Chastity cages and Christianity

This is a terrific post! Thank you for taking the time to write it.

I have said, knowing God hears all, that properly used chastity play may be a kink He genuinely approves of.

I may be delusional or devotional. But I’ve prayed that the outcome of chastity play is a strengthened marriage to my wife.

 

Please explain, did you participate in a survey or did you conduct a survey and do a report? Perhaps you could share more?

In regards to Davids lying, he was likely (my opinion) trying to protect the priest. In Exodus God commended the midwives for lying to Pharaoh about the jewish women being more vigorous as an excuse to not murder the children.

Agreed! However, in the church men have a tendency is to ignore all things sexual, and the women try hard to shut it down and then kill it. Judging from what you have wrote, you and your wife seem to have cultivated a blooming garden. Care to share some ideas of how the two of you got this far?

 

delusional and devotional.
Yes.
Both.
Love the alliteration.

 

[/QUOTE]

In answer to the first question: when I say survey, I didn't survey people. It was a deep dive into the Bible and concordance to locate and reflect on the verses about sex in the Bible: both positive and negative. I think many Christians think the Bible is sex negative. It is not. It is adultery/abuse negative. It is breaking covenant negative. But it is very sex positive. I "surveyed" the Bible myself. I reported to no one. I printed it out and it is in a notebook somewhere for my reference. After 2 moves in the past 5 years...exactly where it is...is ...um...I don't know. Don't ask for a copy. LOL.

How did my wife and I get this far?

Well...I don't think we are very far on the chastity journey. I guess we are about 2.5 years since I had "the talk" with her and asked her to lock me up. I was unlocked for all of May...and locked for about 2 weeks prior to our recent anniversary. She still feels guilt about denying me orgasms when I'm eager to give her several. But she did tell me this week that me practicing "pussy worship" with her has built her self worth and made her feel sexy. As we were in ministry, she never let her sexy show in public and still doesn't.

However...back from our anniversary trip (of 11 days)...a few days later she did issue a "lock it up" order. See...she is willing to play and be my KH.

She did say if I had the intent or plan of bringing a third person to bed...the marriage would be over. I've never thought that would be a good thing. She would never cuckold me either, though we stockpile those blue pills these days.

That whole "keep myself only unto you so long as we both shall live" rings in my ears still today. She has been a wonderful lover/wife, and I have celebrated our sexuality by writing about 600 sex poems about sex in general and about our escapades in particular.

I think men should write love/sex poems and at the top write "For my wife and lover: ____insert name here_____. Then put them in envelopes for her to read....email them to her...or best yet...READ them to her as your are finally naked in bed together.

Married for 40 years and both of us faithful to our marriage bed. We have never withheld sex as a punishment or used it as a weapon to wound the other. We know by experience there are ups and downs...but the gift of intimacy is a glorious thing...blessed by God.

Sacred sex would say that in orgasm...one is the closest to an ecstatic spiritual experience there is. The evil one has twisted it and made it just a physical thing now, when it actually facilitates the connection and uniting of SOULS, not just bodies.

So many people are sexually traumatized as children in this world, and there is a special punishment in the afterlife for those who would do such a thing.

Every year...we have tried to take a "second" honeymoon. To date we have done that. Cruises, Weekends away with grandparents watching our children, and we go away with lube and vibrators and cock rings at the ready. Add to that chastity...and we are still discovering where this goes in our wonderful present moment of life.

Hope this answers a bit.
"Stay Curious"
Thanks to those who read my most recent post.

 

True: David's lying has a righteous purpose, to preserve his own life. He's on the run and he's no doubt hungry. He left in a hurry...and didn't have time to grab a weapon or two...that much is true...but it was from the King's displeasure...not the king's pleasure. There are many incidents of "holy lying" in the Bible...Rahab as she lies to the men seeking out the two spies in her house. Again...she lies for a holy purpose, and finds salvation (physically and spiritually) as a result of her faith and kindness.

The whole Rahab story...is also interesting in that two Yahweh believing young men were sheltered in the home of a prostate. Hmmmmm. Very interesting. Did they pay for her services...and then tell them their mission? Inquiring minds would like to know. I bet they had some 'splainin' to do when they got back to their tents. "Oh...you were sheltered by a harlot? What were you doing at her place anyway?"

