Keyholder gave me the key and I mentioned I didn't want to unlock.

It maybe depend if she wished to unlock you or if she allowed you to be unlocked for your own pleasure

 

It's always the tops decision on unlocking. In my own life, I don't ever cajole/influence or try to explain why I want to be locked or unlocked.

A good Dominant will love you as a submissive, and wants to please you and make you happy, therefore you can influence them without really meaning to. So yes, imho you were topping her. Every relationship is different though, with different dynamics.

When my Wife asks, I always answer that I am only there to Serve and give pleasure. If She asks again, I give my truthful answer, no matter what it is. Usually the answer is Yes, I wish to be unlocked so I can please Her. However if I feel unwell or tired, I might say that I would rather please Her in different ways because I might not be able to do as instructed.

I will never say I prefer to remain locked because I want to stay in chastity, personally I think that's a selfish answer, but as mentioned everyones relationship works differently.


EDIT: I want to say the conversation y'all had was a great conversation, but the context shouldn't be during sexy time. It should be in a one-on-one partner conversation. During sexy time I suggest you stay in a submissive space where your only desire is to please Her, even if that means you struggle with sub drop/hormones/performance later. The KEY to submission is really getting that submission is about THEM, not about YOU.

 

This particular event is an outstanding opportunity to discuss between the two of you how you wish things to work. You can explain for her your feelings around chastity and locking, and she can figure out how she wants things to work. If she understands you, she can find ways to dominate you and please herself while giving you the kink you need to be happy also.

I think it's essential for the dominant to fully understand her sub's kinks, especially when they branch into play that can hurt. That includes impact play, humiliation play, and chastity play. One can bruise your body, one can bruise your psyche, and the last can bruise your relationship. Play safe and let them know what can hurt you.

 

very well put!

 

What I would say is not all Dom's are the same. Some are more into it some a following on from you fantasy and trying to please you by being the more dominant because it was your fantasy only she can answer this

 

My wife would simply explain that “that is not how this work”.

 

If argue that you probably can describe what you did as top from the bottom, however you then have to question if it's TFTB if she is giving you the choice because at that point, are you really the bottom, in her eyes.

Unless you have a specific D/s relationship, being locked and doing something to make yourself a better person and partner shouldn't be seen as a negative.

If you have a D/s relationship, maybe she'd make you unlock because, well, just because, and that'd prove her dominance.

She may well appreciate the communication.

I'd suggest this is a perfect opportunity to talk about roles and limits and boundaries.

For example, I am not caged but I'd never ask my partner if I could cum if I was inside her, on the flip side, I'd never refuse to cum inside her, although for various reasons I'm not keen on it, although it does feel amazing.

Talk, talk and more talk.

 

Ok, she gave you the key, I didn’t hear you say she told you to unlock. if your Dom hands you a cage and a key, I assume it means better lock it. But without telling me to unlock, then I’m just a Key carrier for My KH. Like holding her purse.

 

Well to be honest it's not really about what you want, if she told you to unlock then you should have unlocked