Deep breath. And... relax. Here goes

Who knows you will never know until you try it. And remember that something much larger can make its way out without major issues. Have fun and enjoy the ride

 

Fun!
( Experimenting should/can be fun)

My wife was like you but sooned learned to love the lifelike features of the vixskin. She is still a little concerned about the largest (Maverick) but we play very carefully with it from time to time.

 

I’ve heard it called uncanny valley

 

This explains your feelings to a T. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uncanny_valley

 

Possibly, but you can always go chaste from chastity accessories for a while, and then bring back the spice in the vanilla world.

 

I think your doubts, legitimate ones, are just related to the moment and the novelty.

For each new chapter of your journey, your approach has always been cautious, reflective and full of doubts. Then, when you have gained confidence, you handle it with serenity.

My advice is: embrace the doubts but don't make too big a deal of them.

 

@longtallsally Toys can be really fun to play with while keeping MyPete TFD but they will not replace the physical and emotional pleasure of conventional intercourse. Keep in mind that he’s TFD for you and your mutual pleasure. His purchase also gives you tacit approval to continue the project - as you see fit. He may have purchased them but you decide when, how, and on whom they are used.

It could be fun to wear the one closest to his size and stroke it while saying you’re simply trying to understand why he likes to play with himself so much.

 

You're in charge. Ask for, or initiate, whatever you want whenever you want it.

The rest are props or toys for you to choose from if you fancy & only to support this - what you say goes (secondary to this; the more confident & specific you are the more he'll enjoy it too).

 

I understand your concern that you dont phase yourself out of natural intimacy, but remember, as keyholder you decide when he is unlocked. If you want more 'conventional' intimacy you can have it; you don't have to use the three bears, but you may use them to deny him release, to play with his performance anxiety ('I want a man who lasts tonight'), and to keep him TFD.

I'm surprised you haven't commented on what is obvious: at least two of them (pinkie and little bear) are for you to use on him, which is an amazing admission and growth in his submissiveness from the days when he would not accept that about himself. And perhaps Mummy Bear is too.

 

physical intamacy comes and goes pretty quickly. We think about it, do it and it's gone till the thoughts return. Mental intamacy can remain forever, to me that's one of the best things about chastity and a FLR the thoughts remain strong. Trading a few moments of intercourse for orgasm on demand and a man who endlessly longs to please you 24/7 is the essence of mental intamacy. I find this far more fulfilling and a good trade

 

Hey Sal, as others have said, you're in charge so you decide. Or, are you afraid that once you play with the toys a bit that YOU'LL want to use them instead of the real thing? That will only happen if you let it happen. If you're afraid that Pete will prefer to use them over the real thing, I think it's safe to say that he will always take a bit of the real thing if given a chance. The captions that you're referring to are probably mostly Tom Allen's captions and that reflects his life now. He is permanently locked and sex for them is done using strap-ons. But just because that's his life, doesn't mean it has to be yours.

Bottom line, this will only go where you want it to go, so if that means that sex for you will be mainly using strap-ons, that will be because you've decided you prefer it. If you find that you still like traditional sex every so often, then go for it. The main difference between using a strap-on and using Pete, is that there's no post-orgasm drop with the strap-ons.

 

Your concerns are valid. I don't know if this site is an accurate representation of the MC space in general but the overwhelming theme is that one way or another regular sex (PIV) will at some point go away. It is almost unheard of to see someone 4,5,10 years in who still has regular sex (more than 1x or maybe 2x a year). That is the natural progression of MC. Deliberately reducing performance of the guy by eliminating regular PIV and any stimulation which is stamina killing forcing a replacement or abandonment of PIV at all. It seems it is most advantageous to those couples who are forced into a little to no PIV world medically.

 

@longtallsally Glad to hear you had fun and got past your wobble! Sex, chastity, teasing & denial, toys, etc. are supposed to be about fun - for both of you. Chastity takes male masturbation off the table and keeps him focused on you and the joy of discovery you both can share - similar to when you were first dating. Sharing fantasies and toys (without judgement) gives both of you a naughty lover’s secret thrill.

He may have overstepped his bounds a little by not consulting you first but, it sounds like the toys can be used by both of you. Which displays a comfort level with trusting you sexually that he hasn’t shown to date. Embrace the fact that he’s willing to explore with you.

It becomes stale and boring when it ceases to be fun.

 

Congrats on a wonderful evening! Sounds just about perfect.