Judah, Joseph's brother, visiting a prostitute (who secretly is Tamar, his daughter in law to his first son, now deceased...as is son #2).

The stories go on and on.

My application to today of is that - when Christians say "the Bible is clear that marriage is between one man and one woman" they are ignoring all the godly pre-Israelite and Hebrew polygamists found in the Bible record. On matters of sex and marriage...the Bible is anything but clear!

So many euphemisms...So many non-ideal, non-edenic sexual happenings: offering your virgin daughter out to a rape desirous mob (Sodom and Judges 19-21), rapes, sleeping with your father's concubines, etc etc. The song of Jacob insisting the Shechemites be Circumcized, using their covenant sign as a weapon of incapacitation, and then killing the men of Shechem.

These days, the conservative USA church is in bed with USA courts and governments and using their clout and scriptures to oppress the LGBTIAQ community. We are no longer the land of the free...and they aren't even brave about it. They are free to discriminate even more and I expect this will continue for years to come. The deaths of LGBTIAQ people through suicide...after family and church and community rejections are on their hands.

just my opinions...

 

Deuteronomy 24:5 “If a man is newly married, he must not be sent to war or be pressed into any duty. For one year he is free to stay at home and bring joy to the wife he has married.”

Defenders of "biblical" marriage from church doctrine and then enforced in society of the USA ignore this verse. Every couple that gets married should be paid to be at home. It should be a citizen benefit. With your marriage license would be an application for this government grant. A monthly income to pay the bills while the happy couple stays home...learns to give orgasms to each other and presumable starts filling their "quiver" (a Psalms reference) with children.

This is the word fo God for the people of Gos. Thanks be to God.

 

On that point we certainly disagree. I'm not sure how a person who knows the bible as well as you can even suggest God has not set clear boundaries. Granted, many examples of people who went outside of those boundaries, but lets not start calling sexual brokenness wholesome! Or even worst is suggesting God made them that way. God made them male and female, the flavors of perversion are endless.

I think the real issue here is that people want God to submit to worldly thinking, everyone has an opinion.

 

The two of you are to be admired for your sincerity and Biblical focus. This recent dialogue has been wonderful for me.

For my two cents: I think the Bible isn't always clear to us. The real question is why. Is it OUR failing? Or is there mystery that God has not yet revealed to us? Or it is simply some cultural norms that the authors assumed and we struggle with understanding and applying? Addaday makes so many good points. Sex in the Biblical context is a gift.

I also agree with CaptivatedByHer. We must be extremely careful not to bend the Bible to our own worldly viewpoints.

I return to my earlier quip: Am I delusional or devotional?

As for me, I pray that male chastity play serves to improve my marriage. No doubt the activity can be a double edged sword.

Thanks guys. Remember, we are on the same side!

 

Yes! Even Paul said in Ephesians 5 that the relationship between man and woman which is a metaphor for God's relationship with us is "a profound mystery".

 

CAPTIVATED: You actually make my point. The people in the Bible that are sexually broken (your words) and that are outside of the supposed "clear boundaries"...are still considered good God followers, members of the Israel 'church", and we deem them part of the redeemed. If we did it then...we can certainly do it for today for our LGBT. You desire for God to accommodate chastity (which some in both of our churches would deem perversion)...but I understand you to be rejecting of the others "outside the boundaries" as you understand them.

The many polygamists (always men) of Genesis are simply mentioned, without a judgment or rebuke. We are the ones who add our interpretation of their consequences as negative. My invitation to you (and others) is to have a larger view of God and the stories of the Bible. There are many good theologians that see God as inclusive of all: those inside the Edenic boundaries...and those out side those bounds, once they are outside the boundaries of Eden. J
udah, a man that visits a prostitute (whom he doesn't know is his daughter-in-law widow) first plots her death for her pregnancy...and than gives her praise. But there is no voice of criticism for his harlot habit. the Bible is nuanced, and the stories paint a picture of God's grace for all... David, Gomer, Gideon (his wives are not given a number...but he had 70 children....the godly judge had many wives.).

Jesus had words of grace for the "woman caught in adultery" (forced into it by the religious right of His day) and for the sinner woman who washed his feet. I want to live by Jesus ethic of "You have heard it said....but I say to you." The Kingdom is Large. It is the church that is small...by it's own insistence.

