My wife and I started down this path almost a month ago. It has gone really well so far. It is amazing to receive so much satisfaction (not sure if this is the right word) from serving my wife and giving her the devotion and honor she deserves. My wife shocked me with how quickly she assumed the role, took control of my body and allowed me to serve her. All going amazing! Then, a week ago she left for a 10 day girls trip out of the country. My wonderful wife gave clear instructions, and even left me with subtle teases around our house. I really appreciate that! During our brief communications she even asked if I was being good. Even still, a week without her has actually helped me think through some things more clearly. I’m coming off the high and I can feel things start to stabilize in my mind. This community has really helped me! Threads in this particular forum have really helped! At the end of the day, I understand these desires better and am more committed to this path. While things have become more clear in my mind, I think it is reasonable to assume that my wife has given it very little thought on her trip. This makes me start to think about her return. I don’t want to force a conversation, but at the same time, I feel like there are some things I need to talk with her about. Should I just try and pick up where we left off? Maybe she has reflected on this little experiment and wants to go back to the pre-April life. She gets home Monday morning. Think I’m going to wait until the evening after the kids are in bed, and start massaging her feet. From there I might ask her some questions, and just see where things go. I think we do need to have a conversation, but don’t want to just talk at her. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you,
I would just make sure the house is clean, dishes are done, laundry is done, and depending on when she gets home have dinner ready. For sure the foot rub, would be a good idea to give her a back rub when you go to bed also. Not sure what your questions are, but if they don't have to be answered I'd let it alone. Let her know how you missed her while she was gone and how happy you are that she is back. Personally I think you are overthinking her mindset while she is gone. Let her initiate anything and just carry on like nothing ever happened. Like I said, make sure the house is in good shape and make her house one that she is happy to return to. I actually just got done cleaning all the carpets in our house with the carpet cleaner after doing dishes and laundry as my wife/kh has been gone on a trip since yesterday. She will be home within the next half hour and she will get a back massage when she gets home.
Some good advice from @Sausage, don't make too big a deal of it. If you like, post your questions here and let us say whether we think they're a good idea or not.
Thank you both! Also, I'm on it on the house cleaning! I took Friday off work, knocked out my entire to-do list of things around the house and did a top to bottom cleaning and de-junking. The weird thing is that doing all that made me aroused. Is that normal? Does that last? Kind of feels like I hacked the system. Also, I think I'll take you all up on that offer to review the questions. Fully recognize that I am probably overthinking this. However, this comes as a pretty big change to the lifestyle we've established over two decades. We were going like a runaway train when you left, has anything changed for you? What is it that you really want me to do for this work for you? After 20 years together, this feels like a little bit of a jump into the deep end. Are you comfortable with that? Do you have any reservations? While I am looking to put you first, there is an element of this that fulfills my needs as well. Are you comfortable with that? We had a pretty good conversation about boundaries, but did we ever really talk about roles and needs both ways?
As far as being aroused by doing house chores, I find that normal. I get aroused by simply doing tasks around the house and knowing my wife won't have to worry about them. As far as your questions, I believe the answer to all of them is to stay low and please her. I know that vague, but by focusing on pleasing your wife, (1) nothing will change perse, only she will acknowledge what a help you are to the house, (2) what she wants is to come home to a house where she doesn't have to worry about chores. She can come home to a clean home and enjoy a foot rub after work. Virtually no stress for her. And you get turned on by doing all of that work for her and get to see her happy and relieved. Win-win (3) if you are only soft into this, reservations will come with time. You must be open with each other when a limit is reached. Just take it easy and enjoy the ride, but speak up when you are uncomfortable. (4) see no.3, the sane applies. Speak up when you have needs. Don't beg or ask for anything, but if you have a needs that us to be fulfilled, you must tell her. She is your precious keyholder, not a mind reader. (5) boundaries must must must be established, else one will expect the other to do something that they are not comfortable with. Limits may be hard or soft, but it should be understood that hard limits are not to be pressured. Don't forget that this is all for fun. Enjoy yourself and make her your queen. Make sure she never forgets she is your queen and most if all, have fun doing it!
