Three days ago my GF locked me again. We took a break from the lifestyle for a while due to life stress. But now we want to start fresh. We decided to start slow. We need time to get into our roles again. For us, it feels that the best way to begin is with me being locked in the cage 24\7 unless she says otherwise (just writing it down makes me swell). Also, I am to do anything she commands and to agree with any rule she decides. If I have a problem with a command or a rule, I must endure it until our weekly talk when I can speak freely. We decided to have a weekly talk every Sunday. With that being said, If something is too extreme or a command is not within the limits of reason or red light for me I am allowed to say it any time. But it means that I must not be patty. Our goal, for now, is to establish language. She will stop asking for stuff and start commanding. I must comply and answer in a respectful manner: "Yes mam" / "Yes queen" / "Yes love" it doesn't matter how but the tone should be like answering a boot camp commander. By establishing language first we will be able to develop common ground, to begin with. We both need to build our confidence in our roles again and make it a habit. This sounds to us like a reasonable way to start. To sum up the first entry, I am very excited to return to the FLR\Chastity lifestyle and I will update here from time to time on our development. Rules\Task documentation. - I am to be locked 24/7 unless E says otherwise. - I am to answer any command with a respectful tone (Yes mam/queen/love) - each Sunday we will have a talk in which I am allowed to talk freely and raise concerns.
Thank you for sharing. I think regularly schedule meetings are good to keep you in the right frame of mind. Too often we get thinking about vanilla concerns and loose our direction.
Unfortunately we are having a rough start. E has a hard time to get into the dom role and it takes me out of my own as a sub. We discussed about it and from what I was able to read between the lines it is all being boiled down to the fact she is luck of goals and has no motivation. She has hard time to deffine what she wants from the dynamic thus leading to not being involved in the process of the FLR ignition. I was made to cum few days ago but ever since nothing. I am in a lock and forgot situation which leads to her loosing the grip over me and for me to become less and less confident. I tried to talk to her about it but it only put strss on her. So, I exposed her to some blogs written from the woman perspective about development in the dynamic and some practical guidnce (links below). I am not ready to giveup yet but this are some hard times here in my cage. Please if you been in this situation and have some tips for us, share. We will read them together. I know I am sounds petty but its hard for me, I feel a bit overwhelmed. Nevertheless, dont sugarcoat it for me. Criticize me and tell me how to get better if you think you know what I am lucking. Links: How to find your fun in the dynamic (for doms) https://www.aboutflr.com/how-to-better-enjoy-being-a-dominant-wife/ This one helped me to express my feelings: https://www.evolvingyourman.com/2019/04/17/the-dark-side-of-chastity/
I think your putting too much pressure on your relationship and expecting it to be like something that’s written in a handbook. Does she actually need you to respond with that tone? Or would it jus the more natural if you did things for her compliantly without it becoming a massive thing. Stay locked and allow it to develop naturally. Each chastity relationship has its own dynamic. Typically though it will boil down to what she wants. If she wants to leave you for a week and only let you cum once than that seems reasonable. Your goal is to make her life as comfortable as possible so she wants this as much as you do. If you want her to read anything find something about how you feel more connected in chastity and go from there…
I have no problem with being locked and denied as much as she decides. I also trying to make her life as comfortable as possible by taking up more chores at home without being asked and by showing love to her as much as I can. I know I've put some pressure and now I am trying to take a step back and wait. But I feel like it's a one-side dynamic right now. and even though the focus should be on her needs I truly belive that both sides need to be happy.
Ok but just be wary that your pursuit of happiness isn’t detrimental to hers. Life is about balance. You can have an FLR without strict commands. Find what works for both of you. Someone once said on here (forget who) but it was along the lines of: 90% of being dominated is accepting submission. And someone else said (might have been same person, who knows): If you want to your partner to occupy the dominant role, first you must vacate that role yourself. They stuck with me. Just remember it’s only been 11 days, you both need time to adapt.
Yes you are right I have to be more patient. Its just so hard haha (literally). I really appreciate it thank you
Well things are just going great. patient was a good move. I don't know what exactly change in my mindset but after being locked for so long I am feeling free happier and overall very good. My queen is very happy and our communication and affection picking. I am so easily aroused by things she commands such as chores or pampering. I cant wait to see were this is developing to.