my hand away. Then we both enjoy passionate sex with me giving her one or two orgasms with my hand.

She comes, I don't but I feel satisfied. Still horny, but satisfied. Still thirsty.

Recently, a few days after our last sexual encounter, we were speaking about the cage. As usual, I started the conversation. She wondered why I couldn't just not masturbate using, you know, self control. I honestly told her that that wouldn't work. Without the cage my self-stroking would lead to an orgasm that I would really rather not have. She reluctantly accepted my familiar explanation.

I haven't offered you any advise until now but here's a tiny piece: consider offering sexual touches from time to time. When she doesn't accept them back off, in a good mood. Do it again in a few days, or whenever seems right to you. Always without any expectation that she will respond like you want her to.

Maybe, just maybe she'll respond.

 

I think Your way too defensive, "over sensitivity" is what is causing serious breakdowns in society. I believe they are called snow flakes, someone not able to deal with ideas that run contrary and therefore are interpreted as personal attacks, especially when they are not intended to be. Questioning one's logical response to any situation may be controversial or not part of the world program. I think the diverse suggestions and ideas are what drives me to keep reading this blog.....just don't take it too personal. Your frustration seems to be coming from just one source.

 

Florida man ...

 

False, never made those false allegations, what someone "feels" happens to fall on them especially if the message was not intended to hurt feelings...but to face reality as they see it....the facts could be mean, the evidence could be mean and beauty is in the eyes of the beholder...too. Enslavedbyc made know comments like that.

 

The context initially was valid, what do you do when the key holder becomes a casual observer. Tough being in the cage under those circumstances, especially when you are working feverishly to please her in ways you have never done before.

 

Not to hijack the thread, but it seems the OP found a different thread more satisfying. I think though the original statements that seemed to say that a wife was losing interest in sex, yet the guy wants to enter into a chastity relationship and offer up his caged cock is a theme I've read before. Essentially a guy wants to be a sub to someone who doesn't want to be a dom. Doesn't even want to play the game. Some of us read that and feel sad. On one hand, I think we can understand it, and we can play it out in our heads and feel defeated. So, we try to help the best way we know how, by trying to tell the guy he might be getting played, or he may be playing a one-sided game. Is it better to not offer help? To say to ourselves, you're on your own man. Good luck with that. The fact that folks do butt in I think is good. The last thing I'd want, if it were me, is folks ignoring my dilemma because they don't want to offend. I guess, sure, we can all work on our delivery, but frankly, I'm impressed with the folks who offered up opinions and help. It shows humanity in a world devoid of it much of the time.

Yet what I think some folks here recognize is that there are destructive relationships too. There's a fine line.

 

This thread has covered a lot of ground, but I wanted to zero in on this particular bit. Celebrating significant milestones can be very important. In general, people don't do this enough, or they focus on arbitrary milestones that don't mean anything to them. Two years is a big deal... be proud of it, find a way to recognize and celebrate it with your wife.

That doesn't mean an orgasm. Really, that's a completely unrelated thing. Maybe you should have an orgasm, maybe not. But find a way to celebrate regardless.

 

My wife and I have been married for a long time. For most of that time I lived a secret life in which I masturbated to my fetish fantasies and had occassional dalliances in real life. All in secret because I was ashamed of my desires and was afraid to reveal them to my wife.

She is, in fact, probably as vanilla as people come. And also a wonderful, loving woman.

It's taken a long time but I think we've found our equilibrium point. The other day we were taking a hike. I considered us going down a steep shortcut but, because my wife isn't as agile as I am, I suggested we take the longer way around. "I don't want you to get banged up," I said. "I want to ask you to flog me later."

We both laughed. I felt joy at our being able to laugh at that and I said so. Later, she asked me if I wanted her to flog me and I said sure. I took out the suede leather flogger Ihad bought and she administered a totally lousy flogging.

Sigh.

I thanked her for it but threw in a line about having to strengthen her arm. Later I texted her to apologize and said i was a jerk. She texted back, agreeing with me. Later, when I was home, I apologized again. "You know," she said, "I'm just not into it."

I think something finally clicked for me. It's all right. I don't have to get everything I want. What I do have is a loving, supportive relationship and that's more than many people have. It's what I need.

 

Damn, that was beautiful.