Let me start off by saying I don't have a KH, so this is mostly hypothetical but is also informed by real experiences when I've broached chastity with past girlfriends. You all have way more real-life experience on this score than I do, so I'm interested in what you think. I have a theory -- which I'm certain is not universally applicable -- that most men get into chastity because they are obsessed with their dicks. Putting on a chastity cage provides a guy an opportunity for his dick to be constantly on his mind in an arousing and titillating way. But once you initiate a real chastity lifestyle with your female partner, it seems the actual attention on your penis almost evaporates. I don't mean sexual release, but just like, attention being paid to it in any form, as a topic of conversation or observation, etc. Female KHs are rightfully focused on their own pleasure when aroused, and otherwise it seems like they don't have any reason to think about it. I guess my question is, how do you cope with your dick being ignored when it's so omnipresent in your own minds? This is admittedly a very broad question. But as I consider getting more involved in this world, I wonder how I'll handle it because I'm completely obsessed with my dick.
Will open this one up from a probably unusual and contrarian position: I didn't fantasize or even know about chastity before my partner introduced it. I liked control and didn't like to be obsessed with my dick, so I had sex (either with my partner or masturbation) with almost engineering precision. Just enough that I didn't need to think about "it" unless I wanted to. Maybe every 2.5 days. Wearing a cage and unable to regulate my hormones physically, I can't go more than about 2.5 minutes now. Not sure if this is the avenue you want to go down to forget about your junk, but who knows? Everyone is different.
I think there's a lot of truth to the point that chastity is often raised by men, especially masturbators, who want more attention to their penis. And that usually doesn't work, because women already think there's too much attention paid to penises. So when chastity takes hold and works, it's the woman who gets more attention, not the penis.
It seems to depend on the couple: there are posts here about the frustration of being ignored, to tales of key holders who will regularly find excuses to bump into or brush against their chaste partner’s crotches, or make teasing comments, or have regular tease and denial sessions. Some take chastity as a relief from having to deal with a penis on-call 24/7. Some see it as a solution to / comeuppance for cheating. Some see it as “that weird thing my partner pestered me about.” Others see it as long-term playtime. It really depends upon the dynamic in which you end up.
For me it's because I love being submissiv and the ultimate act is to give away the control of the cage (without safeword or an extra key). It make me feel extra owned by my Mistress and she can always know that in the end I must do what she say.
How do you deal with it? You beg her to let you service her orally. You do all you can to romance her, court her and keep her happy. You praise her profusely when she playfully tweaks your nipples because that was the most sex you've had in three weeks. And yet you want to keep going...
I am fairly new at this so take with a grain of salt. My KH wife and I started about 10 weeks ago and I’ve spent about 8 of those weeks locked. I had some chafing issues when experimenting so had to take it off for a bit. I’ve gotten a full release about once a week on average. I am, right now, again at the point you are talking about and it is not easy to cope. I’m trying to focus on her needs and assist her to the best of my ability with enthusiasm for helping her out with the endless work that goes into running our day to day lives….but I also can’t stop thinking about my dick and how amazing a full O would be. I feel like there is another level of mindset where serving her truly does become the most important thing. If I’m being honest, I’m not there yet. I do love to serve her but my motives still revolve around hoping she’ll unlock me for full ejaculation. I’m currently at 10 days. But she did give me a ruined O on my birthday which was day 8. I think she loved that and was definitely fascinated by the way it just flowed out instead of being shot in an unpredictable way (I mean, I thought it was hot too and loved it). But my arousal level didn’t recede much after that and now it’s at an all time high. I am pretty sure she has no plans to unlock again anytime soon as we now have a proper fitting device and she knows that she is seeing some benefits as well. I expect she’ll push it further this time. I am frustrated because I didn’t get to cum the way I wanted or thought I deserved. I am wondering just how will I cope. I am hoping and praying that the obsession with my dick turns into something more evolved and I can just be content in serving her. I know there are stages of emotions as you are denied for longer and longer periods. I hope it gets easier. Chastity is a mindfuck for sure. All in all I have to say I’m glad we are doing it. My KH is amazing and I’d try anything to make me a “more complete” partner.
Yes.. most of u r rite.. chastity begins with masturbators.. i mean chronic mAsturbators.. n i mean jacking of omos daily if not 5x/wk since 11yo, ocured in schol, colege, workplace, car, jungle, beach.. ok tat was me.. ok yes d dick being omnipresent as someone said earlier.. i learnt of chastity devices at colege.. i bought d 1st cb6000/s model once i hd money frm work.. self locking.. didnt work.. once maried.. d prblm persist.. i couldnt hv proper sex with my wife.. i brought d idea to her.. she agreed.. it nvr work on d sex part.. but it did work on pleasuring her oraly.. she was sold.. in a way d device manipulates d physical body.. causing shrinkage on me at least.. cant speak for others.. les hardnes, les elastic on d skin.. im a grower al d while.. not much to exhibit..d tighter skin was puling bk erection actualy.. physologicaly it does wire a neuron path saying atempt of erection is useles.. n sexual tots subside.. tats how it works in preventing or subduing nite erections.. So wats in it for me.. ? My long habit was broken.. ok penile sex was gone.. her oral pleasure is my pleasure.. i hope she can add more to it.. mayb my lifetime quota of orgasm has been used up, as she said…
You are new to this, as you say. You are experiencing the normal feelings of a newly chaste husband who can no longer masturbate. Stay locked and keep serving your wife. You will get used to it. Masturbators are narcissistic and it'll be hard to get past the idea that it's about your dick, but remember this is exactly why you're in chastity. Be thankful for your cage every day.