Recently my gf and I have been practicing orgasm denial and short lock up periods a couple times a week. She will let me get a few days in to where I am aroused often. The issue I am having is that after she teases me and I ask her to let me have an orgasm, she always does. She says she likes it when I ask, and I would just not ask but the urge over comes me and I know that she will let me and there are no consequences for it. How can I have her deny me more? We have discussed going longer and she agreed, but the longest it has gone is 5-6 days and that was “extreme” in her mind. How can I get her to deny me when I ask? She doesn’t really like to have me wear the cage when we’re together
It's a hard one this. No pun! The issue is, she probably gets pleasure from you having an orgasm so for her to deny you is also denying herself. I think you really just need to talk to her about why you want her to deny you and what benefits that brings to your relationship, if any. I don't wear a cage but I haven't intentionally came since mid August. Had one or two slight accidents but no full orgasm, so I wouldn't worry too much about the cage, as long as you can be self disciplined.
I have an issue being self disciplined when it comes to masturbation…. I am afraid to tell her this but I have been able to go the 5-6 days but the final day ended with an orgasm because I told her I don’t know if I will be able to control myself enough to not masturbate so she just gave me an orgasm so that I wouldn’t do it myself. Nights that she is gone at work she has me wear the cage and while I can pull out enough to masturbate, the cage seems to be enough of a deterrent for me. Last time I asked her to put the cage on me after a teasing session and she told me no. Denying the cage but not denying the orgasm… she seems into this type of play but I am just wondering if maybe we aren’t exactly on the same page.
Just reframe maturation into cheating. If you'd not cheat on her, then there's your solution. I used to wank every day, usually multiple times per day. If I wanked and came now, without @MissAmy telling me to, she'd view that as bad as cheating. Once you've past about 3 weeks of not cuming it becomes a pretty much a non issue.
We just started earlier this year so I’m by no means an expert, but here’s my input. While there were lots of little things along the way that got my wife to the point she is now with denial, I think the thing that sold it the most was after I had gone a little while and finally had an orgasm. I told her how wonderfully intense it was and that if it felt that good I wonder how it would feel had I gone even longer. My wife cares about me and I think this allowed her to embrace a longer lockup without guilt and focus on her own pleasure because she was also helping me have an amazing experience in the end. Another thing that would be helpful is to figure out and talk about what you (and she) want from this. You say you want her to deny you, then ask her to unlock you and let you orgasm, then wished she would have made you go longer. That’s probably making her head spin since she has no idea what you really want and may be why she denied the cage; you’re making it hard for her to do her “job”. Talk to her about it. Tell her what you want, ask her what she wants and find a middle ground. You don’t want her to unlock you when you ask? Tell her that. Just make sure when she says no you accept it. Chastity is a lot of work in the beginning and honest communication will definitely be helpful to you both.
I agree I think I do make it confusing. After I posted this I texted her and she said she was feeling like there is a lacking intimacy because I cared more that she let me have an orgasm rather than caring about that we had sex. I told her we should write down what we both want and then find a middle ground on it that works for both of us. She seems upset so I’m not sure how it’s going to play out
My mistress/wife has only denied me 2X out of many times of me asking. She always gives in also. I got her some books to read hoping that she would see how there is excitement in the denial and that can lead to greater more intense pleasure later. It’s tough, I empathize with you.
Do you want to be subservient to her? They you orgasm when she allows it. It takes a kind of perfect storm in a woman to make her enjoy chastity. She has to be dominant, which is rare enough, but she has to know what is motivating your desire to be locked. She also needs to have limited desire for your actual penis. It'll do no good to write down what you want from chastity unless you handle the very root of your motivations. You could say, "I want you to be meaner to me," but what exactly does that mean when you then say, "will you please let me cum?" So if you're making lists, real honest lists, her list would probably have something like "I want to make you happy." It sounds like she's doing all of this for you, but she's not following your rules. Some women LOVE that they are desired so much that you can't wait to cum for them. It's a major turn on to know that you're holding off your orgasm as long as possible, then you desire her so much, you've only been able to make it a couple of days. Your discussion needs to be more about something like, "when I was a boy, my mom always talked about sex as little as possible. I grew up thinking sex was dirty and to be avoided. Now that I'm older, I know logically that sex isn't dirty, but that kink has become embedded since childhood, and I love the idea of being denied. Can you think of anything we can do sexually that doesn't involve me having an orgasm? Not only will that denial be the sexiest thing I can imagine, but it will make me even more eager to please you, not only sexually, but relationally." This opens up a conversation. She'll understand that kinks are unchangeable, and largely something you can't even choose. They just happen. It's a part of your sexual nature to serve, rather than service, (if that's the case). But if you're having batting practice, you can't ask her to pitch her hardest mix of pitches, then keep whining because you can't get a hit. And I'm sure that's what you're making it feel like for her. You have to tell her, "look: It's hot as fuck when a pitcher keeps striking me out during batting practice, but I'm also a very poor sport. Sometimes I get frustrated and I ask for easy lobs, but what I really need deep down is an All-Star pitcher. So you pitch whatever you like." Then you just have to deal with whatever she throws you. In short: be very honest about why you want this, not just what you want her to do for you.
Great points. I think you’re correct. It’s always been a fantasy and I’m just now beginning to try it in real life and I have to try to adjust so that it works for both of us. Thanks for the advice
She’s probably going to end things. Don’t worry though, you’re still young and have plenty of time to find a more dominant woman. Good luck
Talk about and agree upon a denial period / release schedule when you are not aroused and your middle brain (pain & reward center) is not flooding your frontal lobe (rational brain) with "please me" messages. Then tell her not to listen to your requests for release during the heat of passion because it's not what is best for your relationship or what you really want. Agree to a penalty extension of your denial period if you beg for release before it's scheduled.
Try writing down and sharing what you want your sex life/relationship to look and feel in 6 months time. What your aiming for rather than what you want right now. Takes the pressure away from expecting it all at once… As has been said though, be careful what you wish for as you don’t know how far she may take this. Trust me! Edit: Just read what I wrote for my wife roughly 3 months ago. She’s already ahead of where I expected her to ever get to.