 

[QUOTE="I also agree with CaptivatedByHer. We must be extremely careful not to bend the Bible to our own worldly viewpoints. ![/QUOTE]

One can't view/interpret the Bible except through their own viewpoints... we each interpret the Bible through the lenses of many things: sermons we've heard, songs we've heard, Bible passages we've read, the instructions of our spiritual mentors etc. One is always bending the Bible, understanding it according to their understanding. It is impossible to say that one has arrived at the true viewpoint...and has left self/the world out of it.

that's my opinion anyway.

 

One can't view/interpret the Bible except through their own viewpoints... we each interpret the Bible through the lenses of many things: sermons we've heard, songs we've heard, Bible passages we've read, the instructions of our spiritual mentors etc. One is always bending the Bible, understanding it according to their understanding. It is impossible to say that one has arrived at the true viewpoint...and has left self/the world out of it.

that's my opinion anyway.[/QUOTE]

Addaday,

I think you and I agree based on your response. Hence maybe I should clarify my point since an apparent disagreement probably does not exist:

By “bending” I mean we ought not seek Scripture to justify our sinful acts and natures.

Example: slavery existed in the OT. I’m not aware of it being condemned. This would not mean that we can run out and buy slaves today.

Does that help?

 

To me there are a few simple truth's in the Word that are relevant, "do not withhold sex from one another except for a time of fasting and prayer" being the most relevant to me regarding the concept of chastity.

However, withholding an orgasm in order to have more intimate time and sex is certainly not withholding sex and is not therefore against any Christian doctrine I know of, especially if this is by agreement and each party is getting what they desire the most.

To that end, what is sanctioned between a husband and wife by agreement is to me a sanctification of the marriage bed. An agreement of chastity therefore is sanctified as far as I understand.

Just my 5 cents worth....

 

I think your sincerity and logic are most worthy! I could not disagree.

This is my personal challenge. I want chastity to be worthy of God's approval. Yet I know it can lead to sinful fantasy.

You seem to have recognized an excellent vantage point.

 

As a Christian (yes, Bible-reading/believing etc) my first response is that masturbation predates the Bible. God addresses the pertinent sexual issues in Leviticus. No mention of masturbation. Dildos existed, but no mentioning of them. The Song of Solomon is a highly sexual book. The only reason that we don’t see it is because it is a translation and the euphemisms are not translated. As a side note, in one extra-biblical book (forget which one), the female’s orgasm is used to establish Noah’s conception. So, during Jesus’ day, the female’s pleasure was known and considered important.

Why am I mentioning all this? Sex is a God-conceived-of activity. Any “repress” or “deaden” must be seen in that context. In Deuteronomy, God encouraged “strong drink” when celebrating life. Yet, the same Bible warns against drunkenness.

Conclusion: IMNSHO, sex (like any other bodily desire) should not dominate us.

As for the acceptance of this kink, if we (society) can learn to keep adult things away from children and (re)learn to respect innocence, there is a chance. I really don’t want eight year olds asking their parents “what’s a penis cage?”

Lastly, this “kink” has helped my marriage tremendously. I can deal with the non-acceptance at church, as the topic does not come up often. ;-)

 

I agree with @captivatedbyher that David's lying was most likely intended to protect the priest. Those who aided opponents of the King in that culture were subject to a death sentence. That is evident in multiple Bible stories. Sure, he was using the priest for his own gain, but because of his reputation, he could have easily gotten the priest to said him without lying. Saul was mentally unstable and wouldn't have hesitated to put the priest to death. Both David and the priest were the Lord's anointed and Saul clearly intended to murder David.

 

In my online book study of God, Sex & Your Marriage, one of the challenges given for the week is to "make an effort to show unselfish love to your spouse within your sexual relationship" by "taking a clear step toward sexual healing and freedom." I wrote the following response and directed it to my wife:

I am still learning lessons in self-control. And the journey and experience is amazing! To be able to crawl into bed with you every night in almost complete nakedness and full shamelessness is incredible. But that is also extremely tantalizing. I love being in control of my impulses & urges so that you feel completely comfortable, uninhibited and unthreatened. My physical desire is to “jump your bones” and to press for sexual fulfillment. The physical guardrail of my Guardian (chastity device) prevents that and aids me in maintaining control over the pleasure seeking center of my brain that wants to pursue pleasure. It allows my rational brain to come to the forefront and pursue and enjoy you selflessly. There is freedom in being able to control one’s self & the brain’s impulses & urges.​