From reading your other posts, like the one where she left you instructions and 3 number tags, it sounds like she's fairly into it, but you are both newbies, so I expect she is still finding her way much like you are. I think there is a tendency for the caged male to really overthink everything, because he's got a cage around his dick 24 hours a day, so it's totally understandable. The thing to remember is, she doesn't have a cage so she doesn't have a constant reminder. So why are you doing this? It's because it makes you a better husband, pure and simple. It makes you more willing to do household chores, which will please her. It makes you attentive to her needs, which will please her. But it also might make you become a pain in the ass if all you ever want to do is talk about chastity! Ask me how I know, lol !!! I have no idea how dominant your wife is, or will become. If she gets off on the power trip, then you'll know exactly what to do because she'll tell you. But if she's pretty vanilla and only really going along with it because you want to, then you'll get less guidance from her, which is how it is for me. Personally, I wouldn't bother her with those questions, at least not yet, or not all at once. Just check in with her every once in a while to see if it's working for her and if there's anything she'd like you to do different. You are 100% correct that she won't be thinking about chastity for even a minute while she's off having fun in the Caribbean, so best not to overwhelm her with it the minute she walks in the door. Now, on the other hand, if the first thing she does when she walks in is demand proof that you've complied with her instructions, then forget everything I just said, because she's in charge and will tell you what to do, lol !!!
Don't ambush her with questions and chastity babble. She might prefer you ask her questions about her trip, what she got up to, etc. Play the "Let's see who mentions chastity first" game instead. And this ^
My wife started off pretty vanilla, and every year get gets a little more dominant. I must be getting a little more submissive! Good advice about saying nothing when she gets back. She'll notice that the chores have been taken care of, nothing needs to be said. Ask her questions, about her trip, or if there's anything she needs doing? The best way to deal with the chastity question, if you are locked up, is to say nothing. Understand that not talking about it means she's in control, she has you locked up, what more is there to talk about? It's her decision if and when you'll be unlocked, so no mention of it means she's happy with your situation. That's what you wanted, isn't it?
Ouch, that hurts in many ways haha. Spot on though. When I see my GF she either greets me and asks "How's my caged cock?" or she doesn't, and how she greets me gives me a clue about what she wants.
Really appreciate everybody's responses. As I read through them all two things become apparent: 1) I don't really need these questions answered. 2) The real issue is that I'm struggling to truly give up control. The last month has been wonderful! However, part of me really struggles with giving up elements of my sexual behavior. That's got me a little uptight, and leading me to overthink things.
Wife got home mid day. Kids were at school. She let me know real quickly where we stand. I had definitely been overthinking it. Also, I'm now a little intimidated.
When she got home I was in a meeting (I work from home). After I finished the meeting I came out to say hi. We spent about 10 seconds exchanging pleasantries, and then she asked when my next meeting was. When I told her I was on lunch for the next hour she immediately started unbuttoning my shirt. She then mentioned she had not been serviced in 10 days and told me to go remove my cage. She gave specific instructions on what she wanted. Afterwards, she looked at me and she said, "I'm going to go get a shower you put your cage back on." Nothing more was said for the rest of the day. Had a great time catching up with her and seeing her and our children have fun in the evening while I made dinner. After the children were in bed I started giving her a foot rub. She encouraged me to rub higher. Afterwards she told me I could go get an ice pack, and we fell asleep together. It was wonderful . My wife has never been, outwardly, direct and assertive. The speed at which she has stepped into this role, even with a week and half absence, really tells me some negative things about the way I've treated her in the past.
Way to go! Don't dwell too much on how you might have been in the past, she's obviously in control now, she'll make you make up for it, no worries! I think you've got the best of both worlds, you've got a horny Domme, so enjoy the ride, even if you're in the passenger seat now.
Thank you! She has always been great. The idea of calling her a "horny Domme" actually makes me laugh though. Based on my recent experiences, that's a pretty accurate characterization. I laugh because never in a thousand years would I have referred to her that way even a couple of months ago. There is a reason I'm posting in the Vanilla forum. Over our 20 years together she's always been more on the vanilla end of the spectrum. Not totally vanilla, but...
This is an interesting thread. I am 25 years into a very vanilla marriage and 9 months ago introduced chastity. Actually introduced denial over a year ago and when she asked how I could hold off and how she could be sure I wasn't taking care of myself, I rushed through the open door to show her the cage I had experiemented with. I am 24/7 now, but wondering how I move to the next step of her taking more control. She always has been the motivator in our family dynamic so we already have aspects of sharing decisions or her taking more of the lead. I think part of the situation now is she might like more control but doesn't want the added responsibility - so many things happening in life that this isn't a priority. I've thought of raising the idea that there are places online (Fetlife, Kik) where dommes assign tasks and the such. It would be an anonymous kind of way for me to get the direction I desire and for her to learn from what other people assign. Do others have any experience going down this path? What do people think of introducing something like that to her?