It is funny what you say about it being difficult. I see that time and time again from women trying pegging for the first time. And that's often doggie style. I can only imagine what they'd say missionary is like- essentially planking and thrusting for however long you go! Back when I used to watch porn one common thing I saw was how poor the woman's form was. The vast majority of the time people gravitate towards doggie. Without being able to feel what's going on the women never seemed to line up right- while thrusting the implement would bend and usually be too high. So focus on lining up correctly to keep a linear back and forth motion. They would also thrust with the entire body. To alleviate the "workout", thrust with your hips using a rotating motion like you are trying to move from lifting your butt to "stick out" behind you and then rotating to now "stick out" your pelvis in front of you keeping your midsection fairly stabile. That hip rotation from back to front is infinitely easier than moving your entire body back and forward. Also use your hands to grab his hips and move him a little back and forth so your pelvis is doing half the work and your arms are doing the other half.

Oh, and try using a bullet/rabbit style vibrator under your harness in your preferred location. Just imagine you orgasming while taking him. Sorry for being vulgar but it brings a whole new meaning to "I just came in your ass".

 

Damn Sally, that must have been a great evening for both of you. I think Pete will be requesting Daddy Bear in no time.

To your earlier question, NowIveDoneIt is correct that for most MC couples, the frequency of PIV does decrease, but that's mainly because the woman in the couple likes how their man is when he's denied orgasms. In most cases, the fact that the woman is getting so many more orgasms (by other means) than they did before makes up for it. But when they miss fullfilling sex, they have the option of strap-ons. But again, it's all up to you. You seem to have worked out a good system with your "let him have a quickie, then do it properly a bit later" method. The only question is, how frequently will you want him to have full orgasms? Over time, you will probably want to increase the time between them, and hence the frequency of PIV might decrease.

 

Your naming creativity is big fun.

 

@longtallsally OMG! For a relative beginner you certainly have a natural talent for being a loving Domme and Keyholder. MyPete must consider himself to be the luckiest male alive. You got past your wobble, and turned what could have been scary into a gentle, fun time. Well done!

 

No need to fear papa bear. Just take it slow and stop if it hurts too much. I’d explore more into his thinking about why he chose bigger than himself if he’s really insecure. I think he thinks it will give you more pleasure and that he wants you to enjoy the toys that are bigger than him. Just remember that he gets off on your pleasure so don’t downplay your pleasure no matter how he achieves it!

 

Fantastic Sal.

I agree that there is a natural progression away from PIV in many chastity couples, but be comfortable knowing that will only happen if you allow it. You are starting to feel, and enjoy, real control and clearly Pete loves it, too. Where that goes is now up to you - follow your heart and his will follow, too.

We are older and my Queen decided that I was happier and much better to be around when denied (and its true). But I require 6 weeks to be properly submissive after, thats a long time. Your situation is so different. The power exchange and the fun are just as significant and you manage it so well.

Like you, my Queen doesnt really want Maveric (Papa Bear) very often, but when she does I am oh-so careful and it is a different special moment for both of us.

I think one universal thing we all learn from chastity is that making love is so much more than PIV, not that PIV is wrong or bad.

 

Sal, I think this simple sentence sums up a key reason you have such a large fan base here: you and Pete are well matched to pleasure and satisfy each other. *Many* of the penis-owners here "really value surrendering sexual decision making" to their partner -- some of us are naturally submissive, some need the release from being alpha at work, etc. It's less common that we're partnered with someone naturally dominant, who "feels great having that feeling of control." For many, the partner is loving and caring enough to play along with that D/s dynamic, but they could take it or leave it, and that's evident, so it's some type of roleplay and the submissive partner knows it's not authentic, and that can be frustrating and disappointing. That both you and Pete enjoy and embrace your roles and get genuine satisfaction from it, I suspect, is why you've been able to progress so quickly and so successfully. And many of us are *very* envious

 

I can't speak for Pete, of course. But for me, this is not at all an issue. I love being controlled and denied (as long as I'm also teased, not ignored). I prefer long lockups because I avoid orgasm drop and my frustration and lack of control is extremely erotic for me. But I also love, perhaps even more, providing my wife with pleasure, and I know one of the most enjoyable things for her is penetration. She, like you, prefers the "real thing", but she is also unselfconscious about the use of toys and using her preferred vixskin (which is almost identical to me in size) is a close second best. So I take great delight in bringing her to repeated heights of ecstasy, while enjoying the simultaneously teasing and denial I'm experiencing. It's probably impossible to convey to someone who doesn't have a penis what it's like to have the blood straining to create an erection, denied by the cage, while simultaneously thrusting and rubbing all sorts of skin and body parts together, and listening to one's partner moaning and squealing ... but it can be the height of erotic stimulation combined with extraordinary frustration, all at the same time. BUT, after being at this nearly 5 years, none of this has meant that my enjoyment of PIV has diminished in the least, when it is granted. I want it all the time, and it's the height of erotic excitement for me when it is granted! So having and using our vixskin is a great way to both enjoy ourselves, and raise the quality of our physical relationship, without ever becoming a replacement, or the primary thing.