This morning, as I was pondering those thoughts, I came across this passage in 1 Thessalonians 4:

"It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid (abstain from) sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body (literally: possess his own vessel) in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong or take advantage of a brother or sister."​

The dictionary definition of the word to "avoid" or "abstain" is to hold back, prevent, or to hold one's self off. Chastity proves to be a pretty good measure to accomplish that for me. Being able to press for sexual fulfillment every time I crawl into bed with my wife may not be sexual immorality, but it is less than God's best for my wife and my marital intimacy.

I think the phrase "possess his own vessel" has been discussed previously in this thread and someone suggested the "vessel" was often a household tool or implement and in this context might specifically refer to a man's penis. However, my dictionary says "'Vessel' was a common Greek metaphor for 'body' since Greeks thought of souls living temporarily in bodies." So it seems to imply controling all of me including my penis.

Last night, I really wanted physical release.... sexual fulfillment... a full orgasm. But my wife's recent affirmations that we will not be going there for at least a couple of weeks and the presence of my chastity device helped reign me in. I gave her only what she wanted and made her comfortable.... a kiss, some cuddling, and lying side by side with some skin on skin contact.... and we both drifted off to sleep. I think this is what God intended for my marriage.

 

What a delightful update! And I am personally betting with my relationship that you are correct in your theology.

 

I came across this passage in a book by Gary Thomas, "Pure Pleasure: Why Do Christians Feel So Bad About Feeling Good?" and I wanted to get your thoughts on this, particularly as it relates to chastity and orgasm denial:

"The Bible is clear: The LORD takes pleasure in those who fear him, in those who hope in his steadfast love (Psalm 147:11 ESV). Enjoying God and what he has created (in the way he intends us to enjoy it) brings pleasure to God. It is the pathway to worship and increases our spiritual vigor: [The LORD] satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s (Psalm 103:5).

Even famous ascetics, such as Julian of Norwich — who once eagerly prayed for God to bring more pain into her life — understood how much delight God takes in our pleasure. After believing that Jesus told her, “I ask nothing more of you for my hardship but that I give you pleasure,” Julian goes on to say:

A glad giver pays little attention to the thing he is giving, but his whole desire and intention is to please and comfort the one to whom he gives it; and if the receiver values the gift highly and takes it gratefully, then the generous giver thinks nothing of all his hardship and the price he had to pay, because of the joy and delight that he feels at having pleased and comforted the one he loves.​

If all of this is true — and I believe it is — then a gospel that speaks only of duty and discipline robs God of pleasure. Jesus paid the highest price on the cross to (in part) enable us to laugh, to set us free to enjoy the world instead of becoming enslaved by it. So we do him no favors by acting as though his work on the cross somehow came up short as a sacrifice.* He died to give us life. When we reject that life, we reject the benefits of his sacrifice of death. This doesn’t honor him; it grieves him. Religion tempts us to become more concerned with our pride-laced denial and self-exalting piety than with bringing delight to our heavenly Father, who takes pleasure in our pleasure — pleasure won at an inconceivably high cost. As David testified, and we echo, 'He rescued me because he delighted in me.'"​

So... is our denial pride-laced? Is our chastity / piety self-exalting? Are we robbing God of pleasure when we refuse the pleasure of orgasms.... orgasms which He designed us to experience and enjoy?

 

Fantastic question. I will share my opinion, but first, I wish to refer to The Parable of the Talents.

Matthew 25: 21 “His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’

God does indeed want you to celebrate with Him.

I would argue that our chastity is "delay" more than denial. We are exchanging those moments of orgasm for hours and days and weeks......and months of a different kind of pleasure--PROVIDED it is to bring us closer to our wives.

A disciplined savoring of His gifts? Or a selfish indulgence? Slowly enjoying a glass of fine wine? Or swigging down a six pack of that nasty Bud Lite?

It always seems to come down to this: God knows your heart.

 

I don’t think it’s cut and dry. If I deny myself a certain pleasure in an effort to maintain or strengthen a relationship, I’m making a trade for a sacrifice if you will. I am placing that relationship in a higher level than personal pleasure. That is perfectly in line with Scripture.

