Perhaps a common story

I feel for you.
I'm glad this is now out in the open and that things are improving.

My suggestion is not to keep secrets from your wife. Talk to her. It'll be hard at first but if you do you can build trust and continue to move your relationship forward. That said, not spring things on her like this. So think through things, and learn to find gentle ways to do it. You'll find women need time to ponder and to think. They don't usually like surprises.

I'm not sure if that helps but hope it does.

Otherwise good luck and my the two of you continue to heal and build a closer relationship.

 

Well, I don't mean literally cheated with another, real, woman, but wives can feel cheated on by our fantasies when we don't share them. She might see some imaginary woman in your head - maybe it looks like her but isn't her - that you're "involved" with.

 

Give her time to process this. Perhaps in a few weeks, show her one of the many excellent memes where a very satisfied woman (chose a photo that most approximates your wife's age, not some young hot thing) that lays out the major benefits ie. no more masturbation, all the orgasms I want, none for you unless I want, complete devotion and attention to me at all times, more work out of you, etc. And then step back again and let her process this until she comes to me. Good chance she will.
Later, think about sending her the Chastity Perkins chronicles of her very similar situation. Then step back again.

Good luck. I think you'll be fine. As I have said many times, if women knew the kinky stuff that goes through men's minds, none of us would ever get laid.

 

I suppose she could also wonder if you feel you need the cage to stop you from cheating - that would be worrisome - the idea that you so badly want to cheat that you don’t trust yourself to go about life without caging your penis!

 

I had an affair 30+ years ago. I disclosed it to my wife. It didn't last long. I realized it was the worst mistake of my life. She stayed with me and we turned our relationship around. I reaffirmed my full commitment to our marriage from time to time to help her feel safe, but I know she worried especially when I was traveling a lot for business.

But we weren't fully emotionally connected. And our sexual intimacy suffered and I turned to masturbation & porn to act out sexually, especially when my libido dropped. So I was cheating on her.

I've come to learn from sex therapists / clinical psychologists that sexual addictions that start early in life (pre-teens) can be problematic for the rest of your life. I know and hear from many men who have struggled with porn addictions that they need the guardrail of accountability software on their digital devices to make them and their spouses feel safe for years after coming clean. For someone with an addiction to masturbation or even adultery, a chastity device is a safety net. I no longer feel safe when I get into the front seat of a car without putting my seat belt on. The same is true now with my chastity device.

 

Give her a foot massage then offer her a full body massage. When you get undressed you're wearing the cage. If she's ever going to go for it it's probably here.

 

Yeah, that was a worry of mine when I broached the subject with her. Luckily she already knew I enjoyed bondage and femdom, so it was easy enough to introduce it as an extension of that.

 

I guess that depends on what your understanding of "cheating" is. Early last year, we came to realize it meant any form of sexual pleasure / stimulation from anyone but our spouse including ourselves. We now understand our wedding vow / covenant to include the gifting of our bodies and our sexuality to each other.

When I was 10-ish, my next door neighbor introduced me to masturbation. Viewing porn magazines soon followed. Because I practiced those things regularly from that point forward until a little over a year and a half ago, those habits, particularly the self-pleasuring, became an addictive behavior. Because aging, ED, and my addictive behavior had ruined intimacy in our marriage, I began searching for ways to resolve those issues and restore intimacy to our relationship. I found a number of helpful things and chastity was a big part of that. When I disclosed my addictive behavior and asked her to hold the key to help me learn self-control, we soon figured out the need for further clarification of our wedding vows to including the gifting of our bodies to one another.

We've talked about it. We agree that masturbation can be and is pleasurable. But we also know that orgasms are always more pleasurable when it rsults from the hand, mouth, or genitalia of our spouse. And giving each other the gift of an orgasm is also pleasurable for ourselves. So when we masturbate, we are robbing each other of that pleasure.

We have agreed upon a healthy orgasm control schedule for me. But when I'm aroused and we're being physically intimate, I will not say no to an orgasm. In fact, I'm like a heat seeking missile trying to obtain the target. Chastity not only keeps me from cheating, it keeps me restrained to the schedule we've agreed upon when not "under the influence".

"Worrisome"? I would say, "Unfortunate". These are the consequences of early & life long behaviors. Recently, I heard a clinical psychologist say that sexual behaviors that began in childhood and became repetitive during that timeframe will likely be a challenge for the rest of your life. I've heard from a few on this forum who confirm that from their own experience. My wife and I now have a more robust sex life than at any time in our marriage. Chastity and orgasm control keeps me from even thinking about cheating except with her.

 

Just now found your thread. A lot of it rings true with my own experience.

I think you are doing great. Give her the room to explore. You have probably spent way more hours exploring this kink, than she ever will.


Think for yourself what your ultimate (but realistic) goal is.
Is it more intimacy with your wife? Is it feeding a kink? Is it levelling out your libido?

That might be the talking point when she brings it up again.