I have been self locking for about two years, wife knows but has shown little interest. To be fair the last year was a bad year for us work wise so I have not pushed anything. I was fairly happy plodding on anyway and doing my own thing. I have noticed though my sex drive seems to be going down and I don’t get the thrill as much as I did when locked. It seems to take longer now for the build up. I am thinking the only way forward is to ask my wife to be my key holder and if that doesn’t pan out I’m not sure of the next step. Has anyone else found themselves in the same situation?
Somewhat, in some ways, yes. I'll certainly watch this thread with interest, but don't have any great insights at the moment I'm afraid.
That’s passed now, to be honest my job is a doddle. My wife was the one with work issues so I didn’t want to put any added pressure on her.
Often, this site is like Dopamine Addicts Anonymous. The constant craving for more will never go away. You'll always want more and more and more. So, you are sad that your sex drive is lower...when you started self locking two years ago, what was the goal?
I didn’t/don’t have a goal really, I enjoy how the cage makes me feel but that seems to be getting less as time goes on. I am wondering if it’s because the dynamic is wrong as I am self locking, is it better with someone else holding the keys? Asking if anyone else has had the same experience. It is no more that.
I don't think my sex drive has decreased. What I do think is that wearing my cage has redirected my sexual focus to Her. I am driven now to please Her in anyway She desires. When She wants me to orgasm, I always do quickly but I don't find myself wanting to much anymore. I now have "mental orgasms" by pleasing Her.
You'll need to define "better", and for who. If you hand someone the keys and they say no when you are begging and pleading to be released, you might consider that to be far worse. Often, with things like this, I'm inclined to suggest leaving the cage in the drawer and instead directly all focus on to the partner (and of course 100% cutting out porn and masturbation). A cage a sex toy, and as such it is sexually stimulating. You could have overstimulated yourself, burnt out your poor little dopamine receptors, and now you feel less. My sex drive goes up and down like a prostitutes knickers, and it depends on a great many things, some of which are health related. Maybe you should consider an honest visit to the doctor (of course, the first thing they will suggest is to stop using a sex toy every day, so maybe that is something to seriously consider).
Thanks for your replies, I think you might be looking a little more into this than the original question.
Keys were handed over yesterday, no big fuss no big gestures. Asked whats that all about? and I just replied, well I am self locking most of the time now and I would just like you to hold the keys. I am looking forward to seeing if anything unfolds now and if she will start to use it to her advantage. I do feel like I want to please her more already (not in an overbearing way) by helping in daily things more. I am not going to ask for timeframes, games or anything like that, just going to let her decide what she wants out of it. I am happy just to know she has the keys and whatever happens it’s what she wants as I am getting what I want. I have answered my own question in that yes it is a totally different feeling going from self locking to having a key holder. Taken two years to get to this point now i feel I can just go with the flow and we don’t feel under pressure
Try introducing her to the Chaster app, it helper bring more understanding, fun and engagement from her.