 

I suppose everything we do is laced with pride and self exaltation to some extent. But this type of fast is done in such a way that only the Lord sees, and what the Lord sees done in private He will reward openly. In regards to the pleasure aspect, are we to take this type of pleasure or give and receive? I suspect in marriage we are to be givers and receivers. When I take, or perhaps steal, an orgasim, it kind of robs my wife of the giving opportunity.

 

Not necessarily. Some people are just asexual, meaning they literally just don't enjoy sex or masturbating. Hard to imagine I know, but it's a thing

 

The Nature of Chastity

In my bible study this summer, I came across an amazing example of someone living out the perfect life of chastity. The crazy thing about it was that this person was….. a woman! Mary, who was to become the mother of Jesus. Here’s are the elements I drew from her example:

Element # 1: Devotion to your keyholder.
In Luke chapter 1, her story begins in verse 26. It tells us that she was a “virgin” as most English bibles translate it. But the actual Greek language says she “knew no man”. She had no other lover. She was committed to sexual integrity in her relationship. While she was betrothed to Joseph, she was actually devoted to him and to the Lord. There was no other.

Element # 2: Taken prisoner / seized by your keyholder.
Mary’s story tells us she “conceived” and was carrying the baby Jesus. The Greek word for “conceived” is literally “to be taken captive / prisoner, to be seized”. A woman’s body is taken captive when she becomes pregnant. She willingly takes that on for the sake of the child. A chaste male is imprisoned for the sake of his KH so that he can nurture and cherish her.

Element # 3: Willingly becoming the bondservant to your keyholder.
When Mary receives the word that she will conceive & become pregnant with the baby Jesus from the angel Gabriel, at the conclusion of his statement to her, she exclaims “I am the Lord’s bondservant (literally “slave”), may it be done to me according to your word.” She willingly commits herself to the service of her Lord and asks to be taken prisoner by Him. Similarly, chastity is usually the idea of the man, of the one to be taken captive.

This was a beautiful example to me of what my relationship should be with and towards my wife. I’ve also come to learn that marriage & sexuality, according to the Bible, is meant to be a metaphor for the relationship God wants to have with us. (A topic to be explored further in another post.) I wrote the following note to my wife and shared it with her. Her response, “Wow! This is amazing! ❤️”

D - I am yours. I know no other. I willingly give myself to you as a bondslave to serve you in the physical world. I have made myself a prisoner to you alone. You are gracious to me (even though because of my past behavior, I don’t deserve it) by treating my physical ailment (low libido & testosterone) to give me emotional & physical energy for life and to give me a burning desire to know you, be seen by you, be near you & please you. I’m like a moth drawn to a flame. Together, we celebrate our love for one another passionately. You are Jesus to me! ​

Thank you for being a metaphor for me of the relationship God has with me so that I may grow in my knowledge of & experience deeper intimacy with Him.​

Lord - I am yours. I know no other. I willing give myself to you as a bondslave to serve you in the spiritual world, your kingdom here on earth. I have made myself a prisoner to you alone. You are gracious (even though because of my past behavior, I don’t deserve it) to me to give me the gifts of a beautiful, kind & loving wife and of your Holy Spirit which give me the emotional & spiritual energy for eternal life and gives me a burning desire to know you, be seen by you, be near you & please you. I’m like a moth drawn to a flame. I look forward to eternity when I will be with you visibly to celebrate our love for one another passionately. You are Jesus!​

 

In their book, "Secrets of Sex and Marriage", Dr Michael Sytsma & Shaunti Feldhaun reveal some statistics about sex & married couples that was very surprising. They studied a sample of 500+ married couples selected randomly across the U.S. They found that 23% were living in sexless marriages (defined as having sex less than 1x per month). What was surprising was that only 16% of couples who attend church 1+ time per week were sexless while 30% of those who didn't attend church regularly were living in a sexless marriage. I think most of us would have thought that would have been the opposite!

The average couple, among those who were not in a sexless marriage, has sex about 1.3 x per week or about 4x every 3 weeks. I used to think it was more than that. D and I have averaged almost 3x per week this year. And given that 36% of couples our age (60+) have given up on sexual intimacy with one another, I'm pleased that we are making up for lost time. We were certainly in that sexless category for about a decade before we found chastity.