Getting my KH to be more involved?

Male Chastity in general or the hormonal side?

 

I think there is some truth to that. Since my penis is locked 24x7, my wife stimulates my other erogenous zones. I'm sure it's oxytocin and dopamine that are

Both, but especially chastity.

 

It's hard to know someone's thoughts. I don't know. We were on a trip to a European city and I took her into a sex shop and they had some male chastity devices for sale. I made some jokes about them and we didn't look at them more than that. But she knows I'm very....explorative sexually and I've introduced literally 100+ sex toys to our bedroom over the years along with various BDSM gear. I think just seeing them at the sex shop got me thinking. A few months later I ordered one to try and started researching the whole life style, psychology of it, femdom etc. She appreciates my experimental sexual side because as far as she's told me, and I have some evidence to support it besides her word (her old personal diary from her only long term boyfriend before we met), she never had an orgasm in her life until she met me. Not with a man, not thru masturbation, never. So she's become pretty open to sex toys and sexuality in general given that she only experienced an orgasm once I introduced specific sex toys to her. Sadly she has never reached orgasm from oral sex and I know I'm good at it and I've made other women cum from it but not her. I still lick her pussy as often as she'll let me simply because I enjoy it.

So with that background out of the way, I think she just sees it as another weird sexual thing her pervert "hyper sexual" (her words) husband wants to experiment with. However, there are certain negative behaviors on my part that she finds male chastity corrects. I am 10 years older than her and very dominant. She still had some girlishness when we met although she has matured by now. Her career is one where she plays a dominant role. I'd say she's a dominant woman who still wants to be a woman. Alpha Female? Maybe that. She wants to dominate in life, in the world, but also be subordinate to her man. As for me, well, I have some character flaws and behavioral issues but they all go away when I'm under lock and key (I can be possessive and get mad that she's gone so much when she works - actually she was a house wife for 5 years and I got used to that so having her gone is an adjustment process). So she has seen the benefits the few times we've played the male chastity game. But as I've said elsewhere, she sees it as punitive and corrective so I guess she's happy enough with me at the moment and hasn't expressed any specific desire to cage me again. Of course I hope she will, but I've learned not to ask for it. That's the hardest thing as a dominant male with a dominant relationship to a wife/keyholder - learning to not "top from the bottom" and just shut up and let her take control. If she's going to be my keyholder again it will be at her demand, on her terms, on her schedule, when she wants it, how she wants it.

I had her read "Femdom for nice girls - A self-guided manual for the caring mistress" by Lucy Fairbourne. She said she finished that little book. And maybe she read some links I gave her, maybe she didn't. I tried to give her guided material to guide her away from some of the ancillary kinks people sometimes associate with this male chastity kink (sissification, cuckolding, pegging, etc.). She says there's no way she'll set any kind of "scene" or role play any kind of femdom scenario ever. She just doesn't have it in her.

Actually the first task she gave me during our first lock up session was simply to make the bed every morning. Something she's always hated about me is that I never make the bed. Well, here we are several months later and 95% of the time I've been unlocked and I still make the bed every morning. So that's interesting to me, that long term behavioral changes can result from short term training and conditioning. I only wish she'd conduct another husband improvement training session and train some other bad behaviors out of me...

 

Thanks for the detailed reply! I see something got "hosed" in my last response.

I don't know if you've tried this, but this approach has worked for me because it's how I genuinely feel. I tell her I want to remain chaste for her because it helps me be the best man I can be and helps me love her more unselfishly. I want to be that man and when I'm released too often, I get depressed, run down, low on energy and drive, start thinking selfishly, etc. When that happens and I'm not wearing my device, I'm thinking about pleasuring myself to give myself an energy boost that only leads later to deeper struggles. I've asked her to help me with that by holding my key, teasing me and allowing me to pleasure her. She sees the affect it has on me vividly.

 

So in terms of medical concerns relating to male chastity devices and orgasm denial I've heard from my wife:

• She won't let me even try wearing a device overnight while sleeping due to concerns about nocturnal erection and possible injury
  
• She gives me 3 hours release every night for cleaning the device, myself, and gym time/exercise
• She has seen those studies about male ejaculation frequency and relation to prostate cancer and said the 31% reduction in prostate cancer among men who report relatively higher rates of ejaculation is "significant"

"Compared to men who reported 4–7 ejaculations per month across their lifetimes, men who ejaculated 21 or more times a month enjoyed a 31% lower risk of prostate cancer."

Unfortunately for a man to ejaculate 21 times in a month he's almost certainly masturbating and those numbers are just incompatible with the male chastity kink.

Harvard Study Link

So basically for us this is a game we play occasionally for relatively short periods and in between we've having a lot of quickie PIV sex and longer sex sessions to give her orgasms when she wants them.

 

I get it. I said these words to her just today also without the chastity side of it. Basically, she's happy with me right now as I am and doesn't necessarily need me fawning over her like I do in chastity. And I'm not going to misbehave or piss her off just to get put back in chastity. So I'm playing the long game and will just have to be patient. She knows about male chastity now. She knows I still have the devices. She knows I self cage occasionally. She knows I like it. She knows she has this tool in her wife tool box to correct me any time the need arises. Eventually she's going to want me back in the cage, I know it....I just have to be patient.

 

I understand the concern she has about fawning over her. It's taken me time to learn how to love my wife in the way she wants it. It also means keeping my distance in bed when she needs her sleep or isn't feeling good, but being available when she wants to fall asleep spooning her.

You mentioned previously that chastity corrects some negative behaviors that you have. Does that resonate with her? My wife told me I was arrogant among other things before chastity. She enjoys the better communication, greater humility, etc. in addition to me doing the things that make her feel loved.

 

She’s certainly a worrier!

 

You have no idea. She's the worst when she's pregnant and worrying about potential problems most people have never heard of.

 

Yeah, I get that!

37% sounds drastic at first hand, so I understand her concerns. However, if someone told me I was 37% more likely to win the lottery I still wouldn’t believe I was going to win the jackpot.

 

In my case my radically reluctant vanilla wife only agreed to put me into chastity as long as it wouldn't interfere with her life, but as a loving, tolerant,enthusiastic ,accommodating wife she outsourced all the teasing,edging,pegging,tormenting with a masseuse and a ProDomme.
So she only enjoys all the pampering,servicing and good behavior !
I know it is not the ideal orthodox solution but works perfectly for us

 

Hey John….I would be interested in knowing how your visit went. I’m beginning maybe our talk went TOO well….lol. That’s a topic for another time though.

 

How did she find a masseuse to tease, peg and torment you and how often does that happen?

 

I really question that research! Finding enough men who have regularly ejaculated 21+ times a month over the course of their lives would be hard, I imagine. I expect that's a small number. If the research were valid, there should be a whole lot more men with prostate cancer.

 

I would imagine that they blanket survey everyone with prostate cancer and believe the results. I can imagine those stating that they ejaculated less than 21 times having their wives over their shoulder as they completed it.
“Ooh honey, you don’t masturbate do you? Just tick the box that says 3 times a month”

Assuming we’re ignoring any genetics and family history etc and It’s been a while since I really did probability, but isn’t increasing the chance by 37% actually rather insignificant if the possibility was low anyway?
Like, 1 in 10,000 becomes 1.37 in 10,000?

Isn’t genetic predisposition far more important? If you had a family history of those sorts of cancers you’d be wary the research…

 

Yeah, your right! The odds are still really low even if the research is valid!

 

Ah, that site is pretty hot but I wouldn't expose my wife to some of the stuff there. It's just beyond what I want.

 

The masseuse is the person who has attended my wife for years.
From there they had developed a relationship of trust.
They talked about the issue and for our luck the masseuse showed great interest in chastity and she tells me it is very amusing for her.
She has discovered a kinky side she never before suspected of having.
Actually she is the one researching the web and suggesting to my wife new practices to try on me!
Regarding the ProDomme, it was no secret of my liking of BDSM and my wife tolerated ocassional visits , but nowadays she talks directly to her and controls the frequency and substance of the sessions.
I visit the masseuse twice a week for two hour long appointments and the ProDomme once a month also for two hours.

 

You still around?

 

Absolutely correct… Enjoy